Happily single guy who seems to have a soft spot for me- to try or not to try?

[babybrowns]

Hello all,

First, I hope that everyone had a good Christmas!

This thread is about a separate matter to that which I posted a week before (different person as well).

I am new to a town and have recently made some new friends through a social app. Recently, I organised an event for my new friends from the group, which only one person could come to because the others were out of town for the holidays.

The guy who came is someone I’ve met once before, briefly. It was quite a nice event with just the two of us; we had a very nice time together, there were sparks, chemistry, connection and flirtation. He insisted on paying for me for some things, which was very kind but I insisted on paying for him for other things to make it ‘balanced’. We spent 6 hours together which flew by. 

The flirtation came more from his side rather than mine, because I’m someone who’s traditionally never revealed her feelings much when she likes a guy. Even though I was left with an impression at the end of the event that this man likes me, I feel that he was left with an impression that I only saw him as friends, because of how I keep my cards close to my chest in these matters.

The day after, I told the guy I had a lovely time and that he’s so much fun. I wanted to drop just the slightest hint that I do like him too. He reacted, “I’m glad you had fun Maybe we should do something again ”. I responded, “That would be nice :)”. And that was that. We’ve not really spoken much since, apart from wishing each other a happy Christmas.

I am left feeling a bit confused. Yes it was not a date that me and this guy went on. Nevertheless, we had a very good time together. Does he not feel interested to message me and organise something else with me soon? We both have a few days off work so it would be a good opportunity to hang out again. 

Would love some insights, thanks in advance 

[Ami1uwant]

He didn’t go there expecting it was a date.  Looking it as such will cause issues.

[chillii]

How longs it been , 5mins ? , give it a bit of time first of all it is Christmas and all, people have stuff to do, plans and places to be. You were fine things you said were nice that'll be plenty if he is keener than friends , you should hear from him.

Edited December 26, 2021 by chillii

[divegrl]

Make it very clear that like him so there is no confusion on either end. “Hey I really like you.”

Then it’s up to him if he wants to pursue you or not. 
 

Good luck!

[stillafool]

7 minutes ago, divegrl said:

Make it very clear that like him so there is no confusion on either end. “Hey I really like you.”

Then it’s up to him if he wants to pursue you or not. 
 

Good luck!

I think she made it pretty clear she likes him and is interested.  The ball is in his court.

 

1 hour ago, babybrowns said:

 He reacted, “I’m glad you had fun Maybe we should do something again ”. I responded, “That would be nice :)”. And that was that.

That is more than enough of a message that she is interested.

 

[stillafool]

I wonder if he thought it was a set up that just the 2 of you showed up at this event that was organized by you.  That's what I would have thought and been turned off a bit.  But I'm not a man.

[divegrl]

That’s just my perspective. But either way, I hope you get some insight. Dating is confusing!!!!

[CollinW]

3 hours ago, stillafool said:

I think she made it pretty clear she likes him and is interested.  The ball is in his court.

 

That is more than enough of a message that she is interested.

 

No it isn't. 

Being on a date with a woman who didn't show enthusiasm when she had the chance, only for her to say she had fun in a text shows she's confused or playing games. 

I would think she's bored and probably intends to use me for attention. Not that she's interested. 

[basil67]

5 hours ago, babybrowns said:

The flirtation came more from his side rather than mine, because I’m someone who’s traditionally never revealed her feelings much when she likes a guy. Even though I was left with an impression at the end of the event that this man likes me, I feel that he was left with an impression that I only saw him as friends, because of how I keep my cards close to my chest in these matters.

Flirting is like tennis:  If one of the players doesn't hit the ball back, it's no fun.   And you insisting on paying evenly probably sent out a 'friend zone' vibe.    Lastly, dropping "a slightest hint" that you like him too isn't going to be enough to overcome what sounds like an epic fail on your part.

What's the reason you don't flirt back or show your feelings?   

 

 

 

[chillii]

Gees , people round here certainly need a big green sign across the forehead don't they , half the time the women they're talking about are practically jumping on them but they still can't figure it out.

[Wiseman2]

13 hours ago, babybrowns said:

 I told the guy I had a lovely time and that he’s so much fun.. He reacted, “I’m glad you had fun Maybe we should do something again ”. I responded, “That would be nice :)”.

This is fine. Wait to hear from him and don't text too much. He seems interested in dating so don't worry.

Keep in mind texting is not dating. Dating is dating.

Edited December 27, 2021 by Wiseman2

[introverted1]

13 hours ago, babybrowns said:

The day after, I told the guy I had a lovely time and that he’s so much fun. I wanted to drop just the slightest hint that I do like him too. He reacted, “I’m glad you had fun Maybe we should do something again ”. I responded, “That would be nice :)”. And that was that. We’ve not really spoken much since, apart from wishing each other a happy Christmas.

Next time try:

That would be great.  I've heard that the outdoor market on Main street is fun - would you like to go next Saturday?

Or

Sounds great - how about drinks Friday night?

Or

I'd like that. What do you have in mind?

Or

Anything that actually makes you a participant in the exchange.  I am not sure how you can spend the evening with someone while deliberately refusing to flirt and ensuring he gets a friend vibe, and then wonder why he is not beating down a path to your door.

Be the person you'd want to date.

[Gaeta]

I've been told many times by my dates that I am hard to read, that has never kept them from initiating a second date. 

I think he's not looking for a relationship, he had a good time, there was some flirting but lets do this again 'sometimes' is typical for you're cool but not for me. 

[babybrowns]

Thank you so much everyone. 

13 hours ago, stillafool said:

I wonder if he thought it was a set up that just the 2 of you showed up at this event that was organized by you.  That's what I would have thought and been turned off a bit.  But I'm not a man.

Not what happened.

- I sent out a message on the group chat in advance about the social. Which he is part of, which is how the group gets together.

- The day before, I told him that nobody else can make it, and that I would thus cancel it

-He said don’t cancel, that he can still make it

So he went into it knowing full well that it would just be the two of us.

I would happily invite him out again this week, but the fact is that since it was me who invited him to this one, I want him to invite me to something next time. I have also been the one initiating all the contact.. I want him to take initiative so that I know it really is mutual. Especially as some people on here have said, I did manage to give him strong enough of a hint with my “that would be nice  “ comment. 

[babybrowns]

13 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

he had a good time, there was some flirting but lets do this again 'sometimes' is typical for you're cool but not for me. 

Thanks but you’re misquoting Gaeta; he didn’t even use that word.

[Gaeta]

15 hours ago, babybrowns said:

The day after, I told the guy I had a lovely time and that he’s so much fun. I wanted to drop just the slightest hint that I do like him too. He reacted, “I’m glad you had fun Maybe we should do something again ”. I responded, “That would be nice :)”. And that was that. We’ve not really spoken much since, apart from wishing each other a happy Christmas.

My point is the bolded is not the same as I'm glad you had fun about we do this again next weekend? are you free Saturday?.

 

Edited December 27, 2021 by Gaeta

[stillafool]

35 minutes ago, babybrowns said:

I would happily invite him out again this week, but the fact is that since it was me who invited him to this one, I want him to invite me to something next time. I have also been the one initiating all the contact.. I want him to take initiative so that I know it really is mutual. 

You really didn't invite him after everyone else couldn't make it, he pretty much invited himself.  Where exactly have you been initiating contact with him other than the grroup invitation?

 

[stillafool]

13 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

f a man tells me Sometimes again I know he's not that interested and just keeping me in the loop. 

I agree with this statement.  "Sometime" is so iffy, I'd rather here the word "Soon".

[babybrowns]

8 minutes ago, stillafool said:

I agree with this statement.  "Sometime" is so iffy, I'd rather here the word "Soon".

The guy never used this word

[stillafool]

4 minutes ago, babybrowns said:

The guy never used this word

Oh good.

[babybrowns]

14 minutes ago, stillafool said:

You really didn't invite him after everyone else couldn't make it, he pretty much invited himself.  Where exactly have you been initiating contact with him other than the grroup invitation?

 

I did; I floated the idea with him, he said he’s up for it, I then posted it into the group chat, others couldn’t make it. So I now want to give him the opportunity to initiate something. He kind of did, by suggesting we meet again, but whether he means it will be proven soon I guess!

[Gaeta]

1 minute ago, babybrowns said:

I did; I floated the idea with him, he said he’s up for it, I then posted it into the group chat, others couldn’t make it. So I now want to give him the opportunity to initiate something. He kind of did, by suggesting we meet again, but whether he means it will be proven soon I guess!

Depends on your dating style. Some can do the long game. Continue dating others and this one will step up his game or he'll fade away. At this point you're losing nothing. 

[poppyfields]

35 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Depends on your dating style. Some can do the long game. Continue dating others and this one will step up his game or he'll fade away. At this point you're losing nothing. 

I agree with this.  Fot me, I can do the "long game" in fact I've become quite adept at it, if I know I will be seeing him again in a social setting.  

It creates a bit of mystery, and if a man is right for me, vice versa.  Eventually we get together, it's natural, not forced.

BUT @babybrownsI think this has been mentioned on your threads previously, you must be able to tolerate a bit of uncertainty..  

If you can't handle even the slightest bit of uncertainty, the long game will NOT work for you. 

In fact, dating in general will be difficult.  You will end up pushing and forcing something and not allowing the mutual attraction to develop and grow naturally and organically. 

What you said was perfectly fine..  Trust me this man is not asking you out because you didn't show enough enthusiasm or leading (initiating a date).  

Give it time.  When you see him again at the next social event from the app, flirt a bit this time.  Catch each other's eyes.  Show a bit more enthusiasm and be approachable.  

That's the beauty of having a social circle imo.  Everything is natural, nothing formal or forced. 

Have fun with it!!  

Edited December 27, 2021 by poppyfields

[elaine567]

31 minutes ago, babybrowns said:

I did; I floated the idea with him, he said he’s up for it, I then posted it into the group chat, others couldn’t make it. So I now want to give him the opportunity to initiate something. He kind of did, by suggesting we meet again, but whether he means it will be proven soon I guess!

Trouble is, he maybe meant that if you organise the event again he would be happy to show up, not necessarily that he was planning to date you.

[babybrowns]

1 hour ago, elaine567 said:

Trouble is, he maybe meant that if you organise the event again he would be happy to show up, not necessarily that he was planning to date you.

Good point but no, I’m an organiser anyway and I have another event next month anyway which we were discussing during the meetup. He meant, as a direct response to me telling him I find him fun, that the two of us should do something again. 

Edited December 27, 2021 by babybrowns