Martin123 Posted November 22, 2021 Posted November 22, 2021 Hi all. Could do with help understanding my feelings. So I met the other halfs friends last night for the first time. We have been dating 2 months and it's been going extremely well. I've met her work friends too and that went extremely well. But last night meeting all 8 of her closest friends and I felt invisible. For a start non of them introduced themselves to me. Only a few even said hello. And nearly all of them left without saying goodbye. I had alot of awkward moments where I clearly looked lost and no one came to talk to me. One time 4 of us were standing together. My girlfriend, her 2 friends and me. Her friend offered her boyfriend and my girlfriend something but not me. I'm standing with them and I don't get offered anything. 3 of her friends hadn't said a word to me all night. I don't know how to feel about the situation. It's very much I have to be on board with her friends otherwise the relationship won't work. I left feeling so deflated im questioning is it worth continuing dating her. I was under the impression that the friends should have gone out of there way to make me feel welcome. They're all extremely close and I'm the only new one. I hadn't a single decent conversation with anyone. I left for half an hour to compose myself but no one had noticed. It was a small house party confined to 1 small room. Am I being stupid for feeling this way? Am I even making sense? Has anyone else experienced this? If so what did you do? I told her her friends aren't very welcoming at the end of the night. I needed to get it of my chest. I have never felt so low in my entire life. It didn't go well, we didn't argue but it felt like she didn't want me there so I left. We're still talking but now it feels different.
dramafreezone Posted November 22, 2021 Posted November 22, 2021 (edited) That's weird that you said her friends should have gone out of their way to make you welcome. Why didn't you go out of your way to introduce yourself to them? Did you try at all? Also, how well are things going with the GF? Does she call you a lot? Does she want to hang out a lot? Does she say I love you and lovey dovey things like that? I ask because I know women talk a lot to their friends about the guys that they really like. When this happens the friend will want to grill you, ask you a ton of questions to make sure that you're as good for her as she makes you sound. My initial thoughts are that she hasn't mentioned you much to her friends, so maybe they don't know how close you two are. Edited November 22, 2021 by dramafreezone 1
Wiseman2 Posted November 22, 2021 Posted November 22, 2021 Sorry this happened. They seem rude and your date wasn't doing a good job of helping you mix. Seems like you are incompatible. Are they cliquey or snooty? 1
ShyViolet Posted November 22, 2021 Posted November 22, 2021 It sounds like they were very rude and had poor social skills. That's not your fault. If I were you I would have also said something to your gf about it.... just let her know that you felt that they were rude and unwelcoming.
Gaeta Posted November 22, 2021 Posted November 22, 2021 I was in your situation once and it's an awful feeling. I was meeting 2 couples for the first time, they were his best friends. No one talked to me, I mean the ladies could have shown a bit of interest in getting to know me but nope! Even when I initiated something with them they'd answer, turn around and talk to each other. Turns out, they knew I was just the 'temporary' girlfriend ( I did not know ) so they didn't want to waste time getting to know me. Like Dramafreezone said, I think the answer is what she told them about you.
glows Posted November 22, 2021 Posted November 22, 2021 What happened exactly? Did you feel intimidated or clam up? Your body language might have indicated you weren't approachable. Did you smile, introduce yourself or ask questions? Unfortunately in any setting no one is obligated to roll out the red carpet or approach you. Swallow any pride or anxiety you have and be friendly and approachable to others, initiate conversations and ask about how they're doing or how they met your girlfriend for example. If someone forgot to offer you something, ignore it and get your own food or drink. Talk with everyone and show some interest. If they were antagonistic or hostile or full of inside jokes excluding you with no background story or understanding that you're new, that may make someone uncomfortable too. I'm also not clear why she's placing so much pressure on you getting along with her friends. You are exactly who you are and just as you accept her, she accepts you. If that is not the case or you don't feel like it, move on. This is superficial and just not your crowd. No one ought to try to fit themselves in a place they don't feel welcome in. I'm afraid you already feel a great deal of insecurity about your gf and her friends. Shrug that off and spend time with your own friends. If this doesn't work out, it will not be the end of the world. 1
smackie9 Posted November 26, 2021 Posted November 26, 2021 I know where you are coming from. I think you pointing out how you felt was pretty much saying her and her friends were rude and inconsiderate. That's why she was a bit turned off. She is very close knit with these people, and you being an outsider, held less importance. I know what it's like trying to interact with groups like that. They look at you at like...who the f are you? and how dare you try to get into this conversation. You may have to rethink this relationship. Let the next few days play themselves out. But do have another conversation about what happened. Obviously these 8 friends are a huge part of her life. IMO she was rude because the whole purpose of that evening was to introduce you...but now that I think of it, maybe not. She was only thinking of herself, and made you invisible.
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