mortensorchid Posted January 3, 2022 Posted January 3, 2022 Well had an OLD tonight. It was ... Well it was rather troubling. This guy was four years younger than me, and is a carpenter. When we met over dinner I asked him to tell me more about himself (as in factual information). He was from a small town south of me, he dropped out of high school at 14 and went to college in Arizona. I said "how does one do that?" He didn't really answer it. He moved and traveled all across America at different points and worked in theater, was a stage hand and camera man. The pandemic hit and that eliminated his job so he is working now as a carpenter and building houses and laying tiles. He said he is a hippie, grows weed and usually does hallucinogenics. And earlier this year he was in a hit and run car accident and is healing from it. I asked what part of him hurt as a buddy of mine who is a physical therapist told me of a few things to do for it, he said no don't touch me I don't like being touched in public. Ok. It wasn't secure touching or even holding hands or anything, it was practical. He said he had never been married and had no children, but neglected to mention that he had lived with women in the past until he made mention of having loved with this past girlfriend. I have never lived with anyone and made sure to tell him that.. We parted ways. I... Think he's a loser. Am I wrong?
Weezy1973 Posted January 3, 2022 Posted January 3, 2022 4 minutes ago, mortensorchid said: I... Think he's a loser. Am I wrong? Yes. He might not be the guy for you, but that doesn’t make him a “loser.” 9 1
Author mortensorchid Posted January 3, 2022 Author Posted January 3, 2022 3 minutes ago, ccas93 said: sounds like an kinda odd but interesting dude I liked the guy just fine but he seemed like he didn't have it together. Now, none of us can have it COMPLETELY together. But he's ... a hippie guy. I realize a lot of mistakes I'd made in the past with relationships have to do with my being with boys not men and he seems very much like a boy still. 1
smackie9 Posted January 3, 2022 Posted January 3, 2022 (edited) He's not a loser, but an odd duck. Not your type right? I know someone who is like him in many ways. Nicest guy I have ever met despite the difference in lifestyles. Edited January 3, 2022 by smackie9 1
ccas93 Posted January 3, 2022 Posted January 3, 2022 1 minute ago, mortensorchid said: I liked the guy just fine but he seemed like he didn't have it together. Now, none of us can have it COMPLETELY together. But he's ... a hippie guy. I realize a lot of mistakes I'd made in the past with relationships have to do with my being with boys not men and he seems very much like a boy still. I know what you mean. You have certain needs filled that you can sense he's not going to meet. but there are lots of hippies where I'm from so it sounds pretty normal to me 1
basil67 Posted January 3, 2022 Posted January 3, 2022 Sounds like a bad fit for you. But there's nothing here which indicates calling him a loser. 4
Alvi Posted January 3, 2022 Posted January 3, 2022 58 minutes ago, mortensorchid said: He said he is a hippie, grows weed and usually does hallucinogenics. How well did you screen him before meeting? I usually ask guys if they smoke or drink or do any drugs including the weed. Loser is strong word. A very mean and hurtful word. Just call him not your cup of tea. 45 minutes ago, smackie9 said: Nicest guy I have ever met despite the difference in lifestyles. Could very well be the nicest guy on a planet. But it doesn't mean you have to date him if you think that your lifestyles are completely different or incompatible. 8
todreaminblue Posted January 3, 2022 Posted January 3, 2022 (edited) the drug lifestyle is not a pleasant lifestyle to lead......people who take drugs regularly aren't losers ... but lead problematic lifestyles the majority of the time....especially hallucinogenics.....to tell the truth dont know how i would feel having a guy on weed and hallucinogenic building anything for me..to be honest i would be scared to walk under anything ....from personal experiences with people who take drugs ... vacuum cleaners can be deadly......and they break more things than they can ever fix......its not so funny when they become paranoid and pull a wall apart..... unless you live a drug lifestyle yourself i wouldn't date anyone doing drugs that aren't prescribed to them.....its a big divide, a chasm if you will of compatibility issues...drug takers aren't losers people who leave school early arent losers either...but maybe not to right for you.....be kind...be gentle and end it....deb Edited January 3, 2022 by todreaminblue spelling 3
Trail Blazer Posted January 3, 2022 Posted January 3, 2022 1 hour ago, mortensorchid said: Well had an OLD tonight. It was ... Well it was rather troubling. This guy was four years younger than me, and is a carpenter. When we met over dinner I asked him to tell me more about himself (as in factual information). He was from a small town south of me, he dropped out of high school at 14 and went to college in Arizona. I said "how does one do that?" He didn't really answer it. He moved and traveled all across America at different points and worked in theater, was a stage hand and camera man. The pandemic hit and that eliminated his job so he is working now as a carpenter and building houses and laying tiles. He said he is a hippie, grows weed and usually does hallucinogenics. And earlier this year he was in a hit and run car accident and is healing from it. I asked what part of him hurt as a buddy of mine who is a physical therapist told me of a few things to do for it, he said no don't touch me I don't like being touched in public. Ok. It wasn't secure touching or even holding hands or anything, it was practical. He said he had never been married and had no children, but neglected to mention that he had lived with women in the past until he made mention of having loved with this past girlfriend. I have never lived with anyone and made sure to tell him that.. We parted ways. I... Think he's a loser. Am I wrong? Yeah, you're wrong! He's not a good fit for you, but calling him a loser speak volumes about how judgemental you are! His path in life is somewhat unconventional, but we're not all cut from the same cloth. Is this thread supposed to be some kind of humble brag about how you are perceptive enough to "pick the losers" and now you're hoping for validation? 1
chillii Posted January 3, 2022 Posted January 3, 2022 1 hour ago, Weezy1973 said: Yes. He might not be the guy for you, but that doesn’t make him a “loser.” Exactly , just bc he lives differently to you , but he's def' not for you either nonetheless.
glows Posted January 3, 2022 Posted January 3, 2022 7 hours ago, mortensorchid said: I liked the guy just fine but he seemed like he didn't have it together. Now, none of us can have it COMPLETELY together. But he's ... a hippie guy. I realize a lot of mistakes I'd made in the past with relationships have to do with my being with boys not men and he seems very much like a boy still. “Boy” vs “men” is a priorities issue. It’s characterizing immaturity but it may be difference in lifestyle and conscious choices. You both don’t share the same priorities and think his priorities are of much lower importance. You’re entitled to that but calling someone names like “loser” is belittling. Better to just say incompatible. A side note: How ironic this is because I see this kind of name calling on forums (and offline too) like this quite often: “loser”, “clown”, “moron”, “snake”, “jerk” and no one says a word about how demeaning that language is. Yet here is a member describing her own date, screening out a man who potentially could drag her down based on his life choices and drug use and suddenly it’s not acceptable. He didn’t answer your question either about how he went from dropping out to college. He may have completed his high school diploma later on and failed to mention it or forgot. I recall you’re a teacher by profession so I can understand that you’d be tuned to details like this. Best to go your separate ways and wish each other well.
balletomane Posted January 3, 2022 Posted January 3, 2022 If he were creating this thread, he would probably be zooming in on the fact that you (not a physiotherapist) tried to use physiotherapy techniques on him in public on a first date. It doesn't really matter if you thought you could help him. That's not an appropriate thing to do to someone you're just meeting and if a guy did that to you, you would almpst certainly be on here to complain about it. As people have told you many times, it seems like you get so caught up in analysing your dates' behaviour that you don't give much thought to your own. This guy is obviously not a good fit for you but he said nothing to suggest he's objectively a bad person or a "loser", and it does feel like once again you're looking for things to criticise. He told you he lived with an ex, and you think it's significant that he didn't tell you earlier? Even though it came out on the first date? You're not just rejecting him (which is fine), you're actively looking for reasons to think badly of him. 5
Wiseman2 Posted January 3, 2022 Posted January 3, 2022 8 hours ago, mortensorchid said: . He said he is a hippie, grows weed and usually does hallucinogenics. All that matters is is he compatible. Apparently he's not someone you respect or whose lifestyle suits you. 1
Happy Lemming Posted January 3, 2022 Posted January 3, 2022 11 hours ago, mortensorchid said: He said he is a hippie, grows weed and usually does hallucinogenics. Obviously, you and this person are NOT "cut from the same cloth". From the other threads you've posted, when the going gets tough... you just try (and work) harder. You take jobs teaching on-line, you teach people how to drive, you get out there and WORK to make ends meet. (This shows both responsibility and a good work ethic.) Whereas this guy decides to temporarily escape from his troubles with the use of drugs. As a side note, "Hippie" is just a nice word for addict. My advice... run, run hard and run fast away from this guy. NEXT!! 2 1
ccas93 Posted January 3, 2022 Posted January 3, 2022 (edited) I think @mortensorchid is just feeling a bit angry, bitter and demoralized by some of her recent dating experiences she mentioned in another thread. I think maybe she just let out a little steam the wrong way. Edited January 3, 2022 by ccas93
Foxhall Posted January 3, 2022 Posted January 3, 2022 (edited) 18 hours ago, mortensorchid said: I... Think he's a loser. Am I wrong? Id say you are wrong yes, a "character" appears more accurate. [ ] Edited January 3, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator off topic
Wiseman2 Posted January 3, 2022 Posted January 3, 2022 16 hours ago, todreaminblue said: the drug lifestyle is not a pleasant lifestyle to lead......people who take drugs regularly aren't losers ... but lead problematic lifestyles the majority of the time....especially hallucinogenics.....to tell the truth dont know how i would feel having a guy on weed and hallucinogenic building anything for me. Agree. Make 2022 the year that you screen out red flags and deal breakers early on so you can move forward in peace to more compatible people. Don't message or date out of boredom loneliness or curiosity. It leads to burnout to entertain random weirdos from dating apps.✌ Peace love and waterbeds.
balletomane Posted January 3, 2022 Posted January 3, 2022 (edited) 11 minutes ago, AngryGromit said: Not sure what an OLD is, Urban Dictionary says for relationships it's OLD flame. Why not always true, generally most people who regularly do drugs are not rich and successful. Generally they are losers, as most of there extra income goes to accruing drugs for there next fix. There aren't a lot of people who can regularly indulge in drug use and have it all together. I think if you two would get together, you end up taking care of all the adulting, like rent, utilities, food and all his money would be for the important stuff like video games and drugs. Considering he's working as a builder and a carpenter, I doubt that he's using drugs to such an extent. Tradespeople who are unreliable stop getting work, and if he's been successful in a skilled physical job it's unlikely he's looking for someone to fund "video games and drugs" for him. Did the OP even say he liked video games? I think some people are projecting their idea of what a drug user looks like onto this man. Personally I wouldn't date anyone who uses drugs, including tobacco, but that's personal preference (I can't stand the smell) and not because I assume such people must all be freeloading layabouts. I know someone who uses hallucinogenics occasionally at music festivals, and while it makes me uneasy on his behalf, I have to concede that his working life and social life are not affected. Edited January 3, 2022 by balletomane 4 2
Weezy1973 Posted January 4, 2022 Posted January 4, 2022 17 hours ago, balletomane said: I think some people are projecting their idea of what a drug user looks like onto this man. Not to mention alcohol is a drug. If he had said he likes to brew his own beer and enjoys whiskey nobody would bat an eye. 1
spiderowl Posted January 5, 2022 Posted January 5, 2022 (edited) On 1/3/2022 at 2:30 AM, mortensorchid said: Well had an OLD tonight. It was ... Well it was rather troubling. This guy was four years younger than me, and is a carpenter. When we met over dinner I asked him to tell me more about himself (as in factual information). He was from a small town south of me, he dropped out of high school at 14 and went to college in Arizona. I said "how does one do that?" He didn't really answer it. He moved and traveled all across America at different points and worked in theater, was a stage hand and camera man. The pandemic hit and that eliminated his job so he is working now as a carpenter and building houses and laying tiles. He said he is a hippie, grows weed and usually does hallucinogenics. And earlier this year he was in a hit and run car accident and is healing from it. I asked what part of him hurt as a buddy of mine who is a physical therapist told me of a few things to do for it, he said no don't touch me I don't like being touched in public. Ok. It wasn't secure touching or even holding hands or anything, it was practical. He said he had never been married and had no children, but neglected to mention that he had lived with women in the past until he made mention of having loved with this past girlfriend. I have never lived with anyone and made sure to tell him that.. We parted ways. I... Think he's a loser. Am I wrong? How did you not know any of this before meeting him? I usually ask questions via the dating site. If anything sounds dodgy, I don't meet them. Did you do something that suggested you might touch him? Reach out or stand up and move towards him when asking what part hurt? It's a very odd reaction from him otherwise. It sounds like he felt you were about to do something. I am not suggesting you would assault the guy or anything. If you are touching people when you don't know them well, that might be why you have been struggling with dating. For some people, touching is something you do when you get to know someone, not before you know them. He has travelled a lot and you don't know his real background. Could be totally legit - I've got family members who can no longer work in the music business due to the pandemic - but personally I would want to know a heck of a lot more about this guy and validate his background before taking this any further. Guys you meet online could be anybody - serial killers have been known to have dates online. Please check on these guys more before you risk meeting them. I know you probably follow the rules and meet in a public place, etc., but you could save yourself from bitter disappointments if you had a better idea of their likes/dislikes, attitudes, jobs, background, before you met them. Edited January 5, 2022 by spiderowl 1
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