Speedy79 Posted December 23, 2021 Posted December 23, 2021 I have been at my current workplace for a little over 2 years now, and have come to know everyone well, as it's a very small company. Most of the workers in production are Hispanic and I get along well with them. We joke around quite a bit and teach each other our native languages here and there. They all know I've been single for a while. A couple of weeks ago, a new person started in production. She speaks very little English as far as I know, but is super cute. One of the production workers cornered me in the warehouse, and he told me they think she's perfect for me - almost my age, no kids, never married and really nice, plus she thinks there are no good guys left. I told him that 1: we work together, and 2: She barely speaks English. He told me that doesn't matter and that I have a shot because she mentioned she likes me. So I told him we'll see how things pan out, and I would try to talk to her more. Every day at lunch she would have her headphones in or be talking to someone on the phone, so I decided to keep it to saying good morning and hello to her in Spanish and start there. She always replies, but never seems to smile or make much eye contact, and recently started taking lunch at a much later time - so I'm not really getting the vibe she likes me. Yesterday my coworker once again started badgering me to ask her out and I told him I really don't think she's interested in me - I'm not getting that vibe. He said that she is interested but she said I have to make the first move. I have no idea when that would be since she's either in her department at work or I'm swamped with my work. Then he said that there are likely other guys who would love to go out with her so I'd better act fast. I'm really feeling pressured - I think she's cute but I'm not getting the feeling she's that into me, and I feel like going with the flow - if we happen to bump into each other where it's more conducive to talk more, I'll do that. I like to grow some sort of rapport first. If I miss my shot, it's not like she's the only girl in the world. Being a small company, it's kind of hard to hold a conversation without a bunch of people around. Plus I would think that if she was interested she would make more eye contact or smile...no? Maybe I'm clueless.
ccas93 Posted December 23, 2021 Posted December 23, 2021 I'd say just socialize with her as a person with no dating agenda, try to make her laugh, etc and see how she opens up to you over a little time. I mean, getting to know your coworkers is something you should do anyway. Look at things from her perspective too - she's new on the job and doesn't speak much English, her being clammed up around some of her English speaking coworkers, esp one she likes, is understandable. 1
Author Speedy79 Posted December 23, 2021 Author Posted December 23, 2021 31 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said: Is this a language barrier? It's a barrier, but not a deal breaker - for me, at least. My mother barely spoke English when she met my dad, and I've learned some Spanish here and there from coworkers. 37 minutes ago, ccas93 said: I'd say just socialize with her as a person with no dating agenda, try to make her laugh, etc and see how she opens up to you over a little time. I mean, getting to know your coworkers is something you should do anyway. Look at things from her perspective too - she's new on the job and doesn't speak much English, her being clammed up around some of her English speaking coworkers, esp one she likes, is understandable. Thank you - this is what I feel is the right way - not pushing to ask her out right away - that feels forced to me. I'd like to get to know her naturally, the same as my other coworkers - through normal talking and joking around.
Johnjohnson2017 Posted December 23, 2021 Posted December 23, 2021 3 hours ago, Speedy79 said: I have been at my current workplace for a little over 2 years now, and have come to know everyone well, as it's a very small company. Most of the workers in production are Hispanic and I get along well with them. We joke around quite a bit and teach each other our native languages here and there. They all know I've been single for a while. A couple of weeks ago, a new person started in production. She speaks very little English as far as I know, but is super cute. One of the production workers cornered me in the warehouse, and he told me they think she's perfect for me - almost my age, no kids, never married and really nice, plus she thinks there are no good guys left. I told him that 1: we work together, and 2: She barely speaks English. He told me that doesn't matter and that I have a shot because she mentioned she likes me. So I told him we'll see how things pan out, and I would try to talk to her more. Every day at lunch she would have her headphones in or be talking to someone on the phone, so I decided to keep it to saying good morning and hello to her in Spanish and start there. She always replies, but never seems to smile or make much eye contact, and recently started taking lunch at a much later time - so I'm not really getting the vibe she likes me. Yesterday my coworker once again started badgering me to ask her out and I told him I really don't think she's interested in me - I'm not getting that vibe. He said that she is interested but she said I have to make the first move. I have no idea when that would be since she's either in her department at work or I'm swamped with my work. Then he said that there are likely other guys who would love to go out with her so I'd better act fast. I'm really feeling pressured - I think she's cute but I'm not getting the feeling she's that into me, and I feel like going with the flow - if we happen to bump into each other where it's more conducive to talk more, I'll do that. I like to grow some sort of rapport first. If I miss my shot, it's not like she's the only girl in the world. Being a small company, it's kind of hard to hold a conversation without a bunch of people around. Plus I would think that if she was interested she would make more eye contact or smile...no? Maybe I'm clueless. Don't listen to your co-workers. Take your time getting to know her. She's new there, so she is nervous and she might not be interested in dating a co-worker. Also, she might have a boyfriend. If she's as pretty as you say, then she gets plenty of male attention. By working together, you will get a chance to get to know her relatively well. You'll get to know her personality and whether you would be compatible long term. Don't force it. 1
Wiseman2 Posted December 23, 2021 Posted December 23, 2021 7 hours ago, Speedy79 said: I think she's cute but I'm not getting the feeling she's that into me, Trust your instincts and judgement. You're doing the right thing not hitting on newly hired co-workers and just keeping it professional and friendly. 2
Ami1uwant Posted December 23, 2021 Posted December 23, 2021 8 hours ago, Speedy79 said: It's a barrier, but not a deal breaker - for me, at least. My mother barely spoke English when she met my dad, and I've learned some Spanish here and there from coworkers. Thank you - this is what I feel is the right way - not pushing to ask her out right away - that feels forced to me. I'd like to get to know her naturally, the same as my other coworkers - through normal talking and joking around. In my case, I have big problems in non verbal communication. I’d have real hesitancy in pursuing this. an ex gf of mine was a South American immigrant who had been in USA 15+ years before I met her. She spoke English fine. She had some problems with some more advanced words that you might not use often. Her step mom ( who primarily raised her with her dad) spoke very lityke English. It was a struggle communicating some things. I’d just use Google translate. The rest of her family spoke English. I knew some Spanish but conversational was much harder to process than if I read it in text. 1
Author Speedy79 Posted December 23, 2021 Author Posted December 23, 2021 14 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said: In my case, I have big problems in non verbal communication. I’d have real hesitancy in pursuing this. an ex gf of mine was a South American immigrant who had been in USA 15+ years before I met her. She spoke English fine. She had some problems with some more advanced words that you might not use often. Her step mom ( who primarily raised her with her dad) spoke very lityke English. It was a struggle communicating some things. I’d just use Google translate. The rest of her family spoke English. I knew some Spanish but conversational was much harder to process than if I read it in text. My mom's half of the family barely speaks English and we communicate fine. If I get to thinking this girl is worth it I wouldn't even be updated to learning her language, as I have learned trek others already.
Author Speedy79 Posted December 24, 2021 Author Posted December 24, 2021 Just an update - yesterday I was going in the girl's department and they were playing a song I like by Shakira. My coworker who was pushing me to talk to the girl said "Speedy thinks Shakira is beautiful. Don't you think (the girl) is pretty too?". She turned beet red and told him to shut up. I simply said yes and smiled at her and left. She was singing and smiling the rest of the day. I approached her in the lunch room and asked about where she's from, etc - she brought her phone out and we talked for ten minutes via Google translate and what little we know of each other's language. Doesn't drink, doesn't party, really nice girl. She said she'd like to teach me to dance and I said I would like that but have to think about it as I'm very self conscious and don't like dancing with people I don't know too well. So it's an opening:) I'm going to get to know her more.
smackie9 Posted December 24, 2021 Posted December 24, 2021 (edited) 2 hours ago, Speedy79 said: I said I would like that but have to think about it as I'm very self conscious and don't like dancing with people I don't know too well. That is so insecure and negative...women get turned off by such chatter. Women like confident men so you better work on what you say. It should have been "I look forward to that, it sounds like a lot of fun. Hope I don't step on your toes too much (laugh)..." You know be funny, witty. Man up and be up for anything if you want to impress this young lady. Edited December 24, 2021 by smackie9
Author Speedy79 Posted December 24, 2021 Author Posted December 24, 2021 1 hour ago, smackie9 said: That is so insecure and negative...women get turned off by such chatter. Women like confident men so you better work on what you say. It should have been "I look forward to that, it sounds like a lot of fun. Hope I don't step on your toes too much (laugh)..." You know be funny, witty. Man up and be up for anything if you want to impress this young lady. I'm not good at this and I look like an idiot when I dance - I've been teased for it before. But then again I probably looked like an idiot saying that in hindsight. I'll try to be better.
Wiseman2 Posted December 24, 2021 Posted December 24, 2021 9 minutes ago, Speedy79 said: I'm not good at this and I look like an idiot when I dance - I've been teased for it before. Just be yourself and be friendly. Don't let your pal drive this. use your own judgement. 2
Author Speedy79 Posted December 24, 2021 Author Posted December 24, 2021 6 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Just be yourself and be friendly. Don't let your pal drive this. use your own judgement. LOL - that's how I WOULD dance (or think I was dancing) after a few drinks but I haven't had one in a year and a half now. What's the worst that happens - she laughs at me?
smackie9 Posted December 24, 2021 Posted December 24, 2021 Dude she said she would like to "teach" you how to dance. This is a prime opportunity for you. Think positive. 2
Author Speedy79 Posted December 24, 2021 Author Posted December 24, 2021 12 minutes ago, smackie9 said: Dude she said she would like to "teach" you how to dance. This is a prime opportunity for you. Think positive. Thank you - and I do appreciate the up-frontness. I need to be more positive about myself. 1
Author Speedy79 Posted December 30, 2021 Author Posted December 30, 2021 So Monday morning, the girl was eating in the break room. I asked how her Christmas went and sat across from her. She was very quiet and back to not being friendly with me again. I asked her if she wanted to meet somewhere for coffee after work and she basically said she had to go home after work. So I told her if she'd like to some other time this week to let me know. After that happened, she went out of her way to avoid me. Before, she would walk past my desk 5-6 times a day to go to the break room or washroom, now she goes all the way around back through the warehouse (I can hear her talking back there from my desk). Not only that, but her entire department goes silent when I pass through their department now. This morning I passed through her department and said good morning to everyone, and one of the other girls said good morning and called me a derogatory name in Spanish, thinking I wouldn't understand it. It was hurtful. I seriously have no idea what I did wrong. I asked her to meet for coffee and now I'm being treated like I threatened her. Sorry, I just wanted to vent. The first girl I put myself out there with this month just ghosts me, the second treats me like a criminal. I tried coming out of my shell, but now I feel like just going back in and staying there.
Wiseman2 Posted December 30, 2021 Posted December 30, 2021 36 minutes ago, Speedy79 said: I seriously have no idea what I did wrong. I asked her to meet for coffee and now I'm being treated like I threatened her. Sorry this happened. Hitting on new coworkers is never a good idea and it seems your pals at work mislead and misinformed you. Your initial thoughts about avoiding this scenario were correct. Trust your own judgement. 1
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