Otter2569 Posted November 11, 2021 Posted November 11, 2021 Tomorrow I am going away for a long weekend with a woman i've been dating. Problem is things have gone cold in the last week or so. We get together a few times a week but it's been very bland lately: dinner, drinks and a movie at her or my place, some semi awkward cuddling then a few passionless grandma kisses on the way out. Do I A. call this out before we leave? B. bring it up on the way? C. Say nothing and hope for the best? I have known this woman for 30 years. We were in a relationship years ago that had plenty of passion. We have remained good friends until recently when we have gotten back together - at her initiation. We have slept together a few times and it has been pretty hot but that has dropped off as well. In fairness we both have busy lives but I would sooner be alone or out dating than feel like I am wasting my time and efforts. It feels awkward now so I have pulled back.
Wiseman2 Posted November 11, 2021 Posted November 11, 2021 2 minutes ago, Otter2569 said: Tomorrow I am going away for a long weekend with a woman i've been dating. C. Say nothing and hope for the best? C. Hope for the best. Less awkward. Long weekends tend to be romantic so relax and let things happen. 1
Happy Lemming Posted November 11, 2021 Posted November 11, 2021 If you are taking votes... I'd go with "C" Its too late to call it off, it will be awkward if you bring it up before the trip or during transport. Its 3 days, so if things are "cold" just roll with it and try to make the best of the extended weekend. I'm sure there will be sights to see, pictures to take and activities (besides sex) that will be FUN!! She might have been having a bad week or been under some stress, that she doesn't want to burden you with. Once she is out of town, I bet things will be much better.
Author Otter2569 Posted November 11, 2021 Author Posted November 11, 2021 Just now, Wiseman2 said: C. Hope for the best. Less awkward. Long weekends tend to be romantic so relax and let things happen. That was my thought as well. This weekend will be the deciding factor in whether or not I continue seeing her. 1
Author Otter2569 Posted November 11, 2021 Author Posted November 11, 2021 3 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: If you are taking votes... I'd go with "C" Its too late to call it off, it will be awkward if you bring it up before the trip or during transport. Its 3 days, so if things are "cold" just roll with it and try to make the best of the extended weekend. I'm sure there will be sights to see, pictures to take and activities (besides sex) that will be FUN!! She might have been having a bad week or been under some stress, that she doesn't want to burden you with. Once she is out of town, I bet things will be much better. Thx. I try and be thoughtful about peoples lives - the demands that we have and the challenges we all face. The flip side is that I hang on longer than I should. We will know in a few days. Just gotta find a way to break the stalemate.
Happy Lemming Posted November 11, 2021 Posted November 11, 2021 20 minutes ago, Otter2569 said: Just gotta find a way to break the stalemate. Try for sex on the first night, if she shuts you down... you'll have your answer. If she comes back to you during the weekend and offers, then go for it... but otherwise leave the subject alone.
Gaeta Posted November 11, 2021 Posted November 11, 2021 A) You tried to reheat what was a good meal but it just doesn't taste as good. It was exciting at first but the feeling is gone. You know it, she knows it. 1
Versacehottie Posted November 11, 2021 Posted November 11, 2021 I also vote for C. If it doesn't go well, you have an easy out of this relationship and you can give this current feeling as the reason. I think most people would use a weekend like this as a make or break moment--even if things had been going great then some lackluster time is going to have people reassessing. I would try to have fun and roll with that. Maybe the uncertainty of what you guys are is causing this on her end. Or maybe you each built this relationship up in your head after all these years, the reality doesn't meet that fantasy life. Good luck 1
Author Otter2569 Posted November 11, 2021 Author Posted November 11, 2021 26 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: Try for sex on the first night, if she shuts you down... you'll have your answer. If she comes back to you during the weekend and offers, then go for it... but otherwise leave the subject alone. We are stopping over to visit her daughter (who recently had twins) the first evening so I am going to adjust any sexual expectations to the next morning but yeah, if that doesn't happen then i'll know. It just sucks going into something that should be a great time with doubt and reluctance.
elaine567 Posted November 11, 2021 Posted November 11, 2021 So the whole relationship hinges on whether you get sex the first night/next morning... 1
notbroken Posted November 11, 2021 Posted November 11, 2021 A weekend will go by. Go and make the best of it. Don't pressure her (or yourself) and find a way to enjoy yourself and have fun. Reevaluate the relationship afterwards. 1
Pumpernickel Posted November 11, 2021 Posted November 11, 2021 I'd also say go for option C. You don't know why she's been cold lately, could be anything really. Stress can do horrible things to you, and everybody deals with it differently. I would not take it personally just yet. Also, seeing that you've known each other for a long time, and as friends as well, she's probably comfortable being herself around you. So no need to pretend, and if she's tired or worn out from a few bad weeks at work, or worried about somebody, like maybe her daughter etc., she is probably relieved that she doesn't have to pretend to be "fine" around you. Obviously, if she feels like the relationship has become stale, it'll come up during the long weekend, and then you can address it then and there. In any case – I am impressed with you, already back in the dating world after just ending another relationship. I admire people who can change an important part of their lives, brush themselves off, and get right back on the horse. Kudos!
Versacehottie Posted November 11, 2021 Posted November 11, 2021 (edited) is what is going on that is making your relationship a bit lackluster at the moment, down to what is going on physically only or in the majority? And now you feel like it's coloring the rest of the relationship? Edited November 11, 2021 by Versacehottie
ShyViolet Posted November 11, 2021 Posted November 11, 2021 As a general rule, if you know that you want to break up with someone and you know the relationship is pretty much dead, end it sooner rather than later. Don't delay the breakup and drag it out.... that only makes it harder and more painful for all involved. Especially since this trip involves going to see her daughter. That would be extra weird to be there for a family gathering and then break up right after that. If you're still considering staying with her or trying to rekindle things, then go on the trip. 1
chillii Posted November 11, 2021 Posted November 11, 2021 (edited) l'd back out. A wkend is a long time when it's all been like that lately and you've been feeling the way you do , sounds torturess and totally empty. l'd end it actually , who could be effd with something so forced . You shouldn't be dreading it and starting threads about it, you should be exited and can't wait. Edited November 11, 2021 by chillii 1
Author Otter2569 Posted November 15, 2021 Author Posted November 15, 2021 On 11/11/2021 at 9:42 AM, Happy Lemming said: Try for sex on the first night, if she shuts you down... you'll have your answer. If she comes back to you during the weekend and offers, then go for it... but otherwise leave the subject alone. Score on night 1. Unexpected actually since it was a long day with her family. It was awkward for me until she broke the ice. If I am not feeling the vibe I won't make a move so was totally ready to call it a night. We did also do it again in the morning. The mood overall was just good not great so that pretty much tells me everything I need to know.
Happy Lemming Posted November 15, 2021 Posted November 15, 2021 34 minutes ago, Otter2569 said: Score on night 1. YEA!! Good for you!! 35 minutes ago, Otter2569 said: The mood overall was just good not great so that pretty much tells me everything I need to know. Sometimes "good" is good enough. We don't always get "Great". Of course life could always be better, but as we age "good" may be the new bar to set. Traveling/adventuring can be stressful in itself (especially when family is involved). Don't read too much into not having a "great" weekend. Overall, it does sound like you had a nice weekend.
Gaeta Posted November 15, 2021 Posted November 15, 2021 18 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: YEA!! Good for you!! C'mon....I have not read anywhere that he's main focus was to score or not. He's obviously disappointed he's not feeling 'it' with her.
Happy Lemming Posted November 15, 2021 Posted November 15, 2021 On 11/11/2021 at 6:57 AM, Otter2569 said: We have slept together a few times and it has been pretty hot but that has dropped off as well. In fairness we both have busy lives but I would sooner be alone or out dating than feel like I am wasting my time and efforts. It feels awkward now so I have pulled back. 3 minutes ago, Gaeta said: C'mon....I have not read anywhere that he's main focus was to score or not. He's obviously disappointed he's not feeling 'it' with her. It was mentioned in his first post and sprinkled throughout this thread... 1
elaine567 Posted November 15, 2021 Posted November 15, 2021 He was prepared to dump her if she didn't give it up first night or the next morning. .. He is all about the sex,
Author Otter2569 Posted November 15, 2021 Author Posted November 15, 2021 28 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: YEA!! Good for you!! Sometimes "good" is good enough. We don't always get "Great". Of course life could always be better, but as we age "good" may be the new bar to set. Traveling/adventuring can be stressful in itself (especially when family is involved). Don't read too much into not having a "great" weekend. Overall, it does sound like you had a nice weekend. LOL Your initial response cracked me up. I struggle with the lack of passion and spontaneity. It feels like we are in the friend zone with moments of attraction and I find it awkward trying determine how to conduct myself. I did put in a respectable performance if I do say so but there was a lot of potential for more.
Author Otter2569 Posted November 15, 2021 Author Posted November 15, 2021 12 minutes ago, elaine567 said: He was prepared to dump her if she didn't give it up first night or the next morning. .. He is all about the sex, WRONG
Author Otter2569 Posted November 15, 2021 Author Posted November 15, 2021 28 minutes ago, Gaeta said: C'mon....I have not read anywhere that he's main focus was to score or not. He's obviously disappointed he's not feeling 'it' with her. I like your leftovers analogy. You are correct about not feeling it. I am looking for signs but really only get a few crumbs. We all like sex but even that is not enough without a connection. 1
Versacehottie Posted November 15, 2021 Posted November 15, 2021 i wonder if because you are holding back emotionally it's causing all this, including the lack of sex. Gotta meet her halfway...or even better I like the analogy of both people giving 100%...of course, tempered by what stage of the relationship you are at...I can't help feeling like you might have a bit of a chip on your shoulder. I think if you led more and were more proactive that would help YOU feel more into things and more masculine/powerful. 2
Happy Lemming Posted November 15, 2021 Posted November 15, 2021 21 minutes ago, Otter2569 said: I struggle with the lack of passion and spontaneity. It feels like we are in the friend zone with moments of attraction and I find it awkward trying determine how to conduct myself. I did put in a respectable performance if I do say so but there was a lot of potential for more. Give it some time... I can remember one long term relationship I was in where I wasn't "feeling it" initially, but as time passed the relationship developed. 1
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