sbanshee Posted November 29, 2021 Share Posted November 29, 2021 Throughout my limited dating experience I (F) have always tried to be truthful to the people I am seeing. I broke up with my ex-boyfriend the moment I felt it couldn't work anymore. Later on , I told a girl I dated that it would be best to stop seeing each other because I wasn't interested anymore in being in a relationship with her. Fast forward to now.. I can't seem to get over a girl I met in a dating app. We don't live in the same city and so far we went on five dates. Texting was ok in the beginning , we would text daily and it seems like she was interested in pursuing things. Recently , she started taking days to text back. In our last date she mentioned being a bad texter (meaning that she read the texts but is too lazy to reply).This is kind of disrespectful if you know someone is interested in you but I don't really owe her anything... I have decided cutting off all contact with her because it's hard for me to discuss this with her. She also mentioned that she hates when people stop talking to her for no reason. I want to stop texting her because it's too toxic for me , I keep waiting for her replies and my mood depends on the attention she gives me. This is the first time this has happened to me. We haven't spoken in a week and she doesn't seem to care at all about that. Should I move on? If so , how? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 29, 2021 Share Posted November 29, 2021 Yes. You should have moved on last week. She's not interested. Are you sure she's a lesbian? 12 minutes ago, sbanshee said: She also mentioned that she hates when people stop talking to her for no reason. She means people she wants to talk to. She is using you for attention. Stop contact with her and block her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sbanshee Posted November 29, 2021 Author Share Posted November 29, 2021 5 minutes ago, stillafool said: Yes. You should have moved on last week. She's not interested. Are you sure she's a lesbian? Yes. She came out to her parents. 5 minutes ago, stillafool said: Stop contact with her and block her. Understood. I don't like blocking people but it's probably the only solution at this point. I want to forget everything about her. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 29, 2021 Share Posted November 29, 2021 3 minutes ago, sbanshee said: I want to forget everything about her. Then blocking is your best option. Is she a younger girl? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sbanshee Posted November 29, 2021 Author Share Posted November 29, 2021 Yes she's 20. Three years younger than me. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 29, 2021 Share Posted November 29, 2021 2 minutes ago, sbanshee said: Yes she's 20. Three years younger than me. She's young, hot and just came out. She's going to play a while. You are young too so finding another won't be a problem for you. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 29, 2021 Share Posted November 29, 2021 Everything at the start is gonna be hot and heavy...you barely know them so you have to step back and observe first...put them on trial. If they don't fulfill your expectations or they are not really in it to win it, you dump them. That's what dating is. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted November 29, 2021 Share Posted November 29, 2021 If this isn't fulfilling to you, don't talk to her anymore. Simply mute her contact and let the messages sink to the bottom. You won't receive notifications either or be bothered or look at what her texts say. If you want to check what she says next year, that's fine too. She's just not a priority. Do other things and stay in touch with friends. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted November 29, 2021 Share Posted November 29, 2021 3 hours ago, sbanshee said: Recently , she started taking days to text back. In our last date she mentioned being a bad texter (meaning that she read the texts but is too lazy to reply). Umm yeah, this is absolutely ridiculous and I would stop taking to a person if they were doing this to me. "I'm a bad texter" is no excuse, it shows that they don't care about you and can't even bother to reply to your messages. Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted November 29, 2021 Share Posted November 29, 2021 Yes, seems fair enough to move on if she doesn't seem all that interested. Just find other things to do. If you want things to be definite, tell her you are moving on and wish her all the best, then do not text any more. You can always block her if her texts then start to bother you but otherwise, just drift away and lose interest. Some people never finish things 'properly'. This could be for a variety of reasons - fear of losing a friend, enjoying hearing from that person occasionally, avoiding being honest, loss of interest and energy. If something bothers you and you feel it is 'unfinished', then think what you are or are not getting out of the relationship and then act accordingly. It seems you are not getting what you want from this relationship as she seems distant and disinterested. I see no problem with you dropping the texting and focusing on other things until you have forgotten about her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted November 30, 2021 Share Posted November 30, 2021 15 hours ago, sbanshee said: Throughout my limited dating experience I (F) have always tried to be truthful to the people I am seeing. I broke up with my ex-boyfriend the moment I felt it couldn't work anymore. Later on , I told a girl I dated that it would be best to stop seeing each other because I wasn't interested anymore in being in a relationship with her. Fast forward to now.. I can't seem to get over a girl I met in a dating app. We don't live in the same city and so far we went on five dates. Texting was ok in the beginning , we would text daily and it seems like she was interested in pursuing things. Recently , she started taking days to text back. In our last date she mentioned being a bad texter (meaning that she read the texts but is too lazy to reply).This is kind of disrespectful if you know someone is interested in you but I don't really owe her anything... I have decided cutting off all contact with her because it's hard for me to discuss this with her. She also mentioned that she hates when people stop talking to her for no reason. I want to stop texting her because it's too toxic for me , I keep waiting for her replies and my mood depends on the attention she gives me. This is the first time this has happened to me. We haven't spoken in a week and she doesn't seem to care at all about that. Should I move on? If so , how? you decided first in the examp,Es you gave so you were emotionally ready for the break up. now it’s happened in reverse where the other pulled away. This is common in LDRs where people aren’t regularly seeing each other because when you see them you are only seeing their good side, not the mundane. It’s better to ignore or pull away than deal with missing someone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
electric_prune Posted January 28, 2022 Share Posted January 28, 2022 (edited) Hello everyone, I matched with a guy in Tinder two weeks ago. He texted me first , asking me 2-3 questions (at once) related to my bio. I must admit I was slightly weirded out but I appreciated his efforts and the attention (considering I was ghosted a month ago by the girl I wrote about in my other post). He suggested meeting the weekend after , and drove 70 kms to come see me. We spent ≈8 hours together , going from bar to café , to bar to café. It was nice but I didn't feel a spark and felt mentally drained when I went home. He texted me later that evening saying that he really enjoyed the date. He kept texting me the week later "How are you? I hope you have a great day". I tried to reply to him in a timely manner but I must admit I didn't like the fact that he assumed we must text every day (the irony in this is staggering with my other post). He already planned the second date and suggested we have a phone call during the week to discuss it further. The second date was okay. We went hiking in the snowy forest and visited a city in the area. Once again , he was already suggesting to meet the following week. I told him it's better to meet in two weeks just to show that I wasn't as enthusiastic as him. Honestly , it felt like I was slowly chained by this guy. After the second date , he kept texting me every day. I started to reply to him the following day just to show that it was too early for that considering we met just twice. He asked me to call him that week because he wanted to talk to me. He then asked me how I feel about this whole dating thing , I replied that I wanted to take things slowly and not to rush things. He told me that he was relieved because he also thinks this way (REALLY?). I called him (after he asked me to) last night. It was quite uninteresting to be honest and I feel like I lost all interest in this guy. He texted me later that evening saying that he was happy that I had some time to call today and thinks that I am a really interesting woman and that he enjoys talking to me alot. I feel like things have been unbalanced in this whole situation , the guy gave himself 100% and I didn't need to do any pursuing. This is unfair for both of us. Just for the sake of exaggerating things , I'm pretty sure if I call him tomorrow to ask him to my boyfriend , he would say yes. WTF? Do you guys think I should give him a chance? I don't want to hurt him because he's a really nice person but I think he ruined all his chances with him by rushing things. Edited February 3, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 28, 2022 Share Posted January 28, 2022 (edited) 7 minutes ago, electric_prune said: I was ghosted a month ago by the girl I wrote about in my other post. You don't seem that interested and it sounds like you feel smothered more than anything else. Be kind and diplomatic and let him know it's not a match. Are you more interested in dating men or women? There doesn't seem to be much attraction here. Edited January 28, 2022 by Wiseman2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
electric_prune Posted January 28, 2022 Share Posted January 28, 2022 I was interested at first but my interest levels dwindled down after he thought he should do all the work. I don't know how to communicate this to him because I don't want to look like I wasn't interested in the first place. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted January 28, 2022 Share Posted January 28, 2022 The spark wasn’t there initially and eight hours for a first meet sounds very draining. It’s too much considering you’re complete strangers. It started off that way strained on the first meet. Keep the first time meetings shorter. Things went downhill because he didn’t pick up your cues or let you lead. In actuality I think you’re still feeling low after the last fall out and it’s ok to feel down. Only remember that this new person is a complete stranger to you. If you’d like to give it a couple more dates I suggest you speak openly and frankly and tell him what you like. If you can’t get to the phone every day to reply let him know that. Also mention that you’d like him to ask you about the dates and decide together what you’d both like to do. Relax. You do not always have to do all the work. Sometimes he plans. Sometimes you plan, and nearly always, I’d hope, you can agree loosely on the major details. Enjoy this. If you’re not enjoying it find someone else you can enjoy it with. Link to post Share on other sites
electric_prune Posted January 28, 2022 Share Posted January 28, 2022 6 minutes ago, glows said: Things went downhill because he didn’t pick up your cues or let you lead. In actuality I think you’re still feeling low after the last fall out and it’s ok to feel down. Yes. I still feel bad because of what happened with the other girl. But being on the opposite side in this situation helped me understand a bit , although I will never truly know why she decided to cut contact. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted January 28, 2022 Share Posted January 28, 2022 8 minutes ago, electric_prune said: Yes. I still feel bad because of what happened with the other girl. But being on the opposite side in this situation helped me understand a bit , although I will never truly know why she decided to cut contact. Do you not find it telling that out of all the suggestions I made about this man or helping your situation you chose to focus on the one detail about the previous person you were involved with? What I’m suggesting is that perhaps you are not ready to meet someone new. I’m glad you’re able to flip sides or that meeting this man helped you view things from a different perspective but it’s also unfair to new individuals you’re meeting. Take a break from dating for short awhile. Take the time to clear your mind. There is no hurry. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 28, 2022 Share Posted January 28, 2022 1 hour ago, electric_prune said: I don't want to look like I wasn't interested in the first place. But you're not interested. And he's barely interested. It's better to cut your losses sooner rather than later. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
electric_prune Posted January 28, 2022 Share Posted January 28, 2022 (edited) 2 hours ago, glows said: Do you not find it telling that out of all the suggestions I made about this man or helping your situation you chose to focus on the one detail about the previous person you were involved with? What I’m suggesting is that perhaps you are not ready to meet someone new. Thanks @glows. I think you're right , I'm not emotionally over what happened. I keep thinking , every now andthen , about what I did wrong for her to stop contacting me. I will text the guy before things go out of hand. Edited January 28, 2022 by electric_prune 1 Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted January 28, 2022 Share Posted January 28, 2022 It's too much because you aren't into him. On its face, asking you out for a date once a week isn't excessive at all. (And in fact, I think that is very normal!) I always cut slack on the daily texts in the early stages, because this kind of thing is difficult when you first meet someone, since some women want and need that, and some women don't. It can be hard to strike the right balance when you don't know a person's preferences. But if you were into him, you would have loved to hear from him every day and you would've been thrilled he was already planning the second and future dates. You ask -- should you give him a chance? You already have and you were "meh" about him after two dates. Let him go and find a woman who is into him. There are other women out there who will appreciate him. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted January 28, 2022 Share Posted January 28, 2022 4 hours ago, electric_prune said: Thanks @glows. I think you're right , I'm not emotionally over what happened. I keep thinking , every now andthen , about what I did wrong for her to stop contacting me. I will text the guy before things go out of hand. It’s for the best. Don’t worry about dating someone else for awhile. There is no shame in taking a break and spending some time decompressing. Spend time with friends instead. Don’t isolate yourself either. Meet new people at meet ups and hobby groups. Make friends. You’ll be feeling like yourself soon. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 28, 2022 Share Posted January 28, 2022 This guy is over eager and will only get frustrated in you when you push back/pull away. You are not compatible. This is too out of balanced. You need to meet someone that is on the same page and progress together equally. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alvi Posted January 28, 2022 Share Posted January 28, 2022 9 hours ago, electric_prune said: It was nice but I didn't feel a spark and felt mentally drained when I went home. So this is the problem. You didn't feel the chemistry or the connection, whatever you want to call it. It happens. You are not going to be attracted to everybody, no matter how nice the other person is. I am not just talking about a physical attraction here. The chemistry is either there or it is not. He is not doing anything wrong. You are not doing anything wrong. You are just not feeling it. It is totally fine. Finding someone for a relationship is like finding a needle in a haystack. Let him go gently and date, date, date till you find the one. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 28, 2022 Share Posted January 28, 2022 (edited) 10 hours ago, electric_prune said: Do you guys think I should give him a chance? I don't want to hurt him because he's a really nice person but I think he f**** all his chances with him by rushing things. Of course not! You don't want him so let him go so he can find someone who does. Keep searching for a person you want who you are compatible with. Why are you hanging around this guy if you don't feel anything for him? That's unfair. Edited January 28, 2022 by stillafool Link to post Share on other sites
Sun Seeker Posted January 28, 2022 Share Posted January 28, 2022 There is no such thing as over pursuing or over eager when the interest levels match. Here they clearly don't, you are not interested. Time to move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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