We are supposed to meet tomorrow

[GoodVibess]

I have been talking to a guy for a whole month now it has been very very difficult to meet up. Which has lead to judgements and frustration from both of us. We have been judging each other without knowing each other. Last weekend we were supposed to meet on sunday but that didn’t happen due to him never agreeing if that was ok. Then we talked on thursday, first he tells me that if we meet sunday, it’s like i am not his priority. Then he said that saturday worked, then he said he kinda wants to “sin” on sunday. I proceed to ask which day? he replies “sunday” i texted him so sunday at 4 at this place? he says “ya”. I sent an emoji i haven’t heard from him since. And I am very anxious on what’s gonna happen tomorrow, I really want to meet him. I have never talked to anyone for over 3 weeks and never met. It has never ever been this difficult to meet anyone from apps and I have met plenty of people. He told me he has been single for 2 years and he is looking for “something serious and connection”. But doesn’t act like it.

Edited November 13, 2021 by GoodVibess

[Alpacalia]

I think he is alluding to having sex on your first meet.

Don't meet men from the internet for the first time at their house that you know nothing about.

If he was serious about wanting a serious connection he would take the time to get to know you better first outside of his house.

[GoodVibess]

Just now, Alpaca said:

I think he is alluding to having sex on your first meet.

Don't meet men from the internet for the first time at their house that you know nothing about.

If he was serious about wanting a serious connection he would take the time to get to know you better first outside of his house.

we aren’t meeting at his house though, i told him sunday at 4 at the mall.

[Alpacalia]

7 minutes ago, GoodVibess said:

we aren’t meeting at his house though, i told him sunday at 4 at the mall.

How did you two meet online? Do you live in close proximity?

 

[GoodVibess]

6 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

How did you two meet online? Do you live in close proximity?

 

we live 1 hour apart and the mall is like 30-40ish so it would be halfway. yes we met online. he told me the first place wasn’t such a good idea and it was closer to him. but he said farther would be better?

Edited November 13, 2021 by GoodVibess

[glows]

23 minutes ago, GoodVibess said:

I have been talking to a guy for a whole month now it has been very very difficult to meet up. Which has lead to judgements and frustration from both of us. We have been judging each other without knowing each other. Last weekend we were supposed to meet on sunday but that didn’t happen due to him never agreeing if that was ok. Then we talked on thursday, first he tells me that if we meet sunday, it’s like i am not his priority. Then he said that saturday worked, then he said he kinda wants to “sin” on sunday. I proceed to ask which day? he replies “sunday” i texted him so sunday at 4 at this place? he says “ya”. I sent an emoji i haven’t heard from him since. And I am very anxious on what’s gonna happen tomorrow, I really want to meet him. I have never talked to anyone for over 3 weeks and never met. It has never ever been this difficult to meet anyone from apps and I have met plenty of people. He told me he has been single for 2 years and he is looking for “something serious and connection”. But doesn’t act like it.

The vibe seems very off. He may not be interested in you enough and the desire to meet you is lukewarm. Make the meeting short, one hour, and make dinner plans with your friends afterwards. You've invested way too much emotion and desire to see this man over a month. Change that around. He's not a priority.

 

 

[Alpacalia]

2 minutes ago, GoodVibess said:

we live 1 hour apart and the mall is like 30-40ish so it would be halfway. yes we met online. he told me the first place wasn’t such a good idea and it was closer to him. but he said farther would be better?

"Further would be better" is strange.

That plus he wants to sin?

Is it possible he's married or in a relationship? It might explain the difficulty meeting up and changing of locations, times, etc.

One hour is not "too" far and I myself have dated someone an hour away but we had mutual acquaintances and our first meet was at a restaurant half-way.

Since you haven't heard from him I'd say get ready and go do something else.

[GoodVibess]

10 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

"Further would be better" is strange.

That plus he wants to sin?

Is it possible he's married or in a relationship? It might explain the difficulty meeting up and changing of locations, times, etc.

One hour is not "too" far and I myself have dated someone an hour away but we had mutual acquaintances and our first meet was at a restaurant half-way.

Since you haven't heard from him I'd say get ready and go do something else.

he said he is single and has been for 2 years now. is it appropriate to text asking if we are still on? 

Edited November 13, 2021 by GoodVibess

[Alpacalia]

6 minutes ago, GoodVibess said:

he said he is single and has been for 2 years now. is it appreciate to text asking if we are still on? 

In this particular case, I would advise not.

He's already been wishy washy with establishing an initial date and you already confirmed plans.

Like Glows suggested, you can still plan to go to the mall and make other arrangements with friends just in case you don't hear back.

Edited November 13, 2021 by Alpaca

[GoodVibess]

12 minutes ago, glows said:

The vibe seems very off. He may not be interested in you enough and the desire to meet you is lukewarm. Make the meeting short, one hour, and make dinner plans with your friends afterwards. You've invested way too much emotion and desire to see this man over a month. Change that around. He's not a priority.

 

 

that is actually what i plan on doing, that’s why i chose the mall. since it’s public and we can do something there for a bit. like get food. or a drink and have a chat. 

Edited November 13, 2021 by GoodVibess

[glows]

You've already made plans for 4 tomorrow so be there but be realistic about this. He may or may not show up. If he doesn't show up in 10 or 15 minutes and he doesn't text you a courtesy note to let you know he's running late, leave and enjoy the mall or go about the rest of your day. Don't make the evening or afternoon about him. It's just a first meet up and if he doesn't want to meet with you, that is his loss. Meet other guys and sooner rather than later. Have fun. 

[GoodVibess]

18 minutes ago, glows said:

You've already made plans for 4 tomorrow so be there but be realistic about this. He may or may not show up. If he doesn't show up in 10 or 15 minutes and he doesn't text you a courtesy note to let you know he's running late, leave and enjoy the mall or go about the rest of your day. Don't make the evening or afternoon about him. It's just a first meet up and if he doesn't want to meet with you, that is his loss. Meet other guys and sooner rather than later. Have fun. 

that’s true but i don’t leave anywhere before getting a “i’m on my way” text. that’s why i want to text “are we still on” that way i will know and if he says no then i’ll just move on and not bother with him. i feel i invested way too much time on him already. 

[Alpacalia]

If you feel you invested way too much time on him already means you're putting in too much work.

Make other plans, if he follows through, great, if not you'll have a fun night out with your friends and maybe you'll even meet a cute guy.

[Gaeta]

This guy ignored you when you tried to confirmed your previous date then he turns around and tells you you don't make him a priority because you offer to meet on a Sunday!! Why haven't you blocked him yet??

[GoodVibess]

13 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

This guy ignored you when you tried to confirmed your previous date then he turns around and tells you you don't make him a priority because you offer to meet on a Sunday!! Why haven't you blocked him yet??

i don’t know why, i guess because we have been talking for a whole month i really want to meet him. i’m just concerned that he will fake on me this time. because first he says he wants to sin on sunday then he says he doesn’t usually do things on sunday. 

[Gaeta]

21 minutes ago, GoodVibess said:

i don’t know why, i guess because we have been talking for a whole month i really want to meet him. i’m just concerned that he will fake on me this time. because first he says he wants to sin on sunday then he says he doesn’t usually do things on sunday. 

One month talking is not good enough to let a nobody disrespect you the way he did, and the way he's about to do again. 

Edited November 13, 2021 by Gaeta

[Versacehottie]

Echoing what Gaeta said..OP, you keep referring to the length of time you've been talking.  I would say you need to focus on QUALITY over QUANTITY (or length of time).  Basically you're overinvesting and acting like you don''t have options by valuing the length of time or that you've gotten this far along with this guy.  Even when the quality of your interactions has been really poor.  Bad move.  

I too thought he's just looking to hookup with the sinning comments. I think someone who talks to you like that is not worried at all about the impression they are making with you.  Making it pretty obvious that hooking up is part of the deal and they don't care if you dip.  That just shows you what their intentions are altogether or with you specifically.  Sometimes when a girl makes herself too available or puts the guy on a pedestal even though he's doing low effort (which it sounds like this one is), they move you from a would like to date a girl/this girl seriously to just a hookup category.  I feel like he's got you in the "just a hookup category". I wouldn't waste time figuring it out other than what changes you can do on your end moving forward.  

If you want to keep the date, do that. I wouldn't confirm or ask if you are still on...way too eager IMO. He should be asking you this. If you really feel like you need to know, figure out a way to ask that doesn't diss yourself. Need to PRESUME of course he will go/be there. I think he may flake especially if you are meeting at a mall. That said, I would definitely go without confirming or come up with a question or statement that presumes he's going to meet you.  Just a quick example is letting him know you will be running 15 minutes late or being flirty or fun about what store or place within the mall to meet at.  All of those presume you ARE meeting, ie NOT insecure, not from a place where you don't have options and where balance of the relationship is in his favor only/on his terms only.  If you aren't willing to just show up or ask or state this non-insecure question, then I'm imagining things going way downhill never getting off the ground. I still pretty much think that's what will happen anyway but sometimes you just need to see things through for your own growth. And hey absolutely, you could meet someone else by moving forward with your life on the very same day you might be stood up by him. I know several stories like this. Good luck 

[divegrl]

From the hundreds of similar threads I have read like this; OP this will not end well. 
 

Someone who wants to see you will make you feel safe and secure. You won’t be questioning his intentions or if he will even show up. 
 

Take care. 

[GoodVibess]

47 minutes ago, Versacehottie said:

Echoing what Gaeta said..OP, you keep referring to the length of time you've been talking.  I would say you need to focus on QUALITY over QUANTITY (or length of time).  Basically you're overinvesting and acting like you don''t have options by valuing the length of time or that you've gotten this far along with this guy.  Even when the quality of your interactions has been really poor.  Bad move.  

I too thought he's just looking to hookup with the sinning comments. I think someone who talks to you like that is not worried at all about the impression they are making with you.  Making it pretty obvious that hooking up is part of the deal and they don't care if you dip.  That just shows you what their intentions are altogether or with you specifically.  Sometimes when a girl makes herself too available or puts the guy on a pedestal even though he's doing low effort (which it sounds like this one is), they move you from a would like to date a girl/this girl seriously to just a hookup category.  I feel like he's got you in the "just a hookup category". I wouldn't waste time figuring it out other than what changes you can do on your end moving forward.  

If you want to keep the date, do that. I wouldn't confirm or ask if you are still on...way too eager IMO. He should be asking you this. If you really feel like you need to know, figure out a way to ask that doesn't diss yourself. Need to PRESUME of course he will go/be there. I think he may flake especially if you are meeting at a mall. That said, I would definitely go without confirming or come up with a question or statement that presumes he's going to meet you.  Just a quick example is letting him know you will be running 15 minutes late or being flirty or fun about what store or place within the mall to meet at.  All of those presume you ARE meeting, ie NOT insecure, not from a place where you don't have options and where balance of the relationship is in his favor only/on his terms only.  If you aren't willing to just show up or ask or state this non-insecure question, then I'm imagining things going way downhill never getting off the ground. I still pretty much think that's what will happen anyway but sometimes you just need to see things through for your own growth. And hey absolutely, you could meet someone else by moving forward with your life on the very same day you might be stood up by him. I know several stories like this. Good luck 

that’s actually a good idea, so should i ask him “hey, what part of the mall do you wanna meet at?”

[Girl Fade Away]

Hi @GoodVibess, I agree with @Gaeta.  100%.

May I ask what the appeal is?  He is very clearly jerking you around, I don't get what is so appealing, you never even met him.  Can you explain?  I would like to understand.

Speaking for myself, difficult to be light flirty and fun when you know a guy is jerking you around. Seems desperate and trying too hard to get him to like you.  Which a secure confident woman should never have to do.  Never chase an elusive flaky man.  Which you would be doing if you call to confirm or anything else. He is avoiding you for a reason. 

YOU decide if YOU like him. In this case with all his evasiness and flaky behavior, which equals non-interest, that should be a no. But good luck if you decide to go. 

Edited November 13, 2021 by Girl Fade Away

[GoodVibess]

1 minute ago, Girl Fade Away said:

Hi @GoodVibess, I agree with @Gaeta.  100%.

May I ask what the appeal is?  He is very clearly jerking you around, I don't get what is so appealing, you never even met him.  Can you explain?  I would like to understand.

Speaking for myself, difficult to be light flirty and fun when you know a guy is jerking you around. Seems desperate and trying too hard to get him to like you.  Which a secure confident woman should never have to do.  Never chase an elusive flaky man. 

YOU decide if YOU like him. In this case with all his evasiness and flaky behavior, that should be a no. But good luck if you decide to go. 

i want to go because i want to have a conversation face to face i already talked to him for this long. i want to see how he is in person. 

[Wiseman2]

9 minutes ago, GoodVibess said:

that’s actually a good idea, so should i ask him “hey, what part of the mall do you wanna meet at?”

Yes. Always confirm before meeting...time, place, etc. particularly at a distance, the first meet and in this case his odd teasing or whatever that was about sinning on Sundays and 'too close to him".

[GoodVibess]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

Yes. Always confirm before meeting...time, place, etc. particularly at a distance, the first meet and in this case his odd teasing or whatever that was about sinning on Sundays and 'too close to him".

yes, that’s true. but when do you think i should send it? tonight or tomorrow morning?

[Girl Fade Away]

1 hour ago, GoodVibess said:

I just concerned that he will flake on me this time. because first he says he wants to sin on sunday then he says he doesn’t usually do things on sunday.

And it IS a valid concern.  I believe it is always best to follow your initial instincts.   Most people do not and end up regretting.  However, if you are intent on going and calling to confirm why wait?  The sooner the better.  That way if he flakes again you can make other plans. 

Maybe he will surprise you though, stranger things have happened.  Be prepared for anything.  Meeting on line is a c**p shoot anyway. 

[Gaeta]

34 minutes ago, GoodVibess said:

i want to go because i want to have a conversation face to face i already talked to him for this long. i want to see how he is in person. 

How old are you?