CuriousCassie Posted January 8, 2022 Posted January 8, 2022 (edited) I started working with this older guy who has a girlfriend and two kids and from when I started working he teases constantly. Sometimes he can be really rude. But most of the time hes always commenting about how “handsome” he is in front of me. Hes always telling me how handsome he is and it’s quite annoying. He’s said in the past that “he knows I’m attracted to him” and always is commenting on every single thing I’ve worn. And he’s always talking about penises. He does annoying little things to always get my attention, like stick things on my back, put random objects in my bag, throw small things at me, hides and scares me, throws snow balls at me, and teases me. Everything I do is funny to him. My middle name is a color, so he’s constantly picking out colors in the store that match my middle name. And he’s always calling me by my first and middle name & the only reason he knows my middle name is because one day I accidentally left my ID laying face up on the work table and he looked at it. I’m not sure why he would think I like him. I do not. It must be because I laugh a lot at his jokes. But I laugh easily, and am always laughing. And he’s always thinking I’m staring at him, which I’m not, it’s usually me catching him staring. He acts totally different when his girlfriend comes in the shop. He completely ignores me and never says a word to me, and avoids eye contact. And his gf is always mean mugging me. So is there something I can do about this or is this guy just completely conceited, because I really don’t take it as flirting. Edited January 8, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language
ccas93 Posted January 8, 2022 Posted January 8, 2022 14 minutes ago, CuriousCassie said: I’m not sure why he would think I like him. I do not. It must be because I laugh a lot at his jokes. But I laugh easily, and am always laughing. And he’s always thinking I’m staring at him, which I’m not, it’s usually me catching him staring. He sounds incredibly immature and narcissistic. These two things will definitely make him think you like him. Esp the laughing at this jokes. 3
Gaeta Posted January 8, 2022 Posted January 8, 2022 Stop laughing at his jokes. He doesn't sound like a normal adult to me, sray away from him. Some of the things he says and do would be considered harassment. 5
glows Posted January 8, 2022 Posted January 8, 2022 He’s doing it because you give him the type of attention he probably doesn’t get from any other woman his age or his gf for that matter. It’s one antic after another and he gets a pat on the head each time you laugh at his lame, sexist or childish jokes. Don’t bother laughing or even looking at him. If he calls you for no reason tell him you’re busy and stop bothering you. Is there a supervisor or manager around while you are both working? Ask if your desk can be moved elsewhere or switch to a different office or area of the workspace for the above reasons. Document the instances where he singles you out or makes inappropriate comments about his looks or his various body parts. 2
Wiseman2 Posted January 8, 2022 Posted January 8, 2022 Avoid him as much as possible. Keep it professional as possible. If you feel it's sexual harassment, discuss it with a manager or HR. 2
spiderowl Posted January 8, 2022 Posted January 8, 2022 (edited) 5 hours ago, CuriousCassie said: I started working with this older guy who has a girlfriend and two kids and from when I started working he teases constantly. Sometimes he can be really rude. But most of the time hes always commenting about how “handsome” he is in front of me. Hes always telling me how handsome he is and it’s quite annoying. He’s said in the past that “he knows I’m attracted to him” and always is commenting on every single thing I’ve worn. And he’s always talking about penises. He does annoying little things to always get my attention, like stick things on my back, put random objects in my bag, throw small things at me, hides and scares me, throws snow balls at me, and teases me. Everything I do is funny to him. My middle name is a color, so he’s constantly picking out colors in the store that match my middle name. And he’s always calling me by my first and middle name & the only reason he knows my middle name is because one day I accidentally left my ID laying face up on the work table and he looked at it. I’m not sure why he would think I like him. I do not. It must be because I laugh a lot at his jokes. But I laugh easily, and am always laughing. And he’s always thinking I’m staring at him, which I’m not, it’s usually me catching him staring. He acts totally different when his girlfriend comes in the shop. He completely ignores me and never says a word to me, and avoids eye contact. And his gf is always mean mugging me. So is there something I can do about this or is this guy just completely conceited, because I really don’t take it as flirting. It sounds like he is flirting and behaving in a way that could easily get him sacked for sexual harassment. If you do not like this behaviour - and very few people would - then I would advise keeping note of what he says/does and note the times and dates. If there are any witnesses, note them down too. Ideally you would get film of his behaviour so it might be worth being near the store/work cameras on occasions in case he tries it on there. He's probably just being a narcissistic idiot but he's flying close to the sun here. I would advise ignoring him, avoiding him, not laughing at his behaviour, telling him clearly you would rather he did not touch you or talk about penises. Tell a supervisor about him. HR are supposed to be aware of the law and are supposed to deal with this kind of thing. You don't have to put up with sexual harassment at work however it is dressed up as 'fun', 'banter' or 'fooling about'. Just be sure that if it comes to complaining about it, you have evidence and witnesses. You can still complain to a superior without all this but I would recommend keeping a distance and gathering evidence before reporting it. Edited January 8, 2022 by spiderowl 2
bene Posted January 8, 2022 Posted January 8, 2022 His behavior is immature for a grown man to say the least. Is he normal with other people? In best case he’s just socially awkward and tries too hard. In worst case he harasses you knowingly. Stop laughing at his jokes and talk only as much as necessary. Also I’d say firmly and clearly that I don’t appreciate this type of humor. If that doesn’t work, I’d bring it up with a supervisor.
smackie9 Posted January 8, 2022 Posted January 8, 2022 This IS workplace harassment. Go to HR or your supervisor and place a complaint. I agree he has the traits of a narcissist so be very careful what you say to him. 3
poppyfields Posted January 8, 2022 Posted January 8, 2022 2 hours ago, smackie9 said: This IS workplace harassment. Go to HR or your supervisor and place a complaint. Agree, or at least share with HR what you've been experiencing. Let them handle it, that's their job. 2
mrs rubble Posted January 8, 2022 Posted January 8, 2022 Next time he goes on about how handsome he is, challenge him over it- ask him who told him that, tell him you find his looks average or quirky. That should knock him down a peg or two. 2
chillii Posted January 9, 2022 Posted January 9, 2022 Yeah , your giving him way more attention than you realize, and now there's even a thread about him on the internet. Stop laughing at his jokes and stop listening to his bs. The guys a moron and you can't afford to give him an inch, bc this is what you get.
Author CuriousCassie Posted February 3, 2022 Author Posted February 3, 2022 (edited) I have a crush on my coworker. I’ve been working with him for a year now. At first I just thought he was cute but it’s formed into a crush. He has a girlfriend though and 2 kids. He’s always teasing me and says he enjoys the way we banter and that he thinks it’s “cute”. He jokingly calls me “babe” or other names like that. He’s always trying to accidentally “run into me” or get super close to me because he thinks it’s funny that I start blushing and move away. He’s also said one time that he “likes me, but not in a weird way”. He’s tried to hold my hand and he makes inappropriate jokes sometimes. Also he hardly ever talks about his girlfriend to me. He never used to say anything about her. Now all of a sudden he's saying that he’s breaking up with her and is calling her crazy and psycho. All of a sudden he's telling me all these things about her, like how they met, the crazy things she’s done. He’s says he wants to leave her and that he would like my help in finding a FWB”. I think it’s weird that all of a sudden he’s just saying these mean things about his girlfriend and is saying they broke up but also told me to not say anything to my other coworkers about it. Like what?? Is he lying or why would he tell me this? I think he knows I have a crush. He’s said before that he “knows I’m attracted to him” and that he “knows I think he’s handsome” which I do, but anytime he says something like that I deny it and tease him. I feel like I have to be rude to him just so he won’t suspect anything. it also hurts my feelings because if he’s so certain I like him why would he be asking me for help in finding him a FWB?? We laugh so much together, we have a good time. I think it’s really sad that he’s obviously pretty unhappy with his girlfriend now, but thinks it’s weird how all of a sudden he’s telling me about his relationship. also he’s never called me pretty or anything like that. But he has said that I look good when I wear something nice. He’s ALWAYS noticing what I wear. He notices every time I do something new to my hair, or wear new clothes. And he’s always doing anything he can to get my attention. i need to know what is going on here. Edited February 3, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Added info/language
basil67 Posted February 3, 2022 Posted February 3, 2022 (edited) It's really simple: He wants to take advantage of your crush so that he can turn you into his FWB. If you want to be his casual sex partner with no romantic entanglements, next time he asks you to hook him up with someone, just offer yourself to him. However, if you do want romance, give him a wide berth. He sounds sleazy. Edited February 3, 2022 by basil67 1
Author CuriousCassie Posted February 3, 2022 Author Posted February 3, 2022 50 minutes ago, basil67 said: It's really simple: He wants to take advantage of your crush so that he can turn you into his FWB. If you want to be his casual sex partner with no romantic entanglements, next time he asks you to hook him up with someone, just offer yourself to him. However, if you do want romance, give him a wide berth. He sounds sleazy. Why wouldn’t he just ask me to my face if he wanted to be FWB?
basil67 Posted February 3, 2022 Posted February 3, 2022 I dunno. I guess he wants you to be active in the agreement. Really though, we are only guessing. Only he can tell you the real meaning behind his actions
Wiseman2 Posted February 3, 2022 Posted February 3, 2022 6 hours ago, CuriousCassie said: I need to know what is going on here. A combination of sexual harassment and inappropriate work behavior. He has a GF. That means step way back and be polite, friendly and professional but stop flirting and talking about sexual topics at work.
BaileyB Posted February 3, 2022 Posted February 3, 2022 (edited) 7 hours ago, CuriousCassie said: I have a crush on my coworker. It seems that he has good reason to flirt. Unfortunately, he doesn’t know how to flirt. At least, in a junior high kind of way. 7 hours ago, CuriousCassie said: if he’s so certain I like him why would he be asking me for help in finding him a FWB?? We laugh so much together, we have a good time. I think it’s really sad that he’s obviously pretty unhappy with his girlfriend now, but thinks it’s weird how all of a sudden he’s telling me about his relationship. He’s just floating the idea out there to see how you respond. He is “testing the waters.” Honestly, I think you could do better. Edited February 3, 2022 by BaileyB 1
glows Posted February 3, 2022 Posted February 3, 2022 (edited) 8 hours ago, CuriousCassie said: i need to know what is going on here. He is only caught up in himself. I’m sure you’re aware of that. This is a crush so leave it as that and know he’s likely a rotten choice for a partner. Maybe you feel yourself pulled to him because you are drawn to contradictory and dramatic individuals. Explore that and end that pattern of dating. Realistically, you know that if he’s going so far as to insult his girlfriend publicly he is just as capable of doing it to you. Because you work together take care of yourself and keep your distance. Edited February 3, 2022 by glows 1
stillafool Posted February 3, 2022 Posted February 3, 2022 I'm just wondering why you don't have better choices than some old guy who has a woman and 2 kids in tow. I doubt he's unhappy in his relationship or he would leave. He's flattered because he knows you want him so he's going to get his ego boost. Will it go further than sex somewhere down the road with you feeling used, bad rep at work and then ignored, no. I'm sure you want better for yourself and this is not it. 2
stillafool Posted February 3, 2022 Posted February 3, 2022 9 hours ago, CuriousCassie said: Why wouldn’t he just ask me to my face if he wanted to be FWB? Because he's smart enough to know that's sexual harassment and he could get fired.
BaileyB Posted February 3, 2022 Posted February 3, 2022 (edited) 51 minutes ago, stillafool said: I doubt he's unhappy in his relationship They all say that… It’s not code for “I want to have a relationship with you” which is often how it’s interpreted by the woman he is flirting with. So flattering. Not. Rather, it’s code for “I will be “honest” with you and tell you that I’m in another relationship but - I want to have sex with you!” They say this because… not many women will consider the man if he told the truth - that he is in another relationship (happy or not, on whatever day you speak with him) and he has no plans to leave. Most women don’t want to date another woman’s husband. It’s in the married man playbook if you want to look it up OP. It’s so textbook, it’s hard to believe that women continue to fall for this - Edited February 3, 2022 by BaileyB 3
Wiseman2 Posted February 3, 2022 Posted February 3, 2022 He's a typical workplace womanizer (my wife doesn't understand me, etc.) so steer clear. 2
vla1120 Posted February 3, 2022 Posted February 3, 2022 12 hours ago, CuriousCassie said: it also hurts my feelings because if he’s so certain I like him why would he be asking me for help in finding him a FWB?? We laugh so much together, we have a good time. I think it’s really sad that he’s obviously pretty unhappy with his girlfriend now, but thinks it’s weird how all of a sudden he’s telling me about his relationship. This is typical behavior from a cheater - poor him, they probably sleep in separate rooms and she doesn't understand him. He's trying to gain your sympathy and when he's asking you to help him find a FWB, he's letting you know that he's open to having one, but is not going to come right out and ask you. Don't get involved with someone who has a gf with two kids. His gf already suspects considering how she treats you when she comes into the store. Start dating people your own age and let him know you are not interested. Otherwise, go read some of the stories on the OW/OM forum to figure out what you're in for if you give in to him. 2
Author CuriousCassie Posted February 3, 2022 Author Posted February 3, 2022 36 minutes ago, vla1120 said: This is typical behavior from a cheater - poor him, they probably sleep in separate rooms and she doesn't understand him. He's trying to gain your sympathy and when he's asking you to help him find a FWB, he's letting you know that he's open to having one, but is not going to come right out and ask you. Don't get involved with someone who has a gf with two kids. His gf already suspects considering how she treats you when she comes into the store. Start dating people your own age and let him know you are not interested. Otherwise, go read some of the stories on the OW/OM forum to figure out what you're in for if you give in to him. Thank you. Yes I would never sleep with someone who is in a relationship. I could never break up a family. 2
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