AngryGromit Posted January 9, 2022 Posted January 9, 2022 On 1/6/2022 at 4:01 PM, 99girl said: It's ok if he cannot afford dinners and spas, but a man asking a woman to invite him? I think he is just cheap and that is such a turn off! What do you think about this? Not the typical behavior of a gold digger. Usually they pay for everything till they know you got your emotionally hooked, then they transition all the costs to you. Maybe he's an enlightened guy, equal rights and all that, you should be asking him out, and paying, he's a catch. 1
chillii Posted January 9, 2022 Posted January 9, 2022 5 hours ago, 99girl said: Yes I agree. Especially when they have this sense of humor more than once. They are testing boundaries and checking how you are. Some men do this with sexual innuendos, he is doing it with money and dates. This guy separated last summer and lives with his mom with no intentions to get his own place. I wonder if he is trying to find a woman who is financially fine and has her own place so he can move in and live off her. Anyway, if something smells like a rat it probably is. He just sounds off, all round op. Send him packing. 2
Author 99girl Posted January 9, 2022 Author Posted January 9, 2022 (edited) 3 hours ago, Taramere said: Does he follow up these requests with comments along the lines of "come on, surely you're a believer in feminism...strike a blow for equal rights"? Nope, nothing. He followed with him saying he doesn't have much money Edited January 9, 2022 by 99girl
Author 99girl Posted January 9, 2022 Author Posted January 9, 2022 1 hour ago, AngryGromit said: Not the typical behavior of a gold digger. Usually they pay for everything till they know you got your emotionally hooked, then they transition all the costs to you. Maybe he's an enlightened guy, equal rights and all that, you should be asking him out, and paying, he's a catch. I don't like enlightened guys and equal rights. I am old fashioned, I like the man inviting me out.
Taramere Posted January 9, 2022 Posted January 9, 2022 1 hour ago, AngryGromit said: Not the typical behavior of a gold digger. Usually they pay for everything till they know you got your emotionally hooked, then they transition all the costs to you. Maybe he's an enlightened guy, equal rights and all that, you should be asking him out, and paying, he's a catch. The trouble is, guys who come out with that sort of thing aren't generally a catch. Unless a woman happens to be fishing for an man with a chip on his shoulder and a set of amateurish scamming skills that he's hoping to pass off as a noble quest for equality/important sociological experiment. 2
stillafool Posted January 10, 2022 Posted January 10, 2022 2 hours ago, 99girl said: I don't like enlightened guys and equal rights. I am old fashioned, I like the man inviting me out. Why haven't you nexted this guy by now? 1
Author 99girl Posted January 10, 2022 Author Posted January 10, 2022 7 hours ago, stillafool said: Why haven't you nexted this guy by now? I did. I told him I don't invite men out, I am invited. If he wants to invite me out great, until then take care. He said understood. I am giving him a few days to step up, if not, block and delete.
glows Posted January 10, 2022 Posted January 10, 2022 2 hours ago, 99girl said: I did. I told him I don't invite men out, I am invited. If he wants to invite me out great, until then take care. He said understood. I am giving him a few days to step up, if not, block and delete. The bridge is burned. Dating doesn’t need to involve putting anyone (man or woman) “in their place”. I’m quoting you from an earlier post. It’s not a classroom or seminar about how to treat others. Simply walk away. Pick your equal and someone whom you see eye to eye with. Don’t play mommy or teacher. 3
Gaeta Posted January 10, 2022 Posted January 10, 2022 7 hours ago, 99girl said: he wants to invite me out great, until then take care. He said understood. I am giving him a few days to step up, if not, block and delete. Why are you leaving a door open to a man that is recently divorced and is living in his mom's basement??? No fancy restaurant invitations would have me date a man that lives in his mother's basement. Don't you have a bit of pride? Imagine introducing this man to your family.....mom, here's John, he divorced 6 months ago and lives in his mom's basement. Don't worry mom, he can't pay for his own apartment but he can pay our restaurants. How does that make him a good prospect to date? 1
Weezy1973 Posted January 10, 2022 Posted January 10, 2022 1 minute ago, Gaeta said: How does that make him a good prospect to date? A “good” prospect is relative. Perhaps this is the best the OP can get. 1
poppyfields Posted January 10, 2022 Posted January 10, 2022 (edited) OP, 7 hours ago, 99girl said: I am giving him a few days to step up, if not, block and delete. May I ask what is so appealing about this guy that you would wait for him to acquiesce to your request that he "step up"? You haven even had one date with this man. You should not have to tell a man you have never even met how to date you. If how he chooses to date you by placing you in the role of pursuer/payer isn't to your liking, then next him! What you are doing seems controlling. Either accept how and who he is, as is, or next. Edited January 10, 2022 by poppyfields
Author 99girl Posted January 11, 2022 Author Posted January 11, 2022 On 1/10/2022 at 10:43 AM, glows said: The bridge is burned. Dating doesn’t need to involve putting anyone (man or woman) “in their place”. I’m quoting you from an earlier post. It’s not a classroom or seminar about how to treat others. Simply walk away. Pick your equal and someone whom you see eye to eye with. Don’t play mommy or teacher. I didn't play mommy or teacher, he was being disrespectful and I simply stood up for myself. Now I walk away.
Author 99girl Posted January 11, 2022 Author Posted January 11, 2022 On 1/10/2022 at 3:43 PM, Gaeta said: Why are you leaving a door open to a man that is recently divorced and is living in his mom's basement??? No fancy restaurant invitations would have me date a man that lives in his mother's basement. Don't you have a bit of pride? Imagine introducing this man to your family.....mom, here's John, he divorced 6 months ago and lives in his mom's basement. Don't worry mom, he can't pay for his own apartment but he can pay our restaurants. How does that make him a good prospect to date? He doesn't, you are right and I have deleted him now. 1
Author 99girl Posted January 11, 2022 Author Posted January 11, 2022 On 1/10/2022 at 3:46 PM, Weezy1973 said: A “good” prospect is relative. Perhaps this is the best the OP can get. Absolutely not.
Author 99girl Posted January 11, 2022 Author Posted January 11, 2022 On 1/10/2022 at 3:50 PM, poppyfields said: OP, May I ask what is so appealing about this guy that you would wait for him to acquiesce to your request that he "step up"? You haven even had one date with this man. You should not have to tell a man you have never even met how to date you. If how he chooses to date you by placing you in the role of pursuer/payer isn't to your liking, then next him! What you are doing seems controlling. Either accept how and who he is, as is, or next. We had 3 coffee dates. Is not controlling, he stated his preferences and I stated mine. Simple. I was fed up of his behaviour and to be honest I told him that to get rid of him, not for him to do anything.
poppyfields Posted January 11, 2022 Posted January 11, 2022 15 minutes ago, 99girl said: We had 3 coffee dates. Is not controlling, he stated his preferences and I stated mine. Simple. I was fed up of his behaviour and to be honest I told him that to get rid of him, not for him to do anything. No worries, I was just responding to your comment: "I am giving him a few days to step up, if not, block and delete." Which I thought was strange but nevermind. Good luck.
Weezy1973 Posted January 11, 2022 Posted January 11, 2022 36 minutes ago, 99girl said: Absolutely not. Ok cool. The fact this man took enough of your mental energy to write a thread suggests you must have found him compelling in some way, or else it wouldn’t even have been an issue to just next him right away. 2
Author 99girl Posted January 11, 2022 Author Posted January 11, 2022 2 hours ago, Weezy1973 said: Ok cool. The fact this man took enough of your mental energy to write a thread suggests you must have found him compelling in some way, or else it wouldn’t even have been an issue to just next him right away. Yes I did feel attracted to him on our dates. Then when he started showing who he truly is, not anymore. 1
Lookingforlove98 Posted January 16, 2022 Posted January 16, 2022 I agree with you. Three coffee dates? There are so many better (cheap) ways to get know someone. Coffee date is only a standard first uncreative “safe” date unless you guys LOVE coffee. And the whole spa thing was so tacky too. I’m with you… giant “NO”.
mortensorchid Posted January 16, 2022 Posted January 16, 2022 He is just bread crumbing you. This is a repeat offender which I have encountered : you made a connection on a dating website /app, you chatted for a bit then he ghosted on you. Or you actually met face to face once and you never heard from him again. Now he finds you again and is wanting to try again. Why? Who knows but don't bother with them.
stillafool Posted January 16, 2022 Posted January 16, 2022 I can't believe you haven't blocked this guy yet.
SleeplessinFlorida Posted January 16, 2022 Posted January 16, 2022 On 1/6/2022 at 4:12 PM, basil67 said: I don't like his approach at all, especially in asking you to invite him to the more expensive things. If he can't afford to do nice things, he shouldn't be dating. However, being an egalitarian type, nor do I like the female approach of only going when a man invites her (and assumedly pays). I think there needs to be give and take in all of this. I think a man should asked the woman on a date. Next thing you'll have to open his car door for him 1
CollinW Posted January 17, 2022 Posted January 17, 2022 On 1/15/2022 at 8:20 PM, Lookingforlove98 said: I agree with you. Three coffee dates? There are so many better (cheap) ways to get know someone. Coffee date is only a standard first uncreative “safe” date unless you guys LOVE coffee. And the whole spa thing was so tacky too. I’m with you… giant “NO”. I'm not sure why people think dates particularly first dates are supposed to be fun and exciting. The whole purpose of a date is getting to know someone. It's not a man's job to entertain you and pull you away from your mundane lives when he barely knows you. I'm well into my marriage but if I were dating I wouldn't do anything other than coffee and lunch until I know if I can tolerate you in person for longer than 5 minutes.
Alpacalia Posted January 17, 2022 Posted January 17, 2022 (edited) After three dates, he might have thought it would be fitting for you to ask him out or show interest in him on your part. Who knows. Doesn't sound like a match. On 1/6/2022 at 1:01 PM, 99girl said: I told him I don't invite men out, usually I am invited. If he wants to invite me great, until then take care. Edited January 17, 2022 by Alpaca 1
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