Would you marry a stripper or hooker?

[Rico3]

I’m dating one and trying to get her to stop. She’s very beautiful and is only 20 yrs old. She’s a fixer upper but I’m willing to put in the work. Don’t know if I should have kids with her though. 

[balletomane]

1. I wouldn't date anyone I thought of as a "fixer upper". I'd look for a home renovation project if that's what I wanted. Some of the best relationship advice I was ever given: only date someone if you're prepared to accept them as they are, and not as you wish they could be if only they did X, Y, and Z.

2. According to your post history, you're 39. I think a two decade age gap would be problematic regardless of how she earns her money. A 20 year old is naturally going to have very different priorities in life to someone who is nearly twice her age. Age gaps become less significant if both partners have a lot of life experience and maturity, but that can't be the case here. She simply hasn't had time to acquire those things.

[Ami1uwant]

32 minutes ago, Rico3 said:

I’m dating one and trying to get her to stop. She’s very beautiful and is only 20 yrs old. She’s a fixer upper but I’m willing to put in the work. Don’t know if I should have kids with her though. 

given the age gap can be a big issue, especially if you don’t want kids.  
 

hookers and strippers are different.  I knew sone in college,  they made very very good money.  She might be doing this to save/ pay fir college.

[Rico3]

19 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said:

given the age gap can be a big issue, especially if you don’t want kids.  
 

hookers and strippers are different.  I knew sone in college,  they made very very good money.  She might be doing this to save/ pay fir college.

They are the same here. Strippers will try to sell you a sex session in private. I like to fix people. She doesn’t have family that supports her. And she sounds open to the idea of letting me help her. She’s slowly opening up to me and trusting me. I just want to see where this goes and if she does accept my help. I just have to be ready to start a family with her. But I need help getting over her past. What if my family finds out about her past. 

[basil67]

How do you know her?   Has she asked for your help?   Are you paying for her services?

If you were truly altruistic AND she actually wanted your help, you'd help her get on her feet to start a new life like other young women her age.   Not have her leap straight from sex work to marriage to someone who's so much older than her.

Edited January 4, 2022 by basil67

[jdesey]

This sounds like an absolute train wreck just waiting to happen. I mean she’s young enough to be your daughter hello

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, Rico3 said:

. I just want to see where this goes . I just have to be ready to start a family with her.  What if my family finds out about her past. 

How long have you been dating? Were you originally a client?

Is it in the past? How does she earn a living now?

Slow down, you don't have to start a family and introduce her to your people asap. Get to know her a bit better.

[JRabbit]

18 hours ago, Rico3 said:

She’s a fixer upper but I’m willing to put in the work.

She doesn't need you to "fix her".

I suggest counselling on why you think women need your help, or advice on how to live their life.

Edited January 4, 2022 by JRabbit

[Els]

How exactly did you get to know this hooker half your age...?

 

[ExpatInItaly]

This is going to end in disaster, OP. 

Are there are no other women close to your age you could date, who don't need your "help"?

[mark clemson]

As many above are pointing out, it seems you are potentially setting yourself up for a major failure situation here, particularly WRT to thoughts of marriage?

I'm not sure the below is actually accurate/psychologically sound, and it is NOT intended to bash you, but maybe think for a while if there is SOME kernel of truth to the following in your case:
 

Quote

White Knight

A person with low self esteem who combats this with a unwavering need to aid others who may or may not need it. They usually have very isolated personal lives as they are very judgmental of others, surrounding themselves only with those who feed their desire to help and feel as a savior. Most commonly sighted in young men in regards to women, this is only a lesser form as it is usually only temporary, fading with life experience. More serious cases occur in correlation with chronic self esteem problems where the person needs to maintain a high view of themselves through self righteous acts of kindness. These people enjoy surrounding themselves with troubled individuals, who form a farm which is harvested for what they use as pseudo self esteem.

 

Edited January 4, 2022 by mark clemson

[salparadise]

4 hours ago, mark clemson said:

NOT intended to bash you, but maybe think for a while if there is SOME kernel of truth to the following in your case:

I had not seen it expressed that way exactly, but it sounds about right. Based on a need of the rescuer. I think another aspect is that they rationalize that the other will be eternally grateful and loyal, which is often not the case.

OP if you do proceed with this effort, which you seem to be determined to do... keep expectations in check and give it plenty of time before. I'd say the odds aren't great that this will go exactly as you imagine.

[Rico3]

8 hours ago, JRabbit said:

She doesn't need you to "fix her".

I suggest counselling on why you think women need your help, or advice on how to live their life.

I just asked her. And she said she does need me. I asked what she would do if I stopped talking to her and her response was “die”. 
 

im not trying to be a white night and I don’t have any social issues. I just like to help those that are less fortunate. I have a wealth in family that are my support system. She has nobody. I want to share my wealth of family with her. 

[basil67]

Is helping her contingent on her continuing in a relationship with you?   If so, she'd basically be prostituting herself to you.

Edited January 5, 2022 by basil67

[Rico3]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

Is helping her contingent on her continuing in a relationship with you?   If so, she'd basically be prostituting herself to you.

No, we haven’t even had sex in months. 

[ExpatInItaly]

44 minutes ago, Rico3 said:

No, we haven’t even had sex in months. 

Do you not see how transactional this whole arrangement probably is to her?

Meaning, she gets your help and support while you get...what, exactly? An attractive young woman on your arm, who evidently isn't that sexually drawn to you?

[basil67]

50 minutes ago, Rico3 said:

No, we haven’t even had sex in months. 

And would you be OK to continue supporting her if she started dating a young man?

[SouthernIslander]

If she feels like she will die without you, that’s a clear sign that she has some baggage that she needs to fix on her own before getting into a relationship. I would give her space to do that. Definitely do not have kids with her as she doesn’t sound nearly ready.  
 

As far as her job, it depends if her lifestyle is compatible with yours but it sounds like there are bigger issues that you need to be mindful of.   
 

 

 

[balletomane]

7 hours ago, Rico3 said:

I just asked her. And she said she does need me. I asked what she would do if I stopped talking to her and her response was “die”. 
 

im not trying to be a white night and I don’t have any social issues. I just like to help those that are less fortunate.

Do you not see how deeply unhealthy this is? Firstly, it's a leading question that makes it sound as if you want your ego massaged. I can guarantee you that no one in a solid, stable relationship has ever asked their partner, "What would you do if I left?" No one in a solid, stable relationship would ever answer, "Die." Anyone saying that is either so clingy and possessive they're not in a position to date, or they're saying what they think you want to hear, which also isn't a healthy sign. In her industry, she has to make each client feel special and desirable to her regardless of her actual feelings. I suspect she's catering to your rescuer fantasies in the same way she caters to other customers' sexual fantasies.

You can "help the less fortunate" in ways that don't involve trying to "fix" women young enough to be your daughters in exchange for their romantic devotion.

[stillafool]

9 hours ago, Rico3 said:

I just asked her. And she said she does need me. I asked what she would do if I stopped talking to her and her response was “die”. 
 

im not trying to be a white night and I don’t have any social issues. I just like to help those that are less fortunate. I have a wealth in family that are my support system. She has nobody. I want to share my wealth of family with her. 

Would you still want to help her if she was 41?

[Gaeta]

12 hours ago, Rico3 said:

I just like to help those that are less fortunate. 

I can think of 10s of charitable organizations that help people really in need. 

[Wiseman2]

14 hours ago, Rico3 said:

I just asked her. And she said she does need me. I asked what she would do if I stopped talking to her and her response was “die”. 

Is she using drugs? Does she have a pimp controlling her? 

[mark clemson]

15 hours ago, Rico3 said:

 she said she does need me. I asked what she would do if I stopped talking to her and her response was “die”. 

im not trying to be a white night

Ok, but consider:

a)  If you're not being a white knight, why are you choosing to be with such a problematic partner and why is "helping her" part of the appeal? And you mention sexual activity is curtailed for months?  Does this really sound like a normal, emotionally healthy romantic relationship to you?

b) Her answer above sounds very manipulative. IF it's not manipulative, then why is it so extreme? The answer might well be that this woman has psychological issues that are "above your pay grade" to fix (and even if they weren't you'd have to recuse yourself since she is a romantic partner.)

c) As a prostitute, regardless of (b) above, she may have psychological issues that are "above your pay grade" to fix, depending on the specifics of her situation and how she has been treated. Humans are not really meant to be other people's involuntary sex toys and this can leave them with major and long term psychological issues. (If she was more a sugar baby type this may not apply, although there could still be issues.)

Edited January 5, 2022 by mark clemson

[dramafreezone]

On 1/3/2022 at 2:37 PM, Rico3 said:

I’m dating one and trying to get her to stop. She’s very beautiful and is only 20 yrs old. She’s a fixer upper but I’m willing to put in the work. Don’t know if I should have kids with her though. 

Well if you think you need to repair someone then that's the first red flag.

Does she want to stop stripping?  Having a successful relationship is about accepting that person for what they are and supporting them if *they* want to change.  If she changes it will be her decision and not because you wanted it.  You can work on fixing her all you want, it won't mean anything because it's her decision.

She's 20, realistically speaking she's in the prime earning potential years for her.  Do you have the means to support her if she leaves that life?   Depending on her location she can make perhaps $200 or more a night for 4-5 nights a week?  Can you afford to replace that income?

Edited January 5, 2022 by dramafreezone

[AngryGromit]

On 1/3/2022 at 5:37 PM, Rico3 said:

I’m dating one and trying to get her to stop. She’s very beautiful and is only 20 yrs old. She’s a fixer upper but I’m willing to put in the work. Don’t know if I should have kids with her though. 

When you say "Dating" do you mean your paying her for her services dating, or dating outside of her career. If your paying for her services dating, she will tell you anything you want to hear to get to you keep coming back to pay to see her again. If your dating her outside her career choice, that's that a different story. 

> No, we haven’t even had sex in months. 

Irrelevant, if you are paying her for her time, be it for sex or to just talk with you, it's pretty much the same thing.  Since you didn't deny your paying for her services, I think she will say anything to keep you coming back. Your not the only guy she's crying wolf to, to save her. She probably has 5 other suckers she has thinking they are going to save her as well. The most successful people in business are those who can give customers what they think they want. Weather it be a widget at the best price, Sex, or making you think your saving her. 

Would I have a relationship with a stripper. Yes, but far as I know 90% of strippers don't have sex with there clients. I've read statistics that say up to 70% of strippers would consider it, but usually they make more than enough money to not have to do that. Also she couldn't be having sex with her clients for us to start  a relationship.  

Would I have relationship with a prostitute? Probably not, but I wouldn't rule it out, and certainly not a paid to play relationship, she of course would have to change her profession. As for the profession My belief there are three kinds of people that engage in Prostitution. 

There are the occasional take a client or two a week to help there make ends meet. They are it's not a career for them, more of a side hustle, they may even have full time jobs, they just do it to get by Financially. Usually out of desperation. This is the type I would consider having a relationship with. 

There is the those addicted to drugs and will do anything for that next high. 

Then there are those that make a career out of it. Some just engage in the profession long enough to just pay for college. Others make a full time career out of it. they are usually young and very attractive women. Good business women that can make a couple hundred thousand dollars a year, the smartest one's have a nice little nest egg before they get too old for the profession, or latch onto some wealthy guy to "save" them as they exit the business. Unless your a millionaire, no chance to marry one of these women and certainly not at 20, prime earning years.  

>    She's 20, realistically speaking she's in the prime earning potential years for her.  Do you have the means to support her if she leaves that life?   Depending on her location she can make perhaps $200 or more a night for 4-5 nights a week?  Can you afford to replace that income?

I think your way off in income estimates, the typical work week is 4 days a week, 6 hours a night, generally pay is around $400 minimum a shift, but that can vary widely, depending on the city and club. Some NYC strippers make 600k a year, but those that are the most attractive women and on top of there game.  Actually figures are tough to come by, given it's a cash business, most I think are under reporting there income to the IRS.   

 

Edited January 5, 2022 by AngryGromit