My boyfriend went home for the holidays. Now his dad is sick and I don't know when I'll see him again.

[confusedana]

My boyfriend (22M) and I (22F) have been dating for just over 2 years. Our families live on opposite coasts of the US, but we've put in the work to live in the same cities in the same state for at least 16 months of our relationship. This December, he travelled back to his home state to spend time with his family for Christmas and New Year's. 3 days before I was supposed to pick him up from the airport, his dad (62M) went to the hospital to get some pain checked out. His results show masses that are likely cancer. 

We're not sure what the biopsy will show, but he's determined to stay with his dad until they know more. Today was supposed to be his first day of work (which is in my home state). 

I'm not sure how to be there for my boyfriend at this time, especially since we're long distance. He's spending all of visiting hours in the hospital with his dad. How do I help? I'm in graduate school and COVID cases are up again so I'm not comfortable traveling across the country to a hospital. At the same time, I have not yet met his family in person for this same reason. My boyfriend is starting to worry that his dad will never get to meet his girlfriend, and I feel guilty like it's my fault for being selfish. 

I'm the sort of person who really likes to know the plan, so it's been difficult for me to deal with not knowing when I'll see him again. Additionally, my boyfriend has been my number one source of support as of recently (that's a whole nother story and problem that i'm working on), so it's tough to be apart. 

Edited January 4, 2022 by confusedana
added ages

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this is happening. You'll have to follow his lead and just be there. Remember to stay calm and just listen.

[glows]

There's very little you can do. You cannot change the outcome or his diagnosis or the way your boyfriend is grieving and dealing with this news. What you can control are your own reactions and what you have going for you. Focus on your other commitments and stay on track.

What else is bothering you? You mentioned he was your support. 

[FMW]

2 hours ago, confusedana said:

How do I help?

Just let him know you're there and available to talk whenever he needs it, to check on his home and take care of other things while he's away, etc.  

2 hours ago, confusedana said:

My boyfriend is starting to worry that his dad will never get to meet his girlfriend, and I feel guilty like it's my fault for being selfish. 

Your boyfriend should understand given the current situation with COVID it has not been a great time for traveling or gathering with people.  Unless he has specifically said something about you not being willing to travel, don't worry about it.  Right now is not the time to meet his dad, he has a lot to deal with.  

 

2 hours ago, confusedana said:

I'm the sort of person who really likes to know the plan, so it's been difficult for me to deal with not knowing when I'll see him again. Additionally, my boyfriend has been my number one source of support as of recently (that's a whole nother story and problem that i'm working on), so it's tough to be apart. 

This will be a good time to practice being patient and letting things unfold.  Life often doesn't follow a plan and learning to handle the uncertainty with grace while enjoying what you have in the moment is a skill that can help lower the stress. 

Right now he needs your support while he's supporting his father.  This is a good opportunity for you to work on your coping skills and strengthen the bonds you have with friends and family other than him.  He's got his hands full at the moment.