Girlfriend's house smells like her dog = BAD!

[ZenMasta]

I have been dating a lovely gal for about 1 1/2 months. She just asked me this past weekend to be exclusive. The thing is, I can't stand being at her apartment because of the smell. She owns a Pitbull and he smells really bad. She keeps his food and water in her room, lets the dog sleep with her in bed etc. Everything smells like this dog. I can't stand the smell. She must be completely oblivious to it.

The dog constantly makes noise at night. I suffer from misophonia and this dog wont stop making noises. Breaths loud, snores, eats food loudly and laps water every 30 minutes, licks itself loudly. When he starts snoring, she starts snoring and it's like they're communicating with each other. I lose sleep every time I spend the night there. We can't do my place because I refuse to let that dog stay there and it's super needy. I also found myself taking it outside to use the bathroom every hour or so when I'm there. I didn't sign up for that, but that seems to be the thing now.

Problem number two. I don't drink alcohol. Our first date she didn't drink or smoke cigarettes. She said she drank occasionally. After the second date, though, it was like open season. Now she's like a hardcore party girl. Drinking and smoking all the time. Last week she got intoxicated and told me she'd been raped several times, twice by her stepfather. I don't know if she remembers that ... but I wish she would have waited for a more appropriate time to tell me. She recently cracked her skull open while staying the night at her friends house. She told me he and her only had a few drink and that wasn't the reason she fell, but it's hard not to think she wasn't intoxicated, as this has been her state every weekend post our first date.

She's a bigtime dog lover. She's getting a tattoo of this dog on her arm. Calls the dog her "soulmate". Does dog rescue and that stuff. I'm not really into dogs. I think this is not a good match for me or her. Dog and drinking aside, I do really like her. I just can't get past these two glaring things. 

Should I end it or talk to her? I can't see her ever giving up dogs. Thank you for the advice!

[Cersei]

I say both. End it and talk to her. Never ghost. That is the easy way out. Why not just tell her Sorry. We just aren't compatible. I'm not really into dogs or drinking."

[FMW]

The dog and the drinking are both obviously important to her.  It's unlikely she could change, even if she wanted to.   Those aren't minor considerations.  

You're very clearly not compatible.  Kindly and gently explain that to her and end things.  It will only get harder the longer you wait.  

[Ami1uwant]

Run…don’t walk.

 

you don’t sacrifice certain things. Sleep is one of them.

[smackie9]

Hope you came to the realization you two are not compatible.

[lonelyplanetmoon]

Talk to her about what exactly? Giving up her dog? Or giving up drinking?

There is nothing to talk to her about at this stage. You either accept her the way she is or you walk.  Don’t ever stay in a relationship thinking the other person will change for you.

 

[ZenMasta]

Welp! I guess I have my answer. Thank you guys. Not much more to say. I'll have to do the right thing and break it off, gently of course. 

[chillii]

Didn't bother passing the first bit, sleeping in her room , stinking house. I'm an animal lover all my life and still have horses, but if there's one thing l can't stand, it's a dog or cat lady. Animals belong out side and it's the kindest thing you can do for them.  Damned if l'd be sharing a bad or stinky house with them. Not that l'm looking anyway but if l was and she showed a bit of toughness about her pets and drew the lines at where what's best for all , ok. But this overboard house and bed stuff, forget it, no way l'd be living with that. And you'll find that's only the beginning . You'll be expected to sleep with it , eat with it watch tv and cuddle with the dog in the middle, matter of fact she'll treat poor little pit bull doggy better than any human and you too.

Edited December 14, 2021 by chillii

[Els]

4 hours ago, chillii said:

I'm an animal lover all my life and still have horses, but if there's one thing l can't stand, it's a dog or cat lady. Animals belong out side and it's the kindest thing you can do for them.

Outdoor cats have lifespans HALF that of an indoor cat, and if there are land-based predators in your area, it's essentially a death sentence. Dogs are not anywhere near genetically "wild animals" anymore, they have been bred for centuries to live alongside humans, they belong in the house because WE did this to them. Besides, how do you even keep a dog "outside" if you don't have a completely enclosed and high-fenced yard, do you keep it on a leash all day?!?

It's fine to not want to sleep with a dog in your bed. Lots of dog owners love their dogs but won't allow them in their bed, the dog has their own bed or crate in the house that they can sleep in. But there's a HUGE stretch between not wanting a dog in your bed, and not wanting a dog in your HOUSE. Frankly, if anyone has a dog and leashes it to a kennel in the yard just because their partner doesn't like having a dog in the house, you better run, because this person doesn't care about their family members, which will probably include you in the future.

Going back to the OP, though... yeah, the frequent blackout drinking would be a dealbreaker for me too.

 

Edited December 14, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
respect

[Wiseman2]

11 hours ago, ZenMasta said:

I have been dating a lovely gal for about 1 1/2 months. 

Ok. Dating 45 Days and this long list of complaints?

End it. You're not compatible on any level. Set both yourselves free. Tell her it's not working out. Cut your losses.

[bene]

I don’t how this would work, sorry. An animal lover will not give up her dog and  you will not get used to the dog. It’s obvious how much it irks you and the dog will not get quieter and less annoying to you. Same with drinking.

It’s only been one and a half months and this is what early dating is for - to see if you’re compatible. 

[chillii]

2 hours ago, Elswyth said:

Outdoor cats have lifespans HALF that of an indoor cat, and if there are land-based predators in your area, it's essentially a death sentence. Dogs are not anywhere near genetically "wild animals" anymore, they have been bred for centuries to live alongside humans, they belong in the house because WE did this to them. Besides, how do you even keep a dog "outside" if you don't have a completely enclosed and high-fenced yard, do you keep it on a leash all day?!?

It's fine to not want to sleep with a dog in your bed. Lots of dog owners love their dogs but won't allow them in their bed, the dog has their own bed or crate in the house that they can sleep in. But there's a HUGE stretch between not wanting a dog in your bed, and not wanting a dog in your HOUSE. Frankly, if anyone has a dog and leashes it to a kennel in the yard just because their partner doesn't like having a dog in the house, you better run, because this person doesn't care about their family members, which will probably include you in the future.

Going back to the OP, though... yeah, the frequent blackout drinking would be a dealbreaker for me too.

 

Ah , we've got cats up and down my street doing just fine.Some as old as. And yes l know indoor and zoo animals live longer, and the rest of it.

[Pumpernickel]

That's just gross. Flaws are OK and to be expected, but a stinky house and breaking her skull being drunk? I mean, that's addiction territory.

That's a no-brainer. Unless you're the same type of person, these extremes are way too much for a "normal" person, and I am sure you made the right decision breaking it off. Most people like a clean house. Most people need to sleep. Most people don't drink to an extent where they lose control. Most people would not be comaptible with her. 

[stillafool]

5 hours ago, Elswyth said:

Frankly, if anyone has a dog and leashes it to a kennel in the yard just because their partner doesn't like having a dog in the house, you better run, because this person doesn't care about their family members, which will probably include you in the future.

It's a illegal to tie, or chain your dog outside in my state. I don't know about others though.

OP, I'm sorry for your problem but the way you wrote it had me in tears laughing.  I agree you guys aren't compatible.

 

[glows]

11 hours ago, ZenMasta said:

Welp! I guess I have my answer. Thank you guys. Not much more to say. I'll have to do the right thing and break it off, gently of course. 

I can’t date anyone with cats (and some dogs) because I’m allergic as in terribly allergic, no antihistamine is strong enough allergic, need strong steroids to recover allergic. Be a little more careful in the future. Most people with pets share a lot of their living space with them so it’s only respectful to everyone, even the pets involved, not to lead anyone on. 

Having said that, I think her drinking is more of a problem. 

When you break it off I wouldn’t mention her pet or alcohol use. Let her know you’re not compatible and move forwards.

[introverted1]

15 hours ago, ZenMasta said:

She recently cracked her skull open while staying the night at her friends house. She told me he and her only had a few drink and that wasn't the reason she fell, but it's hard not to think she wasn't intoxicated, as this has been her state every weekend post our first date.

So on top of the smelly dog and drinking, she spends the night at another man's house?

[Estes]

Why not talk to her about your misgivings? Tell her you like her and you think she's really great but you've got a problem with the dog and the drinking and the smoking. Although the odds are rather slim, perhaps she'll be willing to make adjustments and compromise, and if not, well then you part friends.

 

[Alvi]

31 minutes ago, Estes said:

Why not talk to her about your misgivings? Tell her you like her and you think she's really great but you've got a problem with the dog and the drinking and the smoking. Although the odds are rather slim, perhaps she'll be willing to make adjustments and compromise, and if not, well then you part friends.

 

The thing is that if they like each other enough, they both should make some sort of an adjustment. Not just her. What good would it do saying to her it's either you or your dog? It's very unfair for a guy to ask a woman to get rid of her pet. Especially after a month and a half of dating. What if she had a kid that the OP didn't get along with? Would he ask her to get rid of her child in order to please him? Probably not. I don't know, it's highly unlikely she is going to stop cold drinking and smoking and partying. Maybe in time, but it's going to take a lot of effort, patience and understanding on both parts.

[Happy Lemming]

If it were just the dog smell, you could suggest cleaning the carpets.  I dated one woman and her apartment smelled like dog, so I told her I was renting a (Rug Doctor) carpet machine for 24 hours so I could clean the carpets in my house. And since I had it for 24 hours, I could come over and do her carpets, as well.

After cleaning her carpets, it made a HUGE difference and her apartment was tolerable.

In your case, with the multiple problems (you are facing); I think I would "next" her and get out of this relationship.

[Allupinnit]

I'm a dog lover but always keep my babies groomed and my house clean so the smell has never been an issue.

If you don't love dogs and don't want the dog at your place I don't see how this would ever work out, the drinking problem aside.

[smackie9]

As they say you can't judge a book by it's cover. Sure they are attractive and look put together, have a nice personality BUT, as you enter their private world, they can live like a slob, be a hoarder, have smelly pets, have substance issues, etc. Yikes!

[Calmandfocused]

Op, I agree with all the replies that you are not compatible and ending it is the only option. 
 

However I’d also advise you to keep an eye on your filtering criteria from the get go. Most know a date’s attitudes to animals, drinking and smoking before the first date. How come you didn’t? 
 

Screen more wisely is my advice. 
 

FYI I don’t drink very much but I’m not a T-total per see. If a potential date indicated that they spent a lot of time in the pub/ partying, I’d screen him out immediately due to incompatibilities. 

[Wiseman2]

19 hours ago, ZenMasta said:

I can't stand being at her apartment because of the smell.

When he starts snoring, she starts snoring and it's like they're communicating with each other.

she's like a hardcore party girl. Drinking and smoking all the time. 

She recently cracked her skull open while staying the night at her friends house.

She's getting a tattoo of this dog on her arm.

The laundry list of complaints is so long here that some dog hygiene and patching this or that will never work.

Basically you want a total overhaul.

My favorite is the call-and-response snoring symphony.

But then again the broken skull, smoking drinking and dog smell are pretty bad deal breakers also.

Is this the same woman?:

 

Edited December 14, 2021 by Wiseman2

[Alvi]

21 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Is this the same woman?

No, it must be a different woman whom OP has been dating for a month and a half.

[ZenMasta]

5 hours ago, introverted1 said:

So on top of the smelly dog and drinking, she spends the night at another man's house?

Yeah, I forgot to talk to her about it because, you know, major concussion and cracked skull situation. But it's okay ... something worse came up.

 

So this is the exit she gave me. Last night she said she was feeling anxious. I told her I'd call and she could tell me about it. She said she's waiting for her friend Mikey to get off from the GYM. He's a close friend and will talk her down, but she'd call me later. I thought that was odd, being her BF and all. Isn't that relationship building stuff?? Guess not....

Later came. She called and explained why she was so anxious. I didn't buy it, I prodded and then the real reason came out. Apparently she has 20 super close male friends she hangs out with all the time (most likely parties with). Four female friends. She was feeling anxious because now that we are becoming serious, she's feeling "weird" that she failed to mention in the coming weeks she's taking three trips, to three states (Florida, Las Vegas, Arizona) with three different male friends who bought these tickets for her. They will be traveling together alone. She didn't mention if they're staying in the same room. 

She also mentioned how she kisses them, holds their hands/arms, but they're like family. She didn't want me to feel jealous because she does the same with her female friends too. She exclaimed that she is just a super affectionate person. She said how all this had been huge issues in her past four serious relationships and that she didn't want to be held back from seeing them and pursuing activities with all her male friends again.

Welp. That crosses a few personal boundaries. I don't care that she has male friends, but taking trips alone with them, staying at their house alone with them etc. I don't think that's glue for a healthy relationship. I simply told her that we were not compatible and that our values didn't align. She was surprised, but took it well.

 

Good Grief!!!