jgolffan96 Posted November 26, 2021 Posted November 26, 2021 (edited) I met a girl that was really cool and interesting on the dating app Hinge. We really hit it off and exchanged a ton of messages on the first day. She willingly gave me her phone number after I asked and I then proceeded to ask her out for dinner the next evening (she said she didn't make any plans because she wasn't feeling well but was getting better). The next day I try to confirm dinner for that evening and she said she completely forgot that she had to pick up her grandma. She said that she promised it wasn't an excuse and that she "really would like to get dinner with you!". We then set another date for Tuesday (11/23) and when I tried to confirm it on Monday night, she said "I've been really sick" and "I'm not gonna be able to tomorrow I don't want to get you sick sad emoji". I said no worries and that if you were feeling better, would you be free this weekend? I have yet to hear from her. What do I do now? I figured I would give it a break for a few days to see what happens and to not be desperate. I can't tell if she's flaking or not and I don't know how to phrase the next best response to her. Please help!! Edited November 26, 2021 by justasht
basil67 Posted November 27, 2021 Posted November 27, 2021 She's sick on both dates you've tried to make, but able to pick up her grandma. AND forgot about the date you set. I say she's a flake and you shouldn't send her any more messages. Only give her another chance if she reaches out to you. 1
Author jgolffan96 Posted November 27, 2021 Author Posted November 27, 2021 14 minutes ago, basil67 said: She's sick on both dates you've tried to make, but able to pick up her grandma. AND forgot about the date you set. I say she's a flake and you shouldn't send her any more messages. Only give her another chance if she reaches out to you. What about the fact that she said she really wanted to have dinner with me? Isn't there a way to message her again?
Alvi Posted November 27, 2021 Posted November 27, 2021 (edited) Oh wow. Excuse after excuse after excuse. She is sick, she has to pick up her grandmother, lol. OK, whatever. You would be surprised how many times I've heard excuses on the dating sites. It goes like this: A guy shows tremendous amount of interest in me. We talk and arrangements are made to meet. Right before the supposed meeting a guy comes up with the lamest excuses as to why he cannot actually meet. All of the sudden he is sick, has developed a mysterious case of an allergy, his kid is sick, he hast to work late, etc... Pick up a grandma, that's a good one! it might be a handy excuse in case that I ever need to weasel out of a date myself, lol. 57 minutes ago, justasht said: What about the fact that she said she really wanted to have dinner with me? Isn't there a way to message her again? Seriously, if she was interested, she would've had a dinner with you by now. But she has not. That means that she is not THAT interested and it would be wise for you to block her. Sure, you can message her but why? Don't you have any pride? The ball in in her court, so that means if she wants to meet, she is the one who should come up with something. But until and when and or if she does, put her on a backburner and talk and date other women. She is either a fake, flake, a catshish, attention seeker, not actually single, or wants to keep you around just in case a bigger better deal (in her opinion) doesn't work out. Edited November 27, 2021 by Alvi 3
basil67 Posted November 27, 2021 Posted November 27, 2021 1 hour ago, justasht said: What about the fact that she said she really wanted to have dinner with me? Isn't there a way to message her again? Sure you can message her again if you want. Just don’t hold your breath for a positive outcome. I suggest you take on board what we say, weigh up the pros and cons and make your own decision.
IntBrowser Posted November 27, 2021 Posted November 27, 2021 3 hours ago, justasht said: I met a girl that was really cool and interesting on the dating app Hinge. We really hit it off and exchanged a ton of messages on the first day. She willingly gave me her phone number after I asked and I then proceeded to ask her out for dinner the next evening (she said she didn't make any plans because she wasn't feeling well but was getting better). The next day I try to confirm dinner for that evening and she said she completely forgot that she had to pick up her grandma. She said that she promised it wasn't an excuse and that she "really would like to get dinner with you!". We then set another date for Tuesday (11/23) and when I tried to confirm it on Monday night, she said "I've been really sick" and "I'm not gonna be able to tomorrow I don't want to get you sick sad emoji". I said no worries and that if you were feeling better, would you be free this weekend? I have yet to hear from her. What do I do now? I figured I would give it a break for a few days to see what happens and to not be desperate. I can't tell if she's flaking or not and I don't know how to phrase the next best response to her. Please help!! The top excuses used not to go out with someone is Health Family So she is basically lying
ExpatInItaly Posted November 27, 2021 Posted November 27, 2021 If she were really interested, OP, she would be the one trying to organize another time to meet. But she isn’t. That’s coming from you. Don’t message her again.
Wiseman2 Posted November 27, 2021 Posted November 27, 2021 11 hours ago, justasht said: What about the fact that she said she really wanted to have dinner with me? Isn't there a way to message her again? She knows your contact info. Too much to soon. Move forward and continue talking to and meeting others. Next time scale back on all the chitchatting. Suggest a simple low key coffee after a few messages.
ShyViolet Posted November 27, 2021 Posted November 27, 2021 You do nothing now. You shouldn't message her again. In your last communication with her, she did not reply to your message. You don't want to be that guy that comes off as desperate by repeatedly messaging someone. If she's truly interested, you'll hear from her. 1
ChatroomHero Posted November 27, 2021 Posted November 27, 2021 You believe what she is showing you as much and more than you believe what she is telling you. What's more definitive in your opinion, her saying she really wants to go out with you or her actually not going out with you on multiple occasions? At this point you don't ask her out again, it's up to her to ask you. If she has even a little interest, she will reach out and ask when are you free to go out and she will proactively tell you when she is free. If she isn't interested she may chat with you but she'll make no active attempt to see you. She might have been interested and then thought about it and was like eh, not interested enough. She is not going to come out and tell you that, it's confrontational, hard to do, she doesn't want to reject you...instead she'll show you be not going out with you. It looks to me like she is already showing you but you are trying to ignore it to get the result you want. You're nice. You're good looking. I want to go out with you. I'm really interested in you...all things that can and will be said in the process of ghosting.
glows Posted November 27, 2021 Posted November 27, 2021 17 hours ago, justasht said: What do I do now? I figured I would give it a break for a few days to see what happens and to not be desperate. I can't tell if she's flaking or not and I don't know how to phrase the next best response to her. Please help!! Depending on the person, she may have balked at the dinner concept. Settle for something shorter like a half hour coffee meet in future for first meets. You both can go from there if there's mutual attraction. For the time being, don't contact her and take her word for being sick. You don't know each other so don't read into this. As far as you are concerned she's not available. If you feel like it on Sunday evening or Monday, ask her how she's feeling and check in with her. If you don't receive a response, she's not interested and if she doesn't come up with another alternative time to meet or connect with you, then move on.
Wiseman2 Posted November 27, 2021 Posted November 27, 2021 Ok. Reduce the investment until you meet up for coffee. A lot of dating apps have nonsense like this. The key is to prevent burnout. Even if it's off to a good start, people come up with weird crap all the time. It's not that sophisticated. It's akin to "my dog ate my homework". The 6 year old brain can manage excuses like this. Lay back, contact other women. You'll get dates. Keep it low-key at first.
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