So I think I might have been rejected?

[Sgthaytham]

For our second date I asked her when she was free next week to go for dinner, and she asked if we could do it the following week because she went away and has spent the last of her money. 

She then sent me “We can soft hangout”, but I have no idea what she means by that. 
 

Bear in mind English isn’t her first language. 
 

I don’t really know if she means we can “hang out without doing something expensive *instead* and go to dinner next week when she has money* (if this is the case, this confirms she doesn’t expect me to pay for everything)

 

OR

 

She would rather we do something less expensive, but in 2 weeks time instead of next week. 

Any ideas?

I think asking her what she means might be a bit weak 

[Sun Seeker]

Why is asking her appearing weak?

And yea I agree, you should be treating her, don't tell me you are expecting to take her on a date and make her pay?

[Sgthaytham]

1 hour ago, S2B said:

Why aren’t you asking her when YOU can take her OUT to dinner - your treat! That means YOU pay!

make sure she understands you pay.

why would you expect her to pay if you ask her out?

PLAN a specific date and ask her with making it clear you pay.

Who says I’m expecting her to pay for the date. 
 

We slip the bill on our first date, and maybe she doesn’t expect me to pay for everything on the second date - which is a great thing, no??

[Sgthaytham]

42 minutes ago, Sun Seeker said:

Why is asking her appearing weak?

And yea I agree, you should be treating her, don't tell me you are expecting to take her on a date and make her pay?

Please read my response to S2B

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, Sgthaytham said:

We slip the bill on our first date, 

Maybe she doesn't want to go dutch when she doesn't have the money.

Whose idea was it to split the bill? That's sort of a friendzone thing.

[Sun Seeker]

4 hours ago, Sgthaytham said:

Who says I’m expecting her to pay for the date. 
 

We slip the bill on our first date, and maybe she doesn’t expect me to pay for everything on the second date - which is a great thing, no??

Why are you splitting the bill on the first date? That's so bad.

Now I get it. She's expecting that you are going to want her to split the bill again on the next date so is making excuses. And rightly so.

You are the man here. If you can't afford to pay for dates then stay at home and don't date.

[Sgthaytham]

14 hours ago, Sun Seeker said:

Why are you splitting the bill on the first date? That's so bad.

Now I get it. She's expecting that you are going to want her to split the bill again on the next date so is making excuses. And rightly so.

You are the man here. If you can't afford to pay for dates then stay at home and don't date.

*She* took the initiative to pay for some drinks - like we each paid a round. 
 

*She* took the initiative to pay for some more arcade games. 
 

If you think that’s bad lol… 

I don’t expect to pay her half, but she seems to WANT to which is lovely. 

Edited November 21, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language

[Sgthaytham]

34 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Maybe she doesn't want to go dutch when she doesn't have the money.

Whose idea was it to split the bill? That's sort of a friendzone thing.

Lmao, there is absolutely no question of friendzone in this case. 

[glows]

Do something simple like coffee or a pastry shop in town and then go for a walk. Offer to pay for the date as it should be reasonable. Limit the drinks or drinking on dates. Getting tipsy or drunk each time will get old quickly. 

I don't particularly like going dutch. I pay when I'm out with friends or they pay, or a date pays. We don't split the bill.

[Wiseman2]

14 hours ago, Sgthaytham said:

  don’t expect to pay her half, but she seems to WANT to which is lovely. 

Ok, then expect her to turn you down if she's tight on money, which is what see told you.

Edited November 21, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language in quote

[Sgthaytham]

6 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Ok, then expect her to turn you down if she's tight on money, which is what see told you.

I’m just going to set the date for the following week because that’s when we get paid. No big deal

[Sgthaytham]

Ok so I set the date for Wednesday in a couple of weeks to which she responded “Deal!!!”

And then she explained that “soft hangout is when we hang out without spending anything 

So I guess I’ll just ask her to come over with a bottle of wine and we’ll make some dinner or something 

[princessaurora]

You need to provide the wine and pay for the dinner ingredients, not her. Show her chivalry is not dead. 

 

[Calmandfocused]

Op, I’m still not grasping why you couldn’t just say to her “don’t worry about it” and offer to take her out anyway? If you really want to see someone that’s what you do.
 

 If she’s that focused on splitting bills she could have paid the next time… 

Yes her attitude is lovely about not expecting the man to pay for everything but I’m not sure your attitude is as commendable. 

You’re lucky that she’s agreeing to come to your house for the second date. Most women wouldn’t do that. 
 

 

[Sgthaytham]

54 minutes ago, princessaurora said:

You need to provide the wine and pay for the dinner ingredients, not her. Show her chivalry is not dead. 

 

What if she wants to? I’m not going to insist I pay for everything, and she probably wouldn’t even want me to either. 

[Gaeta]

Are you in Europe? Because I know in some West Europe countries men don't pay for dates, it's a given the bill will be split. 

[Cersei]

Am I the only one confused here?

For the second date she does not want to go out but wants to stay in and not spend money right? 

Dude if I am not mistaken you are getting laid! She wants to sleep with you and nothing more, no???

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Sgthaytham said:

I guess I’ll just ask her to come over with a bottle of wine

Are you both students? Are you struggling financially?

[princessaurora]

1 hour ago, Sgthaytham said:

What if she wants to? I’m not going to insist I pay for everything, and she probably wouldn’t even want me to either. 

You offer first, so she knows you're a gentleman. Then if she wants to pitch in, that's her choice. When I used to go on home dates, the guy would make dinner and provide the alcohol. He didn't expect me to bring anything, but as a courtesy I usually surprised him by bringing a  nice dessert.  Let her decide that, though. The point you're  trying to make is that she's worth it for you to treat. This is what gentleman do, and if she shows up with something to contribute , at least she knows she wasn't required to do so. 

[Sgthaytham]

48 minutes ago, Cersei said:

Am I the only one confused here?

For the second date she does not want to go out but wants to stay in and not spend money right? 

Dude if I am not mistaken you are getting laid! She wants to sleep with you and nothing more, no???

Well she’s also coming over this Wednesday as well as us going to this market the following Wednesday. Things are looking pretty good. 

[Alpacalia]

Usually when you have someone over for dinner and cook for them you pick up the tab for the ingredients yourself.

Especially in a dating context.

It's nice that she's offered to chip in but maybe she'll show up with a nice bottle of wine instead.

 

Edited November 21, 2021 by Alpaca

[Sgthaytham]

2 hours ago, Alpaca said:

Usually when you have someone over for dinner and cook for them you pick up the tab for the ingredients yourself.

Especially in a dating context.

It's nice that she's offered to chip in but maybe she'll show up with a nice bottle of wine instead.

 

Yeah which is fair. I didn’t mention to her to bring any wine, just her lovely self. I’ll get everything.

[Alpacalia]

29 minutes ago, Sgthaytham said:

Yeah which is fair. I didn’t mention to her to bring any wine, just her lovely self. I’ll get everything.

Nice.

A bottle of red, a bottle of white, you'll both be both snug as a bug for TV night! 

[Sgthaytham]

2 hours ago, Alpaca said:

Nice.

A bottle of red, a bottle of white, you'll both be both snug as a bug for TV night! 

We both handle our drink really well, so it’s a good match on that front!

 

[dramafreezone]

If you ask her out, you should pay.  I'm just plain old fashioned about this stuff.  In fact I won't date anyone that strongly insists on paying for the date.