lovers Posted November 10, 2021 Posted November 10, 2021 My dating history has been interesting. Longest was 2 years and that was when I was 18. Then a 3 month relationship and with off and on casual with 2 other people if you can even call it a relationship. Always figured as a kid just handle the important thing like school, education, get a good job then everything else will fall into place. Welp I am 30 years old now and I have a decent job. Make decent money but been living the bachelor life for awhile not by choice. I tried dating been on dating apps for quite some time, but I feel like post college its really hard to meet quality people and date. I mainly meet people from work and dating apps. Its hard enough to even get a match let alone get a date between getting flaked, ghosted, no response. Its tough out there. Its quite embarrassing when literally everyone in my family has someone. The people family in my age group they all have someone except me. So when I go to family gatherings the older relatives they would ask me if I am seeing anyone. I mean I am already self conscious about it and them talking about it adds more pressure. One relative asked me if I was seeing anyone and to not sound like a loser I said I am dating. Then she said good because if you didn't we will all think you are gay. I know they are judging me and it sucks cause I get insecure about it. I am not getting any younger either. Seeing people my age group in family having someone, getting engaged, married, getting house, kids how can you not feel a certain way. I mean thats what I dream of. Finding someone I love, getting a house in the suburbs, having kids. I try to stay positive. I been trying to stay positive for more than a decade. I am 30 years old and I feel like its still socially acceptable still but once I am pass 35 and older then it becomes real tough. Another salt to the wound is awhile back I went on a date with this women. She was everything I am looking for. Smart, humble, kind, empathetic, genuinely a good person, pretty, easy going. Someone I can see myself starting a family with which is very rare for me, but I blew it. Essentially got caught up in the moment and did too much too soon on my end. Its not like women like that where we have mutual interest with each other come around very often for me. From that experience I question if I will ever find someone like that again. Its hard for me to have those type of feelings for someone and its hard for that person to feel the same way for me. I am starting to think that I will end up being single forever and if I do find someone it maybe out of desperation. Someone who I am not interested in or care for. Someone who I just end up being with to fit into societal standards. The thought of it makes me feel dead inside. Either that or my passion for life died along time ago.
Ami1uwant Posted November 10, 2021 Posted November 10, 2021 what social/activity groups are you involved in? in a professional career youare not likely to date coworkers unless you work for a very large company where you might get to know someone you don’t work with where your paths cross because of a special project youare on Ir a committee you both are part of, o you go to lunch at the same time st the facility cafeteria or the nearby food places at lunch. it will not happen unless you put the effort in.
chillii Posted November 10, 2021 Posted November 10, 2021 Do some people really join up bc of social standards or whatever , to hell with social standards.l'd be assuming if they do just join up it's bc "they" , would like to have a partner not for other people , forget that bs for starters. At any rate , your only 30 , anything could happen yet wouldn't worry too much you'll probably stumble over that someone special at some stage. Those that meet 100s of people don't come out any better off than those that just meet a few anyway, matter of fact the 100s seem to come of 2nd best in the end and pretty messed up 20yrs later.Quality is where it's at not quantity.
Gaeta Posted November 10, 2021 Posted November 10, 2021 Family always ask me if l met someone, actually l have a brother that calls me once a week to ask if l have a date lol. You take that with humour!! Turn it around and make it funny!! I remember my daughter at 30, stitting at my kitchen counter with her head in her hands saying " mom l'll never meet my someone ". She did meet someone not long after and they now live in their country house with too many pets! She didn't stop searching. Fast forward 4 years and she's the one telling me the right man will come along. What you feel is normal, we all have that phase when single, but don't let it bring you down. 4
BaileyB Posted November 10, 2021 Posted November 10, 2021 16 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Family always ask me if l met someone, actually l have a brother that calls me once a week to ask if l have a date lol. You take that with humour!! Turn it around and make it funny!! I once told someone that I was “still taking applications” to deflect the question. Why people think they have a right to ask is beyond me - you will find someone. I know, dating is a painful process sometimes but if you are a good guy, some woman will snatch you up and you will appreciate her that much more when it happens. 1
viking37 Posted November 10, 2021 Posted November 10, 2021 My advice would be to go on the old fashioned dating sites such as Match.com or eharmony.com where you have to pay for a subscription. The swipe based apps eg Tinder, Bumble etc are terrible. The choice is overwhelming and most people react to that by being incredibly picky so nice normal guys often get overlooked. Also the nature of algorithm is most people you swipe on probably won't even ever get round to seeing your profile. Case in point when you just join the app you are top of the deck of cards and therefore seen by a lot more profiles and will get quite a few matches but over time you will get fewer and fewer matches. Technology does not always make life better. And I guess you could also try social activities such as dance classes and special interest groups that attract a mixed crowd. But 30 is young so you have plenty of time to meet someone. Don't give up.
Happy Lemming Posted November 10, 2021 Posted November 10, 2021 As other posters have asked, what are you doing to be social?? Do you have any sports/activities that have co-ed participation?? Do you have hobbies that put you in social situations?? Unless there are pandemic restrictions in your area, can you go out and meet women in "real life"?? Do you have the ability to "chit-chat" with women in public venues (bars/pubs)?? How often do you go out and attempt to meet women in "real life"??
JRabbit Posted November 10, 2021 Posted November 10, 2021 Start telling your family about your dating horror stories. Makes them realize how brutal out there it is pretty quick. 1
czanclus Posted November 10, 2021 Posted November 10, 2021 Breaking news: EVERYONE dies alone, especially women! Just look at both of my grandmas. The bastard husbands left them 'alone' for 28 and 21 years each, the first ODing on morphine in the 60s, the other being caught in the 'cross-fire' of a stray NATO bomb, lying in his bed... the irony, for layers beyond the scope of this banter, that never ceases to make me cringe. If they did it, you can too. Not like I, the 2nd generation down offspring that kept them in a special place in my heart, was at either's bedside when they passed, and not like they were necessarily in beds either... There's much much more to life than legally wedded heteronormative decades long monogamous union, and that is a beautiful thing. Let it be the golden standard for the merits that it has, but to declare your life over because by 30 (!) a woman hasn't yet made it easy for you to propose... naw, come again. For embarrassment, you need to own your choices. I can also choose to feel embarrassed that by age almost 45, I don't have a million dollars in the bank, and by stats, about 20% of people my age do. At least the white and passing as white contingent. Not to mention that my immediate sibling and her 10+ years wedded husband are self-made millionaires. But, oh well, not all of us can be ivy-league educated doctors. Some just have a job that pays the bills... Feel better soon. Besides, if you can sell yourself on being useful, not to mention financially capable and willing to pull the chosen female's weight and let her work be a hobby job, not for bills, you should, give it 5 years, have ZERO PROBLEMS picking the finest of the offerings.
dramafreezone Posted November 10, 2021 Posted November 10, 2021 (edited) 4 hours ago, viking37 said: My advice would be to go on the old fashioned dating sites such as Match.com or eharmony.com where you have to pay for a subscription. The swipe based apps eg Tinder, Bumble etc are terrible. The choice is overwhelming and most people react to that by being incredibly picky so nice normal guys often get overlooked. Also the nature of algorithm is most people you swipe on probably won't even ever get round to seeing your profile. Case in point when you just join the app you are top of the deck of cards and therefore seen by a lot more profiles and will get quite a few matches but over time you will get fewer and fewer matches. Technology does not always make life better. And I guess you could also try social activities such as dance classes and special interest groups that attract a mixed crowd. But 30 is young so you have plenty of time to meet someone. Don't give up. I disagree with any of the dating sites. Leave those alone. There is a minority of guys that do well to extremely well, and you just have to be honest and come to the realization that you're not one of those guys (nor am I). The large majority of guys will struggle to find one compatible match on OLD, just because those successful guys will date 3-4 (or more) women at a time. It's zero sum, the numbers just don't work out for all guys to have a good chance of success. If we think musical chairs, you'll have multiple women sitting on one chair and perfectly viable chairs with no one. I don't blame the men or the women, it's just the state of OLD currently. I think you can find someone, but would not invest a great deal of time into that low-yield medium. You have to jump the line and bypass the dating sites in this case, which is where meeting women in person, the good old fashioned way works the best. I agree with the social activities, but he has to find an activity that he enjoys. Dont' go to one just because you think that women will be there. Edited November 10, 2021 by dramafreezone
Maldives Posted November 11, 2021 Posted November 11, 2021 On 11/10/2021 at 1:25 PM, lovers said: My dating history has been interesting. Longest was 2 years and that was when I was 18. Then a 3 month relationship and with off and on casual with 2 other people if you can even call it a relationship. Always figured as a kid just handle the important thing like school, education, get a good job then everything else will fall into place. Welp I am 30 years old now and I have a decent job. Make decent money but been living the bachelor life for awhile not by choice. I tried dating been on dating apps for quite some time, but I feel like post college its really hard to meet quality people and date. I mainly meet people from work and dating apps. Its hard enough to even get a match let alone get a date between getting flaked, ghosted, no response. Its tough out there. Its quite embarrassing when literally everyone in my family has someone. The people family in my age group they all have someone except me. So when I go to family gatherings the older relatives they would ask me if I am seeing anyone. I mean I am already self conscious about it and them talking about it adds more pressure. One relative asked me if I was seeing anyone and to not sound like a loser I said I am dating. Then she said good because if you didn't we will all think you are gay. I know they are judging me and it sucks cause I get insecure about it. I am not getting any younger either. Seeing people my age group in family having someone, getting engaged, married, getting house, kids how can you not feel a certain way. I mean thats what I dream of. Finding someone I love, getting a house in the suburbs, having kids. I try to stay positive. I been trying to stay positive for more than a decade. I am 30 years old and I feel like its still socially acceptable still but once I am pass 35 and older then it becomes real tough. Another salt to the wound is awhile back I went on a date with this women. She was everything I am looking for. Smart, humble, kind, empathetic, genuinely a good person, pretty, easy going. Someone I can see myself starting a family with which is very rare for me, but I blew it. Essentially got caught up in the moment and did too much too soon on my end. Its not like women like that where we have mutual interest with each other come around very often for me. From that experience I question if I will ever find someone like that again. Its hard for me to have those type of feelings for someone and its hard for that person to feel the same way for me. I am starting to think that I will end up being single forever and if I do find someone it maybe out of desperation. Someone who I am not interested in or care for. Someone who I just end up being with to fit into societal standards. The thought of it makes me feel dead inside. Either that or my passion for life died along time ago. Before you can be with someone you have to be happy to be with yourself. Your still way young 30 is nothing. My cycling coach that use to train me turned 69 and had another baby with his younger bride. I think if you start feeling anxious about it and desperate that will translate to your dating and finding someone and settling for less which won't work trust me I've tried that it lasted a few yrs and I just couldnt do it anymore. Relax brutha. And I will say your not the only one in this digital age of dating apps that's finding it tough I'm experiencing the same thing. Not sure I have a answer to you finding someone suffice to say it's not worth making yourself depressed and anxious about it
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