LDR struggles

[FiReFTW]

So in my current relationship we are currently in a bit of a tough time, in regards to our relationship.

It's best I tell you the story of my relationship first in short.

We meet online on a chatting app, we instantly felt something interesting, some connection something about the other person.

We started to talk daily, have audio and video calls daily... so then we kind of fell in love alltho some of you might think it's crazy over the internet but I definitely felt like in love even tho it might not have been as strong as someone in real life.

We decided to meet and see how things go, so I traveled and we meet and spent 2 weeks together and they were probably the best 2 weeks of my life or close to it, it was like magic from the start and every day we felt more connected and in love, deeply, I felt something so strong for her after these 2 weeks that it's incredible.

Then I went back home and back to long distance at first I missed her like crazy for a few weeks and then after awhile it felt a bit weird not having her anymore, luckily we were to meet in a few weeks.

She told me she felt distant and feels like she doesn't have me there and it's hard and has fear that when we meet it won't be the same anymore that the feelings will be gone  luckily we had a few weeks left and then we meet again and spent 1 month together.

The moment we meet it was the same again, the feelings the happiness we spent 1 wonderful month together and I feel like we connected even more and it was even better, I honestly felt it was the woman I wanted to be with all my life.

Now we are back to long distance and this time it's different because it's more time, it's 5 months this time.

We are now almost at 4 months.

We talked alot lately and she feels very distant again and disconnected from us, she doesn't feel so excited anymore about talking or stuff and has alot of fear that when we meet it's gonna be the same that she won't feel the same love anymore and it will fall apart.

She said she doesn't want to lose me that I'm beyond perfect but at this moment she feels like this and is honest with her feelings instead of pretending.

She said she hopes it's just because of the distance and that she hopes when we are together it's gonna be the same again but has fear it might not be, or even if it is, and it's magical again once we are back in the distance she's gonna feel the same.

The only saving grace is that if things work out with her project she will move alot closer the next year, like very very close.

The thing is also that I also feel similar as her, I feel distant and disconnected but it's not for the lack of love only that I don't have her here to be able to love her like when we are together or be able to have all those feelings.

I also feel bored and fed up with talking in the phone because it's like a routine and all the same and many times I call only because we are a couple and its like normal even tho I don't feel like talking so often because it's all the same and no time to miss her or for many things to happen so it's something new and exciting to talk about.

At least in a few weeks we meet but I wanted to share this here to hopefully get some advice and thoughts on the situation from other people and also maybe some advice and help to not feel so distant and cold and bored at the moment when I know she's the woman of my dreams but yet she's not here and it's just so crap and can't feel her or love her like this like when we are together.

Maybe also some advice to make things more exciting and not so boring after such a long time apart and in the distance.

Thank you

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, FiReFTW said:

We meet online on a chatting app. We decided to meet and see how things go, so I traveled and we meet and spent 2 weeks together. and then we meet again and spent 1 month together. We are now almost at 4 months.

The only saving grace is that if things work out with her project she will move alot closer the next year

How far apart are you? It seems like you had a lot of chemistry in person and miss each other. It may be hard to sustain over the next several months.

[FiReFTW]

37 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

How far apart are you? It seems like you had a lot of chemistry in person and miss each other. It may be hard to sustain over the next several months.

An ocean apart. Next year we would be like 200km if everything goes great.

[FiReFTW]

Nobody?

[glows]

Find some way to be closer or in the same location, city, town. Stay friendly but slow down on the heavy romance and expectations. It's dragging you both down and ruining the vibe. Whatever spontaneity and fun that brought you both together is slowly being snuffed out with too much too soon, not enough real time in person. 

Be realistic about this if you want it to last and respectful of each other also. If she's going to be the one moving closer to where you are and crossing that ocean, perhaps you might want to consider closing that 200 km and moving to be with her. Otherwise, the burden of moving falls solely on her and that is a lot of pressure (a complete mood killer for something so new).

[FiReFTW]

But what about the fact that shes telling me she feels distant and disconnected and like she doesn't feel the same and is afraid when we meet she won't feel the same?

[Wiseman2]

Just now, FiReFTW said:

But what about the fact that shes telling me she feels distant and disconnected and like she doesn't feel the same and is afraid when we meet she won't feel the same?

Hang in there . Hope for the best and prepare for the worse. LDRs are very difficult. It's possible she met someone locally and is setting the table for an exit. 

[glows]

16 minutes ago, FiReFTW said:

But what about the fact that shes telling me she feels distant and disconnected and like she doesn't feel the same and is afraid when we meet she won't feel the same?

It's possible she thinks you're not doing enough and waiting for her to make a move to be closer to you. Why would she move in the first place? Is she looking for a job in your country? Does she have family or friends where she's supposed to move to? I think it's unreasonable to expect someone to move anywhere unless it's clear that they have other more pressing reasons and priorities for the move. To move just for romance doesn't make sense at all. 

 

 

[chillii]

How old are you both ? At any rate it is weird that it fades so easily apart yet so nice when together . lf that is real but in all honesty a lot of people in forums talk like that next minute they've lost interest or off with someone else so it's a bit hard to tell from here legitimately  but if it is , it;s strange that fades so easily apart. We've been on off long distance 3 1/2 yrs , but it doesn't go away , it grows actually. She'll usually stay at mine a mth - 3mths , whatever we can manage when she's here.

l say do your trip , try not to worry or put any pressure on yourselves , just see how that goes . 200k in 12 mths isn't long away , if it is real you two should easily be able to do that time.

ps , you can't phone and talk everyday it gets a bit hard, we only chit chat or call whenever we feel like it, Sometimes all day all night all wk other times a few days between, just whenever, seems to work well. We usually only call once a wk or so apart sometimes more again some less, no particular span just whenever or if we need to or feel like it.  We're 50s though, well l am she's 40s, we just do whatever we feel like at the time.

There should be no need to spice it up so early in , when we feel like it that just happens .

Edited November 21, 2021 by chillii