billskrill Posted October 21, 2005 Posted October 21, 2005 I have found this forum and have been reading threads over the past few days which has really helped me cope with my recent breakup. I would like a little advice if anyone could offer me some. Let me start out by telling my story. I'm a 23 year old male and started dating a 21 year old mother back in March. I had known her for years and actually took her to my Senior Prom. I had liked her back then but we were two different people. She got heavy into drugs (hardcore) and I wasn't like that and went off to college while she dropped out of high school. I didn't hear from her for about 3 years when I happened to see her out one night on Thanksgiving break when she gave me her number and had wanted to catch up. I called her a month later when she told me she was pregnant and didn't know who the father was. I didn't talk to her again until February of this year (about 1 yr 3 months later). I rarely ever came home from school and happened to come home one weekend night in February, that same Saturday night I came in town and went to the bars was the one night that she went out since she had her baby boy. We spent the night together (no sex or kissing even, just talking) and the feelings I used to have for her all came back. I went back to school and we talked on the phone every night for 2 to 3 hours. I came in a few weekends and accepted the fact she had a child and didn't know how the father was and was happy to hear since becoming pregnant she hadn't done any drugs and had been clean for 1.5 years. May came around and I moved back to town for good after graduating and spent every night after work with her and her son. Things were perfect, not how I would have pictured things a year before that, but I was finally happy. We never fought and after a while she was asking me to take part in "family" events with her and her son at her son's daycare which I happily agreed to do. I hadn't ever dated a woman with a child, it was a lot different than I was used to but I enjoyed every minute of it. In July we had mentioned how fate brought us together and how we both agreed we wanted to spend our lives together. We told each other we loved one another and I hit a new high in my life. She had only dated losers and druggies in the past, most who treated her like sh@$, and at least one who beat her. I was the complete opposite, I put her before I put anything else in my life and by knowing that it made me happy. She went to court with a man she had though may be her son's father in mid-August and the results came back...he was the father. He's 31 years old, lives at home with his parents without a job, and has no education but he does want to be a part of his son's life which by every mean's he should. My GF was glad that her son would have his father in his life but she was hurt because she realized she won't be the only one to set rules, and to spend time with him which hurt her. I believe around this time is when she changed. Anyways to make a long story short around early September she started acting differently...not calling me back...trying to argue over little stupid things...not spending as much time with me. I brought this up to her and she assured me things were fine. We were spending no time together and in my gut I felt she was going to end it soon although she assured me she wasn't. I said maybe we need a fresh start and she agreed and I thought things would then work out. The next day she didn't call so I called her only to have her let me go to watch a TV show saying she'd call me back....she didn't. I didn't call her the next day and she didn't call me. I called her the day after that in the morning to have her say her son was sick and she had been very busy...this is understandable and I said I hoped he would get better soon. At the end of that conversation I asked when I could see her and she turned that against me saying that her son was sick and I could only think of myself and it made her realize what kind of person I am...I only care for myself????? She called me two days later to say she wouldn't forgive me for asking when I could see her while her son was sick (sick maybe an overstatement...he had a rash from poison ivy) and i did treat her better than anyone but at this point in her life she's not ready for a relationship. I was broken...things hit a new low in my life. They haven't been getting much better, I eat and sleep ok now but I still break down and cry, actually I did a couple of hours ago. I know that she's not with her boy's father because she calls me from time to time as if we are friends and says that her son's father is now taking her son every other day for about 4 hours each day, if they were together they would spend time together with their son, not seperately. Anyways I want her back and still feel terrible a month later. Sorry my first post is so long but can anyone offer me any advice or help????
Author billskrill Posted October 22, 2005 Author Posted October 22, 2005 well after a night out with my friends I have decided that if it's meant to be then it will be. I hate to have her son involved in this and really am hurting inside but the right thing to do is let her have her room away from me since she seems to not have time for me now, am I right?
Outcast Posted October 22, 2005 Posted October 22, 2005 Yep. Read the threads on NC (No Contact). Of course it hurts and it will continue to hurt for a while but like the song says, you can't make anyone love you. It's sad but true so whether or not you like or want it, your only choice is to forget her and move on.
girlheart Posted October 25, 2005 Posted October 25, 2005 Unfortunately there is no easy way to get through this. You have to go through all the emotions so you can fully heal. Do it with grace, and always be a gentleman! Believe or not, but this too shall pass! And you will be ok!
anotherconfusedlover Posted October 25, 2005 Posted October 25, 2005 You will find someone better! All you have to do is try, it won't take long. In the meantime join the gym, eat healthy, get some hobbies, IMPROVE yourself do not focus on someone who has such a negative start to life. You would be getting into a BAD BAD situation if you were to live together. If you're going to take care of a kid it might as well be your own. Otherwise you're always going to be a third party. It's really on you to get over it, she will always come to you for emotional support if she has no one else. That does not make you special or loved. Life is too short to waste it hoping to be with someone that is not even the best for you to begin with. Is she really your dream girl?! If not then consider yourself lucky to not have to deal with her anymore.
Author billskrill Posted October 25, 2005 Author Posted October 25, 2005 and I appreciate that as that's why I came to this forum. I don't see her exactly as my dream girl, but I do see her as the girl I was "meant" to be with. It's hard to let go of the girl I saw myself spending my life with...giving myself to with every shape and from possible. She didn't give herself to me as I had hoped and wished and it sucks. She called me up Saturday night saying that she was drunk and wanted me to come by, I too was drunk and did go by. I got over there and first off noticed that the spot on the wall where mine and her picture was had been replaced by a picture of her son's father with her son-THAT HURT-I also went into the bathroom and noticed all of my stuff (toothbrush, contact solution...etc...) was not there anymore but what else should I have expected? What hurt the most was she had a new TV and said that her son's father gave it to her because her's wasn't big enough. I truely didn't think things could get any worse until now but I feel the most in the dumps I have ever experienced. It seemed like a good idea to see her but it honestly made things much worse than they already are. We did kiss but not intimately, I feel so shi#ty that words can't describe the pain I'm in. I wish for a much better time like I was in a few months back, I just want her back and for this pain to end!!!!!! Sorry all I just am not good at talking about my feeling and feel as if I can get things out on this board.
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