Jump to content

New Year's Eve Bomb?

Anonymous92

By Anonymous92
in Dating

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

Anonymous92 New Member

Anonymous92

Posted
Posted (edited)

Hey all! So my boyfriend and I met in May and started officially dating in about August of this year. We both just moved from different states to the same state over the spring/summer. He had drove 4 hours to see me in June in the previous state I was living in for our first date. We were planning to do a short trip weekend trip for our Christmas gift to each other. I thought we would do New Year’s Eve and New Year’s day since we won’t get to spend any holidays together because I’m going back home, and his family has been in town. 

Well, I mentioned that to him, and he said he can’t do New Year’s Eve because he is spending it with family. There wasn’t really another time to do the trip, and I wanted to get it in before med school starts back up. That’s fine he wants to spend it with family, and I’m not upset about that part. However, he knows I’ll be back in town by then and would be spending it by myself if he wasn’t with me. I haven’t met his family yet, and he said he and his brother has been fighting so things would still be kind of awkward. Awkward in 2 weeks from now? I don’t know. I just feel like New Year’s Eve is a couple’s holiday, and I really don’t hammer him about doing anything with me. 

I would have been fine spending it with him and his family. It just hurt my feelings he doesn’t want to spend it with me. Should we be spending it together or am I wrong to think this way? On one hand I totally get wanting to spend it with family since he didn’t get to last year, but I just don’t see an issue with wanting to feel included 😕 What do you all think?

Edited by Anonymous92
stillafool Established Member

stillafool

Posted
Posted
56 minutes ago, Anonymous92 said:

However, he knows I’ll be back in town by then and would be spending it by myself if he wasn’t with me. I haven’t met his family yet, and he said he and his brother has been fighting so things would still be kind of awkward. Awkward in 2 weeks from now? I don’t know. I just feel like New Year’s Eve is a couple’s holiday, and I really don’t hammer him about doing anything with me. 

You are absolutely correct IMHO.  If you guys are official, aren't spending Christmas together but are in the same town on New Year's Eve of course you would expect to spend it with him and whomever.  What does he and his brother not getting along have to do with you and him?  If anything, he shouldn't be spending NYE with his brother.  How old is he?

  • Like 1
  • Author
Anonymous92 New Member

Anonymous92

Posted
  • Author
Posted
12 minutes ago, stillafool said:

You are absolutely correct IMHO.  If you guys are official, aren't spending Christmas together but are in the same town on New Year's Eve of course you would expect to spend it with him and whomever.  What does he and his brother not getting along have to do with you and him?  If anything, he shouldn't be spending NYE with his brother.  How old is he?

His mom is in town from like 8 hours away and both of his brothers already live here so I guess they are all getting together. He said the argument they were having would make it be weird there. I guess because it would be the first time meeting his family, but I don’t know? He’s 37, and I’m 29. Been dating for about 5 months. 

Wiseman2 Established Member

Wiseman2

Posted
Posted
2 minutes ago, Anonymous92 said:

He’s 37, and I’m 29. Been dating for about 5 months. 

Is there a hometown recent ex or on/off GF?

stillafool Established Member

stillafool

Posted
Posted
18 minutes ago, Anonymous92 said:

His mom is in town from like 8 hours away and both of his brothers already live here so I guess they are all getting together. He said the argument they were having would make it be weird there. I guess because it would be the first time meeting his family, but I don’t know? He’s 37, and I’m 29. Been dating for about 5 months. 

So his brothers aren't bringing dates and they all are going to sit around together to ring in the NY only kissing their mom and no one else at midnight?   So he's basically saying they will continue the argument on NYE?  How long will Mom be in town?  If more than just NYE why can't he go out with you and see her on New Years Day?  I don't know too many people his age who spend NYE with their mother and grown brothers.  Weird.

  • Like 2
  • Author
Anonymous92 New Member

Anonymous92

Posted
  • Author
Posted
4 minutes ago, stillafool said:

So his brothers aren't bringing dates and they all are going to sit around together to ring in the NY only kissing their mom and no one else at midnight?   So he's basically saying they will continue the argument on NYE?  How long will Mom be in town?  If more than just NYE why can't he go out with you and see her on New Years Day?  I don't know too many people his age who spend NYE with their mother and grown brothers.  Weird.

One brother is married, and the other has been in a long term relationship for a long time, and they have kids together. That’s how I took it too with the argument thing. Starting to feel like he is embarrassed by me or something :( His Mom has been in town for a couple weeks and will still be in town probably a week or so after New Year’s. 

stillafool Established Member

stillafool

Posted
Posted
6 minutes ago, Anonymous92 said:

His Mom has been in town for a couple weeks and will still be in town probably a week or so after New Year’s. 

Then I don't see any good reason why he can't spend NYE with you and New Year's Day with his family.  I'm sure his family has enough sense not to straight out start a fight when this is the first meet with their brother's new gf.  It just doesn't add up to me.

  • Like 2
Girl Fade Away Established Member

Girl Fade Away

Posted
Posted (edited)

I'll be quick. 

Something sounds terribly OFF about this entire situation and my take is he has another date for NYE and using his family as an excuse. 

Makes zero sense and this early in, for me it would be a deal breaker. 

I wouldn't even bother confronting him, just end it. 

Sorry. :(

Edited by Girl Fade Away
  • Like 2
glows Established Member

glows

Posted
Posted

I can see why you’re hurt but disagree it’s a couple’s event. It sounds more like he’s quite family oriented and that’s fine. You’re both realizing your differing expectations. 

Whose idea is it to do a getaway trip? It may not be something he’s interested in at all in the first place. It sounds like it’s more of something you’d like to do and assumed he’d go along with it. 

Since he’s not available think about how important this really is to you or if it’s a hill you’d like to die on. It’s not a big deal, in my opinion. If he feuds with his siblings regularly be wary that his family relationships and drama bleed out and complicate issues overall. Now’s the time to observe a person in totality and how they treat others in their lives or navigate difficulty or challenges. 

  • Author
Anonymous92 New Member

Anonymous92

Posted
  • Author
Posted
23 minutes ago, glows said:

I can see why you’re hurt but disagree it’s a couple’s event. It sounds more like he’s quite family oriented and that’s fine. You’re both realizing your differing expectations. 

Whose idea is it to do a getaway trip? It may not be something he’s interested in at all in the first place. It sounds like it’s more of something you’d like to do and assumed he’d go along with it. 

Since he’s not available think about how important this really is to you or if it’s a hill you’d like to die on. It’s not a big deal, in my opinion. If he feuds with his siblings regularly be wary that his family relationships and drama bleed out and complicate issues overall. Now’s the time to observe a person in totality and how they treat others in their lives or navigate difficulty or challenges. 

The trip was actually his suggestion in the first place. I’ll probably just let this one go and if we are still together this time next year, see how things look. 

  • Like 1
Girl Fade Away Established Member

Girl Fade Away

Posted
Posted
37 minutes ago, Anonymous92 said:

The trip was actually his suggestion in the first place. I’ll probably just let this one go and if we are still together this time next year, see how things look. 

Well hopefully he will at least call you at midnight from mom's to wish you a Happy New Year.  

I'm all for lowering expectations but I would at least expect that. 

Hope it works out for you, good luck. 

  • Like 1
Foxhall Established Member

Foxhall

Posted
Posted
57 minutes ago, Anonymous92 said:

I’ll probably just let this one go and if we are still together this time next year, see how things look. 

Yes I think your right to feel hurt over it,

Yet I also like what you say above, your being quite fair really,

whether he is entitled to that well time will tell,

but nice of you to give the benefit of the doubt all the same.

spiderowl Established Member

spiderowl

Posted
Posted

I can understand him wanting to be with family on New Year's Eve.  If you are his girlfriend, though, then he should want to spend some time with you over the holiday.  The fact that he isn't factoring you in is a concern.  This is a time when we want to see those most special to us (particularly our partners).  

It seems like you are doing the hard work of trying to make a time to get together and he is not even thinking about it, except to make excuses.  I would seriously reconsider this relationship if I were you.

  • Like 1
salparadise Established Member

salparadise

Posted
Posted

New Year's Eve is a date night, celebration time. Almost as defacto as February 14th. You're right about it not being just about him. Does he expect you to sit home with nowhere to go, nothing to do, as he's making excuses for why you aren't welcome at his family's thing. Doesn't sound on the up and up to me. I think you should arrange to have a date for NYE and let the chips fall where they may.

  • Like 2
elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

Posted
Posted
12 hours ago, Anonymous92 said:

 He’s 37, and I’m 29. Been dating for about 5 months. 

I guess you are finding out exactly why he is still single at 37...

  • Like 3
SincereOnlineGuy Established Member

SincereOnlineGuy

Posted
Posted
On 12/19/2021 at 11:45 AM, Anonymous92 said:

Hey all! So my boyfriend and I met in May and started officially dating in about August of this year. We both just moved from different states to the same state over the spring/summer. He had drove 4 hours to see me in June in the previous state I was living in for our first date. We were planning to do a short trip weekend trip for our Christmas gift to each other. I thought we would do New Year’s Eve and New Year’s day since we won’t get to spend any holidays together because I’m going back home, and his family has been in town. 

Well, I mentioned that to him, and he said he can’t do New Year’s Eve because he is spending it with family. There wasn’t really another time to do the trip, and I wanted to get it in before med school starts back up. That’s fine he wants to spend it with family, and I’m not upset about that part. However, he knows I’ll be back in town by then and would be spending it by myself if he wasn’t with me. I haven’t met his family yet, and he said he and his brother has been fighting so things would still be kind of awkward. Awkward in 2 weeks from now? I don’t know. I just feel like New Year’s Eve is a couple’s holiday, and I really don’t hammer him about doing anything with me. 

I would have been fine spending it with him and his family. It just hurt my feelings he doesn’t want to spend it with me. Should we be spending it together or am I wrong to think this way? On one hand I totally get wanting to spend it with family since he didn’t get to last year, but I just don’t see an issue with wanting to feel included 😕 What do you all think?

I say this is tricky...  because WE here can't tell if he and his brother have been fighting like small boys over a baseball glove, OR whether they have been seriously in disagreement on some major family-related issue that has everyone there on edge.

 

It makes perfect sense that he might not want you to be exposed to his family dynamic just yet, at LEAST without first having had some further initiation as to what you should expect.

 

In no way should his unavailability at New Year's be or seem any reflection of how he feels about YOU.  (no matter how much crap you've read in Women's magazines about how important it is for you to have someone to kiss at midnight when the ball drops)

 

He would prefer to ease you into his family rather than RISK alienating you because of his family all at once, particularly at this present moment in their family evolution.

 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...