Heartbreat Posted January 3, 2022 Posted January 3, 2022 She's 19 and I'm 31, so she's pretty immature for me and it's showing in our conversation on OkCupid. She sent me this: I'm not interested in meeting up right now. It's nothing against u, I just have to figure out how I wanna live and then after I said something along the lines of "Oh I feel ya. You need your freedom, but we'd still have a lot of fun if we met up." "Do you not understand? I. Need. Time. For. Myself." But she kept logging in ad nauseum to OkCupid this entire weekend after our interaction... so did I, but yeah... Anyone want to take a stab at these cryptic messages. Is she just unsure of what she wants right now?
Calmandfocused Posted January 3, 2022 Posted January 3, 2022 Nothing cryptic about this one. Assuming what’s she’s saying to you is true, then she just wants attention from guys, nothing more. Assuming what’s she saying to you is not true, it simply means she isn’t interested in you but is interested in other guys. Either way if someone says they are not interested in you move on. Other women will be interested, she’s just one whose not. Don’t give it another thought and leave it be. 3
stillafool Posted January 3, 2022 Posted January 3, 2022 26 minutes ago, Heartbreat said: "Do you not understand? I. Need. Time. For. Myself." She's being a bit rude. She's letting you know she isn't interested in you and to stop bothering her. She could be logging back on to find other guys she's interested in. You should have sent back - "Why are you on OkCupid? If. You. Need. Time. For. Yourself." 2
Ami1uwant Posted January 3, 2022 Posted January 3, 2022 she couldn’t get mom/dad to sign a permission slip.
Wiseman2 Posted January 3, 2022 Posted January 3, 2022 1 hour ago, Heartbreat said: She's 19 and I'm 31, so she's pretty immature for me. She sent me this:I'm not interested in meeting up right now. It's nothing against u, I just have to figure out how I wanna live Adjust your age range to something where you'll have better luck with women you have more in common with and who can relate to you. Hopefully you are using other apps as well. It's just a polite "thanks, but no thanks". Shoot for more realistic matches. 4
introverted1 Posted January 3, 2022 Posted January 3, 2022 8 minutes ago, Heartbreat said: I don't get why all of these very attractive girls are so rude. Maybe because after they've said "no thanks" nicely, you keep hounding them? Quote She sent me this: I'm not interested in meeting up right now. It's nothing against u, I just have to figure out how I wanna live Just because she kept logging into OKC after sending you this, doesn't mean she's interested in you. It means she's hoping to match with someone she is interested in meeting. 11
Alvi Posted January 3, 2022 Posted January 3, 2022 1 hour ago, Heartbreat said: I'm not interested in meeting up right now. It's nothing against u, I just have to figure out how I wanna live She told you that she is not interested in pursuing this any further with you. At that point, you should've wished her all the best and left it at that. 1 hour ago, Heartbreat said: and then after I said something along the lines of "Oh I feel ya. You need your freedom, but we'd still have a lot of fun if we met up." So, after telling you that she is not interested you still invite her to have "fun" with you? Huh? She tells you that she doesn't want to continue and you are like: "Oh, that' fine, you can have your freedom but in a meantime we can still have some fun." She interpreted this as a sex invitation. 1 hour ago, Heartbreat said: "Do you not understand? I. Need. Time. For. Myself." You should've taken a hint that she wasn't interested but instead you've invited her to have some "fun." Can't really blame her for being rude after she turned you down politely and you invited her to have "fun" with you. 14 minutes ago, Heartbreat said: I think it's because I'm cordial and they have options. Good! You have other options, so focus on them. 17 minutes ago, Heartbreat said: attractive girl who connects with me when it comes to online dating because I think they always end up with sociopathic brutes. Whatever, that has nothing to do with you at all. Since you have options, talk to them.
stillafool Posted January 3, 2022 Posted January 3, 2022 4 minutes ago, Alvi said: You should've taken a hint that she wasn't interested but instead you've invited her to have some "fun." Can't really blame her for being rude after she turned you down politely and you invited her to have "fun" with you. LOL, I know. She was probably glad she rejected you because the "fun" comment sounds like you're only interested in sex. 2
stillafool Posted January 3, 2022 Posted January 3, 2022 28 minutes ago, Heartbreat said: I don't get why all of these very attractive girls are so rude. I think it's because I'm cordial and they have options. I have options too, but I can never seem to get the really attractive girl who connects with me when it comes to online dating because I think they always end up with sociopathic brutes. TBH, if you are going for 19 year olds at 31 they may be thinking "why does this older man think I want him?" That's what I'd be thinking at that age. Don't get me wrong some 19 year olds might not mind but the majority....... 8
basil67 Posted January 3, 2022 Posted January 3, 2022 That was a tactful way to let you know that she's not interested. She got snappy because you didn't accept a No Thanks. And given that you feel she's immature, it doesn't seem like much of a loss anyway. 2
Wiseman2 Posted January 3, 2022 Posted January 3, 2022 She may be in college, live with mom and dad and to someone that age and life-stage, a 30 something man may come across as a "dirty old man" 1
basil67 Posted January 3, 2022 Posted January 3, 2022 What she wrote to you seems to have an underlying feeling of exasperation. I can't help but wonder if she'd already told you (directly or hinted) that she wasn't interested 2
glows Posted January 3, 2022 Posted January 3, 2022 There’s nothing cryptic about this. I’ve read this as she doesn’t want anything from you (no extensive reasoning needed). At 19 she may not have the guts to tell you you’re creepy or go away and she’s hesitant to block or too lazy to adjust her own age range settings. There’s only one message that’s loud and clear: don’t contact her again. Don’t message her again and just delete the match since you seem to think she’s immature as well. 5
ccas93 Posted January 3, 2022 Posted January 3, 2022 2 hours ago, Heartbreat said: She's 19 and I'm 31, so she's pretty immature for me and it's showing in our conversation on OkCupid. She sent me this: I'm not interested in meeting up right now. It's nothing against u, I just have to figure out how I wanna live and then after I said something along the lines of "Oh I feel ya. You need your freedom, but we'd still have a lot of fun if we met up." "Do you not understand? I. Need. Time. For. Myself." But she kept logging in ad nauseum to OkCupid this entire weekend after our interaction... so did I, but yeah... Anyone want to take a stab at these cryptic messages. Is she just unsure of what she wants right now? not cryptic, but "i need time for myself" on OKcupid is immature and dumb. She doesn't want to pursue things with you but IMO she did you a favor. and yes, conventionally attractive women are often much more rude and hard to talk to on dating apps. Get used to that.
Lotsgoingon Posted January 4, 2022 Posted January 4, 2022 She's not interested. There's nothing complicated here. "No" signals come in all kinds of forms. Some are coherent and direct. Others indirect and maybe a bit confusing. Some a mix. Yes, some "no" people will continue to converse, even about dating. Others will cut off all contact. But it's all the same. If people change their mind they will tell you--tell you quite plainly and quite loudly and quite directly and they will make themselves available.
Alvi Posted January 4, 2022 Posted January 4, 2022 3 hours ago, basil67 said: That was a tactful way to let you know that she's not interested. She got snappy because you didn't accept a No Thanks. Not only that. She got snappy only after he sent her a sex invitation (or he called it fun, whatever, same thing) after she told him that she wasn't interested. Can you honestly blame her? 3 hours ago, ccas93 said: "i need time for myself" on OKcupid is immature and dumb. It's not immature. It's called turning down someone gently. It clearly means no, I am not interested in you. The problem is that OP didn't get it and, on top of that, tried to push her to meet for "fun." Would it be more acceptable if she used a brutal honesty approach? Should she tell him that he is too old and too creepy for her taste and that she has about 500 other young studs vying for her attention? to choose from? 3
ccas93 Posted January 4, 2022 Posted January 4, 2022 14 minutes ago, Alvi said: Not only that. She got snappy only after he sent her a sex invitation (or he called it fun, whatever, same thing) after she told him that she wasn't interested. Can you honestly blame her? It's not immature. It's called turning down someone gently. It clearly means no, I am not interested in you. The problem is that OP didn't get it and, on top of that, tried to push her to meet for "fun." Would it be more acceptable if she used a brutal honesty approach? Should she tell him that he is too old and too creepy for her taste and that she has about 500 other young studs vying for her attention? to choose from? I think adamantly telling people you were chatting with while on a dating site, that you need time for yourself is kind of. I actually haven’t even heard that used as an on-app rejection before. if someone said that to me, I would find it weird. I don’t think she needs to be brutally honest and go into all those details, “I’m not feeling this” is honest enough imo
jdesey Posted January 4, 2022 Posted January 4, 2022 The short version of that she doesn’t want to meet you. It doesn’t really matter any other details move on. 1
ericw899 Posted January 4, 2022 Posted January 4, 2022 What I'm wondering is what was said between you two leading up to this comment? From my Okcupid experience, if you two were talking that means you two would have had to have matched (meaning there was at least an initial attraction to you) What was the conversation like leading up to asking you out? Maybe she isn't creeped out by the age difference or your looks but something you said in very early conversation creeped her out and chose to back away when you wanted to go further.
Alvi Posted January 4, 2022 Posted January 4, 2022 31 minutes ago, ccas93 said: I think adamantly telling people you were chatting with while on a dating site, that you need time for yourself is kind of. I actually haven’t even heard that used as an on-app rejection before. if someone said that to me, I would find it weird. I don’t think she needs to be brutally honest and go into all those details, “I’m not feeling this” is honest enough imo Believe me, I've heard that line before from the guys. Lots of guys told me that they are not ready to date, they are only looking for a chat buddy, they are not looking to date anybody at the moment, they are too busy to date, etc, etc, etc... You might ask what the heck are they doing on a dating site of they are not ready to date. But of course, this is all an excuse. All it means that they were not interested in me for whatever reason. Of course they were constantly on a dating site chatting up other women. Very few guys, who rejected me, ever said right off the bat that they don't believe that we would be a good match. Just another way to let someone down gently (in their opinion). Probably another variation of "it is me, not you" fib that people give when they don't want to date somebody. It is what it is. No wonder, I am very jaded when it comes to on-line dating, lol
ShyViolet Posted January 4, 2022 Posted January 4, 2022 I'm genuinely confused as to what you're confused about. She bluntly told you she was not interested in you. Why are you even still thinking about this girl? When someone tells you they're not interested, you leave them alone and move on with your life. 8 hours ago, Heartbreat said: and then after I said something along the lines of "Oh I feel ya. You need your freedom, but we'd still have a lot of fun if we met up." This was a pushy and slightly creepy message to send someone who just bluntly told you they're not interested in you. I can't blame her too much for getting rude after this. You didn't respect her boundaries and listen to what she had said. And maybe a 31-year-old guy shouldn't be talking to 19-year-olds. Your might want to make your age cutoff a little higher, unless you enjoy coming off as creepy. 2
BaileyB Posted January 4, 2022 Posted January 4, 2022 9 hours ago, Heartbreat said: Is she just unsure of what she wants right now? I don’t know. I do know that she has been very clear - she does NOT want to meet you. No further explanation required. You need to respect her decision and move on… 1
Mrin Posted January 4, 2022 Posted January 4, 2022 3 hours ago, Heartbreat said: She blocked me. Gasp! I'm shocked! Stunned! Flabbergasted! That was totally unexpected! Not. /sarc Dude, there was nothing cryptic about what she was saying to you. She was saying not interested, move along, don't talk to me anymore. Like basically it was a direct as can be. How in the world did you not pick that up? 3
princessaurora Posted January 4, 2022 Posted January 4, 2022 9 hours ago, Heartbreat said: You need your freedom, but we'd still have a lot of fun if we met up." I cringed when I read this. She probably views you as an old dude who just wants to get his rocks off with a young girl. Just leave her be and don't use lines like this again. It is an instant turnoff especially with the age difference. 4
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