She [30] broke up with me [34] because I didn't want to see her family

[Noproblem]

She did the right thing! 

You seem to be self-centered and know nothing about compromise! 

[spiderowl]

When you get into a relationship, you are also in a relationship with that person’s friends and family - if they want you to be. 

I can understand your girlfriend leaving, because she wanted to be with someone who shared her life. Her life includes her friends and family. You don’t have to adore them, just be there for your girlfriend and go and talk to someone else in the room if you are uncomfortable.

Obviously, if her friends or family were deviant or criminal, you would not want to associate with them. They might make you feel uncomfortable on occasion but then your family might make your girlfriend feel uncomfortable too.

If you don’t like her family, it is easy enough not to associate with them too much but to ‘put in an appearance’ when it really matters to your girlfriend.

I’m afraid you come across as very selfish but it may be that you are not empathic and so cannot understand your ex’s feelings.  Either way, you did not care about your girlfriend’s feelings and she had had enough. Family is very important to a lot of people.

Did you expect her to visit her family and friends or did you prefer that she stay at home with you? Have you had problems socialising before? How do you cope with social relationships at work?

If you want a relationship in future, it might be best if you let your date know early on that you will avoid her friends and family. Maybe you will find a kindred spirit in that respect.

[ChatroomHero]

Well she did have to make excuses, you didn't "have other plans", you just didn't like them and didn't want to go. Do you expect her to deal with every holiday or get together having to defend why you hate them so much you won't even spend one night at their house?

Couples do things with other couples. When they travel to see their relatives, go to a family picnic, go to holidays...everyone else there has their SO, it's normal. If they go out to dinner with their friends, it's normal to go as a couple. You don't like spending time with her family and friends, not many people will find that acceptable in a relationship and that makes you incompatible. Did you ever think how she would feel being the only one who's SO is never there?

Anyone you date that has family and friends they are close to will pretty much not accept having to live two separate lives and go to events with family and friends alone. That's a lot of pressure...why are you alone? Why is your SO so anti-social and why are you with him? She'll be left out of couples get togethers and holiday parties. You are forcing her to travel and party alone. It's odd, it's not normal. That's on you. You don't have to be normal but don't expect most women would ever find that acceptable.

Put the shoe on the other foot. If you were going to your Dad's 70th birthday or you planned a big anniversary party for your parents and she refused to go or they came to visit and she left for two days, are you going to explain to your parents that she is so uncomfortable she can't stand to be around them so they need to confirm with you before they come over so she can make sure she is not there? Or how about if you had kids and they say they bought a trampoline for the grandkids they were excited to bring over and you had to tell them, "Amy is here. She hates you so much you can't come over now. Maybe in a month you can come for an hour or so to bring it over when she goes out with her friends but you can't stay long because she may come home". Are you not going to ever spend a holiday with your kids because she celebrates with family and you won't go? How about you want to go to Christmas with your family and she refuses to go so your parents won't get to see the grandkids and you get to go alone?

You're just incompatible with her and who she is. It would never work in the long run with your attitude towards her family and friends and you know it.

[Akashsingh]

It doesnt matter how close or involved her family is as she is too close to them. She wont break up with them for any guy not just you. So if you dont get along with them the writing is on the wall. Infact you should have been the one to break up with her.

Edited December 5, 2021 by Akashsingh

[ShyViolet]

OP, you have a lot of growing up to do.  Are you really surprised that she broke up with you over this?  Because she was completely justified in breaking up with you.  In a normal adult relationship, partners go to occasional family gatherings, interact politely with their partner's parents, and meet their partner's friends.  You don't have to be best friends with your girlfriend's friends and hang out with them all the time, but agreeing to be part of social functions once in a while is what normal people in relationships do.  To have this childish attitude that you don't want anything to do with them is just going to stand in the way of you ever being able to have a serious relationship.  If you ever want to have a serious relationship with a woman again, you might want to rethink this attitude.  Or if you truly have no desire to change it, then you will probably only have casual, short-lived relationships.  Which is fine if that's what you're OK with.