I invited him over and he didnt respond?

[mortensorchid]

Sounds like he's not interested.  

I met some guy in a bar on Halloween, we exchanged phone numbers and the next day he texted me.  I was working that day (which was not a lie), and his text said "Come over".  What he meant by that was "come over for sex".  I said I was unable to as I was working, but I would be free later that week.  Never heard a word again.  

It happens.  Move on. 

[flitzanu]

13 minutes ago, Runninggirl said:

Thanks for all the responses!  I think @Curious-One is correct. He is very the bruised ego type of guy. I never meant to reject him, it was actually a conflict, but perhaps it was miscommunication how I declined from my part. I haven't heard from him since, he was cold until I invited him over, now he's just gone. For the sake of it I sent him another text asking if he wanted to go christmas shopping with me tomorrow, so he knows its not just hooking up, and to show that I really am trying to make up and make time. 

I texted him "Would you like to help me shop a few christmas presents tomorrow? I would love your company" 

Fingers crossed! 

i'm really curious about this future response.  he turned down a moderately obvious offer for a one night hookup, and then you asked if he wants to be your mall shopping girlfriend instead.  

[Happy Lemming]

10 minutes ago, Runninggirl said:

I texted him "Would you like to help me shop a few christmas presents tomorrow? I would love your company" 

Fingers crossed! 

If it were me and I got that text... I'd join you, but I also would have come over to watch the TV show and share that bottle of wine with you.  I probably would have brought an extra bottle, so we didn't run out, but that is just me. 

Best of luck, hope you hear from him.

[Wiseman2]

4 minutes ago, flitzanu said:

i'm really curious about this future response.  he turned down a moderately obvious offer for a one night hookup, and then you asked if he wants to be your mall shopping girlfriend instead.  

Agree. I would rather have root canal than go Christmas shopping at a mall with someone there's clearly no interest in.

Just curious about these self-defeating extremes? Last minute Netflix and chill or mall shopping? Why?

Why won't a reasonable invitation work for you? Such as grabbing a coffee/drink or lunch and asking in advance?

[Alvi]

Oh boy! A guy refuses to have  a free sex with you and you still invite him Christmas Shopping? Where is a logic in that? I hate to say this, buy you sound very desperate and clingy. Let him go....There are plenty of guys who are not going to say no to your invitation.

But I wonder what he is going to say to that. Please keep us posted.

[Girl Fade Away]

23 hours ago, Runninggirl said:

Now everything is back into lockdown where we live, so we can't go out anywhere

I'm confused, how are you able to go Christmas shopping when you're in lockdown?  Anyway, if it's okay to go Christmas shopping then I am back to thinking if he were interested, he would be asking you out on a proper date, not over to his for a hookup.

But hey you never know, let us know if/when he responds!   And I will keep my fingers crossed too!

[glows]

34 minutes ago, Runninggirl said:

Thanks for all the responses!  I think @Curious-One is correct. He is very the bruised ego type of guy. I never meant to reject him, it was actually a conflict, but perhaps it was miscommunication how I declined from my part. I haven't heard from him since, he was cold until I invited him over, now he's just gone. For the sake of it I sent him another text asking if he wanted to go christmas shopping with me tomorrow, so he knows its not just hooking up, and to show that I really am trying to make up and make time. 

I texted him "Would you like to help me shop a few christmas presents tomorrow? I would love your company" 

Fingers crossed! 

All of this seems a little topsy turvy. While this came from a good place, christmas shopping in general might not appeal to a lot of people so try not to take it too personally if you don't hear from him on this. 

And also, do you sincerely believe he's so fragile that his ego is bruised when you weren't able to make it awhile ago? I tend to think he's moved on and is dating or seeing someone else or the interest wasn't really there to start.

[Runninggirl]

To clarify; the reason I asked him to do that in particular was because we talked about it the last time we saw each other in real life, and he said we should do it together. I thought if he felt rejected it would be easier to go do something just casual together. 

He didnt reply to this either, so now Im just leaving him alone.

All the restaurants, bars, cafes are closed, the stores are open 

 

[ChatroomHero]

5 hours ago, Runninggirl said:

@Curious-OneI never meant to reject him, it was actually a conflict, but perhaps it was miscommunication how I declined from my part.

I thought this from your first post, you might be leaving out an important detail about how you declined.

If you said something like, I can't come over, I have cooking class from 5pm-7pm and then I have to drop off something to a friend after...there is no room for miscommunication or for him to feel rejected.

Am I right to assume you said something or said it in a way that he knew you were blowing him off or YOU know would come off as a straight up rejection? How did you miscommunicate, "I can't tonight, I have XXX"?

I just get the feeling you gave a fake excuse and he didn't buy it or you said something you know really put him off because him being put off simply because you had a good reason why you couldn't come over makes no sense. 

Your response above seems to indicate you already know how you declined is the problem. 

[Runninggirl]

39 minutes ago, ChatroomHero said:

I thought this from your first post, you might be leaving out an important detail about how you declined.

If you said something like, I can't come over, I have cooking class from 5pm-7pm and then I have to drop off something to a friend after...there is no room for miscommunication or for him to feel rejected.

Am I right to assume you said something or said it in a way that he knew you were blowing him off or YOU know would come off as a straight up rejection? How did you miscommunicate, "I can't tonight, I have XXX"?

I just get the feeling you gave a fake excuse and he didn't buy it or you said something you know really put him off because him being put off simply because you had a good reason why you couldn't come over makes no sense. 

Your response above seems to indicate you already know how you declined is the problem. 

I don't remember my exact wording, but I was replying while I was on the phone so I think I was a bit short, something like "Its not a good time, we can meet another time" 

[Acacia98]

If I were you, I would have left it alone the first time he ghosted me. The thing about people whose egos get bruised easily is that's who they are. So, even if he ultimately responds, you will have to walk on eggshells to avoid bruising his ego again and to "apologize" whenever you inadvertently bruise his ego. That gets annoying very quickly.

Do yourself a favor and forget about this guy. Concentrate on dating guys who understand that, when you decline an invitation, you may actually have a legitimate reason for doing so.

[Wiseman2]

12 hours ago, Runninggirl said:

. I thought if he felt rejected it would be easier to go do something just casual together. 

That's ok. Now you can move forward. He's Just Not That Into You. That's ok too.

It's better than the false theory that he's so wounded he won't talk to you. The reason to identify this correctly next time is to avoid timewasters and uninterested men.

[glows]

14 hours ago, Runninggirl said:

To clarify; the reason I asked him to do that in particular was because we talked about it the last time we saw each other in real life, and he said we should do it together. I thought if he felt rejected it would be easier to go do something just casual together. 

He didnt reply to this either, so now Im just leaving him alone.

All the restaurants, bars, cafes are closed, the stores are open 

 

That makes sense. Nevermind him then. I hope you have fun with shopping. I was at it last week myself. The feeling of accomplishment after it was over! 

[Girl Fade Away]

3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

It's better than the false theory that he's so wounded he won't talk to you.

100% agree with Wiseman.  Bruised ego because you declined an invite to his for a hook up?   And suggested another time?  And that is why he is ignoring your invite?  And a chance to hook up? 

Not buying it.  He is not interested, that's all.  Met another girl most likely and hooking up/dating her.  

Don't give this man a second thought.  Delete from consciousness. 

Enjoy Xmas shopping and the rest of holiday season!  

[Happy Lemming]

2 hours ago, Girl Fade Away said:

Not buying it. 

 

I'm with you, there has got to be another reason.  I just can't imagine his ego is that fragile and delicate.

[karlaphoto]

Maybe he can't get out the house?.. but when he asked you to come over prior to you inviting him over your house, he had an open slot to hook up. I think he probably has a lot going on in his dating life. Ask him if he is seeing anyone before asking him to come over again. 

[Runninggirl]

So grateful for your responses, really sucks to not have anyone to talk to about this. 

I really get why everyone thought the christmas shopping thing was strange, but I should have mentioned we've been "distant friends" for seven years, so if he wasn't interested at all it wouldn't be the weirdest thing to do as friends. When we were younger we both used to work at that mall in different stores, so we hung out a lot as friends back then, but I had a boyfriend at the time so it was just friends. I thought it would be a good ice breaker place. We only got to know each other better and started flirting the past few months, because I got out of a long relationship 1,5 year ago. I think the friendship is why we both were a bit hesitating about taking the next obvious step, and when he feels like he did he probably got unsure what was really happening, and when I made a move he got cold feet of whether he was really interested. 

I know him so well over those years that I know that he has pulled similar things with some really close friends of his, he has pretty low self esteem and big ego. 

But I don't think that alone is enough. If he was really interested I think he would swallow that pride when I initiated, especially after doing it twice. I haven't heard a word from him since I invited him over. I think if his ego was bruised, perhaps he recontacted some other girl, and started with her, and lost all interest in me. 

I will respect his wish of no contact, and stop. If I hear something Ill post an update. It would be weird if I didn't, when we have basically been speaking every day for the past 3-4 months. 

But I guess its as they say; "if he wanted to, he would" 

 

[Runninggirl]

As promised I would update if anything changed! 

I respected his wish not to have any contact, and after two full weeks of no contact he reached out on christmas day. It was what all the dating coaches refer to as an "indirect direct" message. It was just a random snapchat, but he still had to go down to my name and choose me. 

I politely replied. After a few hours I sent a snapchat to him as well, and he replied. I didnt keep the conversation going, and decided to just let it be. But it was like a faucet. After I initiated that one snapchat after his, he suddenly sent me four more during the night, and always replied to me. He seemed happy and polite to talk to me. 

I sent him one more that he also replied to, although he didnt have to. 

Im not sure where to go from here. I really like him, and I liked where we were going, but I dont want someone who will just ghost me like that. I dont think I will initiate any more contact, but Im glad he seems to care a bit, and that my absence didnt go completely unnoticed. 

[basil67]

@Runninggirl I wouldn't go as far to say that he cares a bit.  If he cared a bit, he wouldn't have gone AWOL.   I think it's far more likely that he's fishing for that hookup which he didn't take you up on those few weeks back.    If you want more than sex, he's not a good option.

[stillafool]

On 12/8/2021 at 4:13 PM, Runninggirl said:

If he didnt want to why not just reject me. He just left me on read....

That is a rejection.  I'm curious what did he ever do to make you think he was interested in dating you?

Edited December 26, 2021 by stillafool

[Alvi]

2 hours ago, Runninggirl said:

As promised I would update if anything changed! 

I respected his wish not to have any contact, and after two full weeks of no contact he reached out on christmas day. It was what all the dating coaches refer to as an "indirect direct" message. It was just a random snapchat, but he still had to go down to my name and choose me. 

I politely replied. After a few hours I sent a snapchat to him as well, and he replied. I didnt keep the conversation going, and decided to just let it be. But it was like a faucet. After I initiated that one snapchat after his, he suddenly sent me four more during the night, and always replied to me. He seemed happy and polite to talk to me. 

I sent him one more that he also replied to, although he didnt have to. 

Im not sure where to go from here. I really like him, and I liked where we were going, but I dont want someone who will just ghost me like that. I dont think I will initiate any more contact, but Im glad he seems to care a bit, and that my absence didnt go completely unnoticed. 

So now he throws some breadcrumbs your way and you seem to accept them. More than likely he is out of other options, so he gravitates back to you. 

Seriously, I've said it before in other forums and will say it again. Interested people act interested. They don't disappear on you and don't ignore you for two weeks. Don't allow guys to jerk you and treat you that way. I don't care if you want sex and nothing but sex from a guy. There are better prospects out there. Choose guys who can treat you with respect, even if it is one night stand.

2 hours ago, Runninggirl said:

I sent him one more that he also replied to, although he didnt have to. 

You make this sound like he did you some sort of giant favor by continuing talking to you. Is he that much of a prize? Holly molly! At least be in a driver seat if you want to see him again. Voice your disappointment to him. Let him know that in the future it would not be acceptable for him to ignore you like that. Don't think he is going to care that much but at least it would be something. Or better yet, block him and never give him another thought.  If he was interested, he would not turn down your offer of sex. He would certainly not ghost you for two weeks. This is where you are wrong. You think he cares. He truly honestly does not. Please, make no mistake on that. If he did, he would have contacted you a lot sooner. Of course he noticed your absence, but the hard cold truth is that he just didn't care enough to do anything about it (because he doesn't care that much to lift a finger). 

I apologize for being so blunt but take it for someone who been there, done that. And trust me, there are men out there who would love to date you and make you feel like a queen that you are.

Edited December 26, 2021 by Alvi

[ExpatInItaly]

7 hours ago, Runninggirl said:

but Im glad he seems to care a bit, and that my absence didnt go completely unnoticed. 

Oh, girl, no. 

This is not a guy who cares. This is a guy in a little dry spell and looking to see who among his older contacts might still reply. Don't take it as anything more than that or you are going to be disappointed.