I will never mention I enjoy gambling ever again when communicating with someone on dating app

[czanclus]

Welcome and make yourself comfortable in our (women's) world where you can never be too soft-spoken, dainty, or reticent. And do let the man finish your sentence at least every now and then, it's only proper manners.

Next time, replace it with stock market, and particularly hedge funds trading, you'll have no problem keeping the attraction going.

[Foxhall]

3 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

No on saturday night I stay up to 3am or 4am and to avoid waking up at 12:30pm I set the alarm for 11am

the only thing I would say even as a keen gambler myself, never put gambling before a woman,

you can study the event and place your bet early the night before, do you have to watch every event? I am unique probably in that I rarely watch the event, happy just get the result even a day or two later.

what you describe above, your not going to be in any form for going on a nice date- you will be too hyped up with the betting and too tired probably to be at your best on the date,

you need a clear mind for both gambling and dating, so yes a degree of switch off is no harm either.

enjoy it but be able to switch off.

 

 

[smackie9]

I know someone who worked on the road and would stop in at the 7-11 and play Keno on his break. Him and his wife go to Vegas twice a year to gamble or hop on a bus to a casino across the border. My elderly neighbors across the street from me would go to Reno all the time, and really enjoyed it. So why keep it a secret? There are others that like to gamble too. You just have to put it in your profile. If women snub you for it, then there's no compatibility.  So why waste your time on them?

I have cut through a casino for a concert and it was packed with couples.

Edited November 29, 2021 by smackie9

[notbroken]

Going to a casino a couple of times a year is quite a bit different from gambling every Sunday.   Alcoholics sometimes say "I don't have a problem - everyone drinks - the bar is full" much the same way gambling addicts say "even Mr So & So goes to Las Vegas".    A friend of mine once defined alcoholism to me as 'when alcohol negatively affects your life' - not as a measure of how much or even how often you drink.   If gambling is negatively affecting your life, it might be a problem.   Honestly, that sounds like that could be the situation here.  Think about it.  Maybe you need help with it (or maybe not - but it is worth considering).  

[Gaeta]

On 11/28/2021 at 5:24 PM, IntBrowser said:

 But I wont ever mention it again and it will always be a secret. 

Realistically, how long you think you can keep this a secret? Gambling is such a part of your life she will catch on in no time. 

If you don't want to address your gambling addiction maybe you should head to the casino and try to meet women there. Seems to me they might be more acceptable of your 'hobby'. 

[Alvi]

A gambling is a dealbreaker for many people. Better for you find someone who is on the same page as you are about gambling since it is a big part of who you are. You can only withhold this particular piece of info for so long before it becomes painfully obvious to the women that you date. Be honest and upfront about who you are. Yes, it is going to scare away many woman. But you only need to find one who will accept you the way you are. Right?

[Lotsgoingon]

You can't hide the gambling. It's too much of your life to hide. You hide it and the other person's alarms will detect that there is something you're not sharing. 

Plus, I truly don't that you could hide it. It seems to be a huge part of your life. 

 

[Carlon]

23 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

I dont want to miss out of a big payday

So how many big paydays have you won?

More specifically- how much money have you earned from your gambling, meaning when you subtract the losses from the winnings, how far ahead are you?

You could tell a prospective dating partner that you gamble but also show her how much  you've earned, assuming of course it's a positive number.

 

[Calmandfocused]

I am greatly concerned that the OP has a serious gambling addiction. This is very different to “having a flutter” for a bit of fun. Like most addictions the Op prioritises gambling above anything else.  He would find it extremely difficult to stop. 

If you read his previous threads it is clear that Op has let many a good woman pass him by simply because he has been too busy gambling to care. 

I’ve advised him again and again to get some help with his gambling before trying to date but he won’t listen. He keeps gambling obsessively, whilst trying  to  date  and it’s the same outcome again and again. 

There is only one kind of woman who would tolerate this level of gambling obsession - a fellow gambling addict. No one else will understand it and they certainly won’t tolerate it. 
 

 

 

Edited November 30, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
conjecture

[Lotsgoingon]

If gambling comes up in the OP's first conversations with people, there's a 99 percent chance he has a gambling problem. 

If OP had something else going on in his life besides gambling--which I really recommend for your own benefit OP--then gambling would not come up for quite a while. And not because you were hiding it. You would simply have other activities and things on your mind to talk about. 

 

[Carlon]

21 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said:

If gambling comes up in the OP's first conversations with people, there's a 99 percent chance he has a gambling problem. 

That's a very specific statement!

Please site your source, thanks.

 

[Lotsgoingon]

This is just adding up 2 & 2. I mean if I have a habit that I KNOW is highly controversial (and if I don't know that then there's something off)  I'm going to try to hide it for a while. I won't mention that habit on the first conversation or first date unless I am deliberately doing so in order to screen out people who don't like my habit. 

So there's no way I'm going to mention this habit in a first conversation in a neural way. If I do unthinking mention it or it just comes up immediately, then there's a very high chance that I am deeply steeped in the habit. The habit is a fundamental part of my thinking. I think about it when I go to bed. I think about it first thing when I rise. I think about it during the day. That's the sign of a problem.  

Oh in the addiction world,  I think the term people would use is that the OP has a "preoccupation" with gambling. It's definitely one of the signs of trouble. 

Edited November 30, 2021 by Lotsgoingon

[smackie9]

hey it's no different than smoking being a deal breaker for a lot of people...but there are plenty enough that like to indulge and see no issue with it. I worked with old bitties that went to bingo every Saturday night or to the casino. It's what they did for entertainment. They still were able to function if they didn't go or did something else.

IMO it becomes an addiction when it starts to interfere with your life, like losing your job over it, missing work, ending marriages or massive amounts of debt, or stealing to support the habit. A regular routine with play money wouldn't constitute as something that's trouble/troubling.

[Curious-One]

This is coming from a guy who like poker, used to host poker games in college, and has been to casino few times and understands that gambling can be a fun in moderation. I also do realize just like with alcohol some people can do it occasionally and there are some that lose everything . 

Having said this if someone told me that they were setting up alarm clocks so they can place their bets i would think/assume that they were more of a serious/degenerate gambler than someone who just does it for fun.

[Girl Fade Away]

My dad was an avid golfer.  Huge!  He llived and breathed golf after he retired at 55. 

If he wasn't playing golf he was watching on the tele.  Any woman he became involved with after his divorce from my mom must play golf, and be as obsessed with it as he! 

He did not do OLD but if he had, I have no doubt he would have had on his profile - must play golf. 

He eventually  found her!  And that is pretty much all they did during their free time together.  Set the alarm for 7:00 am, TeeOff at 8:00.  Every single day.    Playing golf or watching golf    All their coupled friends played too.  They would bet on games.  I would say golf became an addiction of sorts.  

So I suppose it would depend on the habit.  Gambling?  It depends.  If it interferes with your work and ability to maintain or develop relationships, then it's a problem.  Seek help.  Gamblers Anonymous.

But if not, no reason to hide.  It will come out eventually if you start dating so may as well be honest from the getgo.

[elaine567]

1 minute ago, Girl Fade Away said:

  It will come out eventually if you start dating so may as well be honest from the getgo.

Exactly.

[dramafreezone]

3 hours ago, Girl Fade Away said:

But if not, no reason to hide.  It will come out eventually if you start dating so may as well be honest from the getgo.

Certainly.  That said, I like gambling too but I don't see why I would ever volunteer it as information on a first date.  It'd be like saying you enjoy a glass of scotch every day.  Many people are going to think you have a drinking problem.  It serves no purpose to volunteer it but I wouldn't "hide" it.  If someone were to ask me a direct question on it I would be completely truthful.

Edited December 9, 2021 by dramafreezone

[glows]

Whether you disclose it or not, I think it will be fairly apparent if you're thinking about it like this in the context of dating. It's then not here or there hobby but a preoccupation to the point of you worrying to an extent whether it would be acceptable to a sizeable number of people. Hiding the fact might put you lower on the integrity scale over a period of time. I don't recommend that.

 

[salparadise]

I'm curious as to why this reaction was so unanticipated. Did you really imagine women would think, oh his hobby is gambling –– how cool? Like cycling, kayaking, curling, SCUBA diving, etc.? Gambling is widely seen as a vice, something associated with underworld characters and looser-victims who can't walk away until their life's saving and kid's education money is lost because they had a lucky feeling, or just wanted to get back to even. It doesn't matter if that's inaccurate, that's the perception. And in the online dating game they're always judging based on what little bit of information they can ascertain from a few short exchanges. The only people who will find this lifestyle appealing are those who are also gamblers, or perhaps some who view high-rollers as some type of celebrity. 

I have seen a few women's profiles where they mentioned it (love going to Vegas a few times a year) and I always swipe left immediately.   For one, Vegas has no appeal to me. I visited once, which was enough. Secondly, it's probably reasonable to make a range of other assumptions about someone's personality based on that little tidbit. They may not always hold true, but close enough that the typical online dater wouldn't be giving odds.

Given how "dedicated" you apparently are, I'd advise to find someone who also enjoys it. Otherwise it's going to end up being an issue sooner or later. Perhaps your best hunting grounds would be the casinos? I'd bet for a guy like yourself, it would be more fruitful too. Bananas!

Edited December 10, 2021 by salparadise

[balletomane]

16 hours ago, dramafreezone said:

Certainly.  That said, I like gambling too but I don't see why I would ever volunteer it as information on a first date.  It'd be like saying you enjoy a glass of scotch every day.  Many people are going to think you have a drinking problem.  It serves no purpose to volunteer it but I wouldn't "hide" it.  If someone were to ask me a direct question on it I would be completely truthful.

Context is crucial. In one of OP's other threads he described how he told a woman he was interested in that he was in her area that weekend...but didn't ask her out because he wanted to spend the weekend alone in a casino. Then he got upset and indignant that this woman didn't seem interested in him any more. People who enjoy one glass of Scotch in the evening are unlikely to turn down dates because it interferes with their Scotch-drinking schedule, and if they did, their date would most likely lose interest. Gambling is obviously a big part of the OP's life. It's not for strangers online to decide if it's an addiction, but I think we have enough info to understand why a potential date might be put off.

[Allupinnit]

There is nothing whatsoever attractive to me about someone who gambles regularly.  A trip to Vegas, sure let's play some Blackjack, etc. but to where you arrange your life/weekends around it?  

Have you ever walked through a casino?  You see some of the most heartbroken, lonely, sad people parked at slot machines.  It reeks of old cigarettes.  The whole atmosphere is just depressing, you can't even see daylight.  

But - that's just me, and I don't think I'm alone in my thoughts.  I do have friends who like to visit casinos.  I don't think women are "overreacting" because they are turned off by your gambling habit.  You just need to find someone like-minded.  

The most gambling I do is on ETFs via my TD Ameritrade account.  I could talk for hours about investing.

[SumGuy]

On 11/29/2021 at 1:48 PM, IntBrowser said:

I dont want to miss out of a big payday so I like to be up.   ...

It's real money if you can get a payday.

[mortensorchid]

I admit fully I have never encountered someone with a gambling problem personally.  I have heard stories about those who would do things like drop a million dollars a night at a casino but I am not comparing you to anyone like that.  As to this woman?  Hard to say but for whatever reason don't take it too hard - we've all been ghosted by others who we thought we had some sort of connection with on a dating website or otherwise.  Unless she lashed out at you verbally (or in text) and even if she did it's not a big deal.

[dramafreezone]

12 hours ago, mortensorchid said:

I admit fully I have never encountered someone with a gambling problem personally.  I have heard stories about those who would do things like drop a million dollars a night at a casino but I am not comparing you to anyone like that.  As to this woman?  Hard to say but for whatever reason don't take it too hard - we've all been ghosted by others who we thought we had some sort of connection with on a dating website or otherwise.  Unless she lashed out at you verbally (or in text) and even if she did it's not a big deal.

You have certainly encountered someone with a gambling problem, you just didn't know it because they didn't volunteer that information.  It's much more common than you think.