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I will never mention I enjoy gambling ever again when communicating with someone on dating app

IntBrowser

By IntBrowser
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IntBrowser Established Member

IntBrowser

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I matched with someone on Facebook Dating app and we both liked the same football team.     So while we were chatting I said I liked sports betting and she was like.........."oh boy are you one of those gamblers who would bet the mortgage?     So we eventually exchanged numbers and once we started talking I should have just left the gambling thing alone.    But I had to mention that I set my alarm on sunday mornings so I can get up and place my bets before 1pm.      It wasnt too much longer after that where she ended the convo out of nowhere while I was in mid sentence lol    And I knew I had blew it.     I was explaining to her that I gamble with play money and its a hobby.    It has no effect on my everyday life if I lose.      But I wont ever mention it again and it will always be a secret.     So sick of women over reacting 

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jspice Established Member

jspice

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She’s not overreacting. She doesn’t want someone who gambles regularly, nor does she want someone who needs to set an alarm to wake up at 1pm on the weekend. 
You’ve been told this many many times. Now the women are “overreacting “. 

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basil67 Established Member

basil67

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If you continue gambling with the enthusiasm and frequency you've described in the past, even if you keep it a secret, they will discover it themselves and still likely make the same decision.   You may as well be honest and with the understanding that gambling won't be acceptable to everyone.  

It's no different to people who state that they are smokers, or have kids or any other common deal breaker. 

 

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Foxhall Established Member

Foxhall

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1 hour ago, IntBrowser said:

But I wont ever mention it again and it will always be a secret.

Yes its true buddy our female friends just dont get it do they!!

Even I've made money on it over the years and still its like my dirty secret,

in saying that I have not kept it a secret in any of my relationships, current gf she frowns on it for sure, but look if a man cant do a little of whats he's not supposed to do, well he is not much of a man

as long as you have it under control,  dont be afraid to enjoy your bet I say,

 

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IntBrowser Established Member

IntBrowser

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3 hours ago, jspice said:

She’s not overreacting. She doesn’t want someone who gambles regularly, nor does she want someone who needs to set an alarm to wake up at 1pm on the weekend. 
You’ve been told this many many times. Now the women are “overreacting “. 

I set the alarm for 11am to get everything in by 12:55pm

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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Sorry, but this is to be expected. 

We have told you this before. I am not sure why you are upset when it's been made clear to you before that many will find your relationship with gambling problematic. You choose the behaviour, you choose the consequences. 

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Killian898 Member

Killian898

Posted
Posted (edited)

It’s your money and also it’s a hobby to you; something of interest which you get enjoyment out of. You’re not playing with her money and your financial affairs are none of her business. If she can’t get over that then that’s her problem.
 

The same woman would probably be all over you if you had told her that you had just won $2 million playing craps in Vegas, and she would also take great delight in helping you spend it too given half the chance!

Edited by Killian898
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FMW Established Member

FMW

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You are free to engage in the activities you enjoy.  Others are free to not want to date you based on what you do.

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balletomane Established Member

balletomane

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In your previous threads, you've talked about refusing dates with women you were interested in because the timing would interfere with your gambling plans for that day. Then you got frustrated with the women for not accommodating your choice to gamble. That would be a massive red flag to anyone, except perhaps to people looking for the most casual FWB-type situation. You essentially expect a girlfriend to take second place to your gambling. This is what's bothering them.

As for it being "play money", unless you have a tree that grows the stuff, it's still money you could be spending on something more lasting. This isn't something you do occasionally, this is a regular part of your life, and any woman who is financially responsible is going to raise her eyebrows at that. Do you have to give up gambling? No. It's totally your choice. But these women are equally free to reject you on the basis of your choice. You're basically asking why you can't do what you like and live free of the consequences, and no one has that luxury.

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bene Established Member

bene

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It’s one thing to play a computer game with fake money just out of boredom or go to Vegas once in a lifetime but setting alarm clocks to place bets says it’s quite important and serious for you.

It is reasonable from women’s perspective not to get involved with someone who is an enthusiastic gambler, play money or not. If a person is prone to gambling and adrenaline rush that comes with it then it’s a question of time until it’s real money and possibly addiction. I just wouldn’t like the idea of gambling as a pastime.

 

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chillii Established Member

chillii

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Ha, maybe you should say it on your profile , might meet a like minded lady.

lt's ok , bit of fun , long as ya know when to stop.

jspice Established Member

jspice

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9 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

I set the alarm for 11am to get everything in by 12:55pm

You still need to set an alarm to wake up at 11! 
 

Do you know what I envision when a guy says “I set my alarm so I can place bets by 1pm everySunday”?

“This guy sleeps away the day. Can’t drag his butt out of bed on the weekends and when he does, we’re not going to do anything because he’s gambling. 
I want to go to brunch, maybe go to the beach or a museum, hang out in a park, spend the morning together preparing breakfast, BEING together”

Go ahead and gamble and sleep till noon but don’t lay this at the door of people who expect more from a partner than sleeping all day and gambling a few times a week and on vacations. 
 

 

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Wiseman2 Established Member

Wiseman2

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13 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

 I was explaining to her that I gamble with play money and its a hobby. and it will always be a secret.So sick of women over reacting 

Compulsive gambling is a problem. Most addictions and compulsive behaviors are secretive.

Until you get help from gamblers anonymous or similar support groups, this will be how it goes, whether you tell them upfront or they figure out from your antics.

In a way it's good you mentioned it. Saves everyone time. And you can carry on.

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clia Established Member

clia

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Posted
11 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

I set the alarm for 11am to get everything in by 12:55pm

Do you work an overnight shift?  Because along with the gambling, maybe you having to set an alarm to get up by 11 was also problematic for her if she's an early riser.  

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introverted1 Established Member

introverted1

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15 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

I matched with someone on Facebook Dating app and we both liked the same football team.     So while we were chatting I said I liked sports betting and she was like.........."oh boy are you one of those gamblers who would bet the mortgage?     So we eventually exchanged numbers and once we started talking I should have just left the gambling thing alone.    But I had to mention that I set my alarm on sunday mornings so I can get up and place my bets before 1pm.      It wasnt too much longer after that where she ended the convo out of nowhere while I was in mid sentence lol    And I knew I had blew it.     I was explaining to her that I gamble with play money and its a hobby.    It has no effect on my everyday life if I lose.      But I wont ever mention it again and it will always be a secret.     So sick of women over reacting 

1) She may like to do things on the weekend, which is in conflict with you having a rigid schedule that keeps you asleep and/or betting until 1pm every Sunday.

2) That you have such a schedule belies your assertion that you gamble as a pastime with "play money." Anyone who has to set an alarm to make sure he gets his bets in, is someone who takes gambling seriously. 

3) There's nothing wrong with your chosen sleep schedule and gambling, but it's not over-reacting for a woman to assess that this wouldn't be something she's interested in. This is why we date - to assess compatibility.  You won't be compatible with someone who likes to get up at 8 on Sunday and spend the day hiking or kayaking or whatever.

 

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ShyViolet Established Member

ShyViolet

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Having to set an alarm to gamble every single Sunday?  That sounds like a bit much.  It's not unreasonable for a woman to want to steer clear of that.

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IntBrowser Established Member

IntBrowser

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5 hours ago, clia said:

Do you work an overnight shift?  Because along with the gambling, maybe you having to set an alarm to get up by 11 was also problematic for her if she's an early riser.  

No on saturday night I stay up to 3am or 4am and to avoid waking up at 12:30pm I set the alarm for 11am

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IntBrowser Established Member

IntBrowser

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26 minutes ago, ShyViolet said:

Having to set an alarm to gamble every single Sunday?  That sounds like a bit much.  It's not unreasonable for a woman to want to steer clear of that.

I dont want to miss out of a big payday so I like to be up.    Plus the betting site purposely shuts down at 12:55 so u cant place bets.    So I like to be able to get them in

clia Established Member

clia

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23 minutes ago, IntBrowser said:

No on saturday night I stay up to 3am or 4am and to avoid waking up at 12:30pm I set the alarm for 11am

What are you doing until 3 or 4 a.m. every Saturday night?

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ShyViolet Established Member

ShyViolet

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20 minutes ago, IntBrowser said:

I dont want to miss out of a big payday so I like to be up.    Plus the betting site purposely shuts down at 12:55 so u cant place bets.    So I like to be able to get them in

So what if you were dating someone and they wanted to make plans for Sunday, so you would be out and not able to log in to gamble one Sunday?  Would you be willing to skip a Sunday?  

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Girl Fade Away Established Member

Girl Fade Away

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14 minutes ago, ShyViolet said:

So what if you were dating someone and they wanted to make plans for Sunday, so you would be out and not able to log in to gamble one Sunday?  Would you be willing to skip a Sunday?  

This reminds me of an old boyfriend who was an alcoholic.   I recall trying to make plans on a Saturday and he said he couldn't commit to it because he and his friend Bill were going out drinking Friday night and he would be too hungover!  I replied "What the "heck" (used different word), can't you go out and NOT get drunk so we can do something fun on Saturday"?  And he said "no probably not."  

This guy claimed to be madly in love with me at the time too, but apparently he loved his drink more than he loved me and I ended the RL shortly thereafter.

Excessive gambling and drinking alcohol are both addictions when they interfere with your current relationships or forming new relationships in a negative way.

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mark clemson Established Member

mark clemson

Posted
Posted

There is a lot of "assessment" going on during the early stages of dating and people are prone to making snap judgements with what little info is presented, not entirely unlike a job interview. So yes, it makes sense to not mention this until later in the game. If a person likes you and can see you don't have a problem it is fine to mention, but it takes a while to get to that point. Since it *is* a minor thing (in your case) there is also no rush to disclose it.

notbroken Established Member

notbroken

Posted
Posted

Not many people are going to be good with you staying up to 3 or 4 on Saturday night and then having to set an alarm to gamble at 11AM on Sundays.  Seems either your dating expectations or gambling has to change.   There is a clue there.  Do you ever go a Sunday without gambling?  Do you also gamble during the week?  Think it is possible you have a problem?

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dramafreezone Established Member

dramafreezone

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Posted (edited)
23 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

I matched with someone on Facebook Dating app and we both liked the same football team.     So while we were chatting I said I liked sports betting and she was like.........."oh boy are you one of those gamblers who would bet the mortgage?     So we eventually exchanged numbers and once we started talking I should have just left the gambling thing alone.    But I had to mention that I set my alarm on sunday mornings so I can get up and place my bets before 1pm.      It wasnt too much longer after that where she ended the convo out of nowhere while I was in mid sentence lol    And I knew I had blew it.     I was explaining to her that I gamble with play money and its a hobby.    It has no effect on my everyday life if I lose.      But I wont ever mention it again and it will always be a secret.     So sick of women over reacting 

Uh yeah dude don't ever mention this.  I like gambling too but what purpose does it serve bringing it up when you're just getting to know a woman?

People in general hear something and they can think the worst.  She pretty much told you what's on her mind when she made that joke.  It'd be like if you say you like to have a drink once or twice a week.  Some people would intepret that as you do it all the time, or you're a problem drinker.  Lesson learned, don't mention that, at least not before you really know this woman.

While I don't gamble much anymore, I've gambled enough money in the past to make some people on here vomit in disgust if they knew how much it was, but it was never anything I couldn't afford to lose.  Like drinking, I think gambling is only a problem when it prevents you from functioning as a normal adult. 

Still, I see zero benefit or need to ever bring it up voluntarily when dating.   If someone asks, sure I think it's a good idea to tell them, because hiding it is a symptoms of a problem gambler.

Edited by dramafreezone
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