Author livinglife2019 Posted December 29, 2021 Author Posted December 29, 2021 (edited) Well to share an update, he messaged a friend of my best friend and was sending naked pics and attempting to meet to hook up. so my gut feeling was right! I pulled him up on it and all I got was I am weak and I was drunk and horny. It’s disgusting I’m devastated that someone o cared so much for could do that. I really thought I was being paranoid but turns out my gut was right all along Edited January 2, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language 3 1 1
Wiseman2 Posted December 29, 2021 Posted December 29, 2021 (edited) Sorry this happened. End it, get STD testing and delete and block him and all his people from all your social media and messaging apps. Edited January 2, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator removed quote containing language 1
Gaeta Posted December 29, 2021 Posted December 29, 2021 I'm glad the truth came out now. It sucks you invested 5 months into this but better now than next year or the year after. You listened to your intuition! and it was right. Please breakup with this lying cheater, don't listen to his excuses. 2
Alpacalia Posted December 29, 2021 Posted December 29, 2021 1 hour ago, sushiandtacos said: Sad to hear but goes to show that a lot of these social media habits do correlate to $h***y behavior. Dated a guy who followed tons of girls on insta and liking their pics. Turns out he was a jerk and a huge player. Good thing you followed your gut and ended things now. Agree. Sorry this happened OP. Some guys are just thirsty for the crazies...
glows Posted December 29, 2021 Posted December 29, 2021 2 hours ago, livinglife2019 said: Well to share an update, he messaged a friend of my best friend and was sending dick pics and attempting to meet to hook up. so my gut feeling was right! I pulled him up on it and all I got was I am weak and I was drunk and horny. It’s disgusting I’m devastated that someone o cared so much for could do that. I really thought I was being paranoid but turns out my gut was right all along Ugh. Good for you for trusting your instincts. I hope he’s out of your life for good. 2
Author livinglife2019 Posted January 1, 2022 Author Posted January 1, 2022 (edited) So I posted a topic here about me being a little suspicious of my partner and his social media. I eventually found out he was on the verge of cheating. He probably would have if I hadn’t called him on it. He was sending a friend of a friend naked pics and talking about sex. The thing is, I decided maybe I could move past it. I know lots are going to say once a cheat always a cheat and I would normally be one of those people too. I had an ex cheat on me before and I broke up straight away. however with this guy I feel like I’d like to give him another chance. he’s visiting his family at the moment and that’s when the above happened. So I haven’t seen him face to face yet. I decided to hear him out, it was just a call and he apologised and said he was weak, drunk and horny. I did chastise him over it. And he promised me he wouldn’t do it again and that he would try rebuild the trust day by day. My problem is, he did apologise but there was no big gestures. I know this isn’t a Disney movie but if I cheated on someone I cared about and really wanted it to work I’d be sending flowers, telling that person in detail how much I cared and that I wouldn’t want to lose them and so on. However he just says I’ve said all I can say on the topic. He also posted photos on his instagram from the night it happened. I was shocked when I saw them and told him that and I said that if we where to move past it that he would need to remove them As I don’t want to see a reminder of The night it happened. However his response was those photos have nothing to do with what he done but are photos of him with his best friend and family and that he wouldn’t delete them. I kinda hoped he would as a gesture as he knew I felt uncomfortable seeing them. anyway, for those who have given someone a second chance did they try… like pour their hearts out to show you they cared about you and that it was just a one time thing? or is his lack of no grand gesture a sign that he doesn’t see a problem with it. Any advice and before anyone says once a cheater alway a cheater I know, I trust my gut and it proved right the first time and now it’s telling me I could give him a chance if he showed he cared enough! What would be that gesture that showed you someone meant that they where sorry and really did care for you. I’m also aware changed behaviour is the only way but aside from that. Edited January 2, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language 1
Alvi Posted January 1, 2022 Posted January 1, 2022 (edited) 1 hour ago, livinglife2019 said: What would be that gesture that showed you someone meant that they where sorry and really did care for you. Honestly, I don't know if there are any grand gestures that can make you unsee your BF or GF sending naked pics to a friend (or to a friend of a friend). That alone says it all how much he cares and loves you. Not that much sadly. 1 hour ago, livinglife2019 said: anyway, for those who have given someone a second chance did they try… like pour their hearts out to show you they cared about you and that it was just a one time thing? But does he even cares about you giving him a second chance? Maybe he would be fine either way. Maybe deep inside he is not done being a bachelor and wants out. Seriously, you are not married to this clown, you don't have kids together, your finances are not entangled to his. So, why are you putting up with so much disrespect from him? He is just a boyfriend, nothing more. In a grand scheme of things a BF or GF titles mean very little. It's totally up to you how many second chances you are willing to give him but do know that there are better guys out there. And you are likely passing up many good opportunities because you choose to stay with him. Edited January 1, 2022 by Alvi 4
BaileyB Posted January 1, 2022 Posted January 1, 2022 (edited) 3 hours ago, livinglife2019 said: I did chastise him over it. He is not a child and you are not his parent. The proper thing to do would be to end the relationship, not give him a lecture. 3 hours ago, livinglife2019 said: I trust my gut and it’s telling me I could give him a chance if he showed he cared enough! What would be that gesture that showed you someone meant that they where sorry and really did care for you. Yes, if I behaved badly to someone that I loved, I would apologize and work to prove myself/make amends. Unfortunately, you are confusing demonstrations of affection with remorse. Sending you flowers or offering whatever other tokens that you consider to be a demonstration of remorse is not going to demonstrate his commitment to you. It will simply demonstrate his ability to follow directions - The man sent inappropriate pictures/messages to another woman - ignore that HUGE RED FLAG at your own peril. As was said above, the fact that he did it at all demonstrates pretty clearly how he feels about you and how little he respects you. A man of good character who loves and respects a woman simply doesn’t behave in this way - Edited January 1, 2022 by BaileyB 2 1
Ami1uwant Posted January 1, 2022 Posted January 1, 2022 Why did he try to cheat in the first place? cheating is a byproduct of other relationship problems.
Ami1uwant Posted January 2, 2022 Posted January 2, 2022 1 hour ago, S2B said: Or maybe it’s just the byproduct that the cheater is selfish and has character defects, eh? chrating is the effect of other issues. If he is selfish then it’s likely surface elsewhere.
Wiseman2 Posted January 2, 2022 Posted January 2, 2022 Most cheaters cheat because of selfishness and lack of integrity. Therefore there's no sense of guilt or remorse during or after cheating. Most cheaters' 'remorse' is merely crocodile tears to further manipulate the situation and avoid consequences and remove suspicion in order to continue. 2
Cali Lisa Posted January 8, 2022 Posted January 8, 2022 On 1/1/2022 at 10:51 AM, livinglife2019 said: is his lack of no grand gesture a sign that he doesn’t see a problem with it. That was my experience. He admitted he had no excuse and he was horny and selfish, but zero remorse in his demeanor, words, facial expression or even begging me for an apology. I don't think he ever voluntarily apologized. He didn't change. A few months later, he was lying and sniffing around some young girl, but he couldn't get her. I tried to forgive him because I had no opportunity to leave, as my life with him was entangled. But a year later, I gathered the courage and finally left. We stayed in touch on the phone and I discovered many additional lies he spilled both during the relationship and after the break-up. He is just a selfish, phony liar and cheater. I know now that the day when I had the courage to leave, I decided it on that very day and left. Had he stopped me, I would not have been the free woman who loves herself today. Hs lying & cheating would have been the death of me. I have been through a lot in my life but I have surmounted every obstacle, and getting over a fake friend who unzips his pants before every woman was not a big deal. I promise you. Don't forgive him. If you do, you are giving him the green light to hurt you again. Scumbags don't care about other people's feelings when they get horny. It took me a long time to switch from thinking "my wonderful prince" to "cheating, lying scum." But it was worth the pain. Pretending before myself that I was St. Francis only brough more pain and more healing to do later. But, he played a role in my life in other aspects and I regret nothing. I learned not to trust people, which I probably needed. 1
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