Gaeta Posted January 10, 2022 Posted January 10, 2022 Hello All, Couple of weeks ago I got a call from a friend saying *I got someone for you to meet*. I asked the usual questions: How old, what he does for living, kids, etc. My friend refused to give me ANY information on him. He simply said he's a good man, a truly good man, he won't play with you, won't ask you money or feed you BS but everything else about him you'll have to discover yourself. He said he spoke to him about me, he gave him zero information about me, he only said to him I am an amazing woman and I am serious. So I said OK, it's my chance to meet someone off line, give him my number......and PLEASE don't set me up with some young rooster!! I want a man around my age. So December 28th I get a text from this man intruducing himself and asking if it's a good time to call me. I love a man that calls so that gave me a positive feeling. A few minutes in the conversation I tell him I know nothing of him and I'd like to know his age. He's 44 years old *rolling my eyes*. I said he's young for me and I'm sorry Rob did not tell him ahead of time that I am 56 years old and he probably expected someone around his age. He said he doesn't mind my age and likes mature women. At that point I said to him, ok let me text you a few pictures, if I am not your type I won't be offended at all. I text him a few pictures and he's head over heels omg this, omg that, is that your real hair, I can't beleive Rob knows exactly what I like in a woman etc etc. Then I said to him I had to go, which was true, and to send me a few pictures in the evening. Hours go by and ding ding ding! his pictures come in. My jaw dropped. This man is SO freaking hot/sexy/in shape/sharp dresser, I went holy cow!! Not only he's 44 but on top of that he looks half his age! I text my friend Rob what have you done??? this man is way out of my league!! I will look like a cougar next to him!! Rob wants to hear NOHTING. Go talk to the man he says! So I did, we had a nice phone conversation in which I explained to him I can only meet him in 5 days, my parents are over and I do not want to expose them to the new variant (we are in full lock down here). He says he understands and he'll call me every day and that will get us the opportunity to get to know each other for 5 days and he's so excited Rob put us in contact. The following day I thought I'll send him a text first. When he got my text he called right away. He was driving somewhere. He got to his destination and he said I will call you later. He never did. Dec, 29, Dec 30, Dec 31 nothing. OOps Jan 1st I got a Happy New Year beautiful Gaeta to which I replied. Jan 2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 nothing Today I get a call, that I don't pick up. He text me after the call: Hello Gaeta, please call me when you can. PS: At the beginning, in one of his text, he told me people have preconceived idea of the kind of man he is because of his look and he's in fact a very shy man and he has a hard time being forward so he likes a lady to guide things at the beginning. I am sitting here looking at his missed call asking myself could this be viable? Twelve years is a lot of difference, I view him as out of my league and it's the first time I feel like that, I am pretty confident in my look but now I feel so self conscious of my age. Sure he said he's shy but the way he showered me with compliments, how he calls with no hesitation, doesn't indicate he's shy. What do to! What to do! 1
Author Gaeta Posted January 10, 2022 Author Posted January 10, 2022 He just text again he apologizes it's been a while since I heard from him, it's been busy but I have been on his mind he humbly requests permission to call me, he's made an elaborate plan to make it up to me, please say yes.....your humble servant
Wiseman2 Posted January 10, 2022 Posted January 10, 2022 1 minute ago, Gaeta said: He just text again he apologizes it's been a while since I heard from him, it's been busy but I have been on his mind he humbly requests permission to call me Meet for a brief coffee to see what's up. That's the only way to tell if continuing communication or dating is worth it. Without meeting in person it is mostly speculation. 2
Author Gaeta Posted January 10, 2022 Author Posted January 10, 2022 I wonder what is his elaborate plan to make it up to me. We are in lock down, restaurants are all closed.
glows Posted January 10, 2022 Posted January 10, 2022 There are a lot of good looking single men but his humble servant insert is a bit ingratiating. It would grate on my nerves. And why is he so hard up for you to speak to him after he left a missed call? The ball is in your court but go into this neutrally. He's not really a catch until he proves himself to be and that takes time. 3
flitzanu Posted January 10, 2022 Posted January 10, 2022 the week of silence is iffy, but, in the interest of being end of the year and holiday, i think that can subjectively given a bit of a pass. how much do you trust your friend? 2
Author Gaeta Posted January 10, 2022 Author Posted January 10, 2022 2 minutes ago, flitzanu said: how much do you trust your friend? When my friend says he's a good man I beleive my friend considers him a good man. But what makes a good man/friend is not necessarely the same as what makes a man a good boyfriend/partner. It is not the first time family or friends are playing match makers with me and often what they consider a good man/friend is not good boyfriend material. 4
Happy Lemming Posted January 10, 2022 Posted January 10, 2022 1 hour ago, Gaeta said: please say yes.....your humble servant 1 hour ago, Gaeta said: I text him a few pictures and he's head over heels omg this, omg that, is that your real hair, I can't beleive Rob knows exactly what I like in a woman etc etc. How do you keep finding these strange guys that don't know how to communicate with women?? I don't think he has much "dating experience", because a mature, well adjusted 44 year old man should not be using these type of words/phrases. After thinking about it a bit... I really do think there is something "rotten in Denmark"... either the guy has mental issues or is on the autism spectrum or some other malady. Something just isn't right... Sorry @Gaeta... my advice, don't waste your time, NEXT!! 4
mark clemson Posted January 10, 2022 Posted January 10, 2022 (edited) 1 hour ago, Gaeta said: I view him as out of my league how he calls with no hesitation, doesn't indicate he's shy. What do to! What to do! Agree with HL and others above that something is up here with the communication. Possibly he isn't a good communicator, possibly he was busy with other things? It seems odd how he promised to call though, but then actual communication was fairly minimal. IF he is shy/not confident, then perhaps he is less out of your league than you think as that can be a big negative factor for even good looking men. IF his social skills are a bit "off" for whatever reason, that too has a big impact. Also friends, even genuinely well-meaning ones, are not always the best judges of character. Rob may be think you and he would hit it off great, and he MAY be right about that, but that doesn't mean Rob is thinking in terms of an LTR or really understands what would make a guy compatible for you. Furthermore many relationships that start off with great sparks can fizzle or burn out in a relatively short time (such as a year or two). So overall I'd say proceed cautiously with this and don't let the good looks/dopamine response cloud your thinking. Edited January 10, 2022 by mark clemson 3
AngryGromit Posted January 10, 2022 Posted January 10, 2022 I guess I would give him a pass since it was the holidays, who know what he was preoccupied with. But if you contact and he takes another week to respond, then I wouldn't pursue it further.
Alvi Posted January 10, 2022 Posted January 10, 2022 1 hour ago, Gaeta said: The following day I thought I'll send him a text first. When he got my text he called right away. He was driving somewhere. He got to his destination and he said I will call you later. He never did. Dec, 29, Dec 30, Dec 31 nothing. OOps Jan 1st I got a Happy New Year beautiful Gaeta to which I replied. Jan 2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 nothing So he lied to you already. He promised to call but never did. Doesn't look good. I also think you are right to question his interest due to your age difference. Men usually like to go for younger, the younger the better. I would question why he would go for someone who is 12 years older than himself. Is it a case where he seeks a "mommy"? I am not talking about a sugar mamma, he may not be after your cash. But there after plenty of young bucks who would prefer to date MIFL because they find mature women more nurturing and secure. They think that the mature women know what they want and know how to treat men good. Or, and they have figured out that mature women are terriffic in bed due to their experiences. Did you ask him if he wants to have any bio kids? Also, keep in mind that he may change his mind about having kids some times down the road and pursue younger women who could bear him children. Guessing it is no harm meeting him once or twice but keep your expectations very low. 1
Author Gaeta Posted January 10, 2022 Author Posted January 10, 2022 (edited) 29 minutes ago, mark clemson said: don't let the good looks/dopamine response cloud your thinking. Not experiencing the dopamine rush. His good looks and age make me insecure and it's not a feeling I'm used to. If he were my age I'd probably give him a pass because of the holidays. The fear of being taken for a fool, again, keeps me guarded. Edited January 10, 2022 by Gaeta 2
Author Gaeta Posted January 10, 2022 Author Posted January 10, 2022 2 minutes ago, Alvi said: Did you ask him if he wants to have any bio kids? He's 1,5 year divorced. He has an 8 and 6 year old. That's the thing about dating a mature woman. Younger men think there is less fuss, more independance, less inhibitions but if he wants to date a woman 12 years older he has to consider we have less patience for BS.
smackie9 Posted January 10, 2022 Posted January 10, 2022 (edited) Me if I was single I would be all over that! Gaeta stuff fussing around. At least have dinner with the eye candy... Edited January 10, 2022 by smackie9 1
Wiseman2 Posted January 10, 2022 Posted January 10, 2022 2 hours ago, Gaeta said: Couple of weeks ago I got a call from a friend saying *I got someone for you to meet*. Ok, so meet. That pleases everyone. Your friend who's trying to help you find someone, this guy who's appearing interested and it will quell your curiosity. Win-win-win. Just do it. If he's a dud, all is good. You can thank your friend and tell her he's not your type, you can tell the guy you're not a match and all is good. Then you can move on rather than waste time chitchatting wondering and guessing . 1
Author Gaeta Posted January 10, 2022 Author Posted January 10, 2022 Just now, smackie9 said: Me if I was single I would be all over that! Gaeta stuff fussing around. At least have dinner with some eye candy... Said every woman in a long long marriage lol You guys are open over there? We're in lock down here, no restaurants, no coffee shops and expecting -40 tonight. I'm a tough Canadian but not going on a walk at -40 lol
Weezy1973 Posted January 10, 2022 Posted January 10, 2022 Same advice as usual. Don’t put all your eggs on one basket. Keep dating, messaging other men etc. Chances are it won’t work out because things usually don’t work out (although him being a friend of a friend is good). But definitely meet him at some point! Nothing to lose…
Author Gaeta Posted January 10, 2022 Author Posted January 10, 2022 6 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said: Same advice as usual. Don’t put all your eggs on one basket. Keep dating, messaging other men etc. Thanks, I'm on a break from online dating since before holidays. Not ready to go back yet. Even more now that everything is closed again.
Weezy1973 Posted January 10, 2022 Posted January 10, 2022 4 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Thanks, I'm on a break from online dating since before holidays. Not ready to go back yet. Even more now that everything is closed again. You yeah, you can still meet him. Really the key is just making sure you don’t get too attached too early. Multidating helps with that, but certainly isn’t necessary. If you can keep things in perspective it’s definitely worth meeting up!
Uruktopi Posted January 10, 2022 Posted January 10, 2022 About age, I see it more about being in compatible stages of life and their related expectatives and contraints. About "leagues", well ...I neither believe in winged cows, so I decline to comment on such "concept". About lock down and weather, may be your friend can suddenly remember that we are near to celebrate the Single Friend International Day and organize some kind of indoor / home event (if lock down there allows it)?
ClearEyes-FullHeart Posted January 10, 2022 Posted January 10, 2022 (edited) “Your humble servant” is an antiquated way people used to end letters. While I’m not saying I recommend men use this, to me, a lit scholar who once read all 1,500 pages of Clarissa (at McGill btw Gaeta), I suspect he is well read and perhaps has an offbeat personality (and I mean this in a good way). I’d meet him. Edit to add: suspect he is well read and educated. I’d prefer this vs “d#$&” pics, shirtless pics and ignorant/crass messages any day, Edited January 10, 2022 by ClearEyes-FullHeart 3
smackie9 Posted January 10, 2022 Posted January 10, 2022 2 hours ago, Gaeta said: Said every woman in a long long marriage lol You guys are open over there? We're in lock down here, no restaurants, no coffee shops and expecting -40 tonight. I'm a tough Canadian but not going on a walk at -40 lol It's warmed up here, just rain as usual, yes stuff is still open They closed the gyms, that's pretty much it.
petee Posted January 10, 2022 Posted January 10, 2022 Avoid this guy. There’s no excuse for bad manners, and to go silent for so long was bad manners, and rude. Your choice, but that is is no way to behave, at all. He’s led you on, and perhaps had ab in-between offer.
Alpacalia Posted January 10, 2022 Posted January 10, 2022 Honestly, I'm not sure. On one hand, he came in strong but then fell flat (not calling). On the other hand, perhaps it's best not to discuss certain matters with mutual friends when you first meet someone and keep topics light in the beginning. He must have been aware of your age if you belong to the same group of friends? Basically, you already told him you do not like his age (or rather, that you're uncomfortable with it), and then you said to your mutual friend that he was out of your league, which perhaps has already circled back to him. It's your right to not want to date someone younger, but what he might have perceived this as was that you were uncertain of yourself.
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