I don't think I'm flirting right on 1st dates or am doing something wrong with my conversations

[Ami1uwant]

7 hours ago, max3732 said:

  

I've always avoided current events when talking on a 1st date, but like you said that could be a good screen. With my friends (same political party) it's fun for me to talk about what's going on and learn from their perspectives. I remember in one of the primaries we backed different candidates and neither one of us got upset with each other and it's almost been a running joke with us. For me there are some issues though where I get so passionate about that I could never date someone with the opposite viewpoint. I have enough trouble being friends with some of those people when they bring it up.

I guess the question is how do you tell if the other person is a good fit for you? I have numerous deal breakers like smoking or politics, but am trying to think about what things would show she is right. Seems like it's much harder to dismiss people for things you don't like than to say "yes, she's the one" based on a conversation. I've met women from OLD who "check all the right boxes" as far as the dealbreakers and having common interests but they seem abrasive or are rude. 

On my 1st date with the women I ended up dating for months we spent a long time talking about movies and just seemed to "get" each other and I just remember we were both laughing a lot during the date. I'm just trying to figure out how to recapture that kind of feeling.

 

it’s trade off analysis.  If you think you will find someone who agrees with you on everything  you will never find someone.

 

ask yourself this question on what beliefs are truely a core belief.  Some of these really don’t matter in everyday life.  Maybe they come from a different background and perspective you aren’t familiar with.  Issues aren’t black or white.

 

understand making choices and decisions.

 

I think you are looking for someone who is a 95%+ match. So you are passing over the 80% ones

[ChatroomHero]

Avoid politics for sure. If she mentions something political and you agree, it can be a jumping off point but I don't think it's a winning topic on a first date. If you agree too strongly, you'll run the risk of coming across like a fanatic even though you are on the same side. 

The only thing I would say is in the original post, OP said it was like an interview... where are you from, what do you do for work...If you answer, "I'm from Point Pleasant and I work servicing loans for subsidiaries of the Big 3, when they request loans based on a contract promise, I calculate the ratio of their assets....", you might as well go home. Make it fun. Keep her guessing a bit about "who you are" until date #2 or 3. keep some mystery. Since it's not an interview, you don't have to answer like an interview.

If she asks what you do for work, ask her something like ...if she has ever seen the .50 cal guns on tanks that shoot exploding rounds with a 200' blast radius. Then say, well, somebody has to test them and set up different simulated environments with full scale buildings and hospitals and then fire off those guns at the buildings to simulate combat in cities near hospitals and schools and stuff and shoot the staged buildings and calculate the damage to surrounding areas, so basically it involves just firing off huge guns and blowing up entire buildings all day.

You'll get something like a 'wow, you do that?" type response and you just say, "No, I just work as a loan servicer, but wouldn't that be a cool job?". If the question is boring, your answer is what needs to liven it up.