Meb88 Posted November 11, 2021 Posted November 11, 2021 Hey everyone, I decided to post here because I need unbiased advice. I’ve been with my significant other for 5.5 years. Recently he moved 12 hours away and we we broke up. It was his idea. He continunually contacted me, and after him being gone for 3 months, made it clear he wanted to be together. so, now we are together but with lots of distance between us. During our time of being broken up, he hooked up with 2 randos he’d met at bars. He promises this will not happen again, however, there has been a LOT of cheating in the past. He claims now that he realizes what a special connection we share etc. we were planning to meet in the middle about 6 hours each way, to settle back down and start new lives together within the next 12-15 months. We both agreed to make the necessary sacrifices. That was about a month ago when we decided to re-enter the relationship. Now, he says he may have a new job soon that it doesn’t sound like he would be willing to sacrifice, if he were to get the promotion. Our plan is to see eachother every 4-6 weeks, possibly more often at times. he also has not told anyone that we are back together. So I am happy that I found out before spilling the beans to friends or family. My thoughts are: will he continue to cheat or has he possibly really changed? It doesn’t sound like there is a timeframe in mind now for us reuniting physically. Will he just leave me again for someone else whom he meets in his new city? Am I wasting my time and energy?
IrinaM Posted November 11, 2021 Posted November 11, 2021 Hun he is probably already "continuing" to cheat on you. I mean he's cheated on other people, he's cheated on you already, plus you are 12 hours apart? What's stopping him?? Not his moral compass, that's for sure. After 5.5 years, he is willing to go "long-distance" or even just break up because of a job. Is there a reason he didn't take this opportunity to propose marriage to you and ask you to move with him? His ideas about meeting once a month at some in-between point, these sound like the plans I made with my "camp friends" on the last day of camp when I was eleven. Y'know? Maybe heartfelt, but won't translate over into reality. 3
Author Meb88 Posted November 11, 2021 Author Posted November 11, 2021 8 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said: How can you cheat when youare broken up? I was referring to all of the times that he cheated while we were together.
LynneVicious Posted November 11, 2021 Posted November 11, 2021 What reasons do you have to make you think he’s changed? Just because he said so? Words are cheap. Don’t stay with a cheater and bother wasting your time. Don’t stay with a cheater who leaves you after 5 years for a job. And don’t stay with a cheater long distance. Dont waste more years of your life with this guy. Wouldn’t you rather be with someone local, who prioritize you and stays faithful? 3
Maldives Posted November 11, 2021 Posted November 11, 2021 Donno how you handled the cheating it was a deal breaker for me when it happened to me years ago. I did try to make it work once but found out she kept cheating. For me that would be one that would be just too hard to try and work things out. My own experience with cheating tells me and it would depend on the person but that particular act and for someone to consciously make a decision to cheat I think there would always be in the back of your mind that mistrust. Would you move for him is it worth it? Maybe try some counselling. Counselling be great in guiding you to a informed decision. On paper this guy doesn't sound like his worth it from how you described him or the sacrifice from your end
elaine567 Posted November 11, 2021 Posted November 11, 2021 5 hours ago, Meb88 said: We both agreed to make the necessary sacrifices. That was about a month ago when we decided to re-enter the relationship. Now, he says he may have a new job soon that it doesn’t sound like he would be willing to sacrifice, if he were to get the promotion. Sounds like he wants you to make sacrifices but not him. Are you wiling to put up with him occasionally cheating on you? How can you realistically expect him to remain true to you when you will only see him every 4-6 weeks? Some men would be true to you but I guess not your man. Is he actually worth all the upheaval getting back together would entail?
ExpatInItaly Posted November 11, 2021 Posted November 11, 2021 5 hours ago, Meb88 said: there has been a LOT of cheating in the past. 5 hours ago, Meb88 said: will he continue to cheat In light of the above? Yes, he will continue to cheat. This relationship should have ended ages ago. Men who love you don't behave like this. It's time to let him go for good. 1
Wiseman2 Posted November 11, 2021 Posted November 11, 2021 (edited) 5 hours ago, Meb88 said: . During our time of being broken up, he hooked up with 2 randos he’d met at bars. there has been a LOT of cheating in the past. Sorry this happened. Why did he move 12 hrs away? Is this a dream job? Once some moves unilaterally and breaks up, it's over. Stop holding his hand as he adjusts and more importantly stop accepting disrespect such as "I'm sleeping with everything I can get" Delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. Edited November 11, 2021 by Wiseman2 1
bene Posted November 11, 2021 Posted November 11, 2021 I think it’s time to assess what you really want out of life. If you’re fine with years of casual dating then you can of course continue with this guy. Otherwise I would expect that after 5 years you would make big life decisions (like moving) together. If you want a family and a solid relationship then this is not the guy I’m afraid. After 5 years it is what it is. He is not going to magically wake up one day and decide that you are the one for him. There has been plenty of time for that. Why should he suddenly stop cheating now when you are out of sight? I don’t see any motivation based on what you have said. 1
Sun Seeker Posted November 11, 2021 Posted November 11, 2021 You really need to ask if he's still cheating? If anything, now you are so far apart, he is most likely cheating even more. After 5.5 years he decides to move 12 hrs away and end things? How does that not tell you everything you need to know? You are wasting your time. End things for good, delete, block and find someone better.
smackie9 Posted November 11, 2021 Posted November 11, 2021 Hah....this guy is a serial cheater. They never stop cheating and lying about it. Those promises a empty ones. Block/delete lose his number and move on.
Ami1uwant Posted November 11, 2021 Posted November 11, 2021 11 hours ago, Meb88 said: I was referring to all of the times that he cheated while we were together. Why did you stay with him if he cheated multiple times?
Mrin Posted November 11, 2021 Posted November 11, 2021 Dude here. Yes. He will continue to cheat. LDR will make that a certainty. This will not work. Move on. 1 1
vla1120 Posted November 11, 2021 Posted November 11, 2021 13 hours ago, Meb88 said: however, there has been a LOT of cheating in the past. For me, this would be a hard no. I would not want to make sacrifices for someone who cheated on me, broke up with me because of the distance, admitted to hooking up with randoms, wanted to stay together because he realized how much of a connection we have, then blows hot and cold to the point that he now seems uninterested in making the sacrifices necessary to maintain a relationship. In person is hard enough (without the cheating), long distance is too much of a risk with this guy.
chillii Posted November 11, 2021 Posted November 11, 2021 Oh God, only got half way through was enough. Sorry but you couldn't trust this guy as far as you could kick him for anything real and commitment, and sooner or later sounds like you'd be the one to move to him. You couldn't do that for someone like this man you'd turn your life upside down for him and next minute he'd be sleeping round again. Tbh , "he" , moved away , and you broke up , he's probably clutching at straws and just at a bit of a lonely loose end atm, sorry. 1
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