LatinCoffee Posted December 1, 2021 Posted December 1, 2021 Hi All... I'm a gay male (in my 40s and look late 20s, early 30s) and he's also in his 40s. We have been both single for a bit and he contacted me on a dating site. We went out for a few drinks, hit it off. Stopped chatting for reasons unknown. A few months later, reconnected and he asked me to be his boyfriend. We have been dating for 2 months and things seem to be moving fast. I want to slow down a bit though I enjoy being around him and we do fun things together. He has introduced me to his friends and all. I have talked to my family about him but have not brought him around (as I feel it's too quick in the relationship). Though he tells me that he has never cheated etc., I get this gut feeling like he's sneaking around when Im not around him and also he has 1k folks on his Facebook and most are guys. I have slept at his place several times and we have yet to have sex. I have brought this concern up to him (multiple times) but he has made it clear that he is not into hookups and respects me. We have an awesome time when together but this all creeps up at me from time to time. I have never been cheated on but he has told me that he has been cheated on in every relationship. However, He seems very secure in this relationship and I want to trust him. We are going to take a trip for a month as we both work remotely...it wont be a vacation but sorta like a getaway and staying at his dads. I know that he sees a future with me as he has expressed this to me various times. When we get together--he holds my hands, looks at me in a loving way and has expressed being 'so happy' with me. He knows I like the cartoon character, Snoopy so he has gotten me Snoopy stuff (socks, plush toy, mug, etc.,) texts and calls me with sweet messages. I don't want to keep asking him if he is out there --sneaking around with other dudes, cheating, etc., as that will take a huge toll on this relationship and I so want to enjoy it but on the same token, I also know my worth, value myself and very old fashioned where loyalty and communication is key. Any advice?
smackie9 Posted December 1, 2021 Posted December 1, 2021 Well I know that when people start to catch real feelings, they get paranoid, scared, jealous, worry about being cheated on, feel insecure, over think things. There are no signs of a cheater/player here. Is this normal for you being like this when things start to get a little more committed? 1
Author LatinCoffee Posted December 1, 2021 Author Posted December 1, 2021 16 minutes ago, smackie9 said: Well I know that when people start to catch real feelings, they get paranoid, scared, jealous, worry about being cheated on, feel insecure, over think things. There are no signs of a cheater/player here. Is this normal for you being like this when things start to get a little more committed? I do get paranoid at times because I have seen this in other relationships but I do have trust issues and I want to give him the benefit of the doubt as he is doing me as well. The whole 1K friends (mostly guys) on his Facebook account kinda bothers me. I'm not sure if he's interacting with other dudes online while being my boyfriend.
Gaeta Posted December 1, 2021 Posted December 1, 2021 Did he change his FB status to 'in a relationship' with you? Does he post pictures of both of you together? I'm with you with the 1K friends, I would lift an eyebrow as well. Have you asked him who those men are? 1
Author LatinCoffee Posted December 1, 2021 Author Posted December 1, 2021 (edited) 7 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Did he change his FB status to 'in a relationship' with you? Does he post pictures of both of you together? I'm with you with the 1K friends, I would lift an eyebrow as well. Have you asked him who those men are? I asked him but he came up with oh I meet people and most are fashion designers (he designs and makes dresses for models), photographers etc Im like Hmmmm but I just don;t want to do this anymore because I have this 'gut feeling' like he has not been honest with me in these 2 months together. I dont trust most gay men. We have not had sex so who's he having sex with (has a bunch of lube bottles in his bathroom and recently one of his friends' gave him a bag full of condoms). Today when I called him--he ends the call by saying 'Ok, Ill see you in a bit babe' (twice)and we didn't have plans to see each other today. I think I'm gonna break this off with him. I'm just kicking myself because I booked my flight and if I cancel it--Ill lose all the money on it with no refund. Edited December 1, 2021 by LatinCoffee
Gaeta Posted December 1, 2021 Posted December 1, 2021 Does he call you by your first name often or it's always babe and other nickname?
Gaeta Posted December 1, 2021 Posted December 1, 2021 13 minutes ago, LatinCoffee said: I'm just kicking myself because I booked my flight and if I cancel it--Ill lose all the money on it with no refund. That sucks but sometimes it's worth losing the money to save a heartache. Maybe your credit card can offer some compensation. 1
Author LatinCoffee Posted December 1, 2021 Author Posted December 1, 2021 18 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Does he call you by your first name often or it's always babe and other nickname? Babe and other nicknames
Author LatinCoffee Posted December 1, 2021 Author Posted December 1, 2021 9 minutes ago, ccas93 said: I'd trust your feelings on this. He tells me that Im the problem, etc but I rather just break up and not have to deal with getting any STDs and having anxiety etc
Gaeta Posted December 1, 2021 Posted December 1, 2021 Just now, LatinCoffee said: Babe and other nicknames I was with a cheater and he never called me by my first name, it was always honey. This way he wouldn't call me by another name by accident. 1
Author LatinCoffee Posted December 1, 2021 Author Posted December 1, 2021 6 minutes ago, Gaeta said: That sucks but sometimes it's worth losing the money to save a heartache. Maybe your credit card can offer some compensation. Thank you. I appreciate it 1
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