Hearing bad stories about my bf. What do I believe?

[Himz]

need some advice. So just began a new relationship feels like we’ve known each other for years I’m extremely comparable with him he’s everything I’ve ever wanted and vice versa. However the issue is his best friend is his boss and also my sisters fiancé. I’ve become less close to my sister as there have been numerous times in which I am told minor things about my partner such as he owes money to ppl he’s not performing as well as he should at work. Where he’s been what’s he’s been like In his past relationships etc. For starters I find this really mean to be telling me things without his knowledge when I’m trying to get to know him as a person at face value myself and just enjoy the relationship. so their in Involvement is causing issues with us. I’ve told my sister unless it’s something I need to know which warrants ending a relationship then I don’t want to know. I find myself not telling her and her partner certain things in fear that they are going to say different. what can I do when they start to mention things as sometimes I don’t know whether to believe my sister or my partner. E.g been told he owes money to my sister partner and asked him he said he does but they have an agreement with that amd he has no reason to lie to me however my sisters partner is saying differently. I don’t know if it’s a Jealousy thing and things are made up because he might feel he’s lost a friend in a way but it’s getting Increasingly annoying. When we met we were enjoying our relationship so much but feels like anything I do or he does gets bck to each other where as if he didn’t know my sister I wouldn’t know half the things I do. 

Edited December 6, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
added descriptive title

[basil67]

There's a few confusing things in this.  If the guy you're dating has such a bad record, why does your sister's fiance have him as a best friend?  Why is he still employed at the company if there are problems?   Does your sister have a background of looking out for you or sabotaging you?

Importantly, are you seeing any red flags at all?  

Is this the same guy you were pregnant with?  If so, what happened with the pregnancy and the relationship. 

 

[elaine567]

1 hour ago, Himz said:

So just began a new relationship feels like we’ve known each other for years I’m extremely comparable with him he’s everything I’ve ever wanted and vice versa.

^^^ this is your problem and why you don't want to hear anything bad about him to spoil your "dream" relationship...
Of course you were enjoying it, (before you were presented with the other side of the story), you were putting your head in the sand and you now seem unwilling to to take it out of there.
Lalalala fingers in ears...

Too many women get caught up in "love" and refuse to see the red flags staring them in the face.
Step back and try to assess the situation more carefully and rationally before you live to regret it...

  

 

[glows]

Take the comments into consideration and practice some healthy distancing from your sister and her partner. This is a new relationship so say whatever you like, it's not tested and you both may have known each other for a second so it's difficult to tell truly whether you're compatible. People who walk the talk should do so over a lengthy period of time so take your time. 

Your bf has to report to his friend at work and there may be some resentment there over a debt so ask your bf when this debt will be repaid and what the agreement or terms are exactly. That is something for you to note. A man who doesn't repay his debts or do what he says he's going to do is not one you'd rather be around. 

When I say distance yourself from your sister and her partner, that means boundaries. Tell her you appreciate her insight but you are the one who makes a decision about who you date. It's not up for discussion or debate. Learn to change the topic if it's making you uncomfortable and transition to something else more neutral.

 

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, Himz said:

 I am told minor things about my partner such as he owes money to ppl he’s not performing as well as he should at work.  

How long have you been dating? You can listen to your family's warning or you can stick your head in the sand.

It's unclear why hearing about red flags about him such as owing money is something that upsets you, when it's a head's up from your family.

You can get to know him of course but why not listen to all sides and decide for yourself.

Try to get siblings rivalry out of the way.

Edited December 6, 2021 by Wiseman2

[ChatroomHero]

I'd guess the guy probably owes your sister's fiance money and is not paying, the fiance is friends with him and just letting it go to not hurt the friendship, where your sister rightly wants the guy to pay it back. Your guy is putting his best foot forward but I would suspect he borrows money and doesn't repay his debts, which to me is always a red flag. I have friends I loan money to that never repay so I know it's a gift. Then you see them out at the bar spending $50 one night and ask to borrow $75 the next night to pay an electric bill. A long time friend you just kinda accept that is who he is, but my SO would see he is using me and not like it or him.

Here's the tell: He owes your sister's fiance money. If he was a stand up guy, he'd pay as soon as he could and whenever he had extra disposable income. So if you see him buy a new game or go to the bar with friends and spend $40 when he could and should pay off his debts, your sister is absolutely right. 

[Ami1uwant]

If I’m following you….

 

they have every reason to try and deter you having this relationship and potential problems both in the family and at the workplace.

[smackie9]

The fact he has to borrow money is a red flag to me, along with the fiance warning you about him because he is dragging his heels paying it back. Kick your head out of the sand. They know him better than you, and whatever comes out of his month can be glazed over because he is being on his best behavior with you.

So you can ride this out with eyes wide open and see for yourself in due time. If he starts say, "oh geeez I forgot my wallet, can you get this?" that when you should drop him like a hot potato.

[dramafreezone]

13 hours ago, Himz said:

he owes money to my sister partner and asked him he said he does but they have an agreement with that

At the end of the day, all a man has is his word.  This speaks to his integrity and reliability.   Just on this I would think long and hard about if this is someone you want to get involved with.

Edited December 6, 2021 by dramafreezone

[Alvi]

Maybe it is better to take off your rose-colored glasses and to see him for who he is before getting deeper with this guy. There is no smoke without a fire after all.