Author ironpony Posted December 27, 2021 Author Posted December 27, 2021 Well even though the parents knew the age gap, the other relatives did not, so they seem kind of surprised, which made her feel very anxious. I mean she did kind of tell them in a conversation ner, so they seem surprised. But hopefully they don't think it's too weird.
elaine567 Posted December 27, 2021 Posted December 27, 2021 1 hour ago, ironpony said: Well even though the parents knew the age gap, the other relatives did not, so they seem kind of surprised, which made her feel very anxious. I mean she did kind of tell them in a conversation ner, so they seem surprised. But hopefully they don't think it's too weird. I can see why she was anxious, but that was your fault. You should have made it clear to everyone, long before Christmas day. They are your relatives/friends. It was not fair to them or your gf. 1
Gaeta Posted December 27, 2021 Posted December 27, 2021 On 12/24/2021 at 2:40 AM, ironpony said: Oh well we already had Christmas dinner at her place! Thanks for the suggestion though! But this was a couple of days before Christmas and she was still invited to my place before. Hopefully a good impression will be made. I think my parents don't have anything against her, they just think the dating situation is weird. I think the situation bothers them more than the person. So you push your parents to think outside the box a little, nothing wrong with it.
Author ironpony Posted December 27, 2021 Author Posted December 27, 2021 5 hours ago, elaine567 said: I can see why she was anxious, but that was your fault. You should have made it clear to everyone, long before Christmas day. They are your relatives/friends. It was not fair to them or your gf. Oh well it's just I do not communicate with my relatives as much as my parents do and they are from out of town. I don't know there phone numbers, so was I just suppose to send them messages on facebook, telling them my gf's age randomly, so they are not shocked, or would have been more awkward?
Author ironpony Posted December 28, 2021 Author Posted December 28, 2021 Well it seems that based on reactions, is this age gap thing a bigger deal with a lot of people than I anticipated? I mean I feel like people reacted like it was the 60s and I came out as gay, and everyone seems shocked and awkward about it. But is not that bad or still pretty bad?
Gaeta Posted December 29, 2021 Posted December 29, 2021 19 hours ago, ironpony said: Well it seems that based on reactions, is this age gap thing a bigger deal with a lot of people than I anticipated? It's not the age gap, it's the fact she's only 21. If she was 40 and you 56 it wouldn't be a big deal.
Author ironpony Posted December 29, 2021 Author Posted December 29, 2021 (edited) Oh ok but isn't the age gap more common than people are wanting to believe? Her friend for example is 23 for example and her bf is 42. My friend who is also 37 got married to a guy 16 years older when she was 20. So isn't this kind of thing more common than people act like, even with women in their 20s? Edited December 29, 2021 by ironpony
Gaeta Posted December 29, 2021 Posted December 29, 2021 3 minutes ago, ironpony said: Oh ok but isn't the age gap more common than people are wanting to believe? Her friend for example is 23 for example and her bf is 32. My friend who is also 37 got married to a guy 16 years older when she was 20. So isn't this kind of thing more common than people act like, even with women in their 20s? Yes couples have age gap, 10-15-20 years even more but young 20ish people in relationships with 15-20 years older? no. You may see the exception here and there but it's not common. No parent want to see their 20 yo daughter dating a 40 year old man. I understand your gf has no family and life imposed on her to be independent early but it's not the life of most 20 yo. Your relationship is what it is, accept it's outside of the social norm.
Author ironpony Posted December 29, 2021 Author Posted December 29, 2021 1 hour ago, Gaeta said: Yes couples have age gap, 10-15-20 years even more but young 20ish people in relationships with 15-20 years older? no. You may see the exception here and there but it's not common. No parent want to see their 20 yo daughter dating a 40 year old man. I understand your gf has no family and life imposed on her to be independent early but it's not the life of most 20 yo. Your relationship is what it is, accept it's outside of the social norm. I see what you mean. It was said before that I was unfair to her by not telling people. If she meets more relatives in the future, should I send an email to them in advance to prep them?
Gaeta Posted December 29, 2021 Posted December 29, 2021 18 minutes ago, ironpony said: I see what you mean. It was said before that I was unfair to her by not telling people. If she meets more relatives in the future, should I send an email to them in advance to prep them? My opinion is no. Live your life. Your relationship is out of norm but it's not illegal. Other than your parents, you don't need to warn people ahead, it's not their business. Enjoy the shock on their face when they figure it out. 1
Author ironpony Posted December 29, 2021 Author Posted December 29, 2021 2 hours ago, Gaeta said: My opinion is no. Live your life. Your relationship is out of norm but it's not illegal. Other than your parents, you don't need to warn people ahead, it's not their business. Enjoy the shock on their face when they figure it out. I could do that but it was said before it's not fair to her.
Gaeta Posted December 30, 2021 Posted December 30, 2021 5 hours ago, ironpony said: I could do that but it was said before it's not fair to her. I beleive they were refering to her meeting your parents. Your parents needed a bit of time to get used to the idea she's 21. Their approval is important to you and you live under their roof, it's just mutual respect. Your uncles, aunts, cousins are not immediate family, you don't warn them. If you have siblings l'm sure they know by now. Personally l would inform my siblings, they are immediate family. If l tell any of my family members l'm dating someone the first question they have is always how old he is.
Author ironpony Posted December 30, 2021 Author Posted December 30, 2021 43 minutes ago, Gaeta said: I beleive they were refering to her meeting your parents. Your parents needed a bit of time to get used to the idea she's 21. Their approval is important to you and you live under their roof, it's just mutual respect. Your uncles, aunts, cousins are not immediate family, you don't warn them. If you have siblings l'm sure they know by now. Personally l would inform my siblings, they are immediate family. If l tell any of my family members l'm dating someone the first question they have is always how old he is. Oh okay I see. My parents already knew, it was the other relatives that were the shocked ones. My brother knew but I didn't tell my sister but should have. We just haven't been as close lately, but I the other immediate family knew.
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