We are supposed to meet tomorrow

[Versacehottie]

17 minutes ago, GoodVibess said:

i told him what i’m looking for, at first he said he wasn’t looking for fun because sex is more meaningful when you love the person. he claims he wants to fall in love.

My advice would not be to ask those questions really.  No one can give you a real answer on that since the answer is always CONDITIONAL.  I'd observe behavior over time and actions to see what he really wants and if he's suitable for you. 

Even talking about sex in terms of answering that question, personally, would be a red flag for me.  It shows you what he is focus and how he is "filtering" his answers --ie from the perspective of having sex.

Anyway, asking up front is virtually meaningless because it's not like ordering a pizza. You are looking for a person and there is so much more involved.  

Also I think if you rely on yourself, you wouldn't rely on the answers anyone gives to these type of questions...your own real life experience in dealing with this person (if you come from a place of self worth) will tell you the answer. Good luck

[GoodVibess]

3 minutes ago, Versacehottie said:

My advice would not be to ask those questions really.  No one can give you a real answer on that since the answer is always CONDITIONAL.  I'd observe behavior over time and actions to see what he really wants and if he's suitable for you. 

Even talking about sex in terms of answering that question, personally, would be a red flag for me.  It shows you what he is focus and how he is "filtering" his answers --ie from the perspective of having sex.

Anyway, asking up front is virtually meaningless because it's not like ordering a pizza. You are looking for a person and there is so much more involved.  

Also I think if you rely on yourself, you wouldn't rely on the answers anyone gives to these type of questions...your own real life experience in dealing with this person (if you come from a place of self worth) will tell you the answer. Good luck

he was the one who asked me first, he said a gym partner first then when we talked more he said he wants to fall in love. i can’t say anything because i never met this dude or even video called once. we only talked on the phone one time for an hour that’s all. i really do not know what his intentions were, maybe he was insecure about meeting? he never asked me for sex, or dirty pics. we would argue through text because he wouldn’t communicate with me. and it sucked, he would drive me crazy. for example, the first time i asked him out i suggested getting coffee he never replied till i double texted. just a few days ago he admitted he hates coffee. this is what frustrates me. 

Edited November 15, 2021 by GoodVibess

[stillafool]

9 minutes ago, GoodVibess said:

not with me since he vanished ‍,

So is this a yes or no?  Did he say with you?

[GoodVibess]

1 minute ago, stillafool said:

So is this a yes or no?  Did he say with you?

it’s a no, i feel he wasn’t keen on even meeting me which sucked i feel we would have been in a better place honestly. he gave me really good compliments, but i guess he was just bored?

[stillafool]

5 minutes ago, GoodVibess said:

we would argue through text because he wouldn’t communicate with me. and it sucked, he would drive me crazy. for example, the first time i asked him out i suggested getting coffee he never replied till i double texted. just a few days ago he admitted he hates coffee. this is what frustrates me. 

Maybe he wasn't communicating because he wasn't interested.  Did you ever think that was the case and if so why did you still pursue him?

[Alpacalia]

I highly doubt he was a fraud.

It just sounds like he wanted sex and when you switched the date from his house to a public venue he flaked.

On 11/13/2021 at 8:20 AM, GoodVibess said:

Then he said that saturday worked, then he said he kinda wants to “sin” on sunday. I proceed to ask which day? he replies “sunday” i texted him so sunday at 4 at this place? he says “ya”.

[glows]

5 minutes ago, GoodVibess said:

we would argue through text because he wouldn’t communicate with me. and it sucked, he would drive me crazy. for example, the first time i asked him out i suggested getting coffee he never replied till i double texted. just a few days ago he admitted he hates coffee. this is what frustrates me. 

I'd take a time out and see why you seem attracted to this type of dynamic. It seems the more he plays hard to get and uninterested, even argumentative, the more you want to be with him. If you're find him irresistible, this could be a patterned response or learned behaviour, something you do on a regular basis when someone doesn't treat you the way you ought to be treated. You're only 22 so challenges seem attractive, I'm sure, or even enigmatic. 

Over time, it becomes stale, uninteresting, subpar. Don't worry over this man. Make other plans. 

[Versacehottie]

ehhh, he's just saying what you want to hear...knowing lots of girls will rely on that...like "oh he wants a relationship!" all goo-goo gah-gah.  Let a guy say whatever and then observe what they do.  You can't get all caught up in that. I think also if he brought it up first and again reference sex, that's not what a guy truly looking for a relationship does.  

Why are you arguing with some guy you've never met? That's not good. Why are you asking the guy out?  You met on an app--he knows what to do. If he's not doing it, assume he doesn't want to.  

If some guy who you've never met (and only know through a dating app) doesn't reply to a direct offer to meet up, that's it. Let him do the next thing and if there is no next thing (assuming most likely that will be the case), then it's not going anywhere. So there's nothing to be frustrated about. He can't be what you want and you shouldn't want someone mucking up your life if they can't do that. This is basic you stuff.  Care about yourself more and first.  Things will start to go better if you can do that.  Gotta write this guy off. It's done. 

[GoodVibess]

3 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Maybe he wasn't communicating because he wasn't interested.  Did you ever think that was the case and if so why did you still pursue him?

i told him many times, if he was interested he told me yes. i am very straight forward. 

[GoodVibess]

4 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

I highly doubt he was a fraud.

It just sounds like he wanted sex and when you switched the date from his house to a public venue he flaked.

he never invited me to his place lol. i switched to another location so we could have gotten a drink and talked. he said the mall gave middle school vibes. 

[Girl Fade Away]

16 minutes ago, GoodVibess said:

we would argue through text because he wouldn’t communicate with me. and it sucked, he would drive me crazy. for example, the first time i asked him out i suggested getting coffee he never replied till i double texted. just a few days ago he admitted he hates coffee. this is what frustrates me. 

Echoing what @glowsjust posted, posts like this frustrate ME because the message this sends to men is the more distant and uncommunicative they are, the less interested they are, the MORE interested women become.  There is another thread discussing the same thing.  The less interested HE is, the more interested SHE is. So she begins to chase.  I am glad you are not doing that, well I guess you can't anyway, you are blocked.  But try to forget him, he is not worth it.

Edited November 15, 2021 by Girl Fade Away

[GoodVibess]

Just now, Girl Fade Away said:

Posts like this frustrate ME because the message this sends to men is the more distant and uncommunicative they are, the less interested they are, the MORE interested women become.  There is another thread discussing the same thing.  The less interested HE is, the more interested SHE is. So she begins to chase.  I am glad you are not doing that, well I guess you can't anyway, you are blocked.  But try to forget him, he is not worth it.

i know but he was one of the guys i really liked i also like this other guy but he ghosts for months and then finds me on apps and we reconnect. i really am attracted to him. he said he is most definitely interested and nothing is keeping him from meeting me we’ve been talking on and off since june and never met.

[stillafool]

2 minutes ago, Girl Fade Away said:

There is another thread discussing the same thing.

Yes things are changing quickly.  Women seem to be more chasing than men these days.  What happened?

[Alpacalia]

5 minutes ago, GoodVibess said:

he never invited me to his place lol. i switched to another location so we could have gotten a drink and talked. he said the mall gave middle school vibes. 

That's not what your initial post said.

But, maybe you're not giving us the full story.

In any event, proposing where to meet or confirming a date isn't chasing, but everything else you did up to the point is.

[GoodVibess]

Just now, Alpaca said:

That's not what your initial post said.

But, maybe you're not giving us the full story.

In any event, proposing where to meet or confirming a date isn't chasing, but everything else you did up to the point is.

i suggested meeting at a mall near him he lied straight up to me and said it was 40 mins, i know he lied bc i used to live 10 mins from his city. that mall was fairly close to him, it is now an hour from me….then i suggested another mall he said it was ok but kinda gave middle school vibes. then i suggested meeting at an old town, since they have cafes, bars, restaurants so we can have a chat and get some drinks. i sent the location and he decided to block me after that.

[Alpacalia]

Just now, GoodVibess said:

i suggested meeting at a mall near him he lied straight up to me and said it was 40 mins, i know he lied bc i used to live 10 mins from his city. that mall was fairly close to him, it is now an hour from me….then i suggested another mall he said it was ok but kinda gave middle school vibes. then i suggested meeting at an old town, since they have cafes, bars, restaurants so we can have a chat and get some drinks. i sent the location and he decided to block me after that.

Well, that's way too many times.

 

[GoodVibess]

5 hours ago, Alpaca said:

I'm sorry things didn't work out, but I agree with the opinions expressed above.

Some of your comments make it unclear what you were hoping to gain from this.

Perhaps, as you mentioned in a prior comment, you wanted just a "bit of fun."

Which, it sounded like he did too.

Sometimes when we don't know what we want, it can interfere with our interactions with others and the type of person that we choose to spend our time on, which may have been the case here. If you're constantly being flaked on, which you said tends to happen to you a lot, it might be something to consider.

 

truthfully, when i tell most men on apps that i wanna date they will not even talk to me. that is why i have no choice, i’m into fun too but it’s not everything. 

[stillafool]

22 minutes ago, GoodVibess said:

truthfully, when i tell most men on apps that i wanna date they will not even talk to me. that is why i have no choice, i’m into fun too but it’s not everything. 

Are you only going after really good looking men?  If so, they have plenty of options maybe lower your standards a bit.  What kind of fun are you looking for?

[Alpacalia]

29 minutes ago, GoodVibess said:

truthfully, when i tell most men on apps that i wanna date they will not even talk to me. that is why i have no choice, i’m into fun too but it’s not everything. 

Ok.

Try to get clear with what you want for yourself or what you hope to get out of dating. Then, when you come across someone that DOES talk to you and that interests you, see how they fit in.

At the end of the day, some of the guys you'll meet will just flake in favor of a woman who he thinks will put out more quickly. You don't want to date those types in the first place. If he skips on you because he's hunting easier women to have sex with, he's unloading your time and emotional effort to be with a genuine high-value man.

[stillafool]

2 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

Ok.

Try to get clear with what you want for yourself or what you hope to get out of dating. Then, when you come across someone that DOES talk to you and that interests you, see how they fit in.

At the end of the day, some of the guys you'll meet will just flake in favor of a woman who he thinks will put out more quickly. You don't want to date those types in the first place. If he skips on you because he's hunting easier women to have sex with, he's unloading your time and emotional effort to be with a genuine high-value man.

But frankly it does seem that OP is making it easy for guys and why wouldn't they think she is that type, especially with the "I'm into fun" attitude which may translate to them she's into having casual sex. It might be better to lower her standards a bit and chose guys who will pursue her instead of the other way around.

[Alpacalia]

Just now, stillafool said:

But frankly it does seem that OP is making it easy for guys and why wouldn't they think she is that type, especially with the "I'm into fun" attitude which may translate to them she's into having casual sex. It might be better to lower her standards a bit and chose guys who will pursue her instead of the other way around.

Yes, I concur.

[GoodVibess]

39 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Are you only going after really good looking men?  If so, they have plenty of options maybe lower your standards a bit.  What kind of fun are you looking for?

I am going for men with tats or beards, my little brother has a beard. I can’t see myself dating a man with no beard? My brother is very attractive too and I want someone who is as good looking as he is? I don’t see what’s wrong with that. That guy was close to my brother, he was attractive and tall like my brother. Casual sex

Edited November 15, 2021 by GoodVibess

[GoodVibess]

20 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

Ok.

Try to get clear with what you want for yourself or what you hope to get out of dating. Then, when you come across someone that DOES talk to you and that interests you, see how they fit in.

At the end of the day, some of the guys you'll meet will just flake in favor of a woman who he thinks will put out more quickly. You don't want to date those types in the first place. If he skips on you because he's hunting easier women to have sex with, he's unloading your time and emotional effort to be with a genuine high-value man.

i was already trying to seduce him and he still vanished. 

[stillafool]

What is attractive to you about the guys you choose and chase? 

(Never mind as I see above it's tattoos, beards and tall.  Anything else besides their looks?

Edited November 15, 2021 by stillafool

[stillafool]

3 minutes ago, GoodVibess said:

i was already trying to seduce him and he still vanished. 

Stop trying to seduce them and let them chase you.  Men like to take the masculine role.