misanthropegirl Posted December 15, 2021 Share Posted December 15, 2021 (edited) A man I met online about a decade ago popped back into my life. I’ll try to make it short and won’t go into details. I liked him a lot back then but we were also long distance and ended up not traveling to meet each other. To be honest I can’t recall the exact reasons why it fizzled out. We talked again about 5 years ago. Although he’s very successful and a great catch, life hasn’t been easy on him since. Lots of difficult stuff and he also did therapy and seems to be more mature now. I went through a debilitating illness and my hair is regrowing now, I didn’t want to send many pictures. He knows and seems okay with it. He knows how I look as we did video chat in the past, and he has a few pics of me. He’s all over me all the time now… he writes me everyday and said he’s looking for a relationship, says he likes how emotionally and intellectually connected we are. BUT here’s what’s bothering me now… although I told him I’m not comfy with video calls yet, and need more time for that, as I’m now mentally healing from that physical illness, he keeps asking about video calling. It’s odd because he seems to respect my boundaries / wishes and be super thoughtful most of the time, yet a day later he asked for it again. I do like him a lot and we seem to be a match in several ways, he’s probably the kind of man I always imagined myself with. But I feel if he can’t refrain himself after we discussed the reason I don’t feel comfy right not… perhaps I should cut it off and tell him to let me know when he comes to my city (his whole family is here). We did talk about him coming to my city next month. But I won’t be able to take a month of pressure for video and whatnot. I dislike video chats even when I’m at my best… If I’m honest it’s hard to come across men on the age range I’m in that I find interesting and that are available.. so it’s hard to let go. But perhaps I should do it despite being excited about him? Maybe despite therapy he’s not good with boundaries. I’m not that good either (trying to learn) but at least I try to respect people’s wishes and I think everyone should. Thoughts? Edited December 15, 2021 by misanthropegirl Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 15, 2021 Share Posted December 15, 2021 (edited) 11 hours ago, misanthropegirl said: He knows how I look as we did video chat in the past, and he has a few pics of me. How long do you want to wait before he is allowed to actually see you? If he understands about your illness it's best to let down your boundaries and be vulnerable enough to let him see you at your worse. This way you will know if he's really all in for you or not so you won't waste your time. Edited December 15, 2021 by stillafool Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted December 15, 2021 Share Posted December 15, 2021 (edited) It's fine if you're not yet comfortable with video chatting, and it's quite acceptable to inform him of that. Dating though tends to work best when we’re feeling more confident about ourselves and aren't particularly feeling the need for our date to like us. Unfortunately, things will be incredibly difficult to evolve beyond your limited interactions with one another. Consider whether you want to devote time and effort to it or if you're emotionally ready to start dating. Edited December 15, 2021 by Alpaca Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted December 15, 2021 Share Posted December 15, 2021 I love the idea of these older romances rekindling at a later stage, give him the benefit of the doubt- hes just eager to strike rapport with you again and make you feel good with the video chats. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted December 19, 2021 Share Posted December 19, 2021 Ya see where it goes....just don't over invest. Be realistic. Link to post Share on other sites
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