Why do men become attached ?

[Emma7897]

Why do you think men become attached before ever meeting a girl in person ? From always talking on the phone to claiming you as there girl before ever meeting ? 

 - low self esteem ? 

-not enough attention from girls ? 

- lonely ? 
 

PS . This has no story behind it . I’ve just seen it happen a lot and wanted to know you guys Opinion. 

Edited December 17, 2021 by Emma7897

[Maldives]

Not only men I've seen it with woman too. Maybe loneliness either that or no brain lol 

[Ami1uwant]

1 hour ago, Emma7897 said:

Why do you think men become attached before ever meeting a girl in person ? From always talking on the phone to claiming you as there girl before ever meeting ? 

 - low self esteem ? 

-not enough attention from girls ? 

- lonely ? 
 

PS . This has no story behind it . I’ve just seen it happen a lot and wanted to know you guys Opinion. 

This happens with both sexes equally. Why does it happen

 

1 generally younger or inexperienced with OLD

2. they felt a connection with you in talking

3. they liked your photos

4.  Wanting a serious romantic relationship.  Lonely is not the same thing.  They might have tried dating and couldn’t find anyone it worked with. They have friends but they don’t have romance/ love that probably friend phDs have either engaged/ married now.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[ccas93]

I went through a stage like this in my late teens/ early 20s of getting attached to women I didn't know that well, and I believe it was because of a lack of self confidence and a scarcity mindset. Believing that this attractive girl that talked to me was my chance, and I actually thought it would be a long time or never before I got another  I look back and cringe and want to apologize to those poor girls who had to deal with me then. But live and you learn, I guess. I also agree with the other points that amiluwant made. 

 

[Emma7897]

1 hour ago, ccas93 said:

I went through a stage like this in my late teens/ early 20s of getting attached to women I didn't know that well, and I believe it was because of a lack of self confidence and a scarcity mindset. Believing that this attractive girl that talked to me was my chance, and I actually thought it would be a long time or never before I got another  I look back and cringe and want to apologize to those poor girls who had to deal with me then. But live and you learn, I guess. I also agree with the other points that amiluwant made. 

 

Even women you haven’t met yet ? 
I notice men get attached to me before meeting  …. 

Edited December 17, 2021 by Emma7897

[ccas93]

20 minutes ago, Emma7897 said:

Even women you haven’t met yet ? 
I notice men get attached to me before meeting  …. 

No, when I was that age OLD hadn't really become a thing. But I could see my 19 year old self getting all invested in a hot girl I matched with and had a conversation with. Either way, I know what you're talking about and think it could also be lovebombing. 

[Emma7897]

22 minutes ago, ccas93 said:

No, when I was that age OLD hadn't really become a thing. But I could see my 19 year old self getting all invested in a hot girl I matched with and had a conversation with. Either way, I know what you're talking about and think it could also be lovebombing. 

What’s lovebombing exactly? I’ve heard a lot of women’s definitions of it! But never heard a males point of view on it ? 

[basil67]

I know you asked@ccas93 but I'm going to give my own interpretation because I think many are unfairly accused of this.

Lovebombing is a recent pop psychology term which to quote healthline.com  happens when someone overwhelms you with loving words, actions, and behavior as a manipulation technique. “It's often used to win over your trust and affection so that they can meet a goal of theirs,”  The key word is "manipulation"

However, I believe that the far majority of the  time, the intense loving and enthusiasm comes from simply getting carried away with lust and excitement.  They aren't trying to manipulate, they just get over enthusiastic.   When the relationship ends, those people are then labelled lovebombers because the dumpee is all hurt and wants to blame someone using an armchair dx. 

I think that in the old days, true love bombing was called 'bait and switch'.  

[ExpatInItaly]

Define "attached", OP. 

[Wiseman2]

10 hours ago, Emma7897 said:

 claiming you as there girl before ever meeting 
PS . This has no story behind it . 

Sometimes scammers do this. Read up on romance scams. It's a common tactic.

Of course it's a red flag.

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sometimes scammers do this. Read up on romance scams. It's a common tactic.

Of course it's a red flag.

Agreed. 

I’ve never known a mature, rational adult with sincere intentions that does this. 

 

[stillafool]

9 hours ago, Emma7897 said:

I notice men get attached to me before meeting  …. 

Have you ever been in a long term relationship with one of these men?  Why did your break up?

[glows]

14 hours ago, Emma7897 said:

Why do you think men become attached before ever meeting a girl in person ? From always talking on the phone to claiming you as there girl before ever meeting ? 

 - low self esteem ? 

-not enough attention from girls ? 

- lonely ? 
 

PS . This has no story behind it . I’ve just seen it happen a lot and wanted to know you guys Opinion. 

How do you know they’re attached? I don’t pay attention to this.

If it’s inappropriate or doesn’t add up (behaviour to the situation) it’s ignore and delete. I don’t even think about it. They may do it for any reason or motive. The point is that it’s inappropriate, unwanted attention or behaviour. 

 

[czanclus]

14 hours ago, Emma7897 said:

Why do you think men become attached before ever meeting a girl in person ? From always talking on the phone to claiming you as there girl before ever meeting ? 

 - low self esteem ? 

-not enough attention from girls ? 

- lonely ? 
 

PS . This has no story behind it . I’ve just seen it happen a lot and wanted to know you guys Opinion. 

I think if this happens, it's mostly to very young men. Otherwise, it is vastly the opposite. Men are very capable of staying entirely detached while vigilantly pursuing sex with a woman, while women get emotionally attached once they sleep with someone, at which point, the men are generally no longer interested. Details matter, but that's the picture in broad strokes.

I've been the unfortunate 'beneficiary' of this unwanted level of attention that you describe, while being a woman in my 40s, from a man in his early 50s, but those instances signify some other mental disorder or a false notion of 'love'.

Edited December 17, 2021 by czanclus

[smackie9]

Desperate and lonely. Happens at any age.

[central]

Sometimes, imagination and desire for a relationship builds a fantasy person who may - or probably won't - match reality upon meeting.

[Shining One]

For me, it was a matter of loneliness, inexperience, and lack of discipline. I used to easily get attached to women in my younger days and it lead to a lot of heartbreak. Now, I rarely form any sort of attachment prior to sex, which has put some women off.

[dramafreezone]

16 hours ago, Emma7897 said:

Why do you think men become attached before ever meeting a girl in person ? From always talking on the phone to claiming you as there girl before ever meeting ? 

 - low self esteem ? 

-not enough attention from girls ? 

- lonely ? 
 

PS . This has no story behind it . I’ve just seen it happen a lot and wanted to know you guys Opinion. 

Attaching quickly is due to a lack of options.   I wonder if the average woman really knows how difficult dating is for the majority of men these days. 

Common sense would say that since the sexes are more or less equally distrubuted that every man should be able to pair off with a woman, but that's not reality.

The reality is that a minority of men receive the bulk of attention from women, moreso in online dating, so for those women that's their view of men, that men have rich fulfilling dating lives.  But for the most part you don't even see the 50 guys that you swiped left on.  They're invisible for all intents and purposes, but THAT's actually the vast majority of the dating pool, not the one guy you swiped right on.  So the majority of guys are left with the occasional matches that they get.  I think if a guy is getting one match a week he's doing very well.

So yes, I guess when there's generally a dearth of options, guys can tend to get attached quickly.  If you're dating someone that has plenty of options, he will tend not to attach as quickly because he doesn't have the opportunity to attach.

I don't dispute that women have difficulty dating too, but I think women view their issue as a lack of quality, where as men have a lack of quantity generally speaking.

Edited December 17, 2021 by dramafreezone

[elaine567]

I think it is pretty natural and easy to get somewhat attached to  someone who has a lot of potential.
Someone who is out of the ordinary, someone who ticks a lot of boxes, someone who one can see a future with.

It is also pretty easy to feel little or nothing for people who do not excite us, who we do not see in our future.

[smackie9]

I would assume a lot (not all) of the users on dating apps are in some way desperate . The pandemic has made it worse because of the lack of being able to socialize as we have all seen. It sure has had an effect on peoples mental health, creating this perfect storm of clingy behavior. Not a good time for those looking for love.

 

[SumGuy]

19 hours ago, Emma7897 said:

Why do you think men become attached before ever meeting a girl in person ? From always talking on the phone to claiming you as there girl before ever meeting ? 

 - low self esteem ? 

-not enough attention from girls ? 

- lonely ? 
 

PS . This has no story behind it . I’ve just seen it happen a lot and wanted to know you guys Opinion. 

Maybe all of those, but could be a lot of other and additional reasons, being obsessive, or controlling, or who knows what.  None good in my mind if they go to the claiming you "as there girl" or presuming you owe them some relationship level of consideration before you have dated for some time or even met.

I so make a distinction between being attached and being exuberant.  I tend to be exuberant, like really up to meet, arrange my schedule to do so, and generally enthused to hang out.  Some mistake that for attachment/clinging...guess they are used to cold, stoic, northern European types...when it is not that just can be into someone without expectation or having my world crash if she does not feel the same way.  It's not like I need to talk on the phone for hours (actually kind of not a phone person) or see them every day, or consume all available free time, more just make room in my life to do things with them and proactively plan and look forward to them.  Sure it is a matter of degree.

[SumGuy]

3 hours ago, dramafreezone said:

Attaching quickly is due to a lack of options.   I wonder if the average woman really knows how difficult dating is for the majority of men these days. 

Common sense would say that since the sexes are more or less equally distrubuted that every man should be able to pair off with a woman, but that's not reality.

The reality is that a minority of men receive the bulk of attention from women, moreso in online dating, so for those women that's their view of men, that men have rich fulfilling dating lives.  But for the most part you don't even see the 50 guys that you swiped left on.  They're invisible for all intents and purposes, but THAT's actually the vast majority of the dating pool, not the one guy you swiped right on.  So the majority of guys are left with the occasional matches that they get.  I think if a guy is getting one match a week he's doing very well.

So yes, I guess when there's generally a dearth of options, guys can tend to get attached quickly.  If you're dating someone that has plenty of options, he will tend not to attach as quickly because he doesn't have the opportunity to attach.

I don't dispute that women have difficulty dating too, but I think women view their issue as a lack of quality, where as men have a lack of quantity generally speaking.

My experience is not this nor those I know, but it maybe just a group thing, a birds-of-a-feather thing.  I am actually very amazed on how well the other single 40+ divorced men I know do in dating.  One that upfront I thought he is doomed based on internes "wisdom" about negative traits like weight, avg height, money, hair, age, "baggage", etc.  Turned out not to be the case.  His GF is amazing, and he is a really nice guy.  Same with a guy I now who likes casual+ not in shape or a lot of money but he is 6'2".  The guy that kind of know who struggles (and has very negative attitude about the whole thing) is very wealthy, tall and decent shape and is into being masculine (always on about masculine and feminine traits). 

My conclusion is what makes men successful has nothing to do with what the peanut gallery thinks and that men fail because they buy into the peanut gallery...that and like the guy who struggles they are so into themselves and their worldview (which reality constantly shows is wrong but their reaction is to try to force reality to conform).  

Nevertheless, I do believe most men struggle because of how they approach it and have no clue how they put women off or fail to appear attractive (it ain't your height, weight or money honey...or liking sci fi, etc.) which sets the bar pretty low.

 

CAVEAT: Unless of course one is fishing in the hook-up, ONS, sugar daddy dating pool, then sure it is all about looks and perceived wealth.

[Emma7897]

6 hours ago, smackie9 said:

I would assume a lot (not all) of the users on dating apps are in some way desperate . The pandemic has made it worse because of the lack of being able to socialize as we have all seen. It sure has had an effect on peoples mental health, creating this perfect storm of clingy behavior. Not a good time for those looking for love.

 

Your right ! I’ve talk to men that would tell me they miss me call and text me 24/7 without meeting? 
Plan trips without meeting …etc sometimes it can be all talk and love bombing ! But sometimes I do wonder if they actually have imaginary feelings for me? 

I wonder if it was a lake of options for them ? 
 

 

[Alpacalia]

Heart and mind matters...they are complex.

However, I think what you describe is more akin to lust.

Like reading a juicy romance novel.

Considering the importance of touch and smell to falling in love, or forming emotional attachments, don't forget to include them in your list of considerations.

Edited December 18, 2021 by Alpaca

[Ami1uwant]

7 hours ago, SumGuy said:

My experience is not this nor those I know, but it maybe just a group thing, a birds-of-a-feather thing.  I am actually very amazed on how well the other single 40+ divorced men I know do in dating.  One that upfront I thought he is doomed based on internes "wisdom" about negative traits like weight, avg height, money, hair, age, "baggage", etc.  Turned out not to be the case.  His GF is amazing, and he is a really nice guy.  Same with a guy I now who likes casual+ not in shape or a lot of money but he is 6'2".  The guy that kind of know who struggles (and has very negative attitude about the whole thing) is very wealthy, tall and decent shape and is into being masculine (always on about masculine and feminine traits). 

My conclusion is what makes men successful has nothing to do with what the peanut gallery thinks and that men fail because they buy into the peanut gallery...that and like the guy who struggles they are so into themselves and their worldview (which reality constantly shows is wrong but their reaction is to try to force reality to conform).  

Nevertheless, I do believe most men struggle because of how they approach it and have no clue how they put women off or fail to appear attractive (it ain't your height, weight or money honey...or liking sci fi, etc.) which sets the bar pretty low.

 

CAVEAT: Unless of course one is fishing in the hook-up, ONS, sugar daddy dating pool, then sure it is all about looks and perceived wealth.

How did these friends meet these women?

 

the issue with online has a lot todo with how people decide or choose.  
 

research work in consumer behavior mirror things you can see in OLD.  Many times peop,e pass over perfectly good choices in search of something perfect under the guise of not wanting to settle.