I want a relationship but our dates feel platonic?

[TehBlack]

It's gotten to the point with my current date where it's either I want an exclusive/official relationship, or I want to end things.

We are almost on two months, 6 dates with the 7th planned. She has talked about me to her parents, her dad told her to invite me to a hockey game (it was the three of us), I've been to her place on our 6th date, and our 7th date is at mine. She wants to meet my friends and have a game night with them, and she talks about stuff a month+ from now she wants to do together. She was practically bouncing off the walls when I told her I talked about her to my sisters & best bud.

The thing is, we lack any real intimacy. She didn't want to kiss anymore starting on our third date (we kissed on the second) and said she was worried about Covid and needed a booster. I doubt that's the real reason considering we spend so much time in close proximity and would give each other Covid easily regardless. She is Covid conscious though in a general sense. I had deleted my dating app before this date (maybe she thinks I unmatched her?), so I'm not sure if she thinks I'm dating/kissing other people and putting her at risk? Maybe I'm just friendzoned?

So yeah, no real intimacy outside of hugs before and after dates. Our movie night at her place was literally just movie night with my arm around her and her watching her favorite movie without any reciprocation or sign that I could escalate so I didn't. I also didn't want to try and push to kiss her considering she had said she didn't want to due to covid. Felt incredibly platonic that I honestly felt like she wasn't attracted to me at all and turned me off A LOT.

I'm pretty sure I'm the only guy she's seeing based on a few things, but I know she still has the app on her phone.

I'm not sure how to go about setting everything straight with her when she comes over. I want a relationship & I want intimacy (not necessarily sex just yet). But I'm a very awkward dude when it comes with emotions, and I'm not sure how to do it, or what to say without making her uncomfortable or put on the spot.

Going beyond our 7th date without a relationship and not even kissing is probably going to be the end of it for me. I want a girlfriend, not another girl friend. And I'm not bringing her around my family/friends unless we are in a relationship.

 

Any pointers on how to navigate this conversation without making it weird?

[JRabbit]

45 minutes ago, TehBlack said:

Any pointers on how to navigate this conversation without making it weird?

Put the moves on her and see what happens? Why haven't you done this yet?

[Wiseman2]

47 minutes ago, TehBlack said:

Going beyond our 7th date without a relationship and not even kissing is probably going to be the end of it for me. I want a girlfriend, not another girl friend.

Be clear jus as you are here. Not even kissing after this much time is weird.

[Johnjohnson2017]

1 hour ago, TehBlack said:

It's gotten to the point with my current date where it's either I want an exclusive/official relationship, or I want to end things.

We are almost on two months, 6 dates with the 7th planned. She has talked about me to her parents, her dad told her to invite me to a hockey game (it was the three of us), I've been to her place on our 6th date, and our 7th date is at mine. She wants to meet my friends and have a game night with them, and she talks about stuff a month+ from now she wants to do together. She was practically bouncing off the walls when I told her I talked about her to my sisters & best bud.

The thing is, we lack any real intimacy. She didn't want to kiss anymore starting on our third date (we kissed on the second) and said she was worried about Covid and needed a booster. I doubt that's the real reason considering we spend so much time in close proximity and would give each other Covid easily regardless. She is Covid conscious though in a general sense. I had deleted my dating app before this date (maybe she thinks I unmatched her?), so I'm not sure if she thinks I'm dating/kissing other people and putting her at risk? Maybe I'm just friendzoned?

So yeah, no real intimacy outside of hugs before and after dates. Our movie night at her place was literally just movie night with my arm around her and her watching her favorite movie without any reciprocation or sign that I could escalate so I didn't. I also didn't want to try and push to kiss her considering she had said she didn't want to due to covid. Felt incredibly platonic that I honestly felt like she wasn't attracted to me at all and turned me off A LOT.

I'm pretty sure I'm the only guy she's seeing based on a few things, but I know she still has the app on her phone.

I'm not sure how to go about setting everything straight with her when she comes over. I want a relationship & I want intimacy (not necessarily sex just yet). But I'm a very awkward dude when it comes with emotions, and I'm not sure how to do it, or what to say without making her uncomfortable or put on the spot.

Going beyond our 7th date without a relationship and not even kissing is probably going to be the end of it for me. I want a girlfriend, not another girl friend. And I'm not bringing her around my family/friends unless we are in a relationship.

 

Any pointers on how to navigate this conversation without making it weird?

I wonder how her previous relationships were like. Maybe she thinks it's normal to not be affectionate after the first 6 dates (Like her previous relationships)? Or maybe she is giving you a chance even though you are not her type? Is She trying to see if her attraction for you will grow with time? Or maybe she is closed off?

If you two are not on the same page, it will not get any better. I don't think she will magically change. 

 

[FMW]

As @Wiseman2 recommended, you need to have a very honest and clear conversation with her.

Not wanting to kiss is a big problem.  It seems she wants to just be friends but have the bonuses of being a "couple".  

[TehBlack]

1 hour ago, JRabbit said:

Put the moves on her and see what happens? Why haven't you done this yet?

Because she set a boundary for kissing that I don't want to just ignore. I figured at her place, if I put my arm around her on the couch she would show some sort of invitation for a kiss/intimacy but she didn't (or at least I didn't see it).

39 minutes ago, Johnjohnson2017 said:

I wonder how her previous relationships were like. Maybe she thinks it's normal to not be affectionate after the first 6 dates (Like her previous relationships)? Or maybe she is giving you a chance even though you are not her type? Is She trying to see if her attraction for you will grow with time? Or maybe she is closed off?

If you two are not on the same page, it will not get any better. I don't think she will magically change. 

 

Idk what her previous relationship experience looks like, but by what she has said, she's new to meeting people/strangers off of dating apps.

 

She was affectionate on our first two dates, (ots of hugs and arm linking the first date, and she initiated us making out on the second date for a bit, and she kissed me goodbye. It was the third date where it all dropped off a cliff.

[dramafreezone]

3 hours ago, TehBlack said:

The thing is, we lack any real intimacy. She didn't want to kiss anymore starting on our third date (we kissed on the second) and said she was worried about Covid and needed a booster. I doubt that's the real reason considering we spend so much time in close proximity and would give each other Covid easily regardless. She is Covid conscious though in a general sense. I had deleted my dating app before this date (maybe she thinks I unmatched her?), so I'm not sure if she thinks I'm dating/kissing other people and putting her at risk? Maybe I'm just friendzoned?

 

Ok, let's assume that she's being truthful about her COVID concerns.  Did she get the booster?  If not why?

If she were falling in love with you that booster would be a high priority for her because she'd want to be affectionate.  You shouldn't have to tell your GF that you want her to be more affectionate.  When words say one thing but her action say another that's a huge problem.

I think if you try to bring it up in conversation that this isn't working for you it will be flipped on you for not being considerate of her desire to avoid catching COVID.   I guess it's still worth a shot to get it on the record, then move on if she's not responsive.

[lonelyplanetmoon]

Intimacy at this stage needs to be natural or at least organic - growing / Vibing.  Not dead like a corpse.

No amount of talking will fix it.  She will say yes but mean no and things will change for a bit but then go back to usual.

‘The best way to rest expectations is to distance yourself.  Make yourself less available.  See if she notices or cares.

if she does ask why, then you come clean and tell her the whole truth.  

Lasting intimacy requires both people to prioritize it.  Not all the time but certainly 50% of the time.

She may just not be that kind of girl.  Will you be ok with that?

And I don’t mean just lots of sex.  I mean affection, warmth, comfort, butterflies, touching, holding hands, sparkly eyes, all the feminine things a man craves as the opposite of him.

 

 

 

[Maldives]

11 hours ago, TehBlack said:

It's gotten to the point with my current date where it's either I want an exclusive/official relationship, or I want to end things.

We are almost on two months, 6 dates with the 7th planned. She has talked about me to her parents, her dad told her to invite me to a hockey game (it was the three of us), I've been to her place on our 6th date, and our 7th date is at mine. She wants to meet my friends and have a game night with them, and she talks about stuff a month+ from now she wants to do together. She was practically bouncing off the walls when I told her I talked about her to my sisters & best bud.

The thing is, we lack any real intimacy. She didn't want to kiss anymore starting on our third date (we kissed on the second) and said she was worried about Covid and needed a booster. I doubt that's the real reason considering we spend so much time in close proximity and would give each other Covid easily regardless. She is Covid conscious though in a general sense. I had deleted my dating app before this date (maybe she thinks I unmatched her?), so I'm not sure if she thinks I'm dating/kissing other people and putting her at risk? Maybe I'm just friendzoned?

So yeah, no real intimacy outside of hugs before and after dates. Our movie night at her place was literally just movie night with my arm around her and her watching her favorite movie without any reciprocation or sign that I could escalate so I didn't. I also didn't want to try and push to kiss her considering she had said she didn't want to due to covid. Felt incredibly platonic that I honestly felt like she wasn't attracted to me at all and turned me off A LOT.

I'm pretty sure I'm the only guy she's seeing based on a few things, but I know she still has the app on her phone.

I'm not sure how to go about setting everything straight with her when she comes over. I want a relationship & I want intimacy (not necessarily sex just yet). But I'm a very awkward dude when it comes with emotions, and I'm not sure how to do it, or what to say without making her uncomfortable or put on the spot.

Going beyond our 7th date without a relationship and not even kissing is probably going to be the end of it for me. I want a girlfriend, not another girl friend. And I'm not bringing her around my family/friends unless we are in a relationship.

 

Any pointers on how to navigate this conversation without making it weird?

Mate dump her 

[ShyViolet]

This Covid excuse makes absolutely no sense.  I'm sure that's not the real reason.  If she was truly worried about Covid then she wouldn't be seeing you in person at all.  Or she'd insist you both wear masks the whole time, or that all dates be strictly outdoors,  or something.  She's using that as a lame excuse.  

You have two choices.... either gather up the courage to talk to her about this.  Or, on the next date just try to kiss her.  If she rejects the kiss, then seriously just stop wasting your time and break up with her.  This is not how a two-month relationship should be.  

[glows]

Why would she kiss you if you’re not exclusive? This reads as you only wanting to get in her pants. Being exclusive isn’t marrying someone or death till you part. It’s basic courtesy if you’d like this to progress any further. 

Considering that you’ve been counting the number of dates it doesn’t sound like you’re having too much fun. If that’s the case, let her go so you can both find others who are more compatible. 

[spiderowl]

I think you need to ask her what she is looking for.  Does she want a romantic/sexual relationship soon?  What kind of relationship does she want?  It could be that she feels all you want is a sexual relationship and she is pulling back to see if there is more to it than that for you.  Guys talk about needing intimacy - and I understand that - but they don't talk about needing a relationship, loving and caring for their partner.  It may be she is trying to build a relationship first and will then move on to intimacy when she feels more sure of you.  There are plenty of guys who are only in it for intimacy and really care nothing about the person they are seeing.  She may be trying to discriminate.  If you are seeking both, then let her know and discuss with her why intimacy is important to you too.  Once upon a time, girls went on a date with a boy and they might even kiss!  Nowadays, guys expect so much more and much quicker, but the underlying dynamics of whether you two are really a good match are no different.  Either you see her as a potential long-term relationship because you like her and find her company fascinating or you don't.  Be honest with yourself, if she was intimate with you, would you care more about her?

I don't see how you can resolve this without talking about it.

[Yosemite]

It depends on your ages. If you're in high school, then I think you're going at a normal pace and you're expectations aren't realistic. If you're both 22 or older and neither of you is a virgin, then you can talk to her about exclusivity and see if that makes her want to be physically close to you.

You said that she initiated the kiss on the second date, did you push her for sex or paw at her or get rough when she kissed you? You may have done something during the kiss that made her think you are only interested in her for sex so she pulled way back in response.

[Calmandfocused]

My view is that the sexual chemistry/ attraction just simply isn’t there. 
 

The covid thing is an excuse. She wouldn’t be cuddling you if that was the case. And If the sexual attraction was there the cuddle would progress ….

I don’t think you really fancy her either. Why are you wasting time with her if you want a relationship? Knock this on the head. 

[smackie9]

Maybe her rules about intimacy are different than yours. You are not compatible so I would just part ways.

[jdesey]

I got to ask if she was either raised Catholic or possibly is from a foreign country. Those are the only two instances where I’ve run into this kind of situation. In both cases I just ended it as it would’ve been way too much work to turn it into something intimate.  

[Otter2569]

If I am not getting intimate vibes after date #2 then I am moving on.  You should at least still be dating and trying to meet other women?  You are in the friend zone so the time for talk, IMO, is over.  You can still hang out but I personally would consider this a waste of your time and money.