ericw899 Posted December 23, 2021 Posted December 23, 2021 Hello, I met a new girl about a month and a half ago on Facebook dating. We went on our first date just over a month ago and it was good, not great. We were both pretty quiet and had some awkward moments, so I chalked it up to about 50/50 of seeing her again. So a week ago, I decided I'll give it another shot with her. This time the date was entirely different. We were very talkative, having laughs, some beers and an overall great time. We both were really starting to dig each other, and she explained she was really nervous on our first date which is why she was so quiet. So We decided to go out again last night and this is where problems arouse. We went out to dinner, had really great conversation, fun time and everything. We even started talking about making things more serious and that we are both looking for something exclusive. Throughout this whole date, she was drinking some alcoholic beverages, which I didn't think much of since we both drank quite a lot on our second date. Next thing I know I look over at her and she is really quiet, and has a dead stare in her face. I can tell she must have been getting drunk and was starting to act that way. It was time to leave anyway so I wanted to get her home before she got worse. So she stumbled out of the restaurant and I helped her to my truck where she was really starting to seem intoxicated. It was a 5 minute drive back to her house and on the way I looked over and saw she fell asleep. No big deal I thought, so when I got to her house I tried to wake her up, but I couldn't. She was breathing but i thought about calling 911, and right then she kind of popped awake for a couple minutes. So I didn't call, but she then passed out again making it increasingly harder to wake her up. I didn't want to hurt her so I drove around a bit with the windows down to see if the cold air could help sober her up. She had been in my truck for 4 hours now and she was sort of awake but was unwilling to move or let me help her out of the truck. Finally i had to half carry her out of my truck and walk her upstairs to her apartment. At this point it was 5am and I finally got her into her room after 4.5 hours of struggling with her. So thankfully she is okay, and she slept off her hangover. Now I'm here struggling what to do. I really was beginning to like this girl. She really has a lot of the qualities I'm looking for, although this incident has kind of changed my opinion. I don't want to be judgemental since Ive been very drunk before too, but to have this happen on a 3rd date seems odd to me. So do you guys think this is a really red flag in terms of continuing with her? Should this incident be a deal breaker or should we continue on despite it? Also could this be a sign of an alcohol abuse problem? Any thoughts is appreciated Thank you
Wiseman2 Posted December 23, 2021 Posted December 23, 2021 4 minutes ago, ericw899 said: So do you guys think this is a really red flag in terms of continuing with her? Yes. If it turns you off and concerns you, reconsider dating her. 1
smackie9 Posted December 23, 2021 Posted December 23, 2021 whoa dude this is a deal breaker. Might be pretty on the outside but....ugly is ugly...big....red.... flag. 3
glows Posted December 23, 2021 Posted December 23, 2021 It was an inconvenience to you and she doesn't know her limits. Overall, it reads as poor judgment. I wouldn't blow this out of proportion or overthink it if it's not for you. There a million and one individuals who exhibit poor judgment. Just sidestep. Wish her well and be on your way. 1
sushiandtacos Posted December 23, 2021 Posted December 23, 2021 If you continue to date her you'll be the designated driver rather than her boyfriend 1
Ami1uwant Posted December 24, 2021 Posted December 24, 2021 Red flag on fire….. I wonder if there was more than alcohol going on there.
elaine567 Posted December 24, 2021 Posted December 24, 2021 (edited) In the UK spiking drinks of even injecting substances is getting to be a big problem in nightclubs and bars. Unless you feel she really did drink too much, then maybe she was spiked? Injection spiking: How likely is it? - BBC News -https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/newsbeat-58994755 Edited December 24, 2021 by elaine567
chillii Posted December 24, 2021 Posted December 24, 2021 (edited) Well , if l really liked her and saw a poss real future, nooooo. Spend some more time with her she might hardly ever drink who knows, ask her, could've been a one of. lf l had a dollar for every woman l've seen that passes out with too much l'd be rich. My ex w hardly drank a drop but if she did and had to much she'd pass out for hrs. 20yrs though had to get her home or into bed maybe 2 or 3 times, so what. lf she did drink she'd usually stop at a few butttt, on a just very now and then occasion, there was a few too many that's all. Of course she might be an alcho to haha, you don't wanna get mixed up with one of those but l doubt it. Anyway you can find out first if you really like her. Edited December 24, 2021 by chillii 1
ShyViolet Posted December 24, 2021 Posted December 24, 2021 This is a huge red flag and if I were you I wouldn't see her again. She couldn't even control her drinking on a 3rd date, that is just sloppy and embarrassing. If you continue to date her you'll be dealing with her gross drinking problem much, much more. You'll be dealing with her passed out and stuck with the job of getting her home. Is that what you want? 1
Trail Blazer Posted December 24, 2021 Posted December 24, 2021 Nah man, she got a little drunk, I don't see it as a huge red flag. Unless you suspect she's got a drinking problem, it was one time. My girlfriend got drunk on our second date. It was a very eventful night, but I didn't see it as a red flag. Sure, most on here at the time thought it was a huge red flag, but I knew it wasn't a biggie. We have been seeing each other for over two years now and she's moved in with me. She's a gem and I'm glad I trusted my gut and continued to see her. My advice is that if you still like her but this incident was the only issue, give her another chance and see how it goes. Perhaps go on a date where alcohol is not part of the equation and make it clear that excessive drinking isn't something conducive of a good relationship moving forward. 1
Calmandfocused Posted December 24, 2021 Posted December 24, 2021 The point you’re missing here is that she also got drunk on date 2 too. The only reason you didn’t notice on date 2 was because you was also intoxicated. You now know 3 things: 1)she is a different person when drunk, 2) she is a heavy drinker, 3) there’s likely to be drama when she drinks too much and you will have to take care of her. All of that doesn’t bother you? Fine. Just proceed with your eyes wide open. 1
Wiseman2 Posted December 24, 2021 Posted December 24, 2021 Getting pass out drunk this early on is a huge red flag. Proceed with caution and don't have sex if she's too inebriated to consent.
Amanda141 Posted December 24, 2021 Posted December 24, 2021 How old is she? Being drunk on 2 out of 3 dates (and sooo drunk on the 3rd one you almost had to call the 911) is really embarassing. Honestly I would consider it as a huge red flag and never see the other person again. Being extremely drunk is never elegant, especially if you're only on the third date with someone you just met... It's okay to have a couple of drinks, but that should be it. Next!! 1
Author ericw899 Posted December 24, 2021 Author Posted December 24, 2021 13 minutes ago, Amanda141 said: How old is she? Being drunk on 2 out of 3 dates (and sooo drunk on the 3rd one you almost had to call the 911) is really embarassing. Honestly I would consider it as a huge red flag and never see the other person again. Being extremely drunk is never elegant, especially if you're only on the third date with someone you just met... It's okay to have a couple of drinks, but that should be it. Next!! She is 27
Author ericw899 Posted December 24, 2021 Author Posted December 24, 2021 13 hours ago, elaine567 said: In the UK spiking drinks of even injecting substances is getting to be a big problem in nightclubs and bars. Unless you feel she really did drink too much, then maybe she was spiked? Injection spiking: How likely is it? - BBC News -https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/newsbeat-58994755 I'm starting to wonder too if her drink got spiked? She didn't have that many drinks, but the ones she was drinking were very high in alcohol. Thing is we were at a table all by ourselves, so if it was spiked it would of had to been by the restuarant staff
smackie9 Posted December 24, 2021 Posted December 24, 2021 First impressions count. She can't control her alcohol intake. I grew up in a family of alcoholics....you can't butter this one over. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted December 24, 2021 Posted December 24, 2021 1 hour ago, ericw899 said: I'm starting to wonder too if her drink got spiked? She didn't have that many drinks, but the ones she was drinking were very high in alcohol. Thing is we were at a table all by ourselves, so if it was spiked it would of had to been by the restuarant staff I seriously doubt this. I think she simply drank way too much. 1 1
Foxhall Posted December 24, 2021 Posted December 24, 2021 Can you have a good date without any drink, seems there is an anxiety there or dependence on it to enjoy the date, you should be relaxing together and feel at ease together now after three dates, see how the next outing goes and how things flow
chillii Posted December 25, 2021 Posted December 25, 2021 8 hours ago, Foxhall said: Can you have a good date without any drink, seems there is an anxiety there or dependence on it to enjoy the date, you should be relaxing together and feel at ease together now after three dates, see how the next outing goes and how things flow Yeah about it. Two dates yeah but they were both drinking anyway soooo.3rd one , ok not a great look haha buttttt. lf you like her enough op it's pretty simple just spend a bit more time with her , you soon get the gist.
Alvi Posted December 25, 2021 Posted December 25, 2021 For me this would be a dealbreaker. I would never date a guy who drinks too much even if he gets too drunk occasionally. I would seriously block him on all of the media. But reading some answers from the guys, it may be not a big deal for some. Depends on what you can handle and how much you can overlook. You have to look within yourself to answer that. Bet she is very hot. As long as a woman is hot, some guys are willing to forgive and forget absolutely anything just because she is hot.
ClearEyes-FullHeart Posted December 25, 2021 Posted December 25, 2021 It would be a deal breaker for me as well. She wasn’t just drunk - she passed out and he spent 4+ hours driving her around IIRC correctly. To me that is a full stop deal breaker….babysitting isn’t what I want to do on dates. I have the advantage/disadvantage of having seen firsthand (growing up) what destructive drinking can do — it’s not something I’d ever mess with. (I do drink from time to time so not against it done responsibly.) 1
Wiseman2 Posted December 25, 2021 Posted December 25, 2021 This is more like being a volunteer EMT than a date. Unconscious individuals need to be brought to an ER.
elaine567 Posted December 25, 2021 Posted December 25, 2021 2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Unconscious individuals need to be brought to an ER. An acquaintance of mine died in this way in his early twenties. Out drinking, but made it back to his apartment and bed. During the night he inhaled his own vomit and died. He was found a few days later in his bed, after he failed to show up for work.https://sites.duke.edu/apep/module-2-the-abcs-of-intoxication/explore-more/alcohol-induced-vomiting-can-be-fatal/
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