Author GoodVibess Posted November 13, 2021 Author Posted November 13, 2021 11 minutes ago, Girl Fade Away said: And it IS a valid concern. I believe it is always best to follow your initial instincts. Most people do not and end up regretting. However, if you are intent on going and calling to confirm why wait? The sooner the better. That way if he flakes again you can make other plans. Maybe he will surprise you though, stranger things have happened. Be prepared for anything. Meeting on line is a c**p shoot anyway. right, that’s why i’m debating if i should text him later tonight or tomorrow morning.
Author GoodVibess Posted November 13, 2021 Author Posted November 13, 2021 2 minutes ago, Gaeta said: How old are you? 22
Gaeta Posted November 13, 2021 Posted November 13, 2021 12 minutes ago, GoodVibess said: 22 Ok, so you still have a lot to learn. Goodvibes: jerks don't turn into prince charming. Inconsiderate online men don't turn into considerate real life men. Have you ever dated a good guy? If not it's possible you think it's normal for a guy to be inconsiderate, be unkind, avoidant, etc. It's not normal. Stop with this *we've talked for one month* that's nothing. One month is a drop in the ocean. This man is not the man if your life.
ExpatInItaly Posted November 13, 2021 Posted November 13, 2021 28 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Goodvibes: jerks don't turn into prince charming. Inconsiderate online men don't turn into considerate real life men. Absolutely agree. He seems very lukewarm and quite possibly not even single. I would not waste my time, OP.
Author GoodVibess Posted November 13, 2021 Author Posted November 13, 2021 24 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Absolutely agree. He seems very lukewarm and quite possibly not even single. I would not waste my time, OP. ok. i’m here wanting advice on when should i text him and i’m not getting any help instead it seems everyone is against my idea of meeting him?
Author GoodVibess Posted November 13, 2021 Author Posted November 13, 2021 59 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Ok, so you still have a lot to learn. Goodvibes: jerks don't turn into prince charming. Inconsiderate online men don't turn into considerate real life men. Have you ever dated a good guy? If not it's possible you think it's normal for a guy to be inconsiderate, be unkind, avoidant, etc. It's not normal. Stop with this *we've talked for one month* that's nothing. One month is a drop in the ocean. This man is not the man if your life. alright i’m not pressed about dating him, and i am talking to other people but there’s something in him that makes me very curious. we both seemed to be done with each other but somehow we keep in touch? i guess that’s a sign
Girl Fade Away Posted November 13, 2021 Posted November 13, 2021 (edited) 8 minutes ago, GoodVibess said: ok. i’m here wanting advice on when should i text him and i’m not getting any help instead it seems everyone is against my idea of meeting him? I gave advice when you should text or call maybe you missed it? From previous post: However, if you are intent on going and calling to confirm why wait? The sooner the better. That way if he flakes again you can make other plans. Good luck. Edited November 13, 2021 by Girl Fade Away 1
Author GoodVibess Posted November 13, 2021 Author Posted November 13, 2021 12 minutes ago, Girl Fade Away said: I gave advice when you should text or call maybe you missed it? From previous post: However, if you are intent on going and calling to confirm why wait? The sooner the better. That way if he flakes again you can make other plans. Good luck. yeah, i just don’t know if should send it tonight or tomorrow AM?
chillii Posted November 13, 2021 Posted November 13, 2021 1 hour ago, GoodVibess said: yeah, i just don’t know if should send it tonight or tomorrow AM? Send it on the day imo encase something changed over night .
Alpacalia Posted November 13, 2021 Posted November 13, 2021 I'd send it tomorrow morning. You don't have to say anything like "hey, are we still on?" but just give him a little nudge ---> perhaps double-checking something with him about where your date is taking place.
spiderowl Posted November 14, 2021 Posted November 14, 2021 Do you really want to meet a guy who just seems to be looking for sex and appears to have no regard for your feelings? He is not making any attempt to meet you somewhere nice, like in a cafe or restaurant. He is not treating you well; he is being very offhand. It sounds to me like the guy is a user and a loser. You should be looking for much better quality guys - guys who are polite, who ask what you'd like to do, where you'd like to go, who care about these things. Seriously, I know you feel lonely but this guy is not the answer. He will only make you feel even more lonely.
Author GoodVibess Posted November 14, 2021 Author Posted November 14, 2021 36 minutes ago, spiderowl said: Do you really want to meet a guy who just seems to be looking for sex and appears to have no regard for your feelings? He is not making any attempt to meet you somewhere nice, like in a cafe or restaurant. He is not treating you well; he is being very offhand. It sounds to me like the guy is a user and a loser. You should be looking for much better quality guys - guys who are polite, who ask what you'd like to do, where you'd like to go, who care about these things. Seriously, I know you feel lonely but this guy is not the answer. He will only make you feel even more lonely. to be honest, i’m not interested in going to any nice dinners anymore. it never works out, they always play me.
Versacehottie Posted November 14, 2021 Posted November 14, 2021 5 hours ago, GoodVibess said: that’s actually a good idea, so should i ask him “hey, what part of the mall do you wanna meet at?” thanks. ok, well i'd be even less "inquisitive" and more confident. Think less a question and more of a STATEMENT. Also no way would I even do it before an hour or two before you are supposed to meet up. You are looking (and being!) way too eager. See there's a real thing, that the more a person "invests" in anything, they want to see it payoff. In your case, there's curiosity, plus the length of time in your perception, and your own effort and how much you care. You care too much. Even though you say you are dating and talking to others, you can't be taking any of them too seriously or see any of them as viable options or have much real belief that if it doesn't work out with this guy, that you will EASILY meet another. Adopt that attitude. Literally, if I was in your shoes, I wouldn't message at all, if he doesn't follow through in advance to confirm (or stands you up if you follow through on your own with going to the mall), that would be information that is vital to know. If you are going to be the one to do the work, to get this from point A to B and B to C, it typically gets worse, much worse. And the cycle continues, you will continue to keep trying too hard and he will keep giving less. It's already out of balance and out of the social norms (as a guy, he would want to lead typically and knows exactly what to do--x double with one this cocky). Almost every girl that I know that acts overly eager when the guy is reluctant or dragging his feet, does NOT have a good ending. Not all bad, of course, if you learn something from it...but I'm afraid you are already chasing him. It's definitely out of balance, in terms of effort and investment. That you need to balance out. If you can't manage your emotions (of how much you care0, you should at least fake it by giving the impression that you aren't over-invested. But truthfully, the best would be to adopt the attitude that is if he can rise to my level I'm open to meeting him tomorrow, if not, no big thing (implied: on to the next!). This is what needs to be happening inside of you. Good luck 2
Girl Fade Away Posted November 14, 2021 Posted November 14, 2021 (edited) 18 minutes ago, GoodVibess said: to be honest, i’m not interested in going to any nice dinners anymore. it never works out, they always play me. I always felt played by guys too A LOT, but then I learned *I* was actually the one choosing them. Like with this guy, you have a pretty good idea he is jerking you around and playing you OR simply not interested and that you should delete him but yet you choose to reach out, knowing you will most likely get played. Ask yourself why that is. It is the first step towards making wiser choices for yourself and avoiding men who play you and jerk you around. Edited November 14, 2021 by Girl Fade Away
Author GoodVibess Posted November 14, 2021 Author Posted November 14, 2021 2 minutes ago, Girl Fade Away said: I always felt played by guys too A LOT, but then I learned *I* was actually the one choosing them. Like with this guy, you have a pretty good idea he is jerking you around and playing you OR simply not interested and that you should delete him but yet you choose to reach out, knowing you will most likely get played. Ask yourself why that is. It is the first step towards making wiser choices for yourself and avoiding men who play you and jerk you around. what if i just want some fun tho?
Author GoodVibess Posted November 14, 2021 Author Posted November 14, 2021 58 minutes ago, spiderowl said: Do you really want to meet a guy who just seems to be looking for sex and appears to have no regard for your feelings? He is not making any attempt to meet you somewhere nice, like in a cafe or restaurant. He is not treating you well; he is being very offhand. It sounds to me like the guy is a user and a loser. You should be looking for much better quality guys - guys who are polite, who ask what you'd like to do, where you'd like to go, who care about these things. Seriously, I know you feel lonely but this guy is not the answer. He will only make you feel even more lonely. well i’m not looking to date him though, him and i wouldn’t be compatible.
spiderowl Posted November 14, 2021 Posted November 14, 2021 22 minutes ago, GoodVibess said: well i’m not looking to date him though, him and i wouldn’t be compatible. Well, if you can keep your emotions out of it, it's up to you. He is still not treating you well though. 1
Wiseman2 Posted November 14, 2021 Posted November 14, 2021 4 hours ago, GoodVibess said: , i’m not interested in going to any nice dinners anymore. it never works out, they always play me. Exactly. Keep the first meet simple and public. Text him tonight or tomorrow to firm up plans. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted November 14, 2021 Posted November 14, 2021 7 hours ago, GoodVibess said: well i’m not looking to date him though, him and i wouldn’t be compatible. So what does it matter when you text him? Shoot your shot. If you're confident, who cares if he doesn't reply or if he thinks you're pushy? If he balks or bails, meh. Keep moving. Just be honest with yourself about what you are looking for here. 2
spiderowl Posted November 14, 2021 Posted November 14, 2021 14 hours ago, GoodVibess said: to be honest, i’m not interested in going to any nice dinners anymore. it never works out, they always play me. At least they are willing to spend time and money on you. The guy you appear to want to meet is treating you like you are worth nothing. What is wrong with waiting to meet a guy who treats you well and wants to get to know you as a person? Are you turning the nice guys down?
Author GoodVibess Posted November 14, 2021 Author Posted November 14, 2021 48 minutes ago, spiderowl said: At least they are willing to spend time and money on you. The guy you appear to want to meet is treating you like you are worth nothing. What is wrong with waiting to meet a guy who treats you well and wants to get to know you as a person? Are you turning the nice guys down? i have to be attracted both physically and emotionally, and those “nice guys” i have zero attraction to.
Author GoodVibess Posted November 14, 2021 Author Posted November 14, 2021 8 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: So what does it matter when you text him? Shoot your shot. If you're confident, who cares if he doesn't reply or if he thinks you're pushy? If he balks or bails, meh. Keep moving. Just be honest with yourself about what you are looking for here. turns out he blocked me the hour after i sent that message. this sucks
Wiseman2 Posted November 14, 2021 Posted November 14, 2021 3 minutes ago, GoodVibess said: turns out he blocked me the hour after i sent that message. this sucks You dodged a bullet. He seemed like sort of a jerk. Delete and block him. Reset your distance settings so that it's easier to meet guys for a brief coffee. Then, if you like them in person, go for a second date.
Gaeta Posted November 14, 2021 Posted November 14, 2021 11 minutes ago, GoodVibess said: turns out he blocked me the hour after i sent that message. this sucks I am sorry for your disappointment. Remember, jerks online don't turn into prince charming. 2
Author GoodVibess Posted November 14, 2021 Author Posted November 14, 2021 5 minutes ago, Gaeta said: I am sorry for your disappointment. Remember, jerks online don't turn into prince charming. i kinda figured he was never interested, the first time i suggested meeting up he didn’t even reply. i just don’t get why he would continue to talk to me if he never had intentions of meeting me
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