Seekingtruth333 Posted December 21, 2021 Share Posted December 21, 2021 (edited) While I’ve been seeing someone exclusively for several months and have been generally happy I’ve been getting a nagging feeling this guy has only one foot in our relationship. Here’s why I say that: He’s been divorced for only three years after 34 year marriage. When I asked him why the divorce, he tells me his ex wasn’t happy but it had nothing to do with sex or money. I believe he keeps in contact with his ex and he brings up her name too often when telling me they went to a certain place or they updated the kitchen etc. He spent Thanksgiving with her at the home he gave her in the divorce which was the same home he and the ex shared for many years along with their adult kids and the parents of his son‘s girlfriend. They took a picture and there he was standing right behind his ex like the other husbands. That he tells me his ex and their kids are invited with him to a wedding out of state in New Orleans next March and “he feels bad that can invite me because it would be weird if I were there”. How about it’s weird that he’s going with his ex out of state to a wedding! I told him there’s only room for two of us in this relationship and while he seemed to sympathize he didn’t change his plans. By the way at that point will be together for more than six months. He also tells me he’s telling his kids about me but I don’t think he ever did but he told me he told his ex about me - why? He was supposed to make plans for me to meet his kids but no plans. He has introduced me to some friends but that’s it. I haven’t been introduced to his brother either although he tells me he told his brother about me. I make him dinners on several weekends but he never asks to bring any wine or anything and comes empty handed. I always bring him something when I go to his place. He met my kids yesterday and when checking out of the restaurant he looks at me and says “you got this right?“ so I paid for everyone’s dinner including his. Afterwords we went to a sports game and while he never offered to buy anyone water including me and after me paying for his dinner, he pulled breadsticks from his pocket a few times and never offered to anyone. He does generally pay when we go to dinner. He tells me he’s financially well off but he only lives in a one bedroom apartment homes with barely any furniture since his divorce and he says he wants to live somewhere nicer because he can afford it. I’m financially well settled and live in a valuable home so he tells me that between the two of us we could live very nicely. What’s the story with this guy? He’s very nice and he seems to enjoy spending time with me but I keep thinking is 1 foot out of this relationship and he stuck his prior marriage Edited December 21, 2021 by Seekingtruth333 Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted December 21, 2021 Share Posted December 21, 2021 56 minutes ago, Seekingtruth333 said: While I’ve been seeing someone exclusively for several months and have been generally happy I’ve been getting a nagging feeling this guy has only one foot in our relationship. Here’s why I say that: He’s been divorced for only three years after 34 year marriage. When I asked him why the divorce, he tells me his ex wasn’t happy but it had nothing to do with sex or money. I believe he keeps in contact with his ex and he brings up her name too often when telling me they went to a certain place or they updated the kitchen etc. He spent Thanksgiving with her at the home he gave her in the divorce which was the same home he and the ex shared for many years along with their adult kids and the parents of his son‘s girlfriend. They took a picture and there he was standing right behind his ex like the other husbands. That he tells me his ex and their kids are invited with him to a wedding out of state in New Orleans next March and “he feels bad that can invite me because it would be weird if I were there”. How about it’s weird that he’s going with his ex out of state to a wedding! I told him there’s only room for two of us in this relationship and while he seemed to sympathize he didn’t change his plans. By the way at that point will be together for more than six months. He also tells me he’s telling his kids about me but I don’t think he ever did but he told me he told his ex about me - why? He was supposed to make plans for me to meet his kids but no plans. He has introduced me to some friends but that’s it. I haven’t been introduced to his brother either although he tells me he told his brother about me. I make him dinners on several weekends but he never asks to bring any wine or anything and comes empty handed. I always bring him something when I go to his place. He met my kids yesterday and when checking out of the restaurant he looks at me and says “you got this right?“ so I paid for everyone’s dinner including his. Afterwords we went to a sports game and while he never offered to buy anyone water including me and after me paying for his dinner, he pulled breadsticks from his pocket a few times and never offered to anyone. He does generally pay when we go to dinner. He tells me he’s financially well off but he only lives in a one bedroom apartment homes with barely any furniture since his divorce and he says he wants to live somewhere nicer because he can afford it. I’m financially well settled and live in a valuable home so he tells me that between the two of us we could live very nicely. What’s the story with this guy? He’s very nice and he seems to enjoy spending time with me but I keep thinking is 1 foot out of this relationship and he stuck his prior marriage You said they were married 30+ years. They have kids. I’m guessing pretty much his entire adult life has been with his ex 7ntil they divorced. it’s unrealistic for him to even exclude things he did with his ex in terms of anything done. Thry had kids who are now about to get married ..they are going to be involved together with the kids lives. There is no way around this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Seekingtruth333 Posted December 21, 2021 Author Share Posted December 21, 2021 Their kids aren’t getting married. It’s friend of the family. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted December 21, 2021 Share Posted December 21, 2021 He sounds very lukewarm and not really ready for this. I'm sorry, OP. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted December 21, 2021 Share Posted December 21, 2021 You’re just learning about his family dynamics and are seeing the tip of the iceberg in terms of reasons why they divorced. They’re dysfunctional and have poor boundaries. I’d venture that he and/or his ex-wife both feel guilty for splitting the family and are doing their best to carry on with as little ripple effects around family and friends. Is there any history of infidelity? You may also be seeing issues with the way he handles money, lying and lack of transparency. I’m not saying all the above is the case but use your good senses and trust your instincts. If things don’t add up, cut your losses and find someone else who makes you happier. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted December 21, 2021 Share Posted December 21, 2021 Ask yourself....is this the best you can do in being with this guy? Girrrrrl they be better men out there for you. Like I always say, date those who treat you the way you want/expect to be treated. He ain't no gentleman. He only thinks about himself. I wouldn't spend another second with him. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 21, 2021 Share Posted December 21, 2021 13 hours ago, Seekingtruth333 said: He tells me he’s financially well off but he only lives in a one bedroom apartment homes with barely any furniture since his divorce and he says he wants to live somewhere nicer because he can afford it He is treading water. He has not I guess accepted that he is divorced. He is playing a waiting game, waiting till he is accepted back into the fold. His flat is not a home, it is a waiting room. He wants his ex and his old life back. You will do in the meantime, these guys like sex and companionship on their terms but he is not enamoured with you. He is not integrating you into his life as you are just a temporary fix and may even ruin his chances with his wife... IF his wife does not take him back, he thinks he has you as a back up... I think you should go look for a better man. 3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 21, 2021 Share Posted December 21, 2021 (edited) Sounds like this guy is biding his time until he goes back home to his ex wife. This is why he doesn't spend money to get himself a nice place. Oh, I think he told his ex about you to get a rise out of her and cause her to want him back. Edited December 21, 2021 by stillafool Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted December 21, 2021 Share Posted December 21, 2021 3 years is long enough to have moved on from a marriage. You have been more than generous in the things you do for him, pay for because you have manners. Him, he's terrible. Link to post Share on other sites
lonelyplanetmoon Posted December 23, 2021 Share Posted December 23, 2021 Do you really want to spend another second with a man who will never make you a priority? Hell no, forget about him. He will use you until you have nothing left. Don’t make the mistake of staying and getting attached. Does he make you happy? Or does he make you question yourself? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted December 23, 2021 Share Posted December 23, 2021 (edited) Well it sounds like he's paid for plenty anyway so why are you even quivering over the few things you do pay for and a few dinners you've cooked your obviously keeping score , pretty off. But of course l get you don't wanna be scammed either and on he's financials , who knows. lt could be as he's said, he might be just being financially careful after a divorce until he figures his new life and direction out they very often have to be, not all , l know. Or it could be more maybe the ex just got it all , bc they can be suckers to and there's also a lot of very blind one sided judges around to. On him being ready nah , he isn't anyway. He does only sound luke warm but he also hasn't finished working through his marriage breakdown either. Edited December 23, 2021 by chillii Link to post Share on other sites
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