Veronica73 Posted November 17, 2021 Posted November 17, 2021 So…I just signed up for Match a couple of days ago. (I’m still not sure how I feel about this.) I’m probably being dumb….but when I look at the people who have “liked” me, and they basically say they have no preference for anything in a partner, and for the “do you want children” question they answer “I’ll tell you later”…..they are just liking EVERYONE, right? And probably just looking for attention and/or a hookup?
Foxhall Posted November 17, 2021 Posted November 17, 2021 Id say they are just trying to get as many matches as possible, afraid of not getting any responses if they are too specific in their requirements, perhaps as came up somewhere else, they may be better off outlining what they do actually want and then attracting like minded folk. 1
Author Veronica73 Posted November 17, 2021 Author Posted November 17, 2021 (edited) It seems bizarre to me to answer the “Do you want children” question as “I’ll tell you later.” I mean….that seems like one of the most non-negotiable questions there is. And some of them say they don’t want children, but when they say what they are looking for in a partner as far as desire for kids goes, they say they have no preference. I don’t get it. And sooooooo many saying they have no preferences whatsoever as to what they are looking for in a partner. Edited November 17, 2021 by Veronica73
glows Posted November 17, 2021 Posted November 17, 2021 Yes, quite suspect. If it seems shady or trashy, let it go. Try another app or join interest groups. 1
Ami1uwant Posted November 17, 2021 Posted November 17, 2021 (edited) 3 hours ago, Veronica73 said: It seems bizarre to me to answer the “Do you want children” question as “I’ll tell you later.” I mean….that seems like one of the most non-negotiable questions there is. And some of them say they don’t want children, but when they say what they are looking for in a partner as far as desire for kids goes, they say they have no preference. I don’t get it. And sooooooo many saying they have no preferences whatsoever as to what they are looking for in a partner. The problem on the surface seems simple, but it can be quite complex. generally those in their 20s really have thought about if they want kids. Many will say no but this will change. with others they might want kids but they want to have kids in the future and not be dating a single mom if 3. when you are older in your late 30s-mid 40# the isdue maybe wanting a new baby or it could be an issue of where your kids are in life. One at 45 has their kids about ready to go off to college while another at 45 has their kids still in elementary school…thus having kids around for the next 10 years. other factories custody and divorce and having kids but not the primary care taker of them. one thing of warning about Match….actually two. 1 just because you see a profile doesn’t mean they are active. They are many who previously used it and now don’t butprofile is dtill there. 2. the system saying they were active in the last hour or day is meaningless. Opening an email from Match triggers the activity calculator even if not signed on. look at profiles that are actually filled out. Edited November 17, 2021 by Ami1uwant 1
Author Veronica73 Posted November 17, 2021 Author Posted November 17, 2021 (edited) Okay, thanks for the info on match. I’m actually only looking at profiles that Match says they “liked” me. To me that would indicate they are active on Match….but maybe not? Also….the “do you want kids” question seems to specifically be about if you want to bring about new children in the world, since there is also another question about if you already have kids, and if you are okay with the person you’re potentially dating to already have kids. And I’m only looking at people in their 40’s or 50’s. Edited November 17, 2021 by Veronica73
Wiseman2 Posted November 17, 2021 Posted November 17, 2021 6 hours ago, Veronica73 said: I look at the people who have “liked” me, and they basically say they have no preference for anything in a partner, There's a lot of timewasters. Unless someone messages you in a civilized way. (Not "hey" or "wassup"), just ignore them. Dating apps have a lot of useless bells and whistles to increase user traffic stats. "Like" buttons are a good example. If someone is not messaging they're timewasters. You can also message people who interest you. Make it brief mention something in their profile and end with meeting for coffee sometime. So. The best strategy is appropriate settings for distance age etc. and ruling out timewasters, scammers, catfish, cheaters, etc. Avoid burnout by not entertaining uninteresting profiles. 1
Author Veronica73 Posted November 17, 2021 Author Posted November 17, 2021 Thanks for the advice about time wasters!. 1
Weezy1973 Posted November 17, 2021 Posted November 17, 2021 My suggestion for women with OLD is to do a focused search and see what men you’re interested in. Then cross reference those men with the ones that have liked your profile or messaged you. If there’s a match, send a message. Too many women get stuck in just looking at the men that have liked / messaged them thinking that’s the whole pool of men. 1
viking37 Posted November 17, 2021 Posted November 17, 2021 As I guy I think the "do you want children" question is a little bit unfair. Because it depends a lot on whether I meet the right person. I believe in having kids within the context of a loving marriage. But if I do not find that person I wouldn't have them just for the sake of it. Especially as kids are so expensive these days. Also I think that choosing a partner is not like customizing your coffee order at Starbucks. And not everyone has a specific type. And it is good to be openminded. Of course there will be some things that are required for compatibility in terms of lifestyle, background, common interests etc. but I don't think you can that easily find those things out from a questionaire. I would agree generally that if a man doesn't seem to have put a lot of effort into his profile I wouldn't bother. But I would focus on whether they put effort into their personal essay as that is the best way to get a feel for someone. But yeah the response rate is incredibly low for most men and in a busy world writing lots of emails that might not even get a reply doesn't make a huge amount of sense. So I'd see a guy liking you as equivalent to someone smiling at you in the bar. Return the like if you think you could be interested in them and see if they write to you. And you can quickly find out within a few emails back and forth whether there is something there and liking someone back is not agreeing to marriage so pick a few likely lads and see what happens. 2
Blind-Sided Posted November 17, 2021 Posted November 17, 2021 11 hours ago, Veronica73 said: It seems bizarre to me to answer the “Do you want children” question as “I’ll tell you later.” I mean….that seems like one of the most non-negotiable questions there is. .... I agree. There have been several threads here about it... and a friend of mine broke up with at least 3 guys using OLD because she said she didn't want kids. I guess they thought if they dated for a few months, they could get her to change her mind. ANyway... I would stay away from any profile that doesn't have a real answer to a real question. 1
Author Veronica73 Posted November 17, 2021 Author Posted November 17, 2021 (edited) @viking37…when you say the response rate is incredibly low for most men…are you saying that for many men, if they message women, very few women respond? Or that for women, if they respond to a man, they will not likely get a response back? Or both? Edited November 17, 2021 by Veronica73
viking37 Posted November 17, 2021 Posted November 17, 2021 Was referring to the point of the view of men which is why even serious guys looking for a relationship will often just start with a like and only follow up if they get a like back or at the very least a profile view. From what I gather from my female friends on dating sites women get plenty of messages and lots and lots of likes but their issue tends to be more than they'll exchange a few mesasges and the guy will stop responding (probably found something shinier and newer to message) or there will be a lot of conversation but the guy will never ask her out (probably married already in a relationship). So again I wouldn't recommend fixating on one man but talk to a few likely lads and don't take it personally if some of those conversations go nowhere but trust that if a guy is serious and interested in you and feels a connection he will follow up and ask you out within a reasonable space of time. 1
Author Veronica73 Posted November 17, 2021 Author Posted November 17, 2021 Thanks for the insight. I did get a message from a local guy pretty much immediately, and he had clearly read my profile. I responded to him and we chatted for a bit and he said he had to go, but that he enjoyed chatting with me, and gave me his phone number and said he’d be up for talking more or meeting. I called him last night because I saw he was online according to Match, and he texted awhile later and said he had an exhausting day and was going to bed (@7:30). *shrug* I guess I’d suspect there is someone else he is more interested in at the moment. This whole OLD thing seems so weird to me. Part of me thinks I’d be better off just getting into really good shape (I’m overweight right now, but this is a fairly recent thing- I’ve been quite fit for the whole rest of my life besides the last few years since I got divorced) and just going out more where there are people and enjoying myself.
introverted1 Posted November 17, 2021 Posted November 17, 2021 "I'll tell you later" is what the app puts as a default response if the question is not answered. So I wouldn't put too much stock in that. That said, as a quick reading of this forum will show you, OLD is far from perfect. Yes, it significantly broadens your pool of potential matches, but it also exposes you to people who are not serious, still married, looking for hookups, have serious character flaws, etc. You need to develop a thick skin and hone your selection skills. Good luck. 2
Weezy1973 Posted November 17, 2021 Posted November 17, 2021 1 hour ago, Veronica73 said: This whole OLD thing seems so weird to me. Part of me thinks I’d be better off just getting into really good shape (I’m overweight right now, but this is a fairly recent thing- I’ve been quite fit for the whole rest of my life besides the last few years since I got divorced) and just going out more where there are people and enjoying myself. What does losing weight have to do with going out and enjoying yourself with people? You can do that at any weight I think. 3
Author Veronica73 Posted November 17, 2021 Author Posted November 17, 2021 (edited) 5 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said: What does losing weight have to do with going out and enjoying yourself with people? You can do that at any weight I think. You’re probably right…….but……..I don’t know. I feel really insecure and self conscious about it. Like I actually worry about running into people who haven’t seen me for a few years and having them think “whoa, what happened to her? She got fat.” Or something like that. I talked about it to one of my friends, and she was like…”what if you met someone great who liked you and wanted to be with you even when you aren’t looking your best?” Edited November 17, 2021 by Veronica73
Wiseman2 Posted November 17, 2021 Posted November 17, 2021 14 hours ago, Veronica73 said: It seems bizarre to me to answer the “Do you want children” question as “I’ll tell you later.” It's a drop down menu, not something someone went out of their way to write in, no? So it means an incomplete, lazy or spam profile. Pay no attention to incomplete, vague profiles. 1
Girl Fade Away Posted November 17, 2021 Posted November 17, 2021 (edited) 20 minutes ago, Veronica73 said: You’re probably right…….but……..I don’t know. I feel really insecure and self conscious about it. Like I actually worry about running into people who haven’t seen me for a few years and having them think “whoa, what happened to her? She got fat.” Or something like that. @Veronica73 forgive my questions but I'm confused. Since you feel insecure and self-conscious, what is your goal with on line dating? Do you have current pics at current weight on your profile ? If you do and getting responses, then the men responding are OK with your weight I wouid presume. If you do not have current pics, but older pics when thinner, then what happens when they want to meet in person? Since you just admitted to feeling insecure and self-conscious? Are you on line to chat with men or actually meet in person? Edited November 17, 2021 by Girl Fade Away 1
Girl Fade Away Posted November 17, 2021 Posted November 17, 2021 (edited) "I'll tell you later" is a default when someone does not answer the question. Pay it no mind. Edited November 17, 2021 by Girl Fade Away
Author Veronica73 Posted November 17, 2021 Author Posted November 17, 2021 11 minutes ago, Girl Fade Away said: @Veronica73 forgive my questions but I'm confused. Since you feel insecure and self-conscious, what is your goal with on line dating? Do you have current pics at current weight on your profile ? If you do and getting responses, then the men responding are OK with your weight I wouid presume. If you do not have current pics, but older pics when thinner, then what happens when they want to meet in person? Since you just admitted to feeling insecure and self-conscious? Are you on line to chat with men or actually meet in person? That’s a good question, and I don’t exactly know myself. I think I partially completed a profile quite awhile ago. I don’t remember exactly why I did it. Maybe just to see what is out there? I don’t know. That started a lot of emails from Match saying “these guys are interested in you….blah blah blah.” Which I for the most part ignored. Like I didn’t even upload any photos or write an essay or answer all of the questions for my profile. And then a few days ago I saw a guy that seemed interesting in one of the emails. So I clicked on it and it said I had to add a photo to my profile. So I did that and answered a few more questions. But I think the guy that made me interested in the first place was probably a fake profile or something, because I couldn’t find his profile. But now I have a profile up….not a complete one by any means, and now I have dudes interacting with me.
Author Veronica73 Posted November 17, 2021 Author Posted November 17, 2021 And I do have a current photo up, but it is only of my face. Not a full body pic.
Wiseman2 Posted November 17, 2021 Posted November 17, 2021 (edited) 8 minutes ago, Veronica73 said: then a few days ago I saw a guy that seemed interesting in one of the emails. Match is proprietary. Lots of spam emails, etc. If you want to find dates, you'll have to get on quality apps with a couple (at least a close up and full length) recent pics and fill out a well written completed profile. No full length pic is a huge red flag. Just messing around with clicks and advertising come-ons won't yield much. It may be best to delete your entire profile and start fresh. "New" profiles get more action . Avoid letting apps lure you in and keep your focus on real people, real profiles and real messages that indicate someone is human and read your profile. Edited November 17, 2021 by Wiseman2
Author Veronica73 Posted November 17, 2021 Author Posted November 17, 2021 10 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Match is proprietary. Lots of spam emails, etc. If you want to find dates, you'll have to get on quality apps with a couple (at least a close up and full length) recent pics and fill out a well written completed profile. No full length pic is a huge red flag. Just messing around with clicks and advertising come-ons won't yield much. It may be best to delete your entire profile and start fresh. "New" profiles get more action . Avoid letting apps lure you in and keep your focus on real people, real profiles and real messages that indicate someone is human and read your profile. That make sense. But as far as quality apps….is Match not one? Which ones are the quality apps? I know I’m doing this half-ass. And my results should reflect that. But I am wary of the whole thing. It all seems so weird. And I have been talking to a few people who have said that I shouldn’t let my weight limit me. They say people of all shapes and sizes have relationships, which is obviously true. The guy I mentioned earlier just texted me.
Ami1uwant Posted November 17, 2021 Posted November 17, 2021 11 hours ago, Veronica73 said: Okay, thanks for the info on match. I’m actually only looking at profiles that Match says they “liked” me. To me that would indicate they are active on Match….but maybe not? Also….the “do you want kids” question seems to specifically be about if you want to bring about new children in the world, since there is also another question about if you already have kids, and if you are okay with the person you’re potentially dating to already have kids. And I’m only looking at people in their 40’s or 50’s. No there are bots that like you. 2
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