I_forgot_my_usernam3 Posted December 25, 2021 Posted December 25, 2021 (edited) I recently started dating this guy and we went on three dates in the last month. Before our 1st date he would send me really long enthusiastic texts multiple times a day. I found it super endearing but also really hard to keep up with and also was really reserved at 1st. After that he would still send me long enthusiastic texts but would limit it to once a day. I found it much easier to keep up with and would try and match his energy. Kissed me on the 2nd date and texted me the day after. 3rd date also went well, but right at the end he started acting really strange, like almost annoyed. I kind of wanted to gage him so I texted him the next day and invited him out last minute to hang out with me and a friend (stupid I know) but I didn't actually expect him to accept and I just wanted to see what was up. Up until that point he initiated everything. He declined saying he was busy and offered to watch a movie at his place later when he was free which made me worry about his intentions and i basically said no and tried very hard to end the conversation. Was intending to never talk to him again at that point because I really thought he was the sweet type and he hardly physically escalated until then. He then said he wanted to take me out again after the holidays and really pushed for going out and seemed genuine so I hesitantly agreed. We resumed texting after that for a while but then the conversation kind of ended (before he would never let the convo end) and I didn't hear for him for a few days. he did text me a few days ago to check in but that convo ended as well. part of me wants to send him a text wishing him happy holidays since he still mostly initiated but then part of me wonders if this is a bad sign and I should let it go at this point. Edited December 25, 2021 by I_forgot_my_usernam3 details
chillii Posted December 25, 2021 Posted December 25, 2021 Wellllll, it could just be fizzling , sounds like it. As for him and his movies , who knows . And what was up that night , l would've just said you seemed a bit whatever last night was anything wrong. Sorry to say though but it's probably done anyway.
Wiseman2 Posted December 25, 2021 Posted December 25, 2021 5 hours ago, I_forgot_my_usernam3 said: . Before our 1st date he would send me really long enthusiastic texts multiple times a day. . 3rd date also went well, but right at the end he started acting really strange, like almost annoyed. He declined saying he was busy and offered to watch a movie at his place later . Sounds like he would like to get to the Netflix and chill point asap. There's quite a few red flags. Particularly all the texting. You're both still talking to and meeting others so step back, especially from the texting, and see how it goes. What do you mean by "seemed annoyed at the end of the date"?
elaine567 Posted December 25, 2021 Posted December 25, 2021 7 hours ago, I_forgot_my_usernam3 said: 3rd date also went well, but right at the end he started acting really strange, like almost annoyed. He expected sex. 7 hours ago, I_forgot_my_usernam3 said: I texted him the next day and invited him out last minute to hang out with me and a friend No sex possible so not interested. 7 hours ago, I_forgot_my_usernam3 said: offered to watch a movie at his place later when he was free Another opportunity to get sex, but declined by you. Then it was all over bar the shouting. 1
glows Posted December 25, 2021 Posted December 25, 2021 No, leave it. In the new year date others. He seemed to rub you the wrong way and things were strange and forced early on. He goofed with Netflix and chill and you didn’t like it. He tried to make up or cover up later with a suggestion to take you out but his conversations don’t suggest any real interest. The vibe and energy here are way off. Why would you want to see him again in the first place? And having said that, it makes no sense texting him again. 2 1
Author I_forgot_my_usernam3 Posted December 25, 2021 Author Posted December 25, 2021 4 hours ago, elaine567 said: He expected sex. No sex possible so not interested. Another opportunity to get sex, but declined by you. Then it was all over bar the shouting. that's honestly what I wondered too but then he also hardly physically escalated until then
Author I_forgot_my_usernam3 Posted December 25, 2021 Author Posted December 25, 2021 (edited) 6 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Sounds like he would like to get to the Netflix and chill point asap. There's quite a few red flags. Particularly all the texting. You're both still talking to and meeting others so step back, especially from the texting, and see how it goes. What do you mean by "seemed annoyed at the end of the date"? he walked me to my car and he parked really really far away from where we were and it was super late, so I offered him a ride to his car to be nice (he would have had to walk at least a mile). he declined, but then got in anyways? then the entire time was super quiet, he almost seemed annoyed I offered, and the vibe was just off. I was just trying to be nice. Edited December 25, 2021 by I_forgot_my_usernam3
Author I_forgot_my_usernam3 Posted December 25, 2021 Author Posted December 25, 2021 2 hours ago, glows said: No, leave it. In the new year date others. He seemed to rub you the wrong way and things were strange and forced early on. He goofed with Netflix and chill and you didn’t like it. He tried to make up or cover up later with a suggestion to take you out but his conversations don’t suggest any real interest. The vibe and energy here are way off. Why would you want to see him again in the first place? And having said that, it makes no sense texting him again. yeah his vibe is off at times. and normally I would not overlook that. I really liked him a lot otherwise on the dates we constantly were laughing and had great conversation. but you are right too many red flags with the sudden getting annoyed.
Girl Fade Away Posted December 25, 2021 Posted December 25, 2021 (edited) I don't know if he was expecting sex necessarily but it sounds like he was expecting something, and that didn't happen. Without more context it's impossible to know but could it be his sense was that YOU were/are not all that into him? That he got more of a friendship vibe from you? Perhaps he was hoping for a bit more warmth and affection? NOT accusing you of anything, you might have been quite warm and affectionate, BUT something happened during that third date that turned him off, disappointed him. Annoyed him. Might have been no sex but did he even try for it? All you said was this, unless I missed something. 12 hours ago, I_forgot_my_usernam3 said: 3rd date also went well, but right at the end he started acting really strange, like almost annoyed. Edited December 25, 2021 by Girl Fade Away 1
Author I_forgot_my_usernam3 Posted December 25, 2021 Author Posted December 25, 2021 3 minutes ago, Girl Fade Away said: I don't know if he was expecting sex necessarily but it sounds like he was expecting something, and that didn't happen. Without more context it's impossible to know but could it be his sense was that YOU were/are not all that into him? That he got more of a friendship vibe from you? Perhaps he was hoping for a bit more warmth and affection? NOT accusing you of anything, you might have been quite warm and affectionate, BUT something happened during that third date that turned him off, disappointed him. Annoyed him. Might have been no sex but did he even try for it? All you said was this, unless I missed something. its possible to be honest. I am very shy and it takes me a long time to warm up to people. and no he didn't even try for it which makes me wonder too about that.
glows Posted December 25, 2021 Posted December 25, 2021 23 minutes ago, I_forgot_my_usernam3 said: he walked me to my car and he parked really really far away from where we were and it was super late, so I offered him a ride to his car to be nice (he would have had to walk at least a mile). he declined, but then got in anyways? then the entire time was super quiet, he almost seemed annoyed I offered, and the vibe was just off. I was just trying to be nice. Maybe he didn’t want you to see the kind of car he drives? Lol Very odd.
Girl Fade Away Posted December 25, 2021 Posted December 25, 2021 9 minutes ago, I_forgot_my_usernam3 said: its possible to be honest. I am very shy and it takes me a long time to warm up to people Since you acknowledge this about yourself, it wouldn't hurt to send him a merry today and tell him you look forward to seeing him after the holidays as he suggested below. 12 hours ago, I_forgot_my_usernam3 said: He then said he wanted to take me out again after the holidays and really pushed for going out and seemed genuine...
elaine567 Posted December 25, 2021 Posted December 25, 2021 35 minutes ago, I_forgot_my_usernam3 said: yeah his vibe is off at times. and normally I would not overlook that. I really liked him a lot otherwise on the dates we constantly were laughing and had great conversation. but you are right too many red flags with the sudden getting annoyed. Agreed. You need to stay away from guys who show bad traits early doors. Some guys will test you to see just how much you will put up with. Before you know it, he will be "annoyed" a lot and you will be walking on egg shells trying not to annoy him. 2
smackie9 Posted December 25, 2021 Posted December 25, 2021 Ya he wanted sex by the third date. Remember guys will do and or say anything to get to the sex. The amped up texting before even meeting is along the lines of love bombing. He was trying to reel you in hard. Don't buy that crap. 1 1
Girl Fade Away Posted December 25, 2021 Posted December 25, 2021 (edited) OP, it's also possible his quiet "mood" had nothing to do with you. I'm super sensitive too and tend to personalize everything, until I learned that in some cases, a date or even a friend suddenly becoming quiet or not acting as enthusiastically as they had been previously, had absolutely nothing to do with me. Red flag that he became quiet at the end of the date when everything up to that point was going swimmingly? And he invited you out after the new year? NOT netflix and chill, but out, like on a proper date. "Too many red flags" is a bit of a stretch imo. Not something to ignore but stay aware of, assuming you really like him. Remember there are no perfect people, including yourself and it's possible your shyness may have been interpreted by him as disinterest. But yet he still invited you out again after new year. That said, if this all feels just too "off" for you, then just next him. Edited December 25, 2021 by Girl Fade Away
Girl Fade Away Posted December 25, 2021 Posted December 25, 2021 10 minutes ago, smackie9 said: Remember guys will do and or say anything to get to the sex. Yes they will but OP admitted he never said or did anything to indicate he wanted sex, he never even tried for it. But who the hell knows.... again OP just next him if it feels too off for you.
Alvi Posted December 25, 2021 Posted December 25, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, I_forgot_my_usernam3 said: he walked me to my car and he parked really really far away from where we were and it was super late, so I offered him a ride to his car to be nice (he would have had to walk at least a mile). he declined, but then got in anyways? then the entire time was super quiet, he almost seemed annoyed I offered, and the vibe was just off. I was just trying to be nice. Maybe he didn't want you to see his car so whatever reason. Wonder why he parked so far from where you were supposed to meet. Is his car in a beat down, old and rusty shape or something? Are you sure he is actually single? Maybe he parked his car so far because he is trying for his GF not to find out where he went that evening. Maybe like other posters are suggesting he was expecting some action. Maybe he misinterpreted you inviting him to your car as you wanting to have sex with him but he wasn't ready. Maybe he thought you were too forward in your intentions and that turned him off. I am just guessing, hard to say exactly what made him annoyed. But you likely didn't say or do anything offensive. Maybe his behavior had nothing to do with you at all. Maybe he wasn't feeling well or was tired and you misinterpreted this as him being annoyed. I don't talk much when I am tired and sleepy. I was told by my ex that I was acting grouchy when in reality all I wanted is to hug a pillow and sleep. 13 hours ago, I_forgot_my_usernam3 said: He declined saying he was busy and offered to watch a movie at his place later when he was free which made me worry about his intentions and i basically said no and tried very hard to end the conversation. He was definitely pushing for sex. In any case, please listen to your intuition. If you think that there some sort of disconnect or that there is something off about him, then end this. Edited December 25, 2021 by Alvi 1
Alvi Posted December 25, 2021 Posted December 25, 2021 10 minutes ago, Girl Fade Away said: Remember there are no perfect people, including yourself and it's possible your shyness may have been interpreted by him as disinterest. That is so very true. I am a shy person and because of that some guys tell me that they don't feel like I am interested in them and that they don't feel a connection. Maybe this guy is also shy himself and comes off as award and annoyed. Maybe he was too shy to get into your car first time around. Who knows. 1
Lotsgoingon Posted December 25, 2021 Posted December 25, 2021 theYou can't really "mess things up" as much as you think. You're operating under the illusion here that had you done X, he would have responded Y. Trust me: when a man really likes you, you can do lots of goofy things. And I don't see anything goofy here that you did. Next time relax. If you sense he's acting strange at the end of a third date, that's actually NOT YOUR PROBLEM. You can't control him. Don't pretend you can. If someone pulls back, then you relax and also pull back. We can only put our interest out there and then when we have to see if the other person puts their interest out there. That's it. That's dating in a nutshell. BTW: those long tests were a red flag. They sounded way way way too long, like he was high or something. Even when he reduced to one a day, the texts were still super long. Again red flag. These text messages should be in-person conversations. You didn't mess up anything. I'm inclined to agree with the others. He wanted to have quick sex with you. You didn't go for that--quick sex didn't seem to be on your mind. So he pulled back. Yes, that decline of hanging with your friend followed by an invite to his place--MAJOR RED FLAG. 2
Author I_forgot_my_usernam3 Posted December 26, 2021 Author Posted December 26, 2021 (edited) 12 hours ago, Girl Fade Away said: Yes they will but OP admitted he never said or did anything to indicate he wanted sex, he never even tried for it. But who the hell knows.... again OP just next him if it feels too off for you. part of me wonders if he never tried for sex prior to that because he genuinely liked me at 1st, and then after the third date lost interest so decided to go for it since he was still attracted to me when I reached out because he saw i liked him. then when I clearly did not like that he felt like a jerk and tried to half-heartedly make up for it lol. Edited December 26, 2021 by I_forgot_my_usernam3
Trail Blazer Posted December 26, 2021 Posted December 26, 2021 5 hours ago, I_forgot_my_usernam3 said: part of me wonders if he never tried for sex prior to that because he genuinely liked me at 1st, and then after the third date lost interest so decided to go for it since he was still attracted to me when I reached out because he saw i liked him. then when I clearly did not like that he felt like a jerk and tried to half-heartedly make up for it lol. Most of that is possible but I doubt the last part. He sounded OTT in the beginning, but you also come across as inconsistent in your messaging. What exactly are you looking for? Guys are going to want sex at some point, so you've got to decide if you're willing to go down that route at a stage before most guys will pull the pin and get fed up of waiting.
elaine567 Posted December 26, 2021 Posted December 26, 2021 25 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said: Guys are going to want sex at some point, so you've got to decide if you're willing to go down that route at a stage before most guys will pull the pin and get fed up of waiting. Yes but most guys tend to make their intentions known. They do NOT, do nothing to escalate, then expect to be taken home at the end of date 3 for a steamy sex session. When it as obvious nothing was happening that night, he sulked basically... then he offered Netflix and chill.... very romantic... He is not very good at this dating game and is immature in his responses.
Trail Blazer Posted December 26, 2021 Posted December 26, 2021 8 minutes ago, elaine567 said: Yes but most guys tend to make their intentions known. They do NOT, do nothing to escalate, then expect to be taken home at the end of date 3 for a steamy sex session. When it as obvious nothing was happening that night, he sulked basically... then he offered Netflix and chill.... very romantic... He is not very good at this dating game and is immature in his responses. Both this dude and OP sound very young. I'm just curious was to whether OP knows what she wants because it sounds like she's a bit all over the place.
elaine567 Posted December 26, 2021 Posted December 26, 2021 20 hours ago, I_forgot_my_usernam3 said: he walked me to my car and he parked really really far away from where we were and it was super late, so I offered him a ride to his car to be nice (he would have had to walk at least a mile). he declined, but then got in anyways? then the entire time was super quiet, he almost seemed annoyed I offered, and the vibe was just off. I was just trying to be nice. I just realised why he may have parked so far away, he assumed you would be driving him to your place for sex, so he parked somewhere he could leave it overnight or even closer to home or closer to a friend he was meeting the next day. You would drive him over in the morning or whenever... You spoiled the plan hence why he was annoyed, you were supposed to say, "It's late. Your car is miles away, forget it and come home to mine..."
Author I_forgot_my_usernam3 Posted December 26, 2021 Author Posted December 26, 2021 2 hours ago, elaine567 said: I just realised why he may have parked so far away, he assumed you would be driving him to your place for sex, so he parked somewhere he could leave it overnight or even closer to home or closer to a friend he was meeting the next day. You would drive him over in the morning or whenever... You spoiled the plan hence why he was annoyed, you were supposed to say, "It's late. Your car is miles away, forget it and come home to mine..." i honestly think he was just being cheap. I paid a lot for parking nearby lol. 2
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