peterkyle Posted January 2, 2022 Posted January 2, 2022 I don't think there's anything "wrong" with it…..but it might set a tone for how things will proceed. Is it possible the man will assume or expect the woman to be the one to extend the next invite as well? And the next? And the next? I'd say it's something to consider. Also, the person who does the asking is possibly the more confident of the two. If he can't find the nerve to ask you out, it might be a sign of someone who won't stand up or show up for you in the long run. That might be a stretch but I'd think for the guy it'd be better not to be afraid to put yourself out there. That being said, I know of my lady-friend who ended up in a 3 year relationship with a guy who "thought" she had asked him out…..but she was really just grabbing tacos after yoga with him! So, inadvertently, she did the asking and they stayed together a long time!! But there's definitely a way for ladies to control how relationships go once they get into understanding male psychology and what makes men tick. Men always want to feel important, respected, helpful, useful, appreciated, in the presence of a woman. When a guy feels all of these things they are probably gonna be the first ones to ask the lady out. 1
Wiseman2 Posted January 2, 2022 Posted January 2, 2022 Do girls often ask you out or do you usually initiate the date by suggesting meeting up?
basil67 Posted January 2, 2022 Posted January 2, 2022 (edited) 1 hour ago, peterkyle said: But there's definitely a way for ladies to control how relationships go once they get into understanding male psychology and what makes men tick. Men always want to feel important, respected, helpful, useful, appreciated, in the presence of a woman. When a guy feels all of these things they are probably gonna be the first ones to ask the lady out. If a guy waits around till he feels all these things before asking a woman out, he'll miss the boat because she'll already have accepted a date from a guy who is willing to take a chance on nothing more than a spark. Or even if she isn't asked out by someone else first, this guy will have placed himself firmly in the friend-zone. That said feeling important, respected, useful and appreciated is valid for both genders and it's what's required to sustain a long term relationship. Thing is, you don't get to this point without having first dated, had sex and got to know each other. Recognising that you've built this level of respect (and knowing that it's not just early on best behaviour dating) takes many many months. Edited January 2, 2022 by basil67 3
Author peterkyle Posted January 2, 2022 Author Posted January 2, 2022 True. That first spark has an important place in the relationship when it has just started. Can't deny that. The rest comes into play to sustain the relationship. Though if the relationship started out as friendship or just hanging out casually and the guy gets these feelings then it automatically switches over to a romantic relationship, with the guy being the one to initiate the advances towards the lady. If it starts out as flirting or as a crush (with sparks involved) then there's no time for these feelings to develop, you just act out from the beginning. But in that case if the crush starts with the girl, then she has to send some signals or come out forthright early on that she's interested. Then its up to the guy to act.
Author peterkyle Posted January 2, 2022 Author Posted January 2, 2022 1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said: Do girls often ask you out or do you usually initiate the date by suggesting meeting up? Personally I initiate the dates if I'm interested in a girl. But there are a few times I met some daring girls that show interest before I've even developed any interest in them. I think it goes both ways and comes down to whether you are willing to reciprocate these feelings...
Author peterkyle Posted January 2, 2022 Author Posted January 2, 2022 1 hour ago, basil67 said: If a guy waits around till he feels all these things before asking a woman out, he'll miss the boat because she'll already have accepted a date from a guy who is willing to take a chance on nothing more than a spark. Or even if she isn't asked out by someone else first, this guy will have placed himself firmly in the friend-zone. That said feeling important, respected, useful and appreciated is valid for both genders and it's what's required to sustain a long term relationship. Thing is, you don't get to this point without having first dated, had sex and got to know each other. Recognising that you've built this level of respect (and knowing that it's not just early on best behaviour dating) takes many many months. True. That first spark has an important place in the relationship when it has just started. Can't deny that. The rest comes into play to sustain the relationship. Though if the relationship started out as friendship or just hanging out casually and the guy gets these feelings then it automatically switches over to a romantic relationship, with the guy being the one to initiate the advances towards the lady. If it starts out as flirting or as a crush (with sparks involved) then there's no time for these feelings to develop, you just act out from the beginning. But in that case if the crush starts with the girl, then she has to send some signals or come out forthright early on that she's interested. Then its up to the guy to act.
smackie9 Posted January 3, 2022 Posted January 3, 2022 I asked guys out on dates over 30 years ago when it was practically unheard of. Had lots of success with them saying yes, didn't have the guy pawing all over me, so they didn't think I was easy. They were pleasantly surprised, especially when I paid. They asked me out after the date. With most I didn't want to pursue anything further tho. Sure I was attracted but meh I wasn't feeling it sort of thing. If I was single today, I would have np asking a guy out for a first date. It's all about confidence.
basil67 Posted January 3, 2022 Posted January 3, 2022 1 hour ago, peterkyle said: Though if the relationship started out as friendship or just hanging out casually and the guy gets these feelings then it automatically switches over to a romantic relationship, with the guy being the one to initiate the advances towards the lady. At which point she's already dating someone else. Or sees him as "just a friend"
chillii Posted January 3, 2022 Posted January 3, 2022 (edited) Ahhh , l dunno. Most women even around ls are single for yrs , so if she really likes him she'd be an idiot rushing off to date some nobody someone else she'd lose a chance with him then so to me if she did that then she could keep on walkin. Never had any worthwhile woman rush of with someone else. But who knows op if it's alright with her though and she did then so be it, it'll either go somewhere or not. Although that stuff never ever added up to anything with me bc l wasn't interested enough anyway to bother myself in the first place. And anyone l was seriously interested in but maybe just sussing things out a little first were equally interested back so neither of us were going anywhere for the time being. Edited January 3, 2022 by chillii
Trail Blazer Posted January 3, 2022 Posted January 3, 2022 I guess it depends on what context. Either way, I don't think it's a problem. Why can't a girl ask out a guy if she's interested? 1
glows Posted January 3, 2022 Posted January 3, 2022 I don’t see why it’s inappropriate. OP, you’re making out a first date to be something big or grand. It’s usually not a big deal. Two individuals like each other or want to see more and they do. That’s all.
Uruktopi Posted January 3, 2022 Posted January 3, 2022 I can´t see a good reason for it being innapropiate.
Wiseman2 Posted January 3, 2022 Posted January 3, 2022 12 hours ago, peterkyle said: Personally I initiate the dates if I'm interested in a girl. But there are a few times I met some daring girls that show interest before I've even developed any interest in them. I think it goes both ways and comes down to whether you are willing to reciprocate these feelings... How are you dating? Are you using apps? If so, exchange a few messages then suggest meeting up for a low key coffee . Are you meeting women at University or through groups clubs sports volunteering and other real life means? It's ok to ask women out first.
BaileyB Posted January 3, 2022 Posted January 3, 2022 16 hours ago, peterkyle said: Personally I initiate the dates if I'm interested in a girl. But there are a few times I met some daring girls that show interest before I've even developed any interest in them. I think it goes both ways and comes down to whether you are willing to reciprocate these feelings... I think you are overthinking things, friend. If you think a girl is cute - ask her to go on a date. It’s not a commitment of any kind, except maybe a coffee and an hour of your time. That said, if a girl likes you enough to ask you out and you think she is cute/interesting - have fun with it. Lots of time to determine if you are compatible and meant to be together long term… 1
Weezy1973 Posted January 3, 2022 Posted January 3, 2022 Sure it’s appropriate. For many reasons it’s not that common, but there’s nothing wrong with it. 2
mark clemson Posted January 3, 2022 Posted January 3, 2022 To me this question feels like it's from a different era of IMO narrowminded gender roles/"rules" of dating. Of course, it's absolutely fine for a woman to do this. If the guy has a serious issue with it, that's her red flag #1 IMO. The exception would be if she's the type who herself is looking for a "traditional" gender roles relationship. In that case, though, she won't be asking, just dropping hints until he does or moving on in frustration if he's not interested or can't figure out the hint. 1
Lotsgoingon Posted January 3, 2022 Posted January 3, 2022 Absolutely nothing wrong with it. And nothing much can be determined by it, meaning you don't have to analyze this for big patterns and future predictions of the behavior of each person. I dated a woman who initiated a kiss on me. I was just too dang insecure at the time. Didn't change things one way or the other .We dated successfully--her initiative didnt shape anything.
poppyfields Posted January 3, 2022 Posted January 3, 2022 (edited) 6 hours ago, mark clemson said: If the guy has a serious issue with it... I am not sure if any man would have an issue with it, I would imagine most would love it! It's huge ego boost regardless of whether he's romantically interested in her or not. I think the argument is that when a woman does the asking, a man might accept but it's unclear if he's doing so because he's interested or because he views her as "easy" and will go along with the agenda, but have no intention of taking it further. In his mind, he may be thinking easy sex, and that's it. Right or wrong, that's the argument from what I have read anyway. Personally, I am trying to get away from that mindset though. My thinking now is if/when I meet a man and we're clicking/vibing, I have no problem suggesting coffee, a drink or getting a bite to eat. It would seem like a perfectly natural thing to suggest, again assuming it's obvious we are clicking/vibing. I am dating a man now though and HE asked me out first but if this doesn't work out (still VERY early stages), I am going to do it with the next guy I meet and vibing/clicking with. It doesn't have to be this big elaborate date, again a simple invite to get coffee or a bite to eat. Edited January 3, 2022 by poppyfields
mark clemson Posted January 4, 2022 Posted January 4, 2022 19 minutes ago, poppyfields said: I am not sure if any man would have an issue with it, I would imagine most would love it! No doubt some would. My belief is that SOME men (presumably mostly those who are extremely set on traditional gender roles) might have a problem with it - as you mention, seeing the woman as an unfit potential LT partner would be one possible issue. I suspect there could be more. If you and I see things differently, that's fine. A quick google search produced a site advising that "Women asking men on first dates can be taken as aggressive, desperate, and masculine," so I'm pretty sure this kind of negativity is out there. The "manosphere" isn't all bad IMO, but there are certainly plenty of negative elements/aspects to it such as this quote indicates.
poppyfields Posted January 4, 2022 Posted January 4, 2022 (edited) 25 minutes ago, mark clemson said: If you and I see things differently, that's fine. A quick google search produced a site advising that "Women asking men on first dates can be taken as aggressive, desperate, and masculine," so I'm pretty sure this kind of negativity is out there. The "manosphere" isn't all bad IMO, but there are certainly plenty of negative elements/aspects to it such as this quote indicates. No actually I agree with you mark. Hence why I posted this: 50 minutes ago, poppyfields said: I think the argument is that when a woman does the asking, a man might accept but it's unclear if he's doing so because he's interested or because he views her as "easy" and will go along with the agenda, but have no intention of taking it further. In his mind, he may be thinking easy sex, and that's it. But like you said I am sure there are some men who might view it as "aggressive, desperate, and masculine" but honestly, if we are both clicking and vibing, I don't think it matters much who does the suggesting/asking first. I mean it's a casual drink or bite to eat for goodness sake. And if a woman projects a natural feminine vibe then it would take a really hard core macho, rigid and close-minded * to view it as aggressive, masculine or negative, imho!! Edited January 4, 2022 by poppyfields 1
dramafreezone Posted January 4, 2022 Posted January 4, 2022 (edited) 19 hours ago, poppyfields said: I am not sure if any man would have an issue with it, I would imagine most would love it! It's huge ego boost regardless of whether he's romantically interested in her or not. I think the argument is that when a woman does the asking, a man might accept but it's unclear if he's doing so because he's interested or because he views her as "easy" and will go along with the agenda, but have no intention of taking it further. In his mind, he may be thinking easy sex, and that's it. Right or wrong, that's the argument from what I have read anyway. Personally, I am trying to get away from that mindset though. My thinking now is if/when I meet a man and we're clicking/vibing, I have no problem suggesting coffee, a drink or getting a bite to eat. It would seem like a perfectly natural thing to suggest, again assuming it's obvious we are clicking/vibing. I am dating a man now though and HE asked me out first but if this doesn't work out (still VERY early stages), I am going to do it with the next guy I meet and vibing/clicking with. It doesn't have to be this big elaborate date, again a simple invite to get coffee or a bite to eat. Some men definitely have an issue with it. There are a lot of guys out there that believe a lot of the old world stuff about dating still, chivalry, the guy should always ask the women out, they want to marry her in a huge church wedding, for her to get pregnant and pop out 2-3 kids, stay at home and raise them, bake cookies and pies, the entire "June Cleaver type." In other words, a lot of guys care about the image of their woman as much as anything else, they want a "trophy wife." The type of woman that asks them out destroys this type of image to them. And her being "easy" in his mind dovetails into what I've said above as well. Hard for some women to believe, but some guys don't want easy sex, they are much more about the image of the relationship. They don't want someone that may be viewed by their friends as easy. Edited January 4, 2022 by dramafreezone
jdesey Posted January 6, 2022 Posted January 6, 2022 (edited) I don’t know if it’s appropriate or if it even matters. I’ve had one woman ever asked me out. She had tickets to a comedy show that was hilarious. Then she takes me to this very nice dinner and pays for it! Oh my God I think I found out what it’s like to be a woman it was awesome! Then check this out she wants to go to a strip club! And she’s getting women to come be with us in a private booth. It was A night I’ll never forget Edited January 6, 2022 by jdesey
Cali Lisa Posted January 6, 2022 Posted January 6, 2022 I totally agree with you, PeterKyle. Not a good start for a woman to pursue a man. There are better and much more creative ways for her to charm up that man than ask him directly,. Like in that song: Hey, I just met you and this is crazy, but here's my number, so call me maybe.
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