Author Gaeta Posted November 30, 2021 Author Posted November 30, 2021 1 hour ago, Alvi said: If you are interested in rekindling than maybe send him a quick note that you are back and see what he says (and if he says anything). But I am sensing that you are not that much into him. I have 0 interest in getting back to him. 1
Alvi Posted November 30, 2021 Posted November 30, 2021 40 minutes ago, Gaeta said: I have 0 interest in getting back to him. Then on to the next! 3
glows Posted November 30, 2021 Posted November 30, 2021 Yes, onwards and nevermind this. I hope you had a good trip too. 2
hajk Posted December 1, 2021 Posted December 1, 2021 (edited) 10 hours ago, Gaeta said: Before I left there was a little part of me thinking maybe on my return I'll feel more motivated to accept his invitation but our last exchange before my trip disappointed me, he's not empathetic at all and I don't want to date someone like that. @Gaeta what did he say that made you disappointed? You mentioned he always acted as a gentleman. Edited December 1, 2021 by hajk
Author Gaeta Posted December 1, 2021 Author Posted December 1, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, hajk said: @Gaeta what did he say that made you disappointed? You mentioned he always acted as a gentleman. There was two occasions I found he lacked empathy. A couple of days before leaving I had a dentist appointment for a routine intervention that usually takes 30 mins but it turned into an entire afternoon on the dentist chair. I got out of there exhausted. In the evening he text me and ask how was my day so I said I had a really long afternoon on the dentist chair and I was wiped out, he replied: OK. I did not know you had a dentist appointment, good night. Then the day I left on my trip, I had a 10 hour drive ahead of me. He wrote to me in the morning to wish me a good trip. I saw his message hours later and I replied thank you, that I had just driven 5 hours in a snow storm but it was over now but still had 3 more hours to go. He replied: OK, have a good night. I prefer being alone than being with someone that has no warmth. Edited December 1, 2021 by Gaeta
Girl Fade Away Posted December 1, 2021 Posted December 1, 2021 (edited) Gaeta, if he is insecure he may have interpreted your telling him you were "wiped out" as you not wanting to talk to him and he felt rejected. Driving in the storm, same thing. You were exhausted after such a long drive in the storm, and had 3 more hours to go = you did not want to talk to him. Both times he may have felt rejected by you. In which case he would not be inclined to be warm or sympathic to what you experienced.. I am speculating but it's possible if he is the insecure, sensitive to rejection type. Communicating on line can be so very difficult sometimes! Edited December 1, 2021 by Girl Fade Away
Author Gaeta Posted December 1, 2021 Author Posted December 1, 2021 A simple 'drive safe' would have been nice. Doesn't matter, l did not want to pursue with him even before those 2 examples. 2
Happy Lemming Posted December 1, 2021 Posted December 1, 2021 8 hours ago, Gaeta said: Doesn't matter, l did not want to pursue You were already "kind of" on the fence after the first meet/date. You went on a second date to be sure and he didn't do it for you. Being so early in the dating stages, you don't really need a reason to reject someone. You weren't feeling "it"... Years ago I was dating someone and after a few dates, I just didn't want to go out with her anymore. I couldn't put my finger on it. I just know I was done. Not surprisingly, when I told her I didn't wish to pursue dating her anymore, she told me she felt the same way. Again, she thought I was a nice guy, but just didn't want to date me and really didn't know how to tell me. We both laughed and went our separate ways. 1
Author Gaeta Posted December 1, 2021 Author Posted December 1, 2021 Damn it, he text me this morning. *sigh* I'm a big girl I can do this!
Happy Lemming Posted December 1, 2021 Posted December 1, 2021 27 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Damn it, he text me this morning. *sigh* I'm a big girl I can do this! It's like ripping a band-aid off, just do it and get it over with. Again, you don't owe him an explanation, just tell him you no longer wish to continue. And if he asks "why", you can always use the line "didn't feel we were compatible" or not respond. 2
glows Posted December 1, 2021 Posted December 1, 2021 I agree with Happy Lemming's suggestion. Don't over-explain and ignore any whys or attempts to drag you into unnecessary or lengthy conversation, remain polite. This early, a person needs to have the grace to accept you're not compatible as you hardly know one another. You may feel tempted to explain yourself but there's no need to.
Author Gaeta Posted December 1, 2021 Author Posted December 1, 2021 Done. He took it like a big guy. Thank you all for your support and good advise. Eventually someone compatible will come along. 1
CollinW Posted December 3, 2021 Posted December 3, 2021 On 11/30/2021 at 9:32 AM, Gaeta said: If you have a suggestion I am listening. I would just suggest you get out of your comfort zone.
Ami1uwant Posted December 3, 2021 Posted December 3, 2021 On 12/1/2021 at 1:12 PM, Gaeta said: Done. He took it like a big guy. Thank you all for your support and good advise. Eventually someone compatible will come along. How many guys does it take though?
Author Gaeta Posted December 3, 2021 Author Posted December 3, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, Ami1uwant said: How many guys does it take though? What do you mean? As many as it will take. I can't force myself being with someone l'm not attracted to. Last time it took 200 first coffee meetings. Since last time l was single l've gain tons of dating experience though. Edited December 3, 2021 by Gaeta
vla1120 Posted December 3, 2021 Posted December 3, 2021 35 minutes ago, Gaeta said: What do you mean? As many as it will take. I can't force myself being with someone l'm not attracted to. Last time it took 200 first coffee meetings. Since last time l was single l've gain tons of dating experience though. Exactly! Just keep dating and not settling for anything less that what you are looking for! You're way ahead of me. I was married for 32 years. Dated two guys after my divorce. Married the second guy (too quickly). Now, I still dabble out on the dating site and have met/dated a few, but I am not settling. No one should. 1
Ami1uwant Posted December 3, 2021 Posted December 3, 2021 1 hour ago, Gaeta said: What do you mean? As many as it will take. I can't force myself being with someone l'm not attracted to. Last time it took 200 first coffee meetings. Since last time l was single l've gain tons of dating experience though. Do you have some goal? I’m assuming less than 200. Right now you are at 20? in retrospect from the first time exploring coffee houses— was there anything you learned from or regretted doing what you did then— like being able to do a redo with them now?
Author Gaeta Posted December 3, 2021 Author Posted December 3, 2021 2 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said: Do you have some goal? I’m assuming less than 200. Right now you are at 20? in retrospect from the first time exploring coffee houses— was there anything you learned from or regretted doing what you did then— like being able to do a redo with them now? I think I had 15 meetings or so since I am back dating since June. I did TONS of things back then that I don't do anymore because then I was very naïve and inexperienced. Think of any dating mistake and I did it. I can't say I regret, I wouldn't have learn by not experiencing these mistakes. 1
vla1120 Posted December 3, 2021 Posted December 3, 2021 15 minutes ago, Gaeta said: I think I had 15 meetings or so since I am back dating since June. I did TONS of things back then that I don't do anymore because then I was very naïve and inexperienced. Think of any dating mistake and I did it. I can't say I regret, I wouldn't have learn by not experiencing these mistakes. Personally, I think you should have a "How To" or "What Not To Do" video on YouTube for those of us who cannot seem to get this online dating thing down! 2
Author Gaeta Posted December 3, 2021 Author Posted December 3, 2021 @vla1120: haha! it's like anything else, I'm good at talking about applying it is an ongoing project 1
Ami1uwant Posted December 3, 2021 Posted December 3, 2021 38 minutes ago, Gaeta said: I think I had 15 meetings or so since I am back dating since June. I did TONS of things back then that I don't do anymore because then I was very naïve and inexperienced. Think of any dating mistake and I did it. I can't say I regret, I wouldn't have learn by not experiencing these mistakes. You haven’t thought if I met that guy now instead of 5 yrs ago with ehat I know now things might have been better?
Author Gaeta Posted December 3, 2021 Author Posted December 3, 2021 10 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said: You haven’t thought if I met that guy now instead of 5 yrs ago with ehat I know now things might have been better? Are you asking if things would be better with my ex if l met him today?
Ami1uwant Posted December 3, 2021 Posted December 3, 2021 5 hours ago, Gaeta said: Are you asking if things would be better with my ex if l met him today? This isn’t about your LTRs. It’s abou5 these 2-3 dates that didn’t last because of something you did that you wouldn’t do today
Author Gaeta Posted December 4, 2021 Author Posted December 4, 2021 4 hours ago, Ami1uwant said: This isn’t about your LTRs. It’s abou5 these 2-3 dates that didn’t last because of something you did that you wouldn’t do today Honestly, l don't remember going on 2-3 dates with a man and it ended because of something l did. Most time it's something they did and it's well documented here or l didn't feel enough attraction like last guy. 2
Veronica73 Posted December 4, 2021 Posted December 4, 2021 (edited) You don’t think it seems a little…. crazy…. that you need to go on 200 coffee dates to find one guy? Who didn’t even work out? Edited December 4, 2021 by Veronica73
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