I have a really sad story to share. I'm heartbroken. Please help me?

January 1, 2022

14 minutes ago, Heartbreat said:

a Snapscore

Don't let social media or PUA brainwashing ruin your life.

While you're struggling to improve your snapscore, your health, dental work and finances this is what's happening.

Others are getting rich on your distress and dependence on this and invent nonsense like snapscores so that you get poorer and they get richer.:

Quote

Evan Spiegel is an American businessman who is the co-founder and CEO of the American social media company Snap Inc., which he created (as Snapchat Inc.) with Bobby Murphy and Reggie Brown while they were students at Stanford University. Spiegel was the youngest billionaire in the world in 2015.

Edited January 1, 2022 by Wiseman2

January 1, 2022

Just now, Weezy1973 said:

So if you’re projecting that image, by definition that means you’re not a “well-off alpha male.” So you were trying to fool her into being interested in you. And sounds like it worked temporarily. And that will always be the case if you’re trying to act like something you’re not.

I mean now I'm relatively well off, but at the time I definitely wasn't. I was what she liked minus the money and popularity, so that's why I mass added people, started a bunch of conversations, and kept the interesting snaps coming to create this image of the garrulous, well-to-do, good-looking guy in his 30s (sans the teeth... but I'm getting veneers soon enough) who was ready to sweep the right girl off of her feet.

January 1, 2022

4 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

It’s not only not emotionally healthy behavior, it’s incredibly unhealthy to even have thoughts like manipulating people to that degree. Therapy is a good place for you at this point.

Most guys manipulate girls into relationships sadly, but they do it in subtle ways. All I did was use my knowledge of human psychology and superior intelligence relative to that girl to get her interested and thinking about me. It very nearly worked, but my past came back to haunt me and I didn't have the financial means to keep it up at the time. There were no bad intentions involved because I'm a great guy. Sadly, now I think she views my behavior as creepy, obsessive, and most importantly... fake.

Edited January 1, 2022 by Heartbreat

January 1, 2022

57 minutes ago, Heartbreat said:

Even if she didn't reciprocate my feelings for her, there's a courteous and respectable way to go about things and the way she handled it was absolutely inappropriate

^^In turn, the way you handled her rejection could have been better as well -- with grace and dignity. Lashing out in an angry way never serves any good purpose even if you think it's deserved.

That said, what's done is done, no sense in beating yourself up now about it (or anything else). Own your mistakes and learn from them.

How you attempted to manipulate her through various strategies is game playing at its finest, try to rid yourself of relying on that, it's actually the opposite of being secure and confident. And any woman of any value is gonna see right through that nonsense.

In any event, I realize to many people this might sound hokey and 'new agey' but imo all you can do is reflect and introspect on your own actions, own mistakes, learn and improve for next time. I believe there is always room for improvement no matter how experienced we are or old we get.

I have a TON of experience myself and I am still learning! I still make mistakes and will continue to do so for as long as I continue dating.

Learn to forgive yourself, that's the most important thing imo. Love yourself first.

I realize this is a huge cliche but time does heal. This is a fresh wound, so my advice is to allow yourself to feel the pain, the anger, manage those emotions internally and then release them. Strenuous exercise, running, yoga, go to the gym and punch a boxing bag!

Remember it's all a journey, one great big learning experience. Good luck moving forward and Happy New Year!

Edited January 1, 2022 by poppyfields

January 1, 2022

50 minutes ago, Heartbreat said:

I called her out on her rude and hurtful behavior. Even if she didn't reciprocate my feelings for her, there's a courteous and respectable way to go about things and the way she handled it was absolutely inappropriate knowing that I was a good guy.

How was she rude and hurtful? She didn’t reply to your inappropriate communications - that was a very respectful and appropriate way to handle the situation, IMHO.

She didn’t know that you were a good guy. We don’t know if you are a good guy. That’s the thing with the internet - people can present themselves however they want and you have no way of knowing who that individual is until you meet them in person!!

Respectfully, you make all kinds of assumptions about this woman - that she was interested in you, that she would only date a man who had money because her family comes from money, that she should have assumed you are a good guy and given you the benefit of the doubt, etc… When in fact, you have judged her/made the assumption that she was wrong to write you off when you are a good guy and this could have been something good.

Again, she doesn’t know whether you are a good guy or not (your behavior, from her perspective, would suggest not) and she has obviously decided that this wasn’t something she wanted to pursue. That is her prerogative.

January 1, 2022

14 minutes ago, Heartbreat said:

All I did was use my knowledge of human psychology and superior intelligence relative to that girl to get her interested and thinking about me.

That’s debatable. Unfortunately, her perceived rejection has reinforced your insecurity that women will not date a man who is 30 years old and lives with his parents - which is why you are feeling so hurt and angry today. It’s easier to be angry with her than to acknowledge other things -

17 minutes ago, Heartbreat said:

Most guys manipulate girls into relationships sadly, but they do it in subtle ways. My past came back to haunt me and I didn't have the financial means to keep it up at the time.

Women are not so easily manipulated, you flatter yourself.

18 minutes ago, Heartbreat said:

Sadly, now I think she views my behavior as creepy, obsessive, and most importantly... fake.

Because it was - you attempted to present an image of yourself that was not true in order to encourage the woman to date you.

January 1, 2022

15 hours ago, Trail Blazer said:

Okay, so first of all, I want to say that I'm sorry to hear of your ill-health, but relieved to read that you have come through the other side of surgery well and you're in the process of rebuilding your life. Kudos to you, that's a fantastic effort!

Now, having said that, there's some pretty concerning things you've posted.

To start with, the thread title alone is melodramatic and a misrepresentation of reality. I'm sure that to you this is a sad story. However, to anyone who's actually been through real heartache, this just wouldn't even touch the sides.

Dude, you've never even met this chick, why are you so hung up about this?

You seem pretty self-assured in a lot of respects. That's generally a good thing. If you're intelligent, handsome and well-educated, you'll most certainly be seen by many women to be a catch. However, where your downfall will be is when you can't see past your own ego.

When you yourself admittedly bungled things, like ghosting her for a month, you decide to send an angry e-mail to her? Dude, why!? No... just, no! You cannot win a woman over by showing her that you cannot regulate your own emotions! That's a massive turn-off!

I'm sorry, but in your last paragraph you've asked if anyone can make you feel better about this? The answer is a resounding no from me.

The only way to feel better about this is to move on and learn from your mistakes. Learn to not be so possessive. Learn that a high opinion of yourself doesn't necessarily translate to a high opinion from others. Learn... to not get angry in the face of rejection! That's a very important lesson!

Most importantly, though, learn that you cannot let a situation whereby someone you don't even know, who has rejected you, can consume so much energy. Your soul didn't sink, pal. The sun still rises in the morning, which presents to you a new opportunity. The opportunity to learn, grow and not make the same mistakes again.

All the best moving forward.

Seems like he is very hung up on her because of a mix of fantasy thinking and hyper-attachment. He created a fairy tale in his head and got very attached to it, without stopping to see if it matches reality. There was barely any, if any at all, evidence rooted in reality to back up his beliefs towards her and the idea of them.

Maybe its his first dating experience. Most of us sucked at that, growing up on a cocktail of hollywood movie ideals and whatever else. As you said, opoprtunity for him to learn!

OP, its gonna hurt for a while. But not because of why you think, but because the level of hurt corresponds with the difference between expectations you got attached to, and the reality. and in your case, the difference there was pretty big. Moving forward, try not to belief and get attached to ideas and feelings *just* because you have them. Wait for the evidence, the actions, the stuff to back it all up. Good luck!

January 1, 2022

36 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

Women are not so easily manipulated, you flatter yourself.

Because it was - you attempted to present an image of yourself that was not true in order to encourage the woman to date you.

This 100%^^^ we have what is called a "women's intuition" that is stronger than any power of manipulation you could ever muster. She picked up on it, and ran for the hills.

January 1, 2022

1 minute ago, smackie9 said:

This 100%^^^ we have what is called a "women's intuition" that is stronger than any power of manipulation you could ever muster. She picked up on it, and ran for the hills.

Well she's an idiot then because I actually do make great money now and that image that attracted her is supported, but now she won't get to see who I really am because she decided to jump ship and rush to judgment on me. That's partly why I sent the emails too because it really irked me that she's out there thinking of me as this weirdo when I'm just a normal guy who thought of a creative way to try to reel her in, but ran low in finances in September and screwed myself over. Money destroys great people and great things.

January 1, 2022

I don't think she rushed anything here....she got a sense of your obsessiveness and it creeped her out. It obviously didn't feel right to her...even with this all the peacocking you did.

Edited January 1, 2022 by smackie9

January 1, 2022

Just now, Heartbreat said:

Well she's an idiot then because I actually do make great money now and that image that attracted her is supported, but now she won't get to see who I really am because she decided to jump ship and rush to judgment on me. That's partly why I sent the emails too because it really irked me that she's out there thinking of me as this weirdo when I'm just a normal guy who thought of a creative way to try to reel her in, but ran low in finances in September and screwed myself over. Money destroys great people and great things.

You seem to not only fantasise and imagine what she 'could and should' be like when you thought you two were going to get together, but then also assign to her all your insecurities as reasons for why she has blocked you. If you have read up on psychology as you say, you have basically now assigned to her the role of your own Inner Critic - those things you are getting angry about that you are assuming is what she thinks of you are all the things you worry about and they hurt you.

But i feel like its going to be pointless right now to try to help you understand, you're too angry and unwilling to go into self-awareness. Maybe spend some time processing your hurt that lies below the anger then with a clear head, you can review this and learn, then move on.

January 1, 2022

I would say you need to get yourself together, reach some sense of peace, recover completely with your health issues and maintain overall stability before considering dating. It doesn't sound like you're in a good place to be a healthy partner for anyone. It may be tough to hear but people you wish to date don't want to deal with your issues. People want to be around others that exude positvity and I don't get that from you right now.

I'm sensing a lot of resentment, you keep talking about how great of a guy you are and how well off you are but you don't seem the least bit happy.

Edited January 1, 2022 by dramafreezone

January 1, 2022

7 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

I don't think she rushed anything here....she got a sense of your obsessiveness and it creeped her out. It obviously didn't feel right to her...even with this all the peacocking you did.

I don't get how I was obsessive. I waited days between interactions, and always had interesting conversations to start. What REALLY screwed me over is that when I created the Snapchat, she asked me what I was looking for and I said "I thought you were cool and that'd we be good friends" or something like that. Anyway, the real issue is that I wasn't candid from the outset because she might have rejected me there so by playing the friend role, I was able to ease my way into her mind through my unique way of showing who I was through my snaps and convos and eventually go her to the point that she was flirting with me that one night and always looking at my Snap Stories. It worked, the issue was that I had to pull the trigger and meet up at the right moment, and you can't do that when you're down to a few hundred bucks. Now money is no concern, but everything's gone to hell, which is what really hurts.

January 1, 2022

3 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

I would say you need to get yourself together, reach some sense of peace, recover completely with your health issues and maintain overall stability before considering dating. It doesn't sound like you're in a good place to be a healthy partner for anyone. It may be tough to hear but people you wish to date don't want to deal with your issues. People want to be around others that exude positvity and I don't get that from you right now.

My snaps exuded nothing but positivity. To the point where people might have been like "Why's he always happy and doing fun things?". I'm starting to realize that the issue is with her and not me, but it's my fault for choosing Ms. "Looking for Hookups/Fun which can lead to a long-term relationship with an alpha male" type girl. You get what you chase after... the knowledge that there was a mutual level of attraction and familiarity is why I wanted her and not someone who's like 28 and established (plus the girls in their late 20s/early 30s tend to be the one who weren't meeting up five-six years ago on OKC).

January 1, 2022

Haven’t read the replies so apologies if this has already been stated;

“ I meet a lot of girls” !!! You actually wrote this to her????

The statement is not even true is it?

Look, everyone has an unspoken agreement when they are using dating sites that the object of their interest is interested in others but you don’t say it! Especially not like that and to someone you’ve never met.

No woman wants it clearly pointing out that she is just a number, and a worthless one at that. She’s not going to accept it, especially when she has men vying for her attention and probably telling her how special she is. I’m not surprised she got turned off at this point, I would too to be honest.

I’m not saying this to make you feel bad, I’m trying to help you to learn for the future. If you really like a woman, don’t delay, ask her out and make your attraction crystal clear.

Let this one go but in future don’t dawdle, don’t make excuses, and certainly don’t say/ do anything that you could paint you unfavourably before you’ve even met someone.

Keep searching. Sooner or later someone else will pique your interest.

January 1, 2022

I mean it's like the other dude said, there was way too much competition and guys were probably meeting up with her while I was stuck in virtual communication. It wasn't for lack of confidence that I took three months to hint that I was going to ask her out. I'm not hurt that she lost interest. I'm hurt at the fact that I could have reignited that interest if I had played it cooler, stuck around, and waited for her to come to me, which was a difficult ask because the existence of her OkCupid profile and relative level of beauty makes it so that she's probably always getting attention from at least one other guy.

January 1, 2022

6 minutes ago, Heartbreat said:

I mean it's like the other dude said, there was way too much competition and guys were probably meeting up with her while I was stuck in virtual communication. It wasn't for lack of confidence that I took three months to hint that I was going to ask her out. I'm not hurt that she lost interest. I'm hurt at the fact that I could have reignited that interest if I had played it cooler, stuck around, and waited for her to come to me, which was a difficult ask because the existence of her OkCupid profile and relative level of beauty makes it so that she's probably always getting attention from at least one other guy.

You are not God, you do not know why, how, maybe, could have, should have, probably.....things could have turned out. We women aren't passive beings who you can accurately figure out what behaviours you, as a male, can exhbit that can determine if we fall in love with you, and if we don't - all the reasons why. It is not a simple algorithm that you can calculate probabilities and likelihoods - dating doesn't work like that.

Stop ruminating on the conditions and environmental factors you assume were at play that affected it. Even if you are right (which you are not), its pointless because:

a/ you can't go back in time and undo it

b/ it won't change her mind

c/ if you dont change this behviour, obsessive stalker will become your future role.

Let. It. Go. Its done.

Edited January 1, 2022 by astutise

January 1, 2022

I know it's done. I lost a ton of respect for her because she KNOWS I'm not a stalker-type, but she still blocked me without hesitation. Serious question though... Since lives in my general area, what should I encounter inside a store or something? Seems like it could easily happen since I'm out and about a lot

January 1, 2022

Just now, Heartbreat said:

I know it's done. I lost a ton of respect for her because she KNOWS I'm not a stalker-type, but she still blocked me without hesitation. Serious question though... Since lives in my general area, what should I encounter inside a store or something? Seems like it could easily happen since I'm out and about a lot

You ignore her and walk away. Then go back to getting this hurricane of emotions out of your system.

January 1, 2022

19 hours ago, Heartbreat said:

"I meet up with a lot girls, but you're so self-assured and I'm a busy guy, but when I have some free time I want to take you out."

Why would you say something like this?

What this sounds like is that you're trying to prove your value to her. The reason why people try to prove their worth to someone else is when they feel as though they're inferior to them. This type of comment is very easy to see through.

Think of some celebrity hearthrob that women typically go for and think to yourself if *they* would ever say something like what you said above. Why would they have to, their value is apparent and if that woman doesn't see it for whatever reason, it's ok, on to the next for them. Downplaying your value is actually highlighting it. Flaunting it is doing the opposite, making you seem less valuable, especially if it's not truthful. As a rule, don't volunteer information about other women you're dating, at the very least because it's none of their business.

I agree with someone that mentioned women's intuition, though I would say it's probably just more experience in observing people. Majority of women have been hit on by enough guys to see when one is trying to project high value vs just being high value effortlessly.

Your chances with this woman ended very early on, right here:

19 hours ago, Heartbreat said:

There was this girl who I really liked a lot because I felt that we had a ton in common and I talked to her on this dating app three years ago. We had a nice conversation, but I think she found someone else because she wanted to meet up, but then she blew me off one day and deleted her profile.

That's dating, flaking and ghosting is common. I've been flaked on twice this week. Why did you spend the next several months chasing after her when she blew you off?

Edited January 1, 2022 by dramafreezone

January 1, 2022

3 minutes ago, astutise said:

You ignore her and walk away. Then go back to getting this hurricane of emotions out of your system.

That seems rather beta male-ish. Not that I want to cause a scene, but my intuition would tell me to exclaim, "Ah [insert her name]! The venerable [insert her name again]! If you people don't know she's Snap famous!"

January 1, 2022

Just now, Heartbreat said:

That seems rather beta male-ish. Not that I want to cause a scene, but my intuition would tell me to exclaim, "Ah [insert her name]! The venerable [insert her name again]! If you people don't know she's Snap famous!"

Do that, and you will come across as angry, scary, bitter and creepy. Get these notions of alpha and beta male out of your head, what a load of nonsense. Focus more on adult concepts like: emotionally healthy, rooted in reality, dignity, respect and.....being normal.

January 1, 2022

2 minutes ago, astutise said:

Do that, and you will come across as angry, scary, bitter and creepy. Get these notions of alpha and beta male out of your head, what a load of nonsense. Focus more on adult concepts like: emotionally healthy, rooted in reality, dignity, respect and.....being normal.

There's no such thing as a standard definition of normal. You're asking for social conformity.

January 1, 2022

1 minute ago, Heartbreat said:

There's no such thing as a standard definition of normal. You're asking for social conformity.

social conformity is intended to maintain a civilised and respectful social order so citizens can expect to get about their business without fear of harmful, crazy-making behaviour, for the most part. Yelling at a girl in a store who rejected you, is quite rightly, outside of this social conformity and for good reason.

January 1, 2022

Hi all,

I think @Heartbreat has had a great opportunity to receive lots of feedback here on the breakdown of his connection with the woman he was talking with. You've provided some wonderful insights for him to consider, yet I'm not sure the back and forth is getting anywhere very fast.

We'll be closing this thread to further replies

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I have a really sad story to share. I'm heartbroken. Please help me?

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