Should I commit to her?

[Akashsingh]

I recently met a person , she is beautiful but not perfect. We dated for 6 weeks and she broke off with me because I would not settle down with her & is trying new relationship with another man (initial stages).

I am 43 and have no kids. She is 45 and has 2 kids. 

-- First, should I commit to someone who has kids and cant have any more kids ? ( I do not want to close the option of having kids just yet, infact I am confused if I should have kids )

When it comes to physical traits , she is skinny. I do like petite women but she has no boobs. I also like women with boobs. (sorry if this is graphic)

If I commit to her am I compromising too much? She does have a nice, like able personality. 

 

There is also a possibility she could come back if I offered commitment. Please help.

[Wiseman2]

4 minutes ago, Akashsingh said:

We dated for 6 weeks and she broke off with me because I would not settle down with her

-- First, should I commit to someone who has kids and cant have any more kids ?

Is this for an arranged marriage?

First, you don't "commit" to someone you know 45 Days.

Second, date women who want what you want such as children.

Third, date women you are attracted to .

[Alvi]

Look, even if you remotely thinking about having kids sometimes in the future, you should not be dating her. It would be totally unfair to her if you decide to leave her one day just because she cannot or doesn't want to have kids. 

I am just scratching my head here, I totally don't get this. If a guy wants to have kids, why on earth is he seeking someone who is older than him? I am not talking about when a guy is 23 and the woman is 25 years old. He should go for a younger crowd. Why go for a middle aged woman who has kids already? Do men really expect a woman to pop out kids till she is 70 or something? lol 

On top of that, you don't like her looks. Seriously, do her a huge favor and let never contact her again.

[Akashsingh]

This started as a casual dating. I was clear with my intent but she pleaded with me for a relationship. I kept seeing her because I liked her.

It's not that I don't like her looks. I like that she's petite and a loving heart but she doesn't have boobs as she is very skinny.

Looks can be compensated for other things. She is a doctor. Quite educated.

I find her attractive just that it doesn't check all the boxes.

Edited December 6, 2021 by Akashsingh

[Akashsingh]

26 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Is this for an arranged marriage?

First, you don't "commit" to someone you know 45 Days.

Second, date women who want what you want such as children.

Third, date women you are attracted to .

Not arranged but we both are traditional. I was surprised at the speed at which she wanted commitment.  I could not commit and then there was another guy in the picture, so I broke it off.

[Wiseman2]

2 minutes ago, Akashsingh said:

Not arranged but we both are traditional. 

Ok, allow your family to find some better candidates that you have something in common with and who you are attracted to.

[Sun Seeker]

I'm not sure why you are even asking the question.

You already broke up, you are clearly not compatible, and you are not completely satisfied with her physical appearance.

The answer to your question is pretty obvious..

[Akashsingh]

11 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Ok, allow your family to find some better candidates that you have something in common with and who you are attracted to.

Haha, well my family had found me a compatible match back when I was 27 but that ended in the worst possible breakup and disaster. I am not sure that I want to involve my family anymore in my dating life.

I like my freedom and casual dating. I should perhaps stop dating women that are looking for serious relationships or develop too much emotional bonding

[chillii]

Too graphic , my God you should read the way some of the women post so l think your safe haha.

You don't talk much about the things that really matter , it's mostly just physical and practical superficial things , you hardly sound in love. So on that front alone l think you'd be wasting your time with her anyway. And that she just wanders off so soon and just starts up with someone else so easily that she hardly even sounds into anyway, really, she doesn't sound of very deep or good character, or of feelings either for that matter, and that she's asking that of you after only 6wks just adds to it. But then kids are also a huge thing though too and the fact that door would be closed when you actually sound like right woman right love you would like kids well.  l'd give her a big pass all round myself.

Edited December 6, 2021 by chillii

[seapebbles]

No, leave her alone to find someone who will commit to her wholeheartedly and loves her exactly the way she is. As someone already said, if you are questioning whether you want children or not and she definitely does not want anymore, then it's not worth pursuing a relationship with her. 

[Akashsingh]

28 minutes ago, seapebbles said:

No, leave her alone to find someone who will commit to her wholeheartedly and loves her exactly the way she is. As someone already said, if you are questioning whether you want children or not and she definitely does not want anymore, then it's not worth pursuing a relationship with her. 

I was only casually dating but she wanted a relationship and had developed the feelings. 

Secondly, I am no handsome dude either.i am just ok. That she was willing to overlook my shortcomings and give me attention or wanted to get serious with me is what also attracted me to her. I have hard time finding women that are into me. This was definitely interested in me

[Lotsgoingon]

You're thinking about this as if you're deciding whether to go to the grocery store today or tomorrow.

The decision to date someone is a wholistic decision involving dozens of factors. But one key factor is subjective contentment. We all have to make soe kind of compromise when dating, particularly the older we get. But we don't really "logically" work this out. We combine logic with feeling and intuition and comfort and assessment of how we feel with the person. 

I don't sense you have a subjective self that exists, a subjective synthesizing self that you are paying attention to. YOU have to answer this question. We cannot answer for you. Only YOU can decide whether someone is worth dating at all, let alone that someone is worth committing to.

For example, let's take the issue of someone's body: someone might have skinny or large legs, long legs or short legs and on and on..If you're with the right person, your brain will stop focusing on this, because you'll feel so fortunate to be with the person in their totality. 

[Akashsingh]

4 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said:

You're thinking about this as if you're deciding whether to go to the grocery store today or tomorrow.

The decision to date someone is a wholistic decision involving dozens of factors. But one key factor is subjective contentment. We all have to make soe kind of compromise when dating, particularly the older we get. But we don't really "logically" work this out. We combine logic with feeling and intuition and comfort and assessment of how we feel with the person. 

I don't sense you have a subjective self that exists, a subjective synthesizing self that you are paying attention to. YOU have to answer this question. We cannot answer for you. Only YOU can decide whether someone is worth dating at all, let alone that someone is worth committing to.

For example, let's take the issue of someone's body: someone might have skinny or large legs, long legs or short legs and on and on..If you're with the right person, your brain will stop focusing on this, because you'll feel so fortunate to be with the person in their totality. 

What is a subjective self ??

When we are together we have great time but when we are not , we start thinking of all these what if problems and future scenarios 

[Akashsingh]

Also I don't attach myself emotionally quickly. It develops overtime for me 

[Lotsgoingon]

What is a subjective self?

Your subject self would answer questions like this:

What is your mother's greatest quality? (What's subjective here is that you and a sibling could equally love your mother and yet answer this question diferently. And even if your answers are similar, you would use different words that indicate slightly different feelings.)

What is your favorite dessert? (YOU have to step up with YOUR judgment here as opposed to what you're doing in your post--which is saying something like "well no dessert is perfect. Should I eat this one or that one?")

What is your favorite flavor of ice cream?

What was a happy period in your life?

What was the most dificult period of your life?

To get to dating:

Do you like this woman?

Do you REALLY like this woman?

What's it like to spend time with this woman?

How do you feel when you're with this woman?

Can you describe the feelings you have when you're with this woman?

Can you describe the feelings you have when you THINK about this woman?

 

[Ami1uwant]

3 hours ago, Akashsingh said:

Not arranged but we both are traditional. I was surprised at the speed at which she wanted commitment.  I could not commit and then there was another guy in the picture, so I broke it off.

I’m think English isn’t your first language.

as you said you are in your 40s . You should know you want kids.  What ages are her kids? They young like 10 or less or are they teenage kids?

 

for me size of breasts don’t matter much.  As you get older they sag.  Ifthey are smaller they are a little easier to manage.

[Akashsingh]

They are 15 and 9 , but not from the same dad. After her divorce she was dating another guy but he bolted her when she was pregnant 

[Akashsingh]

1 hour ago, Lotsgoingon said:

What is a subjective self?

Your subject self would answer questions like this:

What is your mother's greatest quality? (What's subjective here is that you and a sibling could equally love your mother and yet answer this question diferently. And even if your answers are similar, you would use different words that indicate slightly different feelings.)

What is your favorite dessert? (YOU have to step up with YOUR judgment here as opposed to what you're doing in your post--which is saying something like "well no dessert is perfect. Should I eat this one or that one?")

What is your favorite flavor of ice cream?

What was a happy period in your life?

What was the most dificult period of your life?

To get to dating:

Do you like this woman?

Do you REALLY like this woman?

What's it like to spend time with this woman?

How do you feel when you're with this woman?

Can you describe the feelings you have when you're with this woman?

Can you describe the feelings you have when you THINK about this woman?

 

Thank you for explaining. Yes I did like this woman and she liked me too. Feelings with her were like, she's cool to hang out with. However I am into hard-core outdoor stuff like hiking etc . She's ok with walking simple city trails.

When I think of her , feelings are mostly sexual as this was a new person in my life.

Edited December 7, 2021 by Akashsingh

[Lotsgoingon]

Doesn't sound like you're interested in her in any kind of even semi-serious way. 

[Akashsingh]

13 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said:

Doesn't sound like you're interested in her in any kind of even semi-serious way. 

Not just her , any woman for that matter. 

[spiderowl]

No, you should not commit to someone who can’t have more children if you want children. It would not be fair on her if you commit and then leave her later because you wanted children.

You do not appear to love her; you only seem interested in the way she looks and are critical of her. She deserves someone who loves and admires her.

[chillii]

5 hours ago, Akashsingh said:

I was only casually dating but she wanted a relationship and had developed the feelings. 

Secondly, I am no handsome dude either.i am just ok. That she was willing to overlook my shortcomings and give me attention or wanted to get serious with me is what also attracted me to her. I have hard time finding women that are into me. This was definitely interested in me

Never the less , developed feelings by her terms which obviously don't run very deep bc now she's just off with someone else she's not even into. l can appreciate what your saying but still , this woman sounds so shallow, don't think your missing much.

Edited December 7, 2021 by chillii

[Alpacalia]

8 hours ago, Akashsingh said:

I like my freedom and casual dating. I should perhaps stop dating women that are looking for serious relationships or develop too much emotional bonding

Well, I think you answered your own question OP.

[dramafreezone]

20 hours ago, Akashsingh said:

-- First, should I commit to someone who has kids and cant have any more kids ? ( I do not want to close the option of having kids just yet, infact I am confused if I should have kids )

 

I think you answered your question right here.  If you want kids and she can't have them, that's a non-starter.  It's not your fault or hers, just a lack of compatibility.

[Akashsingh]

16 hours ago, Lotsgoingon said:

 

Thanks everyone.