Bad Communication or Little Interest?

[Mista Luna]

Dear Viewers,

Good day or evening, whenever this post finds you. Regardless, I hope everyone is doing well!

The current problem I'd like to ask about today lies within communication to someone you would like to know better--if it's worth putting in the foundations at all. 

For context:

I matched with this person last November. We had worked out something of a friends with benefits. After a quick first meet up in person, we met up at their place for the second time. It was nice; we cuddled, watched a movie, had dinner, did the deed, and kissed. Unfortunately, since then, we were both super busy and have been unable to meet up again. There are happy holidays texts and sparse small talk, which are always welcome though. 

Recently, they've told me that the benefits part of our dynamic is off the table for the time, but that they would still like to kiss and cuddle if I was still interested. From this, I've come to the understanding that I am quite fond of them regardless if there is sexual intimacy or not. We mutually agreed to just being people that cuddled and kissed. 

That being said, something that bothers me is their lack of communication in certain aspects. I understand that they do not have any priorities towards me as we have not communicated such. And up until now, I didn't have a problem with not engaging in conversation for weeks at a time because I know how busy of a schedule we both have. However, there are times when they tell me that they'd love to continue talking and then proceed to leave me on delivered for a few days. I very much dislike this feeling of someone possibly leaving breadcrumbs, even if we're both low on each of our priorities list. I'd rather just end the conversation right then and there and start a new one when we're both free. 

At the same time, it probably takes 1 minute to tell someone that they're busy and would love to talk sometime later. 

Before, I told them that I wouldn't ask anything of them until around a half a year due to the casual nature of our dynamic...But now I feel conflicted because I would rather not continue to engage with someone who reflects that habit at all. 

IN SHORT: Should I wait until the end of the half year mark to talk about it? Or should I address it now? Should I even bother at all? This matters to me, but I'm afraid that I'll be seen as someone who asks too much of a casual relationship. 

 

Thank you for your time,

ML

Edited January 9, 2022 by Mista Luna

[Happy Lemming]

24 minutes ago, Mista Luna said:

Recently, they've told me that the benefits part of our dynamic is off the table for the time, but that they would still like to kiss and cuddle if I was still interested.

This alone would bother me enough to just bail on the whole thing.  I really don't think you can "back-peddle" a sexual relationship into a "kiss and cuddle" thing.  In the back of your mind, you know you aren't going to be satisfied with this and will leave you wanting more.

27 minutes ago, Mista Luna said:

That being said, something that bothers me is their lack of communication in certain aspects.

It should bother you, it doesn't take 30 seconds to call or text someone back that you are in the middle of something and will call them back in a few hours. 

I return all communication within 24 hours and will make time for the person I am speaking to.  I don't care if its a friend, a friend with benefits or a business associate.  I call back within 24 hours and make time to "hear them out".  I may not have a solution for their problem or issue, but I will listen and acknowledge them.

[Mista Luna]

12 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

This alone would bother me enough to just bail on the whole thing.  I really don't think you can "back-peddle" a sexual relationship into a "kiss and cuddle" thing.  In the back of your mind, you know you aren't going to be satisfied with this and will leave you wanting more.

It should bother you, it doesn't take 30 seconds to call or text someone back that you are in the middle of something and will call them back in a few hours. 

I return all communication within 24 hours and will make time for the person I am speaking to.  I don't care if its a friend, a friend with benefits or a business associate.  I call back within 24 hours and make time to "hear them out".  I may not have a solution for their problem or issue, but I will listen and acknowledge them.

Thank you for your reply! 

For me, backpeddling isn’t something I terribly mind because this person’s reason isn’t personally directed at me, and I am always able to find others to satisfy that want. 

However, your second response is something I am thinking about...You have quite a good habit. :) I think I’ll bring it up as a boundary/‘deal breaker’ the next time they text.

Thanks again,

ML

[Wiseman2]

53 minutes ago, Mista Luna said:

We mutually agreed to just being people that cuddled and kissed. 

Would you like to be more than this? Or would you like a dating relationship with other people? If you both don't want more than friends who cuddle then it's fine, but sooner or later he may want sex with other or you may, so decide which direction you would like to see this heading. Right now he seems to be stepping away.

Is this the same man?:

 

[Mista Luna]

25 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Would you like to be more than this? Or would you like a dating relationship with other people? If you both don't want more than friends who cuddle then it's fine, but sooner or later he may want sex with other or you may, so decide which direction you would like to see this heading. Right now he seems to be stepping away.

Is this the same man?:

 

I think I would. We both had a discussion about the hypotheticals of a more long term relationship. The end result was that it was possible being in a committed romantic relationship, but with an openness pertaining to sexual intimacy with others. Unfortunately the both of us have no time for such commitments due to education, so it's not anything either of us are seriously considering at the moment. Sex with others is fine even now, as long as it doesn't affect the health of the other.

And, no, it is not the same man haha. I have ended things cleanly with him. We are now friends.

[glows]

Did you develop feelings for him? He doesn't seem very interested if so. Cut your losses and cool off as you're holding yourself back from something more fulfilling overall. 

You will know when someone wants to be with you. From the sounds of it he may suspect that you're getting attached and doesn't want to pursue anything with you in a more monogamous or exclusive sense.