Does this sound like flirtation?

[babybrowns]

Hello all,

I’m a 32 yo female who recently moved to a new town. I came across a social group in this new town which welcomes new members to the town and organises events. I recently met a guy at one of these socials, who is a long-standing member of the group. He was giving me a lot of attention at this event and we got on well. I’ve been messaging him a bit since this event (me always initiating though) and he’s been a little flirty in response. At one point he did say, “Listen, it was really fun to meet you the other night. We should meet up again soon. Are you going to Kyle’s party tomorrow?” ( But I came home for Xmas so currently away from the town).

However I think I read too much into his ‘flirty nature’. There was a recent exchange between us that led to me feeling like I might have got the wrong end of the stick. I’d just like to share the exchange here:

Me: “I would come to your ice skating event next week, just that I can’t skate LOL!”

Him: “haha don’t worry we will both be a couple of misfits on the ice amidst the others. Besides, I can teach you!”

Me: “Ah that makes me feel hopeful!”

Him: “Glad to hear it. I can do more too ”

This got me a little excited since it led me to feel it was a flirt. I then said, “Haha more what?”

He didn’t reply to this. After waiting a few hours I put a cute ‘huh?’ emoji, still no reply. A few hours further yet, I gave a final “Please tell me what you meant?”

This is when he said ”Haha I was only messing, I just meant I could teach you how to ski as well as skate”

I responded, “Ahh that’s what you meant. Well I feel a little silly!” 
And it ended there.

Even though we have only met in person once, I don’t think he actually likes me in the same way I developed a liking for him, and that I might have been misreading what I perceived to be flirtatious signals. It’s kinda put me off going to events where he’ll be there.

I joined this group primarily to make friends, I didn’t plan to get a crush on someone so soon. Nevertheless, since the development of what seems to be an unrequited crush, it has made things a little tricky. I’m just wondering if anyone has any advice, I’d really appreciate it

[stillafool]

I can see how you took his comment as flirting, especially with the wink emoji at the end of it.  I think he realized he was going down a slippery path he wasn't sure he wanted and back tracked.  You didn't do anything wrong so don't stop going to future events.  When you see him just smile, make small talk and move on and enjoy yourself.

[smackie9]

Whoa slow your roll hun. not very smooth. You made him uncomfortable pressing him for "what do you mean? kinda clingy. That kind of things could really wreck the charm in all this. Relax, pull back a bit, just be friendly upbeat, take your time. Just text once about going to an event, "a see you there" is all you need, and invest your humor, wit, flirtation in person. Don't force it. It may or may not turn into anything, but please keep your excitement down to a low rumble. Let things unfold organically. I'm sure he will eventually ask you out for dinner.

[babybrowns]

Thanks for your replies so far. Whether there is any interest from him or not, I do feel rather embarrassed at what’s happened, if anything I might have shown my level of interest too much. His is less than mine. Worst feeling ever for a woman Can I just go along to events where he’s at and pretend all is cool? Not really

The only way to still be part of this group and enjoy its socials after this little episode is to completely block him (to not have to have the ‘will he / won’t he message me?’) and not attend his socials. Ah well. Live a little and learn a little!

Edited December 21, 2021 by babybrowns

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, babybrowns said:

He didn’t reply to this. After waiting a few hours I put a cute ‘huh?’ emoji, still no reply. A few hours further yet, I gave a final “Please tell me what you meant?”

Oh, BB, cringe. 

Slow down. Give the man time to respond. Don't send a follow-up to a follow-up text. Take a deep breath and remember that an interested guy will respond, without any nudging from you. 

[babybrowns]

1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Oh, BB, cringe. 

Slow down. Give the man time to respond. Don't send a follow-up to a follow-up text. Take a deep breath and remember that an interested guy will respond, without any nudging from you. 

I know I guess that, a part of me did want certainty because it has been so ‘does he/ doesn’t he?’ for me. I wanted to see which way the wind blows. He clarified as we saw that he was not flirting. Am I upset, yes Am I embarrassed, yes!! Only option is to have nothing more to do with him.

[Ami1uwant]

Don’t block him….

 

relax and get to know people and see what happens.

[babybrowns]

14 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said:

Don’t block him….

 

relax and get to know people and see what happens.

I’m just too embarrassed not to. If I don’t block him I’m always gonna be wondering if he’s going to message or not…I’ve been through that before with a lukewarm guy and I don’t want to put myself through it again.

It’s very sad, things were going well, even as friends. I guess my crush on the guy just got big enough that I wanted certainty on whether he was flirting or not and went about it poorly. I’m not planning on speaking to him again.

Undoubtedly we will at some point go to the same event as each other again, whether he chooses to come and say hi or not will say a lot about the extent of my cringey actions here

[glows]

I wouldn't worry about it. What's done is done. The only person this is affecting right now is you so let it go. Sure, the second and third messages weren't that necessary but who cares. You said it and it's out there. So be it. You go to any event you very well please and have the time of your life too. 

Don't let this sway you.

[Girl Fade Away]

51 minutes ago, babybrowns said:

I guess that, a part of me did want certainty because it has been so ‘does he/ doesn’t he?’ 

BB, that's half the fun thought isn't it?  During these VERY early stages when you both feel something's "there" and you're just beginning to flirt?   The wondering, does he/doesn't he?   Try to have fun with it!    Play with it.  Wind HIM up!  lol 

If you can't learn to live with a bit of uncertainty especially in the early flirting stage, you are gonna have a very difficult time imo.  You will come across as needy and as another poster mentioned and I hate to say "cringy."

My guess is he was attracted to you and was flirting but may have become turned off by your pressing him about it.

Moving forward, a good response when you don't know how to respond is "I see" with a wink emoji.   That will get HIM wondering what YOU mean.

For example:

Him: “Glad to hear it. I can do more too ”

You:  Oh, I see. 

See how that might wind him up a bit and get him wondering?

I don't know it's all such a game sometimes but it CAN be fun if played right.  

But yeah what's done is done, try to let it go, it's not that huge of a deal and I certainly would not let it prevent you from attending future events.  Go and have a blast!  You might even be able to turn it around if you play your cards right. 

 

 

 

Edited December 21, 2021 by Girl Fade Away

[Lotsgoingon]

You're getting way ahead things and you're making the young person's big mistake.

Flirting over texting = nothing. Zero worth in terms of figuring out romance.

Lots of people just love flirting. I don't see anything flirtatious in his texts--and I don't see anything non-flirtatious. Just friendly. Quit trying to read that.

You need to hang with someone multiple times before you even think about romance.  Right now you're intrepreting each foolish text line like it is some important biblical passage and you're a bible scholar. No, it's just texting. 

Keep going to the group. You'll know FOR SURE when someone is interested. 

[babybrowns]

1 hour ago, Girl Fade Away said:

BB, that's half the fun thought isn't it?  During these VERY early stages when you both feel something's "there" and you're just beginning to flirt?   The wondering, does he/doesn't he?   Try to have fun with it!    Play with it.  Wind HIM up!  lol 

If you can't learn to live with a bit of uncertainty especially in the early flirting stage, you are gonna have a very difficult time imo.  You will come across as needy and as another poster mentioned and I hate to say "cringy."

My guess is he was attracted to you and was flirting but may have become turned off by your pressing him about it.

Moving forward, a good response when you don't know how to respond is "I see" with a wink emoji.   That will get HIM wondering what YOU mean.

For example:

Him: “Glad to hear it. I can do more too ”

You:  Oh, I see. 

See how that might wind him up a bit and get him wondering?

I don't know it's all such a game sometimes but it CAN be fun if played right.  

But yeah what's done is done, try to let it go, it's not that huge of a deal and I certainly would not let it prevent you from attending future events.  Go and have a blast!  You might even be able to turn it around if you play your cards right. 

 

 

 

Thank you all, and especially Girl Fade Away for this very useful post. I am quite upset at how things got messed up, I was enjoying talking to this guy. I’m not sure how to turn it around?

The only thing I can envision, is time slowly erasing what happened and I bump into him at an event that’s a few weeks away.

But what’s causing me the most embarrassment and reluctance to talk to him again is, if he doesn’t actually ‘like’ me in that way and is worried that he gave me the wrong impression, and he’ll consequently be especially distant the next time we see each other.

To protect myself from the potential upset from this I prefer to just not talk to him again. If he wants to approach me at another event, he will, but I’d much rather not be in this state of uncertainty. I’m an all or nothing kind of person and in my mind, it’s messed up, so I just want to avoid him now and show him I don’t care (and try to genuinely stop caring anyway when he’s not even that hot for me), seeking other sources of fun and good times with friends at these events.

 

Edited December 22, 2021 by babybrowns

[glows]

That’s fine but tread with care as you mingle in the same social circles. Why is it so hard to at least smile or greet each other? 

You seem quite afraid of rejection. Is this a good opportunity to let go of that? 

[babybrowns]

3 hours ago, glows said:

 

You seem quite afraid of rejection. Is this a good opportunity to let go of that? 

It is not a good opportunity, because it is not why I joined the group. I joined it to make friends in a new town where I know nobody. I want to keep it separate from my dating shenanigans.

[Wiseman2]

17 minutes ago, babybrowns said:

. I joined it to make friends in a new town where I know nobody.

Ok, it sounds like you are making friends. Just let this pass and continue being friendly and enjoying the events.

[deepthinking]

He probably thinks he is brightening up women's lives, knows he is nice,  but you can just say to yourself "forget it" it was only a few texts

You will look classy by getting on with the group. 

Edited December 22, 2021 by deepthinking