No real remorse after cheating!

[livinglife2019]

I’ve been dating this guy for about 4/5 months now. We are officially a couple and he does seem to be making an effort. I’ve been burned before by most of the guys I’ve dated so I do tend to over think things and I’ve this horrible feeling in my gut.

When we first started dating, he told me he never likes peoples instagram photos and he has never once liked any of mine. That’s was really an issue with me to be honest. However he seems to be liking every other girls photos on instagram. 
 

I was made aware through a mutual friend that he followed this girl and liked lots of her photos as far back and 2016 and I’ve even noticed that some of the people he follows who I follow he hasn’t liked their posts but then all of a sudden is liking lots of them. By this I mean a post could’ve been posted a month ago and then within the last 2 days he’s liking it and others on their pages. 
 

I know this isn’t a big deal to many but it does worry me a little, especially given most people like random photos and older photos to grab that persons attention. I feel sick thinking about it. 
 

He is a genuine guy as far as I know, my family have met him and like him, he introduced me to his grandmother via a video call and wants me to meet the rest of his family, these seem to be good signs. 
 

he also accidentally told me he loved me about 2 weeks ago and hasn’t said it since. I do love him and I do trust him but I’m also petrified of getting hurt again. 
 

If your bf or gf was liking other guys or girls older photos would it be a deal breaker or is it just something to keep an eye on? 

[Gaeta]

Yes it would be an issue for me that he likes other women's pictures but don't pay attention to mine. That being said I would not date a man with an Instagram account. 

Edited December 27, 2021 by Gaeta

[livinglife2019]

Yes it does bother me that he doesn’t seem to want to like mine even though he’ll say to me that was a nice pic. 
 

also just to stress I don’t mind if he likes girls photos that show up on his feed, it’s the deep diving into accounts and liking older photos that worries me. 

[Gaeta]

Are you officially in a relationship on social media?

[Gaeta]

15 minutes ago, livinglife2019 said:

When we first started dating, he told me he never likes peoples instagram photos and he has never once liked any of mine. That’s was really an issue with me to be honest. However he seems to be liking every other girls photos on instagram. 
 

Why not point that to him?

It's not only about him liking other women pictures on social media, it's primarily about him lying to you, right?

[livinglife2019]

13 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Are you officially in a relationship on social media?

Not really, well I think my followers know I’m not sure about his, he did tag me in one story post but hid my name so you couldn’t see the mention. Which I thought was odd 

[Gaeta]

10 minutes ago, livinglife2019 said:

Not really, well I think my followers know I’m not sure about his, he did tag me in one story post but hid my name so you couldn’t see the mention. Which I thought was odd 

I think you got your answer. He wants to appear single to the world. His grand-mother is not going to double-cross him on Instagram so she's safe. The rest of the social media world though has to think he's single. 

[glows]

He’s met your family and you’ve been dating for a few months. Have you brought this up with him? I’m referring to the topic of him not being active or keen about Instagram when you first started dating and him changing since then. I’d mention it casually as you do seem very paranoid and as if you’re watching him like a hawk. 

Also who exactly are these “other girls”? Are they friends of his or yours? 

You say you’re petrified of getting hurt but that doesn’t mean shutting down communication or jumping to conclusions. Open up a non-accusatory conversation and see what he says. 

Unless you’re prepared to dump him over this I don’t see what the point is getting so upset without first speaking with him. You can go from there and determine whether he’s genuine or full of hot air.

 

[stillafool]

8 minutes ago, glows said:

Unless you’re prepared to dump him over this I don’t see what the point is getting so upset without first speaking with him. You can go from there and determine whether he’s genuine or full of hot air.

I agree why haven't you addressed this with him since you guys are already a couple?  You should be able to express to him how this makes you feel.

[elaine567]

10 minutes ago, glows said:

Open up a non-accusatory conversation and see what he says. 

How can she do that?
I guess these girls are of the half naked IG "model" selfie variety, so of course she is going to appear accusatory.

[glows]

13 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

How can she do that?
I guess these girls are of the half naked IG "model" selfie variety, so of course she is going to appear accusatory.

I didn’t see that they’re half naked women in her post. Where did you see this? I asked who these “other girls” are. 

I’m referring to his activity in general. 

The point is communicating to him how she feels and feeling left out that he doesn’t like her photos as well.

She’s hurt because he doesn’t respond to her activity in the same way as he does with others. 

There are only two scenarios in my mind. He’s thoughtless/immature (thinking they’re in a rl and he sees her in person/doesn’t need to like her posts) or he’s truly insidious or two-faced (searching for attention, fishing with other women and inappropriate). Both aren’t very flattering but I like to hear what the other side has to say also. She can read between the lines or see for herself as I said whether he’s genuine or full of hot air. 

 

 

[Versacehottie]

Tough one...well I think you need to approach it from a  couple of directions...first and most importantly I think you are placing a bit too much importance on social media---in that how YOU use it and function with it may not be how HE functions with it and uses it.  Most guys are hesitant and resistant to be overly gushing about their feelings publicly/to their friends, family, followers.  He did say he loves you to you---did you say it back? If you didn't that's probably why he hasn't said it again .  I think you could take some initiative here (especially at 4-5 months and well if you do love him!).  I think you need to stop monitoring his moves on social media for a bunch of reasons but especially because it's breaking down your confidence and making you insecure.

Ok, secondly I do think it's a bit of a yellow flag what you did discover. Less about liking other girls photos--that wouldn't particularly upset me but hiding your tag is a little worrisome. If I were to guess, he might have an ex who is jealous or would start IG stalking you or even messaging you (common enough) or he's trying to keep his options open or he simply (like a lot of guys) doesn't tag the people in his photos either all the time or some of the time. Most guys just don't get so invested in what they post vs what most girls do...but some guys are as much voyeurs in utilizing social media. Obviously a true thing is that he might not be as invested in you as he portrays.

So I'd say yellow flag. Work on your relationship with him (and with yourself) and stop monitoring him.  Revisit the whole thing on how you feel a month or so from now. Unless you just want to cut ties (which I don't recommend either). I'm worried that you won't be able to stop snooping and it will take over your relationship (have seen it happen with people I know and it destroyed it).  Good luck!

Edited December 27, 2021 by Versacehottie

[smackie9]

Me personally wouldn't date someone that spends his time on social media. Would rather date someone with a full life of doing things like watching movies or shows, maybe volunteer work, has hobbies, likes hanging out with his friends, etc. IMO liking and only liking a chick's photos since 2016 is just weird. He needs to grow up.

[Atwood]

Liking girls photos on instagram is one issue, lying about it and being inconsistent is another.

Many couples have boundary conversations with each other in the early stages i.e what counts as cheating, what are our dealbreakers, how do we deal with jealousy/finding others attractive etc. These are all normal things for people to try and figure out in the first year or two as they show up. What I personally consider to be a big red flag is that when an issue comes up, they lie about it so you can't even talk about it/communicate about it/resolve it. 

I would bring it up directly, explain my issue and what feels off, and how I'd like to communicate about it going forward. If he keeps lying I'd be done. These things are hard enough to deal with without someone being unwilling to be up front. 

Edited December 27, 2021 by Atwood

[Trail Blazer]

6 hours ago, Gaeta said:

Yes it would be an issue for me that he likes other women's pictures but don't pay attention to mine. That being said I would not date a man with an Instagram account. 

That would rule out many guys, would it not?  

[Trail Blazer]

6 hours ago, livinglife2019 said:

Yes it does bother me that he doesn’t seem to want to like mine even though he’ll say to me that was a nice pic. 
 

also just to stress I don’t mind if he likes girls photos that show up on his feed, it’s the deep diving into accounts and liking older photos that worries me. 

Something is off here.  His actions, while not particularly heinous, indicate to me that his head isn't quite where it should be for someone in a committed relationship. 

I'd be keeping a close eye on him of I were you.  Sorry to make you paranoid, but you genuinely have reason to be concerned here.  Something is a little bit off, in my mind.

[Ami1uwant]

8 hours ago, livinglife2019 said:

I’ve been dating this guy for about 4/5 months now. We are officially a couple and he does seem to be making an effort. I’ve been burned before by most of the guys I’ve dated so I do tend to over think things and I’ve this horrible feeling in my gut.

When we first started dating, he told me he never likes peoples instagram photos and he has never once liked any of mine. That’s was really an issue with me to be honest. However he seems to be liking every other girls photos on instagram. 
 

I was made aware through a mutual friend that he followed this girl and liked lots of her photos as far back and 2016 and I’ve even noticed that some of the people he follows who I follow he hasn’t liked their posts but then all of a sudden is liking lots of them. By this I mean a post could’ve been posted a month ago and then within the last 2 days he’s liking it and others on their pages. 
 

I know this isn’t a big deal to many but it does worry me a little, especially given most people like random photos and older photos to grab that persons attention. I feel sick thinking about it. 
 

He is a genuine guy as far as I know, my family have met him and like him, he introduced me to his grandmother via a video call and wants me to meet the rest of his family, these seem to be good signs. 
 

he also accidentally told me he loved me about 2 weeks ago and hasn’t said it since. I do love him and I do trust him but I’m also petrified of getting hurt again. 
 

If your bf or gf was liking other guys or girls older photos would it be a deal breaker or is it just something to keep an eye on? 

Don’t know what this is between him and this woman. An ex gf? Someone he’s has had interest in over the years?  Maybe this is a good friend to him ( like a sister) and this is his way of supporting her given backstory about her.

there are things peop,e change rules on but there are legacy rules in this.

 

here is a personal story to but perspective on this…..

 

my first name has multiple forms that people will call them.  I prefer one form.  When I have met people as an adult this is the form they use as well as my immediate family. Distant Relatives I don’t see outside of 2-4 times as a kids would call me this name and people who knew me when I was a kid/teenager can get away with it. I have a few long time friends of 30+ yrs who can get away with this.

 

[ShyViolet]

You're going down a bad road with this over-analyzing and policing of his instagram activity.  Unless you have something more than this to suggest he's unfaithful or thinking about being unfaithful, this all sounds like you just being paranoid and insecure.  All he's doing is "liking" some pictures on instagram.  People seriously need to stop obsessing over other people's social media activity and what they "like."  

[searching heart]

7 hours ago, ShyViolet said:

You're going down a bad road with this over-analyzing and policing of his instagram activity.  Unless you have something more than this to suggest he's unfaithful or thinking about being unfaithful, this all sounds like you just being paranoid and insecure.  All he's doing is "liking" some pictures on instagram.  People seriously need to stop obsessing over other people's social media activity and what they "like."  

I agree with shy violet. 

[Gaeta]

16 hours ago, Trail Blazer said:

That would rule out many guys, would it not?  

Nah, I'm 56. A man around my age with an Instagram account is kind of fishy. 

[Wiseman2]

23 hours ago, livinglife2019 said:

he does seem to be making an effort.

When we first started dating, he told me he never likes peoples instagram photos and he has never once liked any of mine.

How are things overall?  How often do you see each other in person?

What do you mean by "seems to make an effort"?  That seems to indicate you're not that happy with things.

Did you specifically ask him about IG likes or did he volunteer this, because it's an odd statement to just come out with.

[livinglife2019]

2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

How are things overall?  How often do you see each other in person?

What do you mean by "seems to make an effort"?  That seems to indicate you're not that happy with things.

Did you specifically ask him about IG likes or did he volunteer this, because it's an odd statement to just come out with.

Everything seems to be going well. He told me he loved me a few weeks back but hasn’t said it since so that kind of worried me that he only said it once. I didn’t bring it up as I didn’t want to pressure him incase he said it bt accident 

he’s visiting his family for Christmas so I haven’t seen him recently. I am happy with how things are going.

I never asked about his instagram, he posted a photos of us together about a month ago and people where saying messaging saying  we made a lovely couple, we where just talking about people and instagram in general and he said he never really likes peoples photos. 

overall he does seem genuine. When I had a bad day at work he sent me a huge bouquet of flowers, when my mother had him over for dinner he sent her a big hamper to say thank you. Even for Christmas he sent me a hamper full of all my favourite things right down to my favourite type of jelly’s.  He also took me away and planned things for us to do that he knew I would love. 

I think maybe the fear of being hurt again is what’s holding me back and especially with him deep diving into peoples profiles I get people do it out of boredom but for me if someone Is liking your photos even the older ones is a sign to grab their attention and hopefully open a conversation maybe in just over analysing as I’ve been cheated on by nearly all of the guys I’ve dated in the past 

[Wiseman2]

5 minutes ago, livinglife2019 said:

he posted a photos of us together about a month ago and people where saying messaging saying  we made a lovely couple

I think maybe the fear of being hurt again is what’s holding me back and especially with him deep diving into peoples profiles

Consider if having your pic on his IG as a couples pic means he's really trying to flirt or message women.

Make sure you stow your baggage rather than dragging it around and trying to find problems when there doesn't seem to be any so far.

[JRabbit]

Reminds me of my ex bf, always acted like he never used instagram but he actually would like hundred of random girls posts weekly and never liked a single post of mine LOL  Also found out later he was messaging his friends all day every day on instagram gross posts that were demeaning to women with lame bro chat in the DMS.  Obviously we broke up, but he STILL  follows me, watches my stories as soon as I post them, and still likes countless random girls pictures daily and still never likes any of mine hahaha.

People are so obvious with their issues and habits they don't even realize it. If you pay attention to these things you can avoid wasting a lot of time with men who aren't worth yours.

[livinglife2019]

On 12/28/2021 at 2:01 PM, Wiseman2 said:

How are things overall?  How often do you see each other in person?

What do you mean by "seems to make an effort"?  That seems to indicate you're not that happy with things.

Did you specifically ask him about IG likes or did he volunteer this, because it's an odd statement to just come