InShockToday Posted October 21, 2005 Posted October 21, 2005 Me and my ex broke up after we became distant. We broke up once before and he came back 4 months later to my surprise - out of the blue. I ran back to him and things were good for a while then it seemed we just lost our connection. I got distant and upset about lack of respect towards me and my son - then on Father's Day I don't know what happened - we just stopped talking. I felt like he was more interested in porn and looking at other women all the time - it turned me off and I just felt more lonely with him than without. A few weeks later I called him before his birthday asking him out to dinner. At first he said yes and then the conversation turned and he said "I can't do this anymore". I didn't resist, just said "Ok, I'd like to come pick up my things at your house". When I went to get them he was gone. I called and he didn't return my calls so a few days later I went over there after he got home from work. He had my things packed in a trash bag sitting by the door. I got them and left. He said nothing, I said nothing. I was stunned. I know we had problems but the first time I ended it and he came back months later saying "I know you're the one for me, I love you more than anything". I went right back to him. He proposed marriage and we were engaged. Then all this happened. It's been since the first week of July since I got my things and haven't heard a word from him. I was doing ok until recently - I really started thinking about him and missing him. Having the day off I decided to drive by his house (he lives 4 miles from me). As I drove by I noticed the tree we planted together in his front yard wasn't there anymore. This tree was something we dug up at his ranch two years ago and planted together with our boys. I had written on a rock the date and our names and put it in the ground before the tree was planted. It's not there anymore. I was crushed to see this tree gone - it wasn't the trees fault. If he wanted me to see that and for it to hurt me it worked. I was actually wanting to contact him again and tell him I regret our problems and our breakup and that I still loved him deeply. We went thru tough times but we always thought we "the one" for each other. Our tempers and stubborness ruined the relationship - neither one of us would ever give in and things would escalate we'd blow up and break up. I regret so many things and wish we were still together. But if I attempt to call him he will be cold and ruthless towards me - I just know it. How do I get over this? I've had a major setback in my recovery and getting over him. It's hard on me because I don't have family support and friends just tell me I'm better off without him. I feel like I did back in July - heartbroken all over again. Seeing that tree gone (we went thru ALOT to dig up that tree and plant it) - just broke my heart. I'm so sad and don't know how to get him out of my head and move on. When he last broke up with me I was civil and very nice. I was in shock but figured begging and pleading wouldn't get me anywhere that I'd just say "Ok if this is what you want" and leave. I didn't fight. Should I have put up more of a fight? Our biggest issues were our two sons from previous marriages. They didn't get along and this caused huge rifts between us - and he always favored his son and never seemed to accept my son - this was the one thing keeping me from trusting him. How do I let go - I've always held out hope we'd reconcile but I see if he's chopped down that tree he's probably trashed anything else that reminds him of me. I'm history in his mind. It hurts like hell - I was so close to contacting him now I'm just heartbroken all over again. Why do I do this to myself?
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