Date had nudes on his phone

[astutise]

So, went on 2 dates with a guy. We got along quite well, laughed a lot, had a fun time. Then...he wanted to show me a pic of his sister and as he was browsing through his pics on his phone to find the pic, i caught sight of pics of naked girls. No faces, just naked chests and from the waist down.

I find this gross. Was immediately put off. Not because i expect him not to be texting other girls (we've known each other less than a week) but because perhaps you can call me prudeish and the sight of explicit photos on someone's phone makes me cringe.

Is it unrealistic to expect guys not to have pics like that? I just find it gross. Are other girls put off by this, too?

[flitzanu]

you're assuming it is girls that he knows that are sending nudes of themselves.

they may be random photos from the internet that he happened to like, 

or, 

maybe he has friends that send those random pics to him and he doesn't bother to erase them.

i have friends that send me nude or erotic things, or gross funny things through text that i often don't delete, because it's my phone and my private property.

 

this is nearly presuming that a guy never sees naked women, is the issue that he may have viewed pornography and you don't think looking at porn is ok?  if that's the case, that's your prerogative, and this guy isn't the one for you.

[astutise]

7 minutes ago, flitzanu said:

you're assuming it is girls that he knows that are sending nudes of themselves.

they may be random photos from the internet that he happened to like, 

or, 

maybe he has friends that send those random pics to him and he doesn't bother to erase them.

i have friends that send me nude or erotic things, or gross funny things through text that i often don't delete, because it's my phone and my private property.

 

this is nearly presuming that a guy never sees naked women, is the issue that he may have viewed pornography and you don't think looking at porn is ok?  if that's the case, that's your prerogative, and this guy isn't the one for you.

I don't care if a guy likes to watch porn. 

I do find the behaviour of requesting explicit pictures from girls (bending over, full shots etc) just cringey and gross. You're right, I don't know how he got these pictures - i'd rather not have seen them at all. It was because he said 'want to see a pic of my sister?' and was scrolling through his gallery of pictures that my eyes diverted there and immediately felt repulsed. But I would say, i have stopped talking to guys if they ask for nudes (just not my thing) so if i knew that that's how he got them, which I am assuming it is, he is ditched. Because it tells me a little bit about his dating etiquette with the other girls he might match with, etiquette i haven't seen yet which if he did direct to me, he would be gone pronto. Is that harsh? I'm curious whether others are more lengiant with this? 

Edited November 24, 2021 by astutise

[Sun Seeker]

Was it his actual phone camera gallery he was browsing, or an apps gallery such as WhatsApp? As it could be what people have sent him, and it would be random women from the internet, not anyone known.

[Mrin]

Dude here. I have never asked for a nude in my life. Not even intimated it. Yet, I have received many. All unsolicited. And, depending on the app on which they were sent, immediately go into my photo gallery. 

It's kind of a pain because as a father I don't want that stuff on my phone. Period. 

[astutise]

3 minutes ago, Sun Seeker said:

Was it his actual phone camera gallery he was browsing, or an apps gallery such as WhatsApp? As it could be what people have sent him, and it would be random women from the internet, not anyone known.

i dont know, it was a quick cursory glance only. If it is an apps gallery, unsolicited pics, etc then fine. But one of them looked pretty posed-at-home, no face and not glossy. Some of my friends are saying to bring it up before ghosting him but i think that's also weird - 'caught sight of pics on your phone when you wanted to show me a pic, how did you acquire them?'. i don't like ghosting but literally i have no right to pull up someone on their pics who i have known for less than a week so i think its okay to not say anything and if he messages, i can just say something generic like i don't think we are a right fit. 

[astutise]

6 minutes ago, Mrin said:

Dude here. I have never asked for a nude in my life. Not even intimated it. Yet, I have received many. All unsolicited. And, depending on the app on which they were sent, immediately go into my photo gallery. 

It's kind of a pain because as a father I don't want that stuff on my phone. Period. 

This is helpful. I didn't realise girls send them unsolicited?!?? i just assumed its as much of a pain to be asked for nudes for them as it is for me! And that maybe the ones who do send them have been requested them specifically.

[Killian898]

Nothing to worry about. I’ve received them many times over the years unsolicited, usually from girls I know or am seeing. They save automatically to your phone’s camera roll unless you turn this function off. 

Personally I don’t think you are entitled to ask him to explain if you’ve only just met.

Edited November 24, 2021 by Killian898

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, astutise said:

he wanted to show me a pic of his sister and as he was browsing through his pics on his phone to find the pic, i caught sight of pics of naked girls. No faces, just naked chests and from the waist down.

If it's a deal breaker, don't continue dating. He seems rather stupid to whip out his phone on a date with those in plain view.

[Girl Fade Away]

I am trying to understand the difference between having unsolicited nudes sent to his phone and what men did back in day looking at Playboy, Penthouse, etc.?   My own dad read those mags and I doubt it was for the 'articles.'   That said, you have only had TWO dates, it has been less than one week.  If this bothers you, then next him.  But I think you will be hard-pressed to find a man who does NOT look at naked pics of women from time to time, or have them sent randomly unsolicited to his phone's photo gallery.

 

 

Edited November 24, 2021 by Girl Fade Away

[smackie9]

Looking a porn or whatever? save it for the laptop at home. I knew a guy that had porn mags in his backpack all the time and this is in modern times. His GF was always checking his phone and stuff. Found it odd she never went through his backpack.

I agree with Wiseman, pretty thick headed of him to have those on display for your date to see. *rolleyes*

First impressions count. I get it men like to view, but me I like a guy with some class.

 

[astutise]

8 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

It's the fact he has them stored on his phone. Do you keep unsolicited naked/ dick photos of random men on your phone? If I was using an app that this was happening, I would get rid of the app. It's using your personal info. This is how hackers hack into your phone.

exactly. I've received one or two unsolciited over the years and immediately deleted them. Of course men who don't delete them, do so because they want them left there. I've had female friends run risque selfies by me - first sending them to me for feedback and that's the only time i didn't automatically delete them, because they specifically sent them for feedback. But if a guy is keeping unsolicited pics - he WILL be enjoying them.

[Wiseman2]

3 minutes ago, astutise said:

I've had female friends run risque selfies by me - first sending them to me for feedback and that's the only time i didn't automatically delete them, because they specifically sent them for feedback

 Yes, next him or you'll be in his  gallery that the next woman see when, again, he's stupid enough to whip out his phone rather than relegating that stuff to a spankbank folder.

[Girl Fade Away]

1 hour ago, astutise said:

Then...he wanted to show me a pic of his sister and as he was browsing through his pics on his phone to find the pic, i caught sight of pics of naked girls. No faces, just naked chests and from the waist down.

How did you respond when you saw them?  

[astutise]

2 minutes ago, Girl Fade Away said:

How did you respond when you saw them?  

Think my face expression must have been one of shock/annoyance because he looked at me funny after. I just turned away and was silent for a bit

Edited November 24, 2021 by astutise

[Mrin]

1 hour ago, astutise said:

This is helpful. I didn't realise girls send them unsolicited?!?? i just assumed its as much of a pain to be asked for nudes for them as it is for me! And that maybe the ones who do send them have been requested them specifically.

Ya. I find it kind of odd myself. I mean if I'm in a relationship with a woman then I can understand if she wants to *ahem* tease me a bit. 

But I've had women that I haven't even met send me a nude. And these aren't 20-year-old Tinder fodder... I'm talking 40-year-old moms with careers. Go figure. I always clear them out of my texting app but often forget to purge them from my camera roll.

Funny story - I've been dating a lady for some time. She was on the road traveling the other week. I was at home watching a hockey game with one of my teenagers and using my phone to cast it to the TV. As we're watching it, a notification came in that she had sent me an image. My kid said something like, "hey your girlfriend just sent you something. Open it up let's see". I almost clicked on it and then thought better of it. After I had stopped sharing my phone to the TV later on I checked it out and oh my God I am so glad I didn't click on that!!! Ha. 

[Alpacalia]

Even stranger that he keeps pics of his sister and naked girls in the same folder.

 

[basil67]

4 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

Even stranger that he keeps pics of his sister and naked girls in the same folder.

Perhaps he's a dinosaur like me and every phone pic is in the same folder.    

[glows]

I don't know if this is more comical or repulsive as you say, OP. I might have laughed and asked if there was anyone he would like to introduce me to. I'm not being serious. 

To answer your question, I don't think it's unrealistic to expect your date not to show you naked photos of other women. It's only two dates. Thank goodness he decided to show you what his "sister" looks like early.

[Alpacalia]

5 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Perhaps he's a dinosaur like me and every phone pic is in the same folder.    

That's true.

OP people have all sorts of things on their phone but I understand it must have been unsettling.

Here you were expecting to see a nice photo of his sister and then "surprise!" 🙈

[Fox Sake]

33 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

Even stranger that he keeps pics of his sister and naked girls in the same folder.

 

Let’s hope they aren’t the same person! 

[CollinW]

It's incredibly unrealistic to have any expectations of what he does with his phone after 2 dates (or for some people, period).

It's not necessarily unrealistic to expect him to have the social intelligence to not put you in a situation where you come across them. 

I have naked pics of my wife all throughout my phone. If I'm showing someone a pic, I make sure to browse privately until I get to the series of pics I need, then share. 

[astutise]

8 hours ago, CollinW said:

It's incredibly unrealistic to have any expectations of what he does with his phone after 2 dates (or for some people, period).

It's not necessarily unrealistic to expect him to have the social intelligence to not put you in a situation where you come across them. 

I have naked pics of my wife all throughout my phone. If I'm showing someone a pic, I make sure to browse privately until I get to the series of pics I need, then share. 

Exactly!! I even shielded my phone from him when finding pics of my family because i just don't like strangers catching sight of my gallery, even without nudes. Its just personal. And he did it twice. the first time, i saw the pic with boobs and thought let me turn my head away because he might be embarrassed but nope, he then asked to show me another pic and this time scrolled further where i saw below waist pic in the gallery. He MUST have spotted them on at least one of the occasions, but he didn't turn the phone away or quickly shielded it. i dont think he cares. My housemates thinks he intended for me to see them to give me hints about what he likes but don't know if that's looking into it too much. 

As someone else said above, lack of social intelligence to not be more conspicuous. Not very classy. He's in the Next bin.

Interesting to get people's views and stories, i think bottom line in conclusion on the subject of nudes, for me, is: don't care about porn/looking at naked pics but don't be obvious as to show it on phone on early dates and also, guys who ask for nudes at the early stages of dating: not for me. 

Edited November 25, 2021 by astutise

[Alpacalia]

It doesn't appear that he gave much consideration to how seeing such photographs might make you feel uneasy.

Particularly when he did it twice.

For someone with a little more tact, his remark after the first time would have been something like, "I'm truly sorry you had to see that, that was not my intention."

But perhaps you are right that he wanted you to see those photos for some reason or another.

[Interstellar]

He’s probably not  a gay guy. On a serious note, i think it’s sloppy of him to leave nudes on his phone. It should be locked up somewhere in Fort Knox.