Els Posted January 2, 2022 Posted January 2, 2022 The way he handled things was very immature - you are dodging a bullet. That being said, this just sounds like basic incompatibility. Aside from the yelling (which was 100% his fault), I don't see either of your preferences as being "right" or "wrong". It's not wrong for him to want to go out at night or have some drinks (assuming within reasonable boundaries) or have a BBQ - if you only want to spend your time in a polar opposite way, it sounds like you two are just too different to make things work. In the future if it really bothers you to attend BBQs or go out for drinks, this is probably something worth bringing up early on in the dating process so the other person gets a heads up. 3
Sunnydays1111 Posted January 3, 2022 Posted January 3, 2022 seems like you are not his type of girl. does he not have any other options at this point? can't he find someone else? why bother wasting each others time? different personalities. 2
basil67 Posted January 3, 2022 Posted January 3, 2022 I agree that he was incredibly rude. However, behind the inappropriate anger, he did speak his truth. If you decided to try and work through this, your different socialising styles would end up as a deal breaker.
mortensorchid Posted January 3, 2022 Posted January 3, 2022 The situation sounds strange to begin with - you went to stay with this guy for a month? Why? I guess it's neither here nor there but to answer your question this is not exactly an average situation. Whatever the case may be this is strange and you should move on from it. You two are not meant to be.
Alvi Posted January 3, 2022 Posted January 3, 2022 (edited) I am curious, what was dating him like was first time around? Did he get a complete personality transplant from that time? And is he acting totally opposite of when you were dating him years ago? Was he less partying and hanging around other people when you were dating him first time around? Did he scream at you and forced you to do things that you didn't want to do? Was he always that social and outgoing or this is something new. Were you, yourself, more outgoing back then but now you are actually way past it. You left your partying days behind and have a new group of friends and hobbies. Is it so? You are not that compatible, I am glad you moved out from his place. I am just not sure why you decided to give it another try. How did you envision things were going to work out second time around with him. Edited January 3, 2022 by Alvi 1
glows Posted January 3, 2022 Posted January 3, 2022 Well, I hope the hotel is a far more pleasant stay. This is very disappointing either way whether it works or not. I don’t think it’s working. You’re just seeing now who he really is. Whomever that person was when you dated each other in the past is in the past. Look at who/what he is now and what you share or don’t share as a couple.
chillii Posted January 3, 2022 Posted January 3, 2022 He's a really sociable guy so to him you would be , but so what , to your friends your not and your happy with the way you do things so who cares. Why on earth would you go stay with him so long anyway , surely you knew you were different people and things would be wearing way thin by then. 2
spiderowl Posted January 4, 2022 Posted January 4, 2022 (edited) I'm sorry to hear what has happened, OP. It seems you have failed to realise that he is a sociable, outgoing person and you are more introverted and like a quiet life. If either of you were understanding and able to accommodate each other's differences, it would be fine, but it seems neither of you are. You are plainly incompatible. I know you love him and are attached to him but love does not conquer everything, despite the romantic dreams we have. Compatibility is very important. You need to be able to live together happily and harmoniously without being critical of each other's natural tendencies. It does sound like you like a very quiet life, wish to spend a lot of time alone - perhaps more than most - and have quite a controlled lifestyle with respect to diet, drinking, and so on. There is nothing wrong with that unless you try to live with someone who is much more sociable and who enjoys letting their hair down. We all vary on different scales, such as introversion/extroversion, puritanism/hedonism, materialistic/less materialistic, empathic/not empathic, practical/head in the clouds, very sexually driven/not so interested in sex, faithful/flirtatious, and so on. The thing is to find someone compatible. It sounds like you would be much better off with someone more like yourself. When people are incompatible, it is very easy for frustration to build and for the situation to start to turn nasty. He cannot understand your quiet and controlled behaviour and you cannot understand his need to be with others most of the time. Rather than get frustrated and angry at each other, it is best to call it a day and remind yourselves that your differences are what are preventing things from working between you not love. You can love someone and yet still recognise that a relationship can't work. Edited January 4, 2022 by spiderowl 1
kendahke Posted January 5, 2022 Posted January 5, 2022 On 1/2/2022 at 1:12 PM, Wildflowerxx said: I repeatedly went out with him and his friends but I don’t constantly want to hang out with a bunch of dudes. He does and that is the incompatibility that you can never scale. He doesn't want to spend alone time with you outside of the bedroom. Quote he was pretty upset and couldn’t understand why. I just felt it wasn’t right because we were different, but when I raise my thoughts on why, he became angry. if I don’t want to do the exact same thing as him he gets angry. Again... he can't seem to stay out of the angry box with you. That's a colossal problem. Quote I should have been able to discuss that with him openly as two adults. That's the part you're not getting. For him, there is nothing to discuss here. He didn't want to do couply, one-on-one things with you. He didn't want to feed your hope that this was some romantic rekindling. From how you've described things, which is the only thing we can go from, you were there to serve a function and that's it---which is cool if you were DTF and be done. The fact that he didn't travel to come spend time with you should have told you all you needed to know about his intent and to put a muzzle on your expectations. 2
Cali Lisa Posted January 6, 2022 Posted January 6, 2022 So, you sound like a mature adult and he sounds like a heavy drinker and completely immature. You don't eat meat, you don't party, you don't drink alcohol - and that seems to be all he cares about. He is abusive and you've only spent a week with him in person in the past two years. If you see him again, nothing will change. What are your wishes or expectations? What kind of feedback did you want to receive? He is not going to change.
stillafool Posted January 6, 2022 Posted January 6, 2022 On 1/2/2022 at 3:14 PM, BaileyB said: Quote To be fair, a man who was interested in being in a relationship with you wouldn’t be going to clubs and inviting his friends to join you all the time. The fact that he chose to do that, and didn’t see a problem with that, speaks to his intentions - I agree. If he did want to take you to a club one night he would invite another couple to come along not a group of guys. He wasn't even thinking about you at all. Quote That said, you should be able to discuss your feelings and your wishes with the man without it deteriorating to yelling and name calling. Again, the fact that he was not able to do so tell you all you need to know - It would seem that you two would have discussed what you like to do in your down time and you would have known along time ago that his guy is a partier and you are not compatible. It's hard to believe that in your long time knowing him you just found out this is what he likes to do. Quote It’s good that you could leave early. It’s time to close the door here once and for all and go in search of a relationship that will be more what you want - Something tells me she did not leave but went back. 2
dramafreezone Posted January 6, 2022 Posted January 6, 2022 (edited) He's more outgoing and you're more reserved. It seems like you compliment each other, his outgoing nature is probably why you were drawn to him, so I doubt that's the conflict. Are you offering alternatives for spending time together, or are you just shooting down all of his ideas? What about compromising? Plan ahead to do some of his activities and some of yours, talk ahead of time and make sure both of you are on board. This idea where one of your is going to completely captitulate to the other's lifestyle will not work. Edited January 6, 2022 by dramafreezone
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