JB_Stuart Posted December 29, 2021 Posted December 29, 2021 Hi everyone, I haven't posted in a few years but now I feel like I really need it. I started dating a girl I met while working in a different city. I fell in love with her pretty quickly and it turns out the feelings were mutual. We've been dating for three months and since we work the same shifts we can see each other every time we aren't working. I was previously on Zoloft (SSRI antidepressant) but I had to stop taking it since it was making me unable to have sex. About a month ago I suddenly stopped feeling anything. Not just towards her but anything at all. I stopped experiencing any kind of joy and my libido disappeared rendering me useless in bed once again. I believe this is depression coming back after being suppressed by Zoloft. Anyway, yesterday I told her everything and we broke up. A few hours later that we both spent in insufferable pain we agreed to take a week to see if we feel any different. Ever since then I've been trying hard not to call her and get back together cause I miss her way more than I thought I could. I feel like I can't live without her and everything is meaningless when she's not mine. My question is - How can I tell if what I'm feeling is love or just some kind of insufferable post-breakup pain? Any help is much appreciated, I really am completely lost on this one.
Calmandfocused Posted December 29, 2021 Posted December 29, 2021 You feel nothing but are in tremendous pain? That doesn’t make sense. However… my sense is that you really need to sort yourself out first before trying to embark on a relationship. By that, I mean dealing with your depression. Relationships are hard enough when both parties are in an emotionally healthy place to start with. You are not in a good place. You should look after yourself first and foremost. Also, You cannot have a sex life that is dependant on an antidepressant and it’s not fair for the other party to go without. Introspect on this when you’re in a more emotionally healthy place is my advice. 1
glows Posted December 29, 2021 Posted December 29, 2021 2 hours ago, JB_Stuart said: Anyway, yesterday I told her everything and we broke up. Did you get back on your meds? Or are you still off meds and struggling with depression on top of this break up? What exactly did you tell her? Was it about your depression, meds and not being able to have sex because of them? Someone who breaks up with you because of something like this likely isn’t prepared for the news and unable to handle that in a relationship. Not everyone can accept health or mental health issues and negative stigmas are always worth considering. She’s entitled to breaking up with you but staying off your meds and not discussing this with your doc is not a good idea. Talk with your doctor immediately and find out if there are other options. If someone can’t accept you for who you are or see the other things about you worth sticking around for, let that person go. 2
Author JB_Stuart Posted December 29, 2021 Author Posted December 29, 2021 I told her that I dont feel most things and I don't enjoy anything during a depressive episode and that It can last quite a while and that it's gonna happen from time to time. I'm sorry it wasn't clear - I was the one who initiated the breakup, she wouldn't do that, she says she loves me no matter what. I am now contemplating whether to get back with her since I can't seem to imagine future without her or whether I should let her go cause all I'm feeling right now is just depression combined with the natural pain that comes with a breakup. To answer the first question - I started taking my meds again since it doesn't matter if I'm capable of sex or not now. 1
flitzanu Posted December 29, 2021 Posted December 29, 2021 6 minutes ago, glows said: Did you get back on your meds? Or are you still off meds and struggling with depression on top of this break up? What exactly did you tell her? Was it about your depression, meds and not being able to have sex because of them? Someone who breaks up with you because of something like this likely isn’t prepared for the news and unable to handle that in a relationship. Not everyone can accept health or mental health issues and negative stigmas are always worth considering. She’s entitled to breaking up with you but staying off your meds and not discussing this with your doc is not a good idea. Talk with your doctor immediately and find out if there are other options. If someone can’t accept you for who you are or see the other things about you worth sticking around for, let that person go. this is what i'm wondering as well. if she is distancing and dumping you for being honest about your depression and sexual dysfunction because of it, then maybe she isn't the best choice for a supportive girlfriend. again, her choice to "not deal with it" just something to ask yourself about her actual intentions and level of commitment if she wants to walk away because you're struggling with mental health (i do too, fyi, never feel secluded like you're the only one struggling - i've had very similar scenarios as this you're describing) 1
Wiseman2 Posted December 29, 2021 Posted December 29, 2021 Sorry this happened. Depression can feel a lot like a heartache, so hard to differentiate. See your physician about the depression. There are several newer antidepressants that are not as likely to cause ED. Make sure you discuss this side effect with your doctor.
smackie9 Posted December 29, 2021 Posted December 29, 2021 Sorry but I would be on her side...having to deal with the mental illness in my family (I'm adopted), I would have ended it too. It's way too draining emotionally. I suggest to find a new doctor, try new methods of treatment including supplements like St. John's wort, bananas, exercise, meditation, creative influence, diet, counseling, etc.
Ami1uwant Posted December 29, 2021 Posted December 29, 2021 This is complicated given your mental illness snd you brok up. it’s not clear to me on the why.was it because of the meds, you having mental illness, you not taking med, you couldn’t perform? was this over other issues not mentioned here? are you equating not performing or not feeling things as part of your mental illness or are you reading it as you aren’t attracted to her?
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